


Diamond on a Landmine

by m3535, Zayhad



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Child Abuse, Chronic Illness, M/M, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-07-12 04:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 129,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15987725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m3535/pseuds/m3535, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zayhad/pseuds/Zayhad
Summary: Remus has always been a very likable person. Someone who treats people with kindness and understanding, making just about everybody like him. But when he meets Sirius' brother he is in for a huge challenge, because Regulus doesn't like anybody, least of all himself. Non-magical AU.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another collaboration between Zayhad & myself (M3535). Since it was originally an RP between us, I have done some major rewriting to adapt it into a fic, and Zayhad has made an illustration for every chapter.
> 
> I'm planning to post 1 chapter every day.
> 
> Disclaimer: Characters and world belong to the awesome J. K. Rowling

**Chapter 1 – Welcome to Hogwarts**

The car rolled up to the curb in front of the large castle-like building, its walls made of solid granite stone, stretching towards the skies. Large rhododendrons in pink, purple and white decorated the green lawns, and in the middle of the courtyard stood a giant old willow.

Remus looked out the window and hid a cough behind his hand, hoping his mother wouldn’t hear it. She always worried too much about him, and having been bedridden for almost a month Remus was not keen on being sent back to bed. He picked up his bag and got out of the car. "Thanks for driving me."

"Of course, baby. Now, you take good care of yourself. Are you sure you don't want me to see you in?"

Remus bent down and looked into the car. "I’m seventeen, Mum. I’ll give you a ring later to let you know how my first day went, yeah?"

The hallways were full of students and Remus had to be careful not to bump into anyone as he steered for the secretaries’ office where had been told to check in once he arrived. He spotted a young woman sitting by the foremost desk chatting with a boy with round glasses and very messy hair. 

"Er... excuse me?" said Remus.

They both looked up.

"Oh," said the boy. "Are you Remus Lupin? The new bloke?"

"Yes," nodded Remus.

A wide grin spread across the messy-haired boy's face. He shook Remus' hand enthusiastically. "Welcome to Hogwarts! I'm James Potter. Prefect. I have been given the distinct honour of showing you around."

"Nice to meet you," smiled Remus.

James looked Remus up and down. Remus suddenly felt self-conscious about his second-hand uniform.

"Well, I see you got the right uniform and all," James smiled and straighten his own crooked tie. "So you got in on a scholarship?" he asked as they set out on the tour. 

Remus nodded. "I got in on my English and Art skills.”

"Brilliant!” beamed James. “Well, you’ll get the best teachers here. It's a great school, but half the students aren't that bright, really. They're only here because of their parents' money.

Remus studied James for a moment and then dared to flash him a grin. He had been very worried about how he would be received by the other students, who were all rich kids except for the few, like Remus, who were there on a scholarship.

“How come you weren't here the first couple of weeks?" asked James when he had shown Remus the impressive library.

"I... I was ill," said Remus. He knew he still looked quite pale and his mother had not been keen on letting him start at school already, but Remus really wanted to go. He was tired of lying around at home with nothing to do but read.

"Right. You sure you're all well? You look sort of peaky," said James, studying Remus.

"I’m fine,” assured Remus. “I feel much better than I did yesterday." 

They continued the tour, James showing Remus every part of the school and talking avidly all the time. James was obviously very popular; many students greeted him as they moved around and he introduced Remus to everyone who stopped to talk.

"Jamie!" called a voice behind them and Remus turned to see an extremely handsome boy coming down the hall. When he reached them he swung and arm around James' shoulder. “Who's your new boyfriend?" he grinned and looked Remus up and down. 

"That's Remus Lupin, our new student. Nice bloke. And Remus, this is my tosser of a friend, Sirius Black."

Remus gulped and gave Sirius a friendly nod, trying not to stare.

"Nice to meet you," said Sirius. Then he turned to James. "Who are you calling a tosser?"

"I always call a spade for a spade."

"What a way to introduced me to the new bloke. What won’t he think of me now?" The very handsome boy winked at Remus.

"Oh, I-I'm sure you're a nice bloke," said Remus.

The bell rang and all the students started milling down the hall in both directions. 

"You better be off to History," said James, giving Sirius a push in the right direction. "Although old Binns probably wouldn't even notice you coming in late. I'll see you when I'm done showing Remus around."

"Fine, fine," said Sirius and swaggered down the hallway. Several girls turned their heads to look at him and giggled as he passed.

Remus himself couldn’t help but look as well but quickly turned his head back to James. "Nice guy," he said and smiled nervously.

"The best. He can a right twat sometimes, but he’s the best and most loyal friend anyone could ever want. We've been tight since pre-school. You got your schedule, right? What's your first lesson?"

Remus looked down at the schedule. "Math," he sighed. He was good at many subjects but Math was not one of them. "I was supposed to report to the school nurse with some papers from my doctor. Could you maybe take me there before I go to my lesson?" 

"Of course. I'll wait outside while you talk to her." James knocked on the door to the nurse's office. "Madam Pomfrey?"

"Yes, come in," sounded a voice. "Sit down, Mr. Lupin," said the nurse when she had greeted Remus and closed the door. "You have some papers for me?"

"Yes," said Remus and opened his bag, pulling out the papers and handing them to her. "They should all be there."

She looked through the papers. "You have a defective immune system disorder? Tell me about it."

"Well," started Remus. "I get ill easily and I get very ill. I’ve often ended up in the hospital just from a simple flu, so I have to be careful around sources of contamination."

"Right," said madam Pomfrey, looking serious. "I will inform your teachers and ask you to come see me if there is anything. My door is always open."

"Thank you," smiled Remus and got up from his seat, shaking her hand.

He found James waiting for him outside. "Thank you for bringing me. I’m sure I would have walked around for hours trying to find it on my own."

James eyed him curiously, probably debating with himself whether to ask why Remus had to see the nurse. "There’s only half an hour left of you first lesson, so it isn't really worth disrupting the whole thing in the middle of it. Professor Vector is quite strict. What's your next lesson?" James studied Remus' schedule and smiled. "Brilliant! We have the same lesson - English. Then you can meet my next-best friend."

Remus nodded, hoisting his rucksack over his shoulder. "Which teacher do we have in English? Is that a strict one too?”

"No, no. Flitwick is brilliant. You'll like him." James took another look at Remus' schedule. "We have most of the same lessons - that's brilliant! McGonagall is very strict too. But fair. She's Physics teacher and Deputy Headmistress. Slughorn, Chemistry teacher, and Sprout, Biology, are both very friendly. Oh, and you take Philosophy, I see. Professor Trelawney is a right nutter. No idea how she got the job. And Sinistra for Art. I don't take Art so I don't really know her."

When the lesson was over, Sirius found Remus and James. "This is Peter,” he said, introducing a short, blond boy. “Peter - this is Remus, James' new boyfriend.”

Peter looked very surprised for a moment but then seemed to get that it was a joke.

“Let's go sit in the canteen for a bit,” suggested James. “We have ten minutes until next lesson."

Sirius left them for a moment and returned carrying a very large cup of coffee. 

"Can you even finish that before next lesson?" asked Remus.

"Easily. I’m a speed drinker," grinned Sirius and took a large gulp of the steaming hot drink, making Remus feel pain in his throat just by watching. "Oh, look who's here," said Sirius and nodded in the direction of a red-haired girl who had just entered the canteen. "Your girlfriend, James. Or at least you wish."

The girl spotted Remus and recognition appeared on her face. "Remus!" she beamed and ran over to hug him. "So you're finally well enough to start?"

James' mouth fell open as he stared at them. "How do you know Remus?"

"He can thank me for being here," said the girl. "I was the one who gave him the idea to apply for a scholarship."

"But how do you know each other?" demanded James. 

"I met Remus in Ollivander’s book store. He works there once in a while."

"I see," said Sirius and elbowed James. "Remus knows Lily outside of school."

Remus nodded but noticed how sour James suddenly seemed and he quickly removed his arm from Lily’s waist.

Lily also noticed James' face and snapped, "Oh, stop it. You don't own me, Potter!" Then she gave Remus a kiss on the cheek. "See you later, Remus."

James gawked as she walked away and then they all turned to look at Remus. Remus gulped nervously.

"So what’s up with you and Evans?" grinned Sirius.

"Nothing," said Remus, feeling the blood drain from his face as he got more and more nervous. "We’re just friends."

"Right," said James stiffly and got up. "We better get to our next lesson."

Sirius trailed a little behind James and Peter with Remus. "Hey, don't mind him. He's just a bit jealous. He's been fancying her for years, but she won't go out with him."

"Well... there’s really no reason to be jealous of me and Lily. As I said, we’re just friends and it will never be more than that."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "She isn't interested in you? She certainly seemed friendly enough."

"It's more me who’s not interested."

James spun around, having obviously heard what Remus had said. "What? You don't fancy a goddess like her? What's wrong with you, mate?"

Remus stared at him with wide eyes. "I... I didn’t mean that she isn't a nice girl and pretty and everything. It’s just that..." He gulped, feeling very uncomfortable under James’ burning gaze. James was clearly waiting for a very good explanation. "Well... I'm... I’m gay," continued Remus in a low voice

James looked taken aback but then a grin spread across his face. "That's wicked, mate!" he said, swinging an arm around Remus' shoulder, as if they were old friends, as they started walking again. "Don't look so nervous. We have no problem with that, do we, lads?"

"Of course not," said Sirius and put an arm around Remus from the opposite side so they took up most of the space in the hallway with Peter walking beside James.

Remus smiled and felt relief fill him. "I'm glad," he said and took a deep relaxing breath. "I was a little nervous about telling. You never know how people react to it."

They entered the classroom and sat down in a group. A few minutes later Professor Flitwick came in, a smile on his face. He swung his briefcase up on the teacher's desk, which was nearly as tall as he was.

Remus had to crane his neck to get a good look at the teacher as he walked behind the desk and pulled out a stool to help him get up on his chair.

"Good day, class," he said and opened his book. "Turn to page 150. I hope you all did your homework so we can have a nice discussion."

Remus raised his hand a little hesitantly. 

"Yes?"

"Um, I'm sorry, Professor but I just started today so I have not read this chapter."

Professor Flitwick looked at him and then nodded. "Ah. You must be Remus Lupin! Well, Mr. Lupin, just pay attention and I’m sure you will be fine."

Next lesson was Biology. Professor Sprout was a portly woman with rosy cheeks. Not ten minutes into the lesson there was a knock on the door and a student peered in. 

"McGonagall wants to see Sirius," he said, his eyes finding Sirius in the classroom. 

Sirius sighed and got up. "Right. I'll see you lads later."

"No need to ask what that is about," said James. "Or rather _who_  that is about."

**o0o0o**

Sirius knocked on the door to Professor McGonagall's office and entered as he was permitted access. By her solid oak desk sat a boy looking very similar to Sirius, arms crossed and mouth set in a significant pout. 

"What is it  _this_  time, Reggie?” Sirius sighed exasperatedly.

When the boy’s only response was to stare pointedly at a spot behind Sirius and scrunch up his face in an even bigger pout, McGonagall said, “Seems Mr. Black here got himself into trouble again.” 

“I didn’t get myself into anything. I was assaulted! That big oaf Dearborn punched me!” 

“ _After_  you pushed Miss Meadowes into a table and called her – what were the exact words? A  _filthy slapper_  – weren’t they?” 

“She was feeling me up.”

Sirius’ eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Honestly, Reggie –  _Meadowes_?” 

“Witnesses say she put a hand on his shoulder," said the Professor. 

Sirius sighed and went to sit down next to his brother, looking him over for a minute and then turning to McGonagall. "What happens now?" Sirius cast a glance at his brother who was just sitting there with his arms crossed, looking sour.

"I would like you to take him to Madam Pomfrey and have his nose looked at, and then send him home."

"I do not need to see Madam Pomfrey!" exclaimed Regulus, suddenly looking nervous. 

Sirius now noticed the bloody tissues lying on the desk. Regulus had obviously had a bloody nose. 

"You do as you're told," said McGonagall harshly. "I want to make sure I don't send an injured pupil home!"

"What were you thinking?" scolded Sirius as they walked towards the nurse’s office. "Getting into a fight over someone touching your shoulder? We have talked about this so many times. You need to control yourself!"

"Well, she should know better. It's very rude to touch other people without asking permission first. Especially if it's in a sexual way."

"How can her touching your shoulder be in a sexual way? She was probably just being friendly or trying to get your attention."

"You didn't see it, so you don't know. It was in a very suggestive way and she was smiling lewdly at me."

"Did you consider the possibility that she actually liked you? Although I think that phase has passed now, with you pushing her and everything."

"I certainly hope it has passed. I don't like her," said Regulus. They had reached the nurse's office and Regulus suddenly stopped. "I'm not going in there. You can't make me!"

"Yes you are, and yes I can. I’ll get in trouble if I let you off the hook, but I promise to go with you and make sure she doesn’t try to molest you."

"It's not broken. Look," said Regulus, touching his nose, trying one last time to get out of it. 

Sirius shook his head. "You’re going in there and then you can go home," he said and tried to push Regulus in through the door.

"Stop that!" said Regulus and jumped forward to get away from his brother's hands. When he realised that he had moved right into the nurse's office, he spun around to get out again, but Sirius blocked his way.

"Oh, Mr. Black," said Madam Pomfrey, looking all but thrilled as she spotted the boy. "What happened this time?"

"He got into a fight over a girl touching his shoulder," said Sirius. "He had a bloody nose, so best check if it’s broken"

The nurse put on a pair of gloves. "Sit down please."

When Regulus made no indication of sitting down, Sirius pushed him down and held him as still as he could so Madam Pomfrey could examine his face.

"Stop that!" demanded Regulus, trying to wriggle out of Sirius' grasp. "I'm not a small child you have to hold down!"

"Obviously you are," said Sirius, not letting go.

Madam Pomfrey touched Regulus’ nose and he sent her a furious glare. "It doesn’t seem to be broken," she said and snapped off her rubber gloves. "Just a little bruised."

Regulus jerked his head as far away from her as he could, in case she decided to touch him again. Sirius let go and Regulus jumped to his feet. "Can I go now?"

"You can go," said the nurse and scribbled something on a piece of paper.

Sirius followed Regulus out of the office and turned him around by the shoulders. “You got to get this under control. This is the third time this month that I’ve been called to McGonagall’s office because of you. Mum and Dad are bound to find out soon and you know what will happen then."

"They don't care," said Regulus and angrily shoved Sirius' hands off him. "And stop _touching_ me all the bloody time! You're doing it on purpose to provoke me!"

"Of course I am," sighed Sirius. "Everything everybody does is done to bother you.”

"Well, mind your own business!" said Regulus before turning on his heel and marching towards the front doors, eager to get home.

**o0o0o**

The Biology lesson ended just as Sirius got back. 

"So what's he done this time?" asked James as he, Peter and Remus emerged from the classroom. 

"He got into a fight over some girl touching his shoulder," said Sirius, rubbing his temples.

Remus looked curiously at him. "Who did what?"

"My little brother Regulus. He’s... well he’s a little special. Gets into trouble over small things."

"He's more than a little special," James told Remus in a low voice when Sirius was further ahead. "He's bloody mental. People should have learned to stay away from him by now."

Remus looked a little uncomfortable by James' choice of words. "How is he… mental? Isn’t he getting any help?"

"Help? He doesn't want help! Teachers have tried sending him to the school psychologist many times but that freaks him out as well. He won't cooperate. He just wants to be left alone."

Remus felt sorry for the boy without having even met him. "I just think it's sad if he doesn’t get help if he has a problem…"

"Don't feel bad for him. He creates his own trouble. He gets violent over nothing. You heard Sirius - he just got into another fight, and I guarantee you he started it."

"But why did Sirius get dragged out of class?" asked Remus. "I mean - it should be fairly easy to just give him detention if he’s causing problems."

"Because Sirius is the only one who can deal with him. Maybe there was something that needed done, and McGonagall keeps him updated. Hopes he can set him straight, I presume. It's a miracle he hasn't been expelled long ago. But our Headmaster is a very liberal man. He believes in giving everyone a second chance. And a third and a fourth. Also, the school board likes the Blacks' money."

"I see," said Remus and looked up to watch Sirius who was strutting down the hallway and turning heads.

James noticed Remus looking at Sirius. "He's handsome, yeah?" he grinned, giving Remus a nudge with his elbow.

Remus blushed and quickly looked down at his shoes. "Y-yes, very," he admitted.

"Well - all the birds agree with you. Half of them would give a leg and an arm to date him. Personally I don't see the attraction."

"You’re probably not looking hard enough," smiled Remus.

Sirius and James kept talking and talking during lunch, telling Remus more about the school and the people in it.

"You heard what I said about Dumbledore being very tolerant?" said James. "Just look at that lot,” he said and pointed at a table at the far end of the dining hall where six gloomy looking teenagers were sitting. They all had black hair and heavy eye-makeup (two of them even black lipstick), and several of them had piercings and tattoos with morbid motifs. 

Remus studied them for a moment and wondered how students were allowed to wear that kind of make-up and have piercings at such a fine school. He guessed that the Headmaster must be rather liberal about personal appearance, as James had said. "What are they? Goths?" he asked.

"More like Satanists. That's what they say, anyway. Always yakking about the ‘Dark Lord’ and his arrival on Earth. The Anti-Christ and stuff like that. They call themselves Death-Eaters."

Remus leaned a bit to the side to get a better view of the students, but quickly sat back in his seat as they turned their heads to look at him.

"Best just keep your distance if you don’t want trouble with them," said Sirius and snatched a chip from Peter’s plate.

"Does… does your brother get into trouble with that lot?"

Sirius nodded. "He gets into trouble with everybody."

"Hey, we're going with Sirius home after school," said James suddenly. "Wanna come? His parents are away on a business trip – as usual - so we have the house to ourselves. Well, Regulus is there, but he won't bother us. And Mrs. Harris, the cook, makes the best food in Chelsea." 

Remus smiled and nodded. He knew his mother would not condone of him staying out after school when he had just been ill, but he really wanted to hang out with his new friends and not seem dull by turning down the offer.

Sirius flashed him a grin. "Great!" he said and slapped Remus on the back. "You could use some good food. It's like slapping a bag of bones."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – What do You Want to Talk to Me for?**

Sirius lived just half a kilometre from Hogwarts, so the boys walked there. The houses in the neighbourhood were huge and impressive and when they stopped in front of a magnificent white house, Remus' eyes widened. 

"Welcome to Grimmauld Place," said Sirius. 

Remus was speechless as they walked up the driveway towards the beautiful building. Sirius opened the door and kicked off his shoes as he got inside.

"Mrs. Harris! I'm home and I brought company."

A plump black woman came out from the kitchen, wiping her hands in her apron. "Oh, hello darlings!" She stopped, noticing Remus. "Oh, and you brought home a new friend? I haven't seen you before, luv."

"It's Remus, a new student at the school," said James. "He's great."

Remus smiled at the woman. "Hello, madam. Nice to meet you."

"Padfoot!" called Sirius and slapped his knees.

The sound of claws against the wooden floor could be heard as something sped in their direction. A few seconds later a large black dog crashed into Sirius. It was not exactly a show dog. At least it was not a breed Remus recognised. It was shaggy, had long legs and a long tongue, which it now used to happily lick his master and friends’ faces. It nearly knocked Remus over in excitement. 

"Good old Padfoot," said James, ruffling the dog's fur. "Always behaves as if he hasn't seen us in a year."

Remus scratched the dog behind the ear and it seemed to almost go into a trance.

"You have the magic touch," grinned Sirius and got back up. "Well. Let's go to my room."

"Can I use the bathroom first?" asked Remus. Sirius nodded, pointing in the direction of the closest one.

The bathroom was as lavish as the rest of the house. White marble with golden handles to the cupboards and a golden faucet. There was a giant tub as well as a shower stall. And Remus was sure there were several other bathrooms like this in the house. He went over to the sink and washed his hands thoroughly and then pulled out a tube of hand sanitizer. 

When he came back out again Sirius said, "Let's take you on a tour of the house, just so you won't get lost in the future."

He opened the door into a large parlour with comfortable chairs and couches and wide windows with an excellent view to the beautifully kept garden. On a couch below one of the windows a slim boy was sitting curled up with a book. Lounging on the carpet at the boy’s feet was a very ugly cat with a short, crooked face and threadbare coat. It looked very old.

Padfoot bounded through the door, spotted the cat and sprinted in its direction. The cat let out a yowl and frantically jumped onto the headrest of the couch, close to the boy, where it stood, hissing and spitting at the dog, its sparse fur standing on end. 

The boy pulled the cat into his arms, holding it for protection and, looking furious, screamed at Sirius, "GET THAT BLASTED BEAST OUT OF HERE! IT'S SCARING THE LIFE OUT OF KREACHER!"

"I'm surprised that old rag of a cat isn’t scaring Padfoot instead," Sirius said as he went over to grab the dog’s collar.

Remus had to restrain himself from staring at the boy too bluntly. He was unmistakably Sirius’ little brother, with his raven-black hair and finely carved face. Unlike Sirius, however, he was quite small and slight. His eyes were a darker grey and he did not have the charisma that radiated from his brother. In Remus’ eyes, however, he was even more attractive than Sirius. There was something about him that drew Remus to him like a magnet. Something that begged to be explored. Remus shook his head and tried instead to look at Sirius who was still tugging at Padfoot to get him away from the hissing cat.

"You know he hates it and still you don't take care to keep it away from him!" cried Regulus, staring furiously at his brother and petting the cat to calm it. "You have no respect for him at all! _Or_ me!"

"Try to be less of a drama queen, will you?" said Sirius. He patted the top of the dog’s head. "There, there Padfoot," he said in a soothing voice, clearly making fun of his brother. "Don't let that nasty cat claw your beautiful nose. You might catch whatever Kreacher is having and grow ugly."

"Shut up!" screamed Regulus. That bloody mutt IS ugly! And at least Kreacher doesn't eat rotten things or roll himself in filth and animal carcasses! Kreacher could catch something from HIM!"

"I think rolling in filth would actually improve Kreacher’s appearance," said Sirius.

"Are they always this... friendly?" asked Remus nervously and looked at James who just stood with his hands in his pockets, watching the two bickering.

"Not all the time, but often. It's quite amusing to watch, actually," said James. 

Sirius seemed to get tired of arguing and changed the subject. "I've brought home a new friend. This is Remus, a new student at the school."

Regulus looked at Remus for a moment, his expression impossible to read, then looked back at his brother. "So? What's that got to do with me?"

"Just thought I would introduce him to your charm," said Sirius.

Remus said, “Hi, Regulus,” and waved nervously.

Regulus gave no response. Instead he turned his attention back to his book, hoping they would go away if he stopped paying attention to them. Sirius always dragged people home, and Regulus never liked any of them. They were loud and crude, stupid boys who thought that their home was oh so cool, and stupid girls fawning over his brother as though he were some kind of movie star. 

Sirius turned to his friends and put a finger to his head, doing a circular movement and rolling his eyes. "Let's go play some video games or something," he said, still having a hold on Padfoot's collar so the dog would not run back at the cat.

The hallway leading to the stairs with expensive paintings on the tall walls, and the grand winding staircase was impressive. On top of the stairs there was another long hallway with at least ten rooms leading up to it. “This is my room,” announced Sirius and opened the fourth door on the left

They went inside and Remus looked around. The room was huge. Almost as big as Remus’ whole house. Padfoot followed them in and lay down on an expensive looking carpet, even though he had a luxurious dog bed in the corner. Sirius went to sit down in an armchair and James and Peter slumped down on a sofa, leaving Remus standing, still stunned by the surroundings.

"So what do you want to do?" asked James. 

"Nintendo?" suggested Peter. 

"I was thinking we should let Remus decide. Why don't you tell him what you've got, Sirius?"

"Well," said Sirius. "I have all the consoles there is. PlayStation, Xbox, Wii, you name it. We also have a bowling alley in the basement and out back we have an ATV track, so you can just pick whatever you want. We also have two swimming pools. In- and outdoors."

"I... I don't know what to say," said Remus. He had never had this many options.

"I suggest ATVs then," said Sirius. "I’m in the mood for getting dirty. Maybe I’ll give my brother a hug afterwards."

"You can borrow some clothes if you don't want your uniform to get dirty," said James, noticing the hesitant look on Remus' face. 

"That would be nice," said Remus and smiled gratefully. He was pretty sure his mother would not approve of this, but it sounded like a lot of fun.

**o0o0o**

The ATV track was quite large and designed with little hills and mud pits. 

Sirius handed Remus a helmet and strapped his own on with a grin. “Ever driven an ATV?" Remus shook his head. "It’s rather simple," Sirius continued. He showed Remus the breaks and gas handle. "Just don't go too fast until you learn to steer it properly," he said and hopped onto his own ATV.

They drove around for a good hour, Remus trying his best to get comfortable on his vehicle. Afterwards they sat down at the bank next to the track and chatted a bit. 

"So… what do your parents do for a living? They must have good jobs, having all these things at your house."

"They run the family business, Black Ltd. My father inherited it from his father who inherited it from his father and so on. My mother has a top position in it, so they both work a lot and are away most of the time. They're on a business trip right now. They probably spend a third of the year on those. Actually, I prefer it that way," said Sirius. "I hate them. And Regulus doesn't exactly have a great relationship with then either. All we do when they are home is fight or ignore each other."

"Oh..." said Remus and felt a little bad for mentioning them. "Your brother, is he... I mean why didn’t we ask him to come along? It's a pity just to sit inside on such a beautiful day. Maybe he would have liked to join?" Truth be told Remus was intrigued by the younger brother and would like to get to know him a bit.

All three of the others laughed. "I guarantee you he wouldn't have liked to join,” said Sirius. “He doesn't like to do anything dirty or rough. And he doesn't like spending time with anybody but that damn excuse for a cat."

"I just thought he might have liked some company," said Remus. "Is he always like this or is he just having a bad day because of what happened at school?"

"He's not right in the head, Remus. I mean, I love him because he's my brother, but he's a nutter. You don’t have to be scared of him or anything. He's not a bad person, just... Well, if people left him alone, he wouldn't cause any trouble. That just isn't possible in the human society, you know?"

"I understand... He just looked a little lonely," Remus said.

"Let's get back," said Sirius. "I’m sure Mrs. Harris has dinner ready by now."

**o0o0o**

"Where have you boys been?" said Mrs. Harris. "Dinner is ready! Quick - change into some clean clothes and come sit down! Your brother is already waiting at the table."

Regulus had wanted to just get some food and eat it somewhere else, but Mrs. Harris had insisted that he sit down at the table and be a little social for once, so he sat there in a sulk when the others came in. 

Remus sat down across from Regulus. "Hello," he smiled but got no response.

Sirius just shook his head and sat down as well. "I see you got Mrs. Harris to prepare your own personal plate again," Sirius pointed out. "Why don’t you try and eat what the rest of us are eating, for once?"

"And fill my body with junk?" replied Regulus. 

"Don't let Mrs. Harris hear you call her food junk or she’ll slap you upside the head."

"I’m not criticising Mrs. Harris’ food, but some of the things that  _you_  ask her to make for you is junk. Look at those hot wings," said Regulus, pointing at Sirius' plate. "Loads of saturated fat. It will clog your veins up."

James looked at the plainly cooked chicken breast on Regulus' plate. "Well, at least ours taste of something. Do you actually enjoy your food, Regulus, or do you just eat to stay alive?"

Regulus' eyes narrowed. "Healthy food tastes just fine!"

"Whatever you say," said Sirius and took a bite of a chicken wing, making sure to let everyone know how much he enjoyed it. 

Regulus ate quickly without speaking, hoping that Mrs. Harris would let him leave once he was finished. Not that he had much hope. She seemed to be under the impression that becoming a little more social would be good for him. 

"I have an idea," said Sirius suddenly. "Since it’s bloody hot for this time of year, we should have a pool party on Saturday." He looked around at the others. "What do you lads think?"

"Brilliant idea!" said James and Peter in unison. "A late September pool party!" continued James. "You free Saturday, Remus?" 

Remus snapped out of his thoughts and turned his head to look at James. "Yeah, I should be. I don’t have work until the week after." He hoped his mother would not make a fuss over letting him go.

"Brilliant!" beamed James. "Who should we invite? A big party or just a select few?" he asked the others.

"I want a big party," said Sirius determinedly. "You can try and invite Evans, James. She might actually turn up if Remus is here." He sent him a smirk. "I'm sure Remus wouldn’t mind being your wingman." 

Remus shook his head quickly and then turned to Regulus. "Will you be joining as well?"

Regulus, who had been just about to put a brussel sprout into his mouth, eyed Remus in surprise and lowered his fork. "Are you taking the Mickey? I would rather die than fraternise with a hoard of loud, drunken teens, splashing around in the same shallow water and sweating under the sun. No. I shall spend my Saturday in my room."

"Oh... I see," said Remus, feeling a bit taken aback by Regulus' words. He had hoped to get the chance to talk to him a bit more if he attended the party.

"Remember to put up a sign that says: _Do not enter unless soaked with hand sanitizer,_ " grinned Sirius and dipped another hot wing in blue cheese sauce. 

"I would very much advice against anyone trying to force their way into my room, sanitized or not," said Regulus drily. "It is my private place."

"I doubt anyone would _want_ to enter your room with that monster you call a cat guarding your privacy," said Sirius, pointing his fork at Regulus. 

Regulus sent his brother a poisonous gaze and stuffed the last two sprouts into his mouth. He would rather get away than retort. He cast a glance towards the kitchen door, but just as he got up and headed for the hall, Mrs. Harris appeared in the doorway. 

"Regulus Black," she said, hands on her hips. "Where do you think you're going? The guests are still seated so you should not leave the table yet."

"They're not my guests! And I've already been sitting there for fifteen minutes!" said Regulus, showing no intention to move back to the table. 

"They are house guests and you should be on your best behaviour, Regulus." She then turned to Sirius. "Have you been teasing your brother again?"

Sirius shrugged. "Maybe a little..."

"Shame on you," she scolded. "You should know better."

"Just let him go," sighed Sirius. "We’re almost done, anyway."

Regulus turned on his heal and hurried out the dining room before Mrs. Harris got a chance to stop him. He ran up the stairs to his room, closed and locked the door, and sat down in a chair by the window, closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths. He focused on his breathing for a few minutes until most of the stress had left his body. They just didn't get it. Any of them. They had no idea how uncomfortable it made him to be forced to sit there at the table so close to other people, especially Sirius' friends (whom he despised) and even worse, a stranger.

**o0o0o**

Remus said goodbye a good hour later. James and Peter were going to stay for a bit longer but Remus thought it best that he got home before dark. And, not living in this neighbourhood, he had quite some way to go.

He got home just as the streetlights were lit and he closed the door slowly, taking off his jacket and shoes. He could hear the TV running in the living room and guessed his parents were in there. Usually his father fell asleep in front of the TV after a hard day’s work, but his mother was no doubt still awake, waiting anxiously for him.

 “Remus!" she said as she jumped up from her chair. "You have been away for so long!"

“I texted you and told you I went home with a couple of friends after school," said Remus.

“But it’s nearly nine o’clock, Remus. You should have been home in bed by now. You’ve just been ill!” She felt his forehead. “Well, at least you don’t have a fever,” she said, seeming to calm down.

Remus sat down next to her. “Don’t worry, Mum. I’ve had a great day.”

“Well, I’m glad,” she smiled. "Tell me about your new friends. Are they nice?"

"They really are," nodded Remus. "We went to a bloke named Sirius' house. It’s huge! Like a palace with a swimming pool and everything." He hesitated a little before speaking again. "They invited me to a pool party on Saturday. Can I go?"

"Oh..." said his mother, a little less enthusiastic. “I don't know if that's such a good idea, Remus..."

"Party? Are you going to party?" asked Mr. Lupin, having just woken up. 

"Remus wants to go to a pool party, but I don't know -"

"Oh, Hope, let the boy go and have some fun with his new friends. Parties don't make you ill."

"I promise I'll take good care of myself, Mum," said Remus eagerly. "If I get cold I’ll put on some clothes and just watch the others swim." 

Remus’ father was always more understanding of Remus’ need to have a somewhat normal life and not let his condition inhibit him too much.

"I'm not keen on going back to bed so I'll be careful."

**o0o0o**

The weather Saturday was a perfect 27 degrees Celsius and full sun. At three o'clock the pool area was swarming with students, some in the pool and some on the deck on sun chairs, enjoying beer, Breezers and cocktails.

Remus looked around to see if he could see anyone he knew. He spotted Sirius and James sitting by the pool. "Hello," he said, walking up to them.

"Hello, Remus," beamed Sirius and looked him up and down. "Why haven’t you changed yet? Hurry up and get dressed!"

There were a couple of changing stalls by the side of the area. Just as Remus reached them, Lily emerged, dressed in a blue bikini. "Remus!" she squealed and threw her arms around his neck. "Good to see you here!"

"L-likewise," said Remus. "I didn’t think you would come. You didn't seem that interested when James asked you earlier in the week."

"Well, I'm not here for James. There's a lot of other people, as you see. And I don't really have a problem with him, I just don't want to date him. He's too immature."

Remus cast a look over his shoulder to spot James and Sirius, now in the pool, splashing water at people walking by. "I see what you mean," he grinned. "But he’s a really nice bloke, though. Showed me around the school and introduced me to the others. Invited me home after school. I wouldn’t have made friends this fast on my own."

"Yes... Yes, I suppose he is," said Lily, watching James in the water. 

"I better get changed or they’ll drag me into the pool with my clothes on," said Remus.

**o0o0o**

Regulus sat in his room looking out the window from where he could see the pool area. He counted about fifty people. He was getting restless, tired of sitting inside on such a beautiful day; but if he went outside there was the risk of someone stumbling upon him, because some of the guests were moving around in the gardens as well. He sighed and threw himself on his bed, gazing up at the ceiling. This was his home too. It wasn't right that he had to hide up here. He decided to go down to sit on the west-facing terrace, which was the one farthest from the pool area. He got up, rubbed factor 70 sunblock onto every inch of skin that would be exposed to the sun, picked up his new book ( _A Hundred Light Years from the Sun_ ) and went down the stairs. 

Sirius was still playing with James when he spotted his brother by the door, walking towards the terrace. "Hey, Reggie! Why don't you join us for once?" he called, but to no surprise his brother ignored him.

Regulus sat down under a parasol, feet up and book in his lap. It was hard to concentrate with all the noise coming from the other side of the house. He groaned and got up to fish out his iPhone and a set of headphones from his pocket and put on some classical music.

Remus, who was sitting in a sun chair, had seen Regulus walk by as well, and couldn’t stop thinking about him, so he decided that maybe he should give it a shot and go talk to him. He walked around to the other side of the house and found Regulus sitting on the terrace. "Hello?" Remus smiled and waved, trying to get his attention.

Regulus didn't register anything, with music in his ears and eyes on the pages. Remus waved a hand in front of the book, trying not to startle him.

Regulus, however, did get startled. He jumped in his seat while at the same time trying to get away, so it resulted in him falling off the sun chair. He scrambled to his feet as he pulled the headphones out of his ears, and backed away. "What are you doing sneaking up on me like that!" he yelled agitatedly, his heart still in his throat. 

"S-sorry," said Remus, feeling like an idiot. "I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to say hello and ask how you were." He took a few steps back from the furious looking boy and gulped. "I'm really sorry, okay? I didn’t think you were so far gone while reading, but I should have guessed. I know what it’s like getting so caught up in a book that you don’t notice what’s going on around you."

"What do you want to talk to me for? Just because Sirius is my brother doesn't mean his friends are my friends. Why don't you to back to your party?" grumbled Regulus as he picked up his phone.

"I'm not much of a party person, and you seemed a little lonely so I thought I’d talk a bit with you," Remus said, shuffling his feet. "May I ask what you're reading?"

"I'm not lonely," said Regulus and snatched up the book, afraid the other boy would reach for it. "It's about distant galaxies. What do you care?"

"I just... I read a lot too and I always look for new interesting books. I don't know if we have this one at Ollivander’s where I work sometimes, but maybe I could look, or at the library,” said Remus, trying to make conversation. However, from the look on Regulus’ face he could tell he had overstayed his welcome. "Well I better get back. Was nice to see you again.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – I just Wanted to Feel Normal**

Sirius and Regulus' parents came home from their business trip the following Tuesday. Mr. Black looked around the house as he took off his jacket. "Well, I see that you didn’t burn down the house while we were gone."

"Where is Regulus?" asked Mrs. Black. "Did he cause any problems while we were gone?"

Sirius shook his head, thinking it was best not to bring up Regulus' school problems.

"Well, where is he, then? REGULUS!" she called, her shrill voice ringing through the large house. 

Regulus, sitting in his room, considered for a minute to ignore his mother's call but then decided against it. He knew she would not let it go if she thought he was doing it on purpose. He waited a moment longer just to make sure she meant business and when she called again he went downstairs.

"Ah, there you are," she said, her eyes scanning him as she stepped up to him. "Have you caused any problems while we were gone?"

"I just told you he didn't," snapped Sirius. “If you don’t believe me, why did you ask?”

"Don't be smart with your mother, young man," growled Mr. Black. 

Regulus took a few step backwards, putting a little distance between himself and his mother. It made him very uncomfortable when people got so close to him. In fact, he would prefer if everybody stayed outside a two meter radius from him at all times. It would make his life a million times easier. But most people had no sense of tact. 

Mrs. Black sent him a disapproving look but then moved back to stand by her husband.

"I see that you’re still as abnormal as when we left,” said Orion to Regulus. “Even your own mother can’t get close to you."

"Is that a way to greet your parents when they have been away for two weeks?" said Walburga, giving both boys a disapproving look. 

Regulus gulped and glanced at his brother. Sirius always knew best how to deal with their parents. 

"We came down to greet you, didn’t we?" said Sirius. "What else do you want us to do? It's not as if you want a hug or anything."

"Some respect would be in order," said Orion coldly. "Your fiasco of a brother is one thing, but _you_ have responsibilities. You must learn to conduct yourself in a dignified manner if you are to take over the company one day."

Sirius rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Why should Regulus and I show you respect when you never show us any?”

Mr. Black clenched his teeth and glared at his oldest son. "You ungrateful brat. You're spoiled rotten, is what you are. You better shape up and start taking some responsibility!"

"I don’t see what the problem is," snapped Sirius. "I’m already kissing the clients’ arses whenever you throw a fancy party, so I’m doing my part for your company."

"Watch your mouth!" said Orion, pointing a finger at Sirius. "Kissing clients’ arses, as you so crudely put it, is not enough to drive a successful company. You need to have respect for what you're doing and for those smarter and more experienced than you. Otherwise you will never learn how to carry the weight of the responsibility being the head of a large company is."

"Well maybe I don’t want to be the head of a large company and leave my kids behind for weeks and weeks at a time," Sirius snorted.

Orion's face turned purple and he stepped up to Sirius. "You insolent brat! Your mother and I work like dogs so you and your brother can live like royalty and have everything you want!"

Regulus quietly backed away towards the door. He did not want to be in the middle of a fight. He wanted to get out of there, escape to his room or outside, but he needed to know how Sirius handled the situation. 

“Did you ever consider that perhaps we would like a couple of parents instead of all this fancy stuff?" said Sirius, standing his ground. "You just escape off to work so you don't have to deal with us. Maybe if you had paid more attention to us we wouldn't be so disrespectful!"

Regulus gasped. This was not good and he was not surprised when Orion backhanded his brother, nearly knocking him off balance. Then he and his wife marched off, leaving Sirius standing with a very red cheek. 

Regulus took a couple of steps in his brother's direction. "Are you okay?"

Sirius looked after his father, his breath a little shaky. "Yeah, I’m alright." He turned to Regulus, trying to smile. "At least they didn't have a go at you this time," he said and put a hand on his brother’s shoulder, but then removed it again, remembering that Regulus didn’t like to be touched.

"Why did you say those things? I like it best when they're away. It would suit me perfectly if they were never here."

"Me too," sighed Sirius. "But I don’t want them to think we’re in debt to them for giving us everything money can buy. They make it sound like they’re mother and father of the year, and someone needs to give them a reality check."

"Yes, perhaps. I just hope they don't start being home more." Regulus didn't think they would, however. Their parents had never really cared about them. They were just something to show off to the outside world and, in Sirius' case, an heir to the company. Regulus was of absolutely no use, he knew that. He was not heir material and certainly not something to show off. In fact his parents were ashamed of him and liked to keep him hidden away. It suited them fine that he kept a low profile and stayed away when there were business relations around. They only forced him to attend a few of the parties, and then only because they didn't want people to get too puzzled over never seeing Regulus, since many knew that the Blacks had two sons.

 “Well, I’m going to my room,” mumbled Sirius. "You’re welcome to join if you want," he offered, although he knew the chances were slim.

Regulus stood hesitating for a moment. "What will you be doing?"

"Just play some computer or something. I'll keep it down if you want to sit and read in my room," offered Sirius.

"Did Miss Winky clean your room yesterday?"

"Yes. Like she does all the rooms except yours every Monday.”

Regulus rarely allowed anybody into his room, and he did not trust anybody to clean it for him. Who knew if they were doing a proper job? And even worse – they would be touching his things. A complete invasion of privacy. Regulus considered Sirius’ offer for a moment. "Yeah, alright," he finally said and went to get a book. 

**o0o0o**

"We can’t go to my house today," moped Sirius the next day at school. "My parents came home yesterday and we had the usually welcome home fight."

Remus looked up from his notebook. "What did you fight about? Did we mess up the house at the party?"

"No, no. We had a cleaning lady fix the house. No, we just had a fight about me being obnoxious and immature, as they put it. They’re keen on grooming me to take over the company when they retire, and they’re not at all happy with my current attitude.”

"What is it that your company does?" asked Remus and coughed a few times.

"Essentially it buys small firms and build them into bigger firms and so on. There’s a lot of money in that sort of thing. To buy out the little bloke, steal his ideas and let the big boys take over. Something like that. My parents want me to hurry up and learn everything, but I don’t see what the rush is. I want to enjoy my youth. Besides, I haven’t decided yet if I even want to take over the company. Maybe I end up deciding on another career."

James shook his head. He had a hard time understanding why Sirius had not told his parents to forget about him taking over the company. "You hate them and think everything about them and that company is false and boring. I don't get you, mate. I mean, I get that it's good money and easy to walk directly in and take it over, but at what cost? You have to play by their rules."

"Yeah I know," sighed Sirius. "But for now I’m playing along. We’ll see what time brings."

"Hey, you alright, mate?" asked James when Remus started coughing again. “You’ve been coughing all day.”

"I’m okay,” said Remus although he actually wasn't feeling too well.

"You look a little pale," said Sirius.

**o0o0o**

Remus' mother came home from work around five and found her son sitting on the couch watching TV, wrapped in a blanket. She immediately knew that something was wrong and rushed over to look at him. "Are you ill?" she put a hand on his forehead. "I think you're developing a fever!"

Remus leaned against her hand, which felt pleasantly cool against his forehead. "I'm... I'm just a little dizzy," he mumbled, but his teeth were chattering as he felt a shiver run though his body.

"Off to bed – now," she said, helping him up. "I knew you shouldn't have gone to that pool party." She put him in bed and stuffed the duvet around him. "Do you have a sore throat? Would you like some tea? I'll call the doctor."

Remus curled into a ball under the duvet, shivering as he tried to get warm. "S-some tea would be n-nice," he stuttered through chattering teeth.

Mrs. Lupin sat down on the edge of the bed and dialled the number for the doctor while running her fingers through her son’s hair.

The doctor knew Remus all too well. He held a stethoscope to Remus’ chest and asked him to cough. "Well,” he said after the examination. “I think it's just a cold -"

" _Just_ a cold?" Mrs. Lupin cut in agitatedly. "He has a fever and is shivering!"

"Yes, I know, Mrs. Lupin. I didn't mean 'just' in that way. I know that Remus gets more ill than regular people and we have to take it more seriously. But I don't think this is something we can do anything about other than give it some time."

"What about anti-biotics?"

"You know I can't give him anti-biotics unless I'm sure he has an infection. There’s a risk he will develop immunity, and trust me, we do not want that to happen. No, I think he will get well on his own this time. But of course I will come back to check on him if it gets worse or he hasn't improved within a few days."

When Mr. Lupin came home he barely made it inside before his wife was upon him. 

"Remus is ill again! The doctor was here. He says it's just a cold, but... I _knew_ it was a bad idea letting him go to that wretched pool party!"

Mr. Lupin looked a little surprised and took off his jacket. "But the pool party was days ago, dear. I’m sure he would have gotten ill right away had it been that. It could easily be someone at school he got it from or he forgot to close his jacket on his way home on his bike. It could be many things." He sighed. "How is he?"

"The doctor thinks it’s a cold, but he has a fever. Can you stay home tomorrow or do I have to call Molly? I have too many clients to cancel."

"I don't think I can. We’re in the middle of construction," said Mr. Lupin. "I don't think my boss will let me take the day off for a cold. Are you sure he can't stay by himself and just call us if he gets worse?"

"I don't like it, Lyall. And I won't be able to concentrate on my clients if I'm worried about my ill son at home," she said, her hand already on the receiver. 

"Fine, fine, Hope," sighed Mr. Lupin. He kicked off his shoes and walked up the stairs to Remus' room. "Hello, son," he smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed, running a hand over Remus’ hair. He did not look well, but gave his father a smile anyway. 

"How are you feeling?"

"C-cold," Remus mumbled.

Mr. Lupin found another blanket and put it on top of the duvet. "Your mother is calling Molly so she will look after you tomorrow while we’re at work tomorrow."

**o0o0o**

"Remus, dear?" sounded a voice from the doorway the next afternoon. "Are you awake? There’s someone on the phone for you." A short woman in her thirties with fiery red hair walked into the room, holding a phone. 

Remus opened his eyes. He tried to sit up and coughed once. "Who.. who is it?"

"A gentleman calling himself James."

Remus looked at the phone for a second and then said a hoarse "Hello?" 

"Hello, mate. Why weren't you at school today?" sounded James' voice. 

"I’m ill," said Remus and coughed, pulling the duvet up over his shoulders.

"That blows, mate."

"Is it rabies?" sounded Sirius' voice in the background. "Ask if it's rabies!"

"You idiot, Sirius!" laughed James. "No, seriously Remus - is it bad?"

"It’s just a flu or something. I’ve been worse. How was school?"

"The usual. Peter fell asleep in History and snored so loudly that Binns actually noticed. And Sirius had to save Regulus' arse again."

"He did?" said Remus, his interest piqued. "What happened?"

"Reggie got into a fight with a bloke called Avery," said Sirius, having put the phone on speakers. "One of those Death Eaters. He snuck up behind Reggie and put his hands on his shoulders as a prank to see how he would react. They thought it would be mighty funny, I suppose.”

“And Regulus spun around and punched him in the face," continued James. “Idiot. What did he expect?”

"Blimey," said Remus. "Is he okay?"

"Apart from a black eye he’s fine," said James.

"I meant Regulus..."

"A bit upset, but alright. At least McGonagall didn't call our parents," said Sirius.

"Well, Avery was kind of asking for it," said James. "But we better watch Reg's back the rest of the week. Make sure those wankers don't have another go at him. I bet Avery wasn't expecting to get a black eye. A bit embarrassing, really. I mean Regulus is small and two years younger."

"He learned from the best," said Sirius proudly. "But yeah, we better keep an eye on him so he doesn’t get into more trouble with them."

"Will you be back at school soon?" asked James.

"I hope so," Remus said. "I hate to just lie here all day.”

"If you’re not back tomorrow we’ll come visit you," Sirius said.

Remus was quiet for a minute. "I'll… I’ll ask my mum if it's okay for you to come by."

"Why wouldn't she be okay with that?" asked James, confused.

"Just…  um... she’s a little overprotective of me," said Remus. His mother was, in fact, close to hysterical about any contamination sources getting near Remus when he was ill. Also, Remus was not keen on having to explain his condition to his new friends. He wanted to feel normal and be treated normally, not like something fragile, which people would barely touch out of fear of breaking it.

"Just let me have a talk with her," said James. "No lady can resist my charm."

"Except Evans," commented Sirius.

**o0o0o**

Next day after school the three boys came to Remus' house unannounced, wanting to surprise him. It was Mrs. Weasley who opened the door. 

"Hello, Mrs. Lupin," said James. "We're Remus' friends."

The woman eyed the three boys and smiled. "I'm not Mrs. Lupin. I'm Mrs. Weasley, Remus' nurse."

The three looked at each other and then at her.

"Nurse? How ill is he?" asked Sirius a little concerned.

"Oh, he’s been worse," said Molly and found a bottle of hand sanitizer. "Here you go. Just disinfect your hands before going in."

All three stared at the gel. "Did we pick the wrong house?" James asked Sirius. "Is it Regulus we're visiting?"

Remus was sitting with a book, looking as pale as ever, when they came into the room. He looked a little startled and put the book down when he saw them. "H-hey," he said. "I didn't know you lads were coming over."

Sirius pulled up a chair and sat down. "How’re you feeling? You got a nurse and everything? Just how ill are you? "

"I just got a cold."

"Awful lot of trouble for a cold." James crossed his arms. "You weren’t kidding when you said your mum was overprotective."

Remus bit his lip, debating with himself whether or not to tell them. "I just... I get ill easily and when I do, I get really ill."

"Yeah, you've just been ill for like a month. Why do you get so ill?"

"I... I have an immune system dysfunction," said Remus, looking down at his hands. "I have to be very careful around possible sources of contamination, and even then I often catch something.” He sighed and looked up. "I’m sorry I didn’t tell you lads, but I just wanted to forget it and feel normal for once..."

"Why would you keep that a secret?" asked James. "Did you think we wouldn't want to be friends with you or something?"

"Well... It’s just that most of the friends I’ve had have withdrawn from me when they found out.”

"Why would they do that?” asked James, nonplussed. “It isn't as if it's a nasty disease…"

"I guess they didn’t know what to make of it, or something. Maybe they thought it was a bother to be extra careful around me. You know, washing their hands often and disinfecting them.”

"Do you want us to do that? Also when you're not ill? You should have told us," said James.

"I just wanted to feel normal…"

"But we also want you to be well," said Sirius and leaned forward in his seat. "If you need us to wash our hands and disinfect them, we won’t mind. I’m used to being told to do so by my brother all the time. And unlike him, you actually have a good reason,” he grinned. "Do you want us to bring your homework over after school?"

"My mum has already taken care of that," said Remus. "But I wouldn't mind company once in a while. It gets kind of boring just lying here all day…"

"Since when have you been so interested in homework?" James asked Sirius. 

"I’m not. I just thought that Remus was," grinned Sirius. "He seems like the bookworm type." He looked around the room. There were bookshelves filled to the breaking point with books and by the window stood an easel with an unfinished painting on it. "I didn’t know you could paint!"

"It’s just something I’ve been working on. Nothing special,” mumbled Remus.

"Nothing special?" said Sirius in disbelief. "It’s brilliant!"

"Do you do more?" asked Peter, watching the painting in admiration. "Can we see your other stuff?”

"Sure," said Remus and got out of bed, careful not to make too much noise so Molly would come and check on him. She would hurl his bum back to bed in an instance if she saw him. He found a sketchbook and went back to bed, handing the book to Peter. "Just a few drawings I did."

"This is bloody brilliant," said Sirius and flipped through the papers. "How did you get this good?"

"Practice," said Remus and smiled.

"That's Hogwarts," said James, pointing at a page. He turned another page to reveal a howling wolf.

"Wicked!" said Sirius. "That's bloody good, that is. Could you draw Padfoot like that?"

"I can try," smiled Remus, watching the wolf on the page. "I could draw him jumping around if you want. That's the way I remember him best."

**o0o0o**

When Sirius got home he went straight to his room, feeling tired after a long day at school and then going to see Remus. He threw himself on his bed and lay for a moment, just enjoying getting his feet off the ground. Then he suddenly felt a wetness on his back and immediately sat up. "Regulus!" he yelled and jumped to his feet, darting towards his brother’s room and tearing the door open. "Where’s that bloody cat?"

"What are you doing, barging into my room like that?" exclaimed Regulus, jumping up from his seat at the desk. "You know I don't want you coming in without permission! Especially without knocking first!"

"Your bloody cat pissed all over my bed!" roared Sirius. "Tell me where he is so I can kick him into the pool!"

"What the hell are you talking about? If someone peed in your bed it was your bloody mutt! Cats are very clean animals!"

Sirius stomped his foot on the floor like a child throwing a tantrum. "Your cat pissed on my bed! Padfoot would never do that to me! That mental cat hates me and that’s why he did it!"

"Kreacher goes outside or uses his litterbox!" maintained Regulus. "It's much more likely that it's Padfoot! Do you have any proof if was Kreacher? If not, then don't come in here making accusations!”

"I’m sure of it!" Sirius then turned on his heels and marched back to his own room, muttering something about revenge. "Telling me it’s my dog when I know it was Kreacher," he growled to himself as he pulled off the wet duvet.

Regulus rushed after him. "You stay away from Kreacher, do you hear me? I don't care what he's done or what you think he's done – don’t you dare hurt him!"

Sirius turned to look at his brother and threw the duvet at him. "I decide for myself if I want revenge on that bloody cat!"

Regulus let out a yelp and leapt away from the duvet as if it were soaked in acid. This made him even angrier. "If you hurt him I'll donate Padfoot to the science lab!"

"You wouldn’t dare!" spat Sirius. "They would much rather do tests on Kreacher! It’s a scientific mystery how something can be that ugly and still be alive!" He picked up a pillow and threw it at Regulus as well. "Apologise for your bloody cat and I’ll leave him alone!"

" _You_ apologise for insulting Kreacher!" yelled Regulus back. 

"Oi, oi, what's going on here?" sounded a loud voice and two seconds later a serious looking Mrs. Harris appeared at the top of the stairs.

Sirius pointed at Regulus with a shaking finger. "His bloody cat peed all over my bed!"

"He can't prove that!" yelled Regulus, getting red in the face. "He's just covering for his own filthy mutt, making mean accusations about Kreacher!"

Mrs. Harris sighed. "Are you fighting over your pets again? Sirius - how do you know it's Kreacher?"

"Because... because! Padfoot would never do such a thing and had it been him, there would be a lot more pee since he’s much bigger!"

"I thought you said there was pee _all over_ your bed!" pointed out Regulus.

"It.. it was all over my back!" said Sirius and picked up the duvet to show Mrs. Harris. "Look! Look what he did!"

"Give me that!" ordered Mrs. Harris and yanked the duvet away from Sirius. 

Regulus felt close to retching, watching her put her nose close to the wet spot and smell it. 

"I'm sorry, Regulus, but this does smell like cat pee."

"That... You can't be sure of that!"

"I think you owe your brother an apology."

"I won't apologise when he's been so mean about it! Besides, it's his own fault for not closing his door to his room when he's not there. I always close mine - I even keep it locked - otherwise Padfoot would go in there and wreck my stuff!"

"No he wouldn't!" said Sirius. "Unlike Kreacher, Padfoot is a good pet that does as he’s told and don’t pee on people’s beds!"

"May I remind you that Padfoot peed on the rug last week," said Mrs. Harris.

Sirius' lips tightened. "Well... that’s not the same. No one sleeps on the rug."

"Well _I’m_ out of here," said Regulus, turned in his heel and sprinted down the stairs before Mrs. Harris could catch him and force him to take care of the soiled bedding. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – Forget about it, Mate**

A few days after the Kreacher incident Sirius’ and Regulus’ parents demanded that both boys be present at the dinner table. It was not often that they were all home at dinnertime and when they were, they usually demanded to have a family dinner. It was one of the few times they all spent together. Regulus loathed it. There would often be focus on him, especially disapproving comments about his eating habits. Tonight Mrs. Black had decided that Regulus should eat the meat the others were eating and not the turkey Mrs. Harris had prepared specially for him. Regulus sat suspiciously eying the piece of tornedoes his mother had put on his plate, while slowly eating the peas and carrots next to it.

"Eat you meat," demanded Mrs. Black and sent him a sharp look. She picked up her wineglass and took a sip. When Regulus showed no intention of eating the meat, she put the glass down. "Eat it, I said!" 

Sirius looked over at his brother while chewing on his own piece. To be honest he couldn’t see why they kept trying. Regulus would never eat the meat unless they stuffed it down his throat.

"I don't eat red meat. There's a significantly higher mortality rate among people who eat red meat compared to those who don't. It gives cancer, and the cholesterol gives heart disease."

"You will eat what you’re told!" hissed his mother. "And don’t give me that nonsense about red meat. The rest of us have been eating it all our lives and nothing bad has happened to us."

"Yet. You will regret it when you have a heart attack before your fiftieth birthday."

"Enough!" shouted his mother and slammed her hand down on the table. "I will not tolerate this behaviour any longer!" She got up and walked around the table in haste, grabbed Regulus’ knife and fork and cut a piece of meat, which she then tried to stuff into his mouth. "Eat it!"

Regulus panicked, pushing his mother's hands away frantically and fell over backwards on his chair. He scrambled to his feet. "NO! I WON'T EAT IT!”

"YOU WILL SIT DOWN THIS INSTANT AND EAT YOUR FOOD!" shouted Mrs. Black and grabbed Regulus by the arm. "If you won’t, then you can go to your room without any dinner!"

"FINE! I'LL STARVE, THEN!"" yelled Regulus and jerked his arm free. Then he ran up the stairs and slammed his door so hard that they could hear it clearly all the way down to the dining room. 

Sirius felt sorry for his brother. "Why don’t you just let him eat his own food?" he barked and put his fork down. "He isn’t bothering anyone by it!”

Mrs. Black turned to Sirius. "I'm sick and tired of you always sticking up for him! That's why he never gets any better!"

"Yes," agreed Mr. Black. "He needs discipline and you need to stay out of it."

"He just wants to be healthy and doesn’t like the same food as us. Why force him to eat something he doesn’t want to?" said Sirius in an irritated tone, pushing his plate away. To be honest he was also tired of Regulus' fanatic eating habits and his lectures about food, but he didn’t like it when his parents tried to force him to eat things he was afraid of consuming.

"Because it's just another one of his insane ideas. I don't know what's wrong with him, but God, I swear that boy is not right in the head," said Mrs. Black. "We should have had him committed as a child. Perhaps they could have straightened him out."

"He doesn’t need to be straightened out!" protested Sirius. "Just leave him alone and it will be fine!"

"We decide what is best for him!" said Mr. Black, pointing a threatening finger at his son. "So you just stay out of it!"

Mrs. Black drank the rest of her wine and poured herself another glass. "I'm getting sick and tired of him always being so difficult. Has he caused more trouble at school while we were away?"

Sirius shook his head, deciding it was best not to mention Regulus giving Avery a black eye or getting punched by Dearborn. "Not that I’ve heard of.”

They ate in silence for a while, then Mr. Black said, "I'm counting on you, Sirius, to keep your brother in check at our party next month. We can't hide him away. It would seem very strange that both our sons were not present our own party at our own house. But I am _not_ in the mood for any trouble from him. Can I count on you?"

"Yes," sighed Sirius. He knew he had his work cut out for him having to get Regulus to behave at a dinner party. It wasn’t the first time. "But I'm pretty sure he can behave on his own as long as you don't force him to eat anything he doesn’t want to." Sirius knew, however, that it would be more difficult than that. If Regulus felt crowded, which was very likely to happen, he might lash out. Sirius would have to keep a close eye on him for his own sake.

"Well, you do whatever it takes so that he keeps calm and does not make a scene. If you do well, there might be a reward in it for you," said Mr. Black. 

"What kind of reward?" asked Sirius, his interested piqued.

"Well..." said Mr. Black, buttering a piece of bread. "What would you like? I will be generous if you do a good job of charming our business relations as well."

"I’ll think about it," said Sirius, not sure what to ask for He already had everything he could possibly dream of. Also, it seemed strange to put a price tag on his brother’s behaviour, but then again why shouldn’t he get a bit out of it? God knew he had plenty of trouble with looking out for Regulus, and getting very little gratitude in return.

**o0o0o**

Later that evening, Sirius knocked on Regulus' door. "Reggie?" he called, not sure if his brother was asleep.

There was quiet for a moment. Then, "Yes."

"Can I come in?" There was another yes and Sirius walked in and placed a plate on Regulus’ desk. "I brought you some food," he said and sat down on the edge of the bed.

Regulus, who had been lying on the bed, sat up and took a carrot. "Thank you. Did you wash them? 

"Of course I did. I know about your crazy habits better than anyone, so naturally I washed your veggies." Sirius sat for a moment, watching his brother eat the carrot. "Mum and Dad are having a dinner party next month and we both need to be there. They asked me to keep an eye on you, but I trust you won’t cause any problems if people keep their distance. However, it might be hard to get out of shaking a few hands and such."

"Oh, no," groaned Regulus. "Do I have to? You know I can't stand those parties. I get very stressed. Those people are always so pushy."

"Reggie, you’re not getting out of this one,” sighed Sirius, “and we’ll both be in trouble if you don't behave. But they promised me a reward if I made sure you didn’t cause a scene, so I figured we could split it so we both get something out of it. Just walk around and try to relax. I'm sure they will be content if you just show your face and shake a few hands. No one says you have to stay all night. Just excuse yourself after a while and it should be fine. Or sit with Kreacher – that’s bound to keep people away from you," he sniggered.

Regulus decided to ignore the comment about Kreacher. "The only reward I'm interested in is getting to stay away from the party. Why is it so important that people see me, anyway? It's like I'm an animal in a zoo."

"Because they have two sons and no one ever sees you when they go to other parties. They only bring me for those and now the party is in their own house so they can’t very well hide you away here."

"Last time that sweaty Mr. Barlow squeezed my hand like he was attempting to break it. And some old lady tried to kiss my cheek," said Regulus, shuttering at the memory. 

"Just deal with it," said Sirius. "You can take a long bath afterwards and you can go wash your hands after everyone has said hello to you."

"What if I refuse to go?"

"You know they will give you an even harder time than they do now," said Sirius, thinking of what their mother had said about committing him. "You gotta go, Reggie. Just stay close to me and I'll look after you."

Regulus sighed dramatically. "Alright. But promise me to keep the pushy people away from me, will you?"

"I will. I’ll make sure to draw all the attention to me,” Sirius grinned.

Regulus snorted. Then he said, "What’s the story with that new friend of yours? The tawny-haired, skinny one? He's stopped coming around. Is he already tired of you?"

"No he just got ill and had to stay home for a few days. And for your information, mate, he loves my company, like any sane person would."

**o0o0o**

Another week passed before Remus' mother declared him well enough to go back to school.

"Two weeks for a common cold?" said Peter as they sat in the cafeteria for lunch. "That's a long time."

"Well, that's Remus' condition, remember?" said James.

"Yeah, I know. It blows for you, Remus. Must be boring as hell."

"It is," said Remus and sighed. "I was once home ill for two months. Well, that happened a couple of times, actually.”

"Two months in bed!" gasped Sirius. "I would be bored out of my mind if I had to endure that."

"Well, I have my books and my drawings, but yes it gets very tedious in the long run."

"You coming home with me after school?" asked Sirius. "We were talking about bowling. Or we could play a video game if you'd rather do that."

"I'm a little weedy still from being ill," said Remus. "But video games sound fun." _And you get so se Regulus again_ cheered a voice inside Remus’ head.

"Deal! You can pick the game," said James. "Sirius has hundreds of them."

**o0o0o**

They went to Sirius' house after school, finding it empty. The parents were away at work and Regulus was either out running or hiding somewhere. 

After half an hour of playing, Remus excused himself to go get something to drink in the kitchen. On his way there, he heard the sound of a piano playing a beautiful tune. He followed the sound like a sailor lured by siren song. He stopped outside a room and carefully cracked open the door to peep in. It was a large room with a floor-to-ceiling window and by the far end stood a grand piano. Regulus, in deep concentration, sat playing it. Remus pushed the door slightly more open and stood against the doorframe, getting caught up in the enchanting music.

When Regulus turned his head to the right to hit the highest few notes, he spotted Remus standing by the door. "What are you doing?” he exclaimed, sitting up straight. “Standing there spying on me?" 

"N-no! I just... I was just listening in. You play so beautifully I felt drawn to it." Remus rubbed his arm nervously. "Would you mind if I stayed and listened for a bit?"

"Why?" asked Regulus, nonplussed. He wasn't used to Sirius' friends being interested in classical music, and it suited him just fine. 

"Because it sounds so beautiful. I always enjoyed listing to the piano." Remus looked pleadingly at the younger Black. "I promise I'll be quiet."

"Oh... okay," mumbled Regulus, deciding that Remus seemed sincere enough. "Okay, just... sit over there," he said, pointing to a chair by the wall, a good distance from the piano. 

Remus nodded and tiptoed over to the chair as if afraid to disturb Regulus if he walked normally.

Regulus decided on a difficult piece by Rachmaninoff, hoping it would impress Remus. 

When Regulus finished, Remus clapped his hands eagerly. "Wow, you’re really talented!"

"Oh..." said Regulus, feeling himself blush a little. “I just practise a lot. I’ve been playing since I was five."

"Really? I always wished I could play but my parents could never afford lessons, or a piano for that matter so I gave up on it. But you’re so talented. I think I could listen to you for hours."

"That's too bad. That you didn’t learn to play, I mean. Well... Do you want to hear another piece or do you need to get back up to the others?"

"I think I can hear one more," Remus said happily and rested his arms on his knees, watching the younger boy excitedly. "If you don’t mind playing for me, that is..."

Regulus shrugged. "It's no bother, as long as you sit quietly. Do you want to hear my favourite piece?"

Remus nodded eagerly. 

"It's Tchaikovsky's Piano Concerto number 1. I was completely taken in the first time I heard it. It really should be played backed up by a symphony orchestra, but since that's not going to happen, it'll just be the piano."

Remus sat with his eyes glued to Regulus as he started to play. He found him beautiful and enchanting as he sat playing, fingers dancing over the keys, his raven locks perfectly framing his concentrated face.

Regulus once in a while stole a peek at Remus to see how he was responding. He was still a little wary of the possibility that Remus might not be honest, although it seemed so.

Half way through they were interrupted by James sticking his head into the room. " _There_  you are! We were starting to think you had drowned in the toilet or something. What are you doing in here?"

Remus eyed James, a little frustrated with the interruption. "Just listening to Regulus play the piano. I’ll be back when he’s done with this piece, if that’s okay?" He had completely forgotten about the others, having been so caught up in the music and Regulus.

"Ah, come on, Remus. We're waiting -"

"Go ahead and take him," snapped Regulus. "It's not as though I'm forcing him to stay."

Remus looked over at Regulus and then got to his feet. "Well, It was really pleasant to listen to you," he smiled. "Maybe you will play for me again?"

“Whatever," mumbled Regulus, not looking at him. 

"What are you so interested in him for, anyway?" asked James as they were heading back towards Sirius' room. 

"I just think he’s interesting," said Remus and bit his lip. "And he didn't mind playing for me so I was glad to listen."

"Where were you?" asked Peter when they got back. "Did you get lost?"

"I... I listen to Regulus play the piano," admitted Remus.

"I didn't know you were into that kind of music,” said Sirius. “Were you eavesdropping?"

"No, he let me listen in," smiled Remus, slumping down on the bed. He sat there with a goofy smile on his lips as he thought about Regulus playing the piano for him. He wished he could have stayed for a little longer.

James pulled Remus aside a little later while Peter and Sirius were battling each other in Tekken. "You fancy him, right? Isn’t that it? Don’t deny it, mate, you got that look on your face, and you're always ogling him."

Remus stared at him and went slightly pink. "Maybe just a little," he admitted.

"Well, just a piece of friendly advice," said James, putting a hand on Remus' shoulder. "Forget about it, mate. It's never going to lead anywhere. Regulus is... well, even if he was gay, you would never get anywhere with him. Hell, I don't even know what his sexual orientation is, but it barely matters. That bloke is going to die a virgin."

Remus' gaze dropped a little. "I know you all say he is mental but I think that maybe he just needs to find the right person and to take things really slow…" Remus could hear that he sounded a little desperate.

"He hates people and he freaks out if anyone touches him. Do you think he would be interested in a romantic relationship?"

"I don't know..." sighed Remus. “I just can’t help feeling sorry for him if he never gets to know love."

"I suppose you're right. But that's his own choice. Don't waste your time and emotions on him, Remus."

**o0o0o**

The next day Regulus came home to a shock. He had been out running (something he did several times a week) and as usual headed straight up to his bathroom. He could not stand being sweaty and God help those who got between him and a shower as soon as his exercise was done. As he opened the door to his room he could hear talking and splashing noises coming from the bathroom. He stiffened. Nobody went into his room without his permission and absolutely  _nobody_  used his personal bathroom. 

The door to the bathroom swung open and a wet dog came bounding out and crashed into Regulus on his way through the room towards the bathroom.

Sirius followed, almost as wet as the dog, with foam all over his shirt. "Padfoot! You’re not done yet!" he called and flashed his brother a grin. "Hello, dear brother."

Regulus' face went white as a sheet. It took him a moment to really take in what was happening. And then he exploded. "SIRIUS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? THAT BLOODY MUTT - MY BATHROOM!"

"Seems he likes your bathroom better than mine," sniggered Sirius. "Just payback for your bloody cat peeing on my bed." 

Padfoot bounced around shaking his fur so water splattered all over the floor and walls, and then he jumped onto Regulus’ bed where he proceeded to roll and rub himself all over the sheets.

Regulus screamed as if someone were being murdered. He pushed Sirius roughly towards the bed, hollering, "GET HIM OUT! GET HIM OUT! GET HIM OOOOOUT!"

Sirius however was in no hurry to get Padfoot off the bed. He just clapped his knees and spoke in a childish voice. "Oh, Padfoot. Are you enjoying yourself? Best be off, though. Reggie wants his room back." Padfoot stood on the bed with wagging tail and tongue lolling out of his mouth. Then he jumped down and Sirius took him by the collar. "Thanks for letting us borrow your bathroom."

"I HATE YOU!" screamed Regulus, now red in the face and tears in his eyes. "I HATE YOU!" 

"What is going _on_ in here?" sounded Mrs. Harris' voice from the door. 

"Just a little well-deserved payback from the other day," explained Sirius.

"He let his dog mess up my room!” screamed Regulus. “LOOK! LOOOOK!"

Mrs. Harris stuck her head inside the room and saw the water on the floor and the messy bed. "Sirius Orion Black," she said, placing her hands on her hip, sending the boy a stern look. "Did you bathe you dog in Regulus' bathroom?"

"Yeah. So what?" said Sirius and looked back at her with his bottom lip stuck out.

"My lord, lad. You're eighteen years old – not a child! How could you upset your brother like this?"

Sirius looked at Regulus and then at Mrs. Harris. "Well... well he was asking for it. He wouldn’t apologize for Kreacher."

"You come out here with me!" ordered Mrs Harris, gazing at Sirius and pointing to the door. 

Regulus was crying now and gave Sirius a push toward the door to hurry him up. "OUT! And don't come back! EVER!" 

Sirius muttered a few words as he left.

Regulus locked the door behind his brother and quickly found a pair of rubber gloves and started frantically pulling the sheets off his bed. Everything was going in the washer and next would be a thorough scrub-down of the entire bathroom.

**o0o0o**

The first time Regulus spoke to Sirius after the incident he asked him, "How did you get into my room? Did you pick the lock?" 

"The door was open," said Sirius and took a sip of coffee. "You forgot to lock it for once."

"I never forget to lock my door," said Regulus stiffly. "Did you pick the lock? Or make a copy of my key?"

"I picked the lock," admitted Sirius. "I wouldn’t go as far as stealing your key and making a copy. Honestly what do you think of me?"

"What I think of you? You broke into my room and wreaked havoc!" Regulus made a mental note to buy an external lock with a code so things like this wouldn't happen again.

"Well you asked for it. Your pet messed up my room and mine yours, so now we’re even."

"You're such a twat, you know that?" said Regulus, getting up to leave. "Kreacher and I didn't do anything on purpose, but what you did was just pure mean!"

"You’re the twat. Kreacher did it on purpose – he hates me. And you could have just apologised like I asked you to. You’re lucky it wasn't the bloody cat I decided to give a bath. I’m sure the rest of his fur would have fallen off and clogged the drain."

Regulus clenched his fists but then decided that he didn’t want to waste any more time on the argument. "Get stuffed," he just said and marched out of there.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – I just Can’t Get Him out of my Mind**

Remus was spending a free period in the library doing his homework when suddenly he spotted Regulus sitting at a far end table by himself. The sun's rays shot through the window and made his silky hair shine a dark blue. Remus almost lost himself in the sight and slowly pulled out a small sketchbook and started to draw, only looking up to catch the details of his oblivious model.

Ten minutes later Regulus packed up and headed out of the library. He stopped as he passed Remus on his way to the door, a little puzzled by the way Remus quickly chucked a notepad into his bag when seeing him. 

"Hi..."

Remus sent him a smile. "Hello. How are you?"

Regulus shrugged. "Well... you know. What about you? You've been ill a lot, my brother tells me."

"Yeah," said Remus and scratched his neck. "I have a defective immune system so I get ill easily. I have to be careful around ill people and germs. You know, have to use hand sanitizer whenever I’ve touched doorknobs and such." Remus usually didn't tell people about his illness but he figured that Regulus would understand about the cleanliness and perhaps sympathise with him.

"Oh. Well, that's something everyone should do. People are so ignorant. They have no idea how many germs there are on objects touched by a lot of people. Did you know that cash is germ bombs? Because it goes from hand to hand. There are many, many kinds of germs on banknotes, often even faecal bacteria! Can you believe that? I never touch cash. Ever. I always use my card. I avoid stores where they don't accept it. Well, I buy as much as I possibly can over the internet, of course." Regulus seemed almost eager talking about this subject with someone who listened for once.

"I actually didn’t know that, but I'll keep it in mind. It makes sense," said Remus and zipped his bag. He got up from his seat and swung the bag over his shoulder. "But I agree that people should use hand sanitizer. Would make my life a lot easier."

"Well - people are pigs," said Regulus.

"I don’t know about that," said Remus with a smile. "They just don’t think about germs like you and me. If they had a reason to fear them as much as I do, they would probably be more careful."

"Well..." said Regulus, starting to get a little uncomfortable. He wasn't used to standing around chatting to people. "I have to go to class. Goodbye."

"If you want, we can walk together to out next classes?"

"Oh..." said Regulus, surprised. “N-no, that's okay. I have Biology. It's somewhere else.”

“But you don’t know where I’m –“ started Remus.

“Bye,” said Regulus and was gone. 

**o0o0o**

"Mum," Remus said as he sat down on the sofa. "I met someone I really like, but my friends tell me I have no chance with him." He sighed. He felt like he had to talk to someone soon or he would burst, and he had always had a very close bond with his mother.

"Oh?" said Mrs. Lupin and sat down across from him at the coffee table. "You did? Why do they say you don't have a chance - is he straight?"

"No. I mean, I don’t know if he is. But he... has problems. He freaks out when people get too close to him or touch him. He gets into loads of trouble because of it." Remus sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I just can’t get him out of my mind. I would like to talk more to him but he runs away after only a few minutes of conversation."

"Well, maybe you need to be a little patient. Has he shown any interest in you?"

"Well..." started Remus and smiled. “He came up to me in the library today and said hello. It was a bit of a shock really but we talked for about five minutes before he left."

"So he took the initiative. That’s not a bad sign," smiled Mrs. Lupin. "Who is he?"

"His name is Regulus," smiled Remus. "He’s one of my friend’s younger brother. But only a year younger than me." He pulled out his sketchbook and handed it to his mother. "I made this of him today but I feel a little bad because he didn’t know I did it."

"Oh," smiled Mrs. Lupin as she looked at the sketch. "What a pretty boy. He looks a little lonely, though. Or is that just the way you drew him?"

"I think he does too and that’s what I have tried to explain to Sirius and the others. I think he is really lonely and just needs someone who understands him.”

"What was it you said about him getting into a lot of fights at school? I'm not sure I like that, Remus..."

"No it’s not like that, Mum. He just can’t stand people touching him so when they do, he panics and pushes or hits them.”

"That sounds serious, Remus. Did he get a diagnosis? Any therapy? How do his parents deal with it?"

"I don’t think he’s getting any therapy. Sirius says he won’t go near a doctor and that he trusts no one. I don’t think his parents care. They’re never home and when they are, Sirius says that all they do is fight."

"That doesn't sound good. Where do you think it comes from? What about his brother? Does he have some of the same problems?" asked Mrs. Lupin. Being a psychologist, she naturally got worried. 

"No he has nothing of the sort," said Remus, thinking of how attention-seeking Sirius was. "He is very popular and outgoing. Nothing like Regulus. If they didn't look so much alike you wouldn't believe they were brothers."

"Do you think something happened to - was it Regulus? - that didn't happen to his brother?" 

Remus looked slightly worried by the thought. "I don't know, Mum... Sirius says he has always been like this." 

"Either way, if he isn’t getting any sort of help - therapy or medication - then he really should see a professional about it. I'm sure there are things that can be done to help him. Maybe you should talk to his brother about it?"

"I could ask, but they aren’t on good terms right now. Remus sighed and leaned a little forward. "Last week Sirius bathed his dog in Regulus’ tub and all hell broke loose, so I don’t know when Sirius will be able to ask anything of Regulus."

"Oh, my. Is it because of the germs or because he feels his privacy violated, you think?"

"Both, I think. He’s a very private person. He doesn’t want people to touch either him or his things."

Mrs. Lupin sighed and put a hand on Remus' arm. "I think maybe it would be best if you could stop fancying him. I know that's easier said than done, but I'm worried that you'll only get disappointed and hurt. He sounds very troubled and I don't want your life to be even more difficult that it already is."

Remus dropped his gaze. "Yes, Mum," he mumbled.

"Remus, I know it's hard, but let's face the fact that even if you could get through to him, the chances of getting a romantic relationship also relies on him being gay. And you know the odds aren't in your favour." When Mrs. Lupin saw the expression on her son’s face she pulled him into a hug. "Oh, honey. I'm sorry to sound so negative. And you know that I encourage you to pursue your feelings, trying to do something about it if you're attracted to someone. But in hopeless cases... Or at least seemingly hopeless cases..."

"I know, Mum," sighed Remus. "I just don’t know if I can let it go.”

"Maybe you should ask Sirius if he thinks his brother might be gay? I mean if he is, then there might be hope."

"I guess I could."

"Oh, and Remus? Why don't you invite your new friends over? I haven't met them yet and I would love to. Perhaps tomorrow for dinner? You could ask Sirius to bring his brother as well."

"Good idea. I’ll ask," smiled Remus.

**o0o0o**

Remus caught Sirius on his own the next day in school. 

"My Mum asked if you lads would like to come by for dinner tonight." When Sirius nodded eagerly, Remus quickly added, "Oh and... um, if Regulus would like to join too he is more than welcome."

"Reggie?" said Sirius, raising his eyebrows. "Are you kidding? Haven't you noticed yet how social he is? There is no way. But I can ask him if you want. Or you can do it yourself."

Remus thought about it for a moment. Maybe the chance of Regulus saying yes was greater if Remus asked, taking into consideration that Sirius and he weren’t very good friends at the moment. "I’ll try and ask.”

"It'll be fun meeting your parents. Only met your nurse, remember? By the way - why are you so interested in Reggie?"

Remus blushed. "I just think he’s very sweet." He still hadn’t told Sirius that he fancied his younger brother and judging from Sirius expression, James hadn’t either.

"Sweet? Are we talking about the same person? My brother? And why are you blushing? Oh... Don't tell me you have a thing for him!" gasped Sirius, suddenly remembering that Remus was gay.

Remus got even redder in the face and looked down at his shoes. "Maybe just a little…"

"Blimey, Remus. You have a weird taste in blokes. I mean, of course he's wicked handsome - he's _my_ brother after all." Sirius flashed him a grin. "But he's just about as charming as a car crash."

"I’m just attracted to him. I’m not sure why," said Remus. “But I don’t even know if he’s gay. Do you… do you think he might be?"

"I honestly have no idea. You know, he's so weird that you can't really tell stuff like that. I've never seen him check out a bird, and the last time one tried to get in contact with him he pushed her into a table. But then again, he behaves pretty much the same way towards blokes. I really don't know, Remus. Maybe _he_ doesn't, either."

Remus bit his lip. "Anyway, I’ll ask him if he wants to come to dinner with you lot. My mum is a really good cook and I'm sure she can make something that he likes too."

"Don't count on it. The only person's food he will eat, besides what he prepares himself, is Mrs. Harris’. He trusts her. Probably the only one in the world, in fact."

"Oh," said Remus feeling his hope drop. "Is it really that bad? I mean, maybe I could... I could ask if he wanted to help with the cooking. Then he knows how it’s made."

"Go ahead and try, but don't count on it. Well, we might as well find him now," said Sirius, looking at his watch. "If I'm not mistaken his next lesson is Math, so if we hurry to McGonagall's classroom we can catch him there before it starts.

Regulus stopped, a little surprised when he spotted his brother and Remus standing outside the classroom. "What are you doing here? Are you waiting for me?"

"Yes we are," said Sirius and gave Remus a nudge. "Remus has something he wants to ask you."

"Oh?" said Regulus, automatically taking a step back. What could Remus possibly want from him? 

Remus noticed the suspicious look on Regulus' face and put his hands up in a calming gesture. "Nothing bad, honestly. My mum just wanted to invite you and your brother and James and Peter for dinner tonight. I’d be glad if you would join." 

"Why? I'm not your friend. And she doesn't know me."

"Well," said Remus a little hesitantly. He couldn’t very well tell Regulus it was because he fancied him and his mother would like to meet him. "I do consider you my friend, actually."

Regulus looked around nervously, then back at Remus. "No. You probably don't have the right food. Most people don't."

"If you tell me what kind of food to get, we’ll buy it," suggested Remus, eying hope. "You can also help cook if you want, so you get the food just the way you like it."

Regulus looked at him suspiciously for a moment. "What makes you think I would be interested in being social with you and my brother's stupid friends, anyway?"

"Reggie, stop being such a toerag for once! Remus is trying to be nice to you,” scolded Sirius. “And it would be good for you to spend a little time with other people."

"No, it wouldn't. And I don't know the home. The kitchen might not be sanitary enough. That's where most food contamination happens."

"Are you accusing Remus' parents of not keeping a clean kitchen?" said Sirius in a sharp tone.

"I don't know them. And most people _don't_ clean their kitchens properly. You would be horrified to know how many bacteria there can still be in a kitchen that looks clean to the naked eye. If you spray a certain substance onto the surfaces that highlights the bacteria, you will be shocked. There have been plenty of scientific experiments -"

"You and your bloody experiments," groaned Sirius.

"It’s very clean," said Remus. "It has to be because of my illness. My mother almost overdoes it, in fact. She’s very protective of me." He, however, felt this was a lost cause. Regulus did not seem at all interested in going or even being his friend.

Regulus thought about it for a second. There was something intriguing about Remus, he had to admit that. Something he hadn't experienced with anyone else. But there would be other people. People he didn't know. "No. Sorry," he said and hurried off.

Sirius sighed. "Don't worry about it. I told you not to take it personally."

**o0o0o**

Remus' mother met the boys in the door, wearing an apron. She greeted everybody. "You must be Sirius," she smiled as she shook his hand. "What about your brother? You didn't bring him?"

"He didn't want to come, Mum," said Remus, trying to hide how disappointed he actually was.

"He’s a little weird," said Sirius and put an arm around Remus. “You have to be in order to turn down such a fine invitation.

"Well, that's a pity," said Mrs. Lupin. "But do come in! Dinner is ready in half an hour. I'm making a turkey." Remus told me Regulus doesn't eat red meat, that's why. But I hope you lads like turkey as well. I'm making it nice and crisp."

"It smells wonderful, Mrs. Lupin," said James. "Like Christmas."

Remus took his friends into the living room. "You lads want some tea?"

"That’s alright, Remus," said Sirius, making himself comfortable on the sofa. "No need filling our stomachs with tea when a great dinner is waiting."

"Did you warn your mother that Sirius eats like a horse?" grinned James. 

"I believe that's why she made a whole turkey," said Remus.

"You're lucky you can eat like that and not get fat," said Peter, eying Sirius enviously. 

Sirius flashed him a grin and clapped his stomach. "Lucky genes, I guess." He leaned back on the sofa and turned to Remus. "Sorry about my brother again, but I did warn you."

"I know you did," sighed Remus.

"I don't remember when he has last gone to somebody's house," said Sirius. "Except when my parents have forced him to go to an important party."

"If he doesn’t want to go then why do they make him?" asked Remus

"Because he’s a part of the family and our parents go to these parties to mingle with the upper class and clients. I usually go but Regulus is let off the hook most of the time because our parents are ashamed of him. But I’m their poster boy.”

"So they just take you to these parties to show you off?"

"Yeah. And I'm quite the asset for them, trust me, I can charm the pants off any fine lady," grinned Sirius. "I almost feel like an escort boy sometimes."

"Ah, come off it," said James. "You  _love_  those parties - being the center of attention like that."

Remus could imagen just fine that Sirius would love the attention, even if he thought the snobbery of the people his parents associated with was a joke.

"You don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s a burden being so handsome and charming," said Sirius and let out a long sigh to add a little drama to his tone.

"Yeah, yeah. If you didn't love it you would make sure to embarrass your parents just as much at those parties as Regulus does."

"Probably," grinned Sirius. "Although I wouldn’t bore everyone with tales of how dangerous germs are and experiments that someone has made to prove my dear brother’s theories."

James and Peter laughed. 

"What do you mean?" said James in an ironic tone. "Isn't it just fascinating how many different bacteria can be found in old Sluggy's nose?"

"Very interesting," agreed Sirius. "I think I will write about it in my next Biology essay. I’m sure Professor Sprout will appreciate it as much as Reggie."

"Do the other guests even realise what they're dealing with? I mean - do your parents warn them not to touch the bull terrier?" grinned Peter. 

"Yes, they could easily lose a couple of fingers!" laughed James.

They sat laughing for a couple of minutes, apart from Remus who didn’t think it was funny how they were making fun of Regulus.

"Well he's not all bad," said Sirius finally.

"Has he always been like this?" asked Remus.

"For as long as I can remember. When we were little he never wanted to do fun stuff like go to the playground. No, he wanted to sit in his room and read his books or practice the piano. What five-year-old doesn’t want to play outside because it’s too dirty?"

"He goes running outside, though," said Peter. 

"Yes but that only gets the soles of his shoes dirty," said Sirius. "And he goes straight for a shower when he comes back."

"It's part of his health obsession," added James. "Being in shape is as important as eating right. Has he ever been really ill, Sirius?"

"He's rarely ill, which is a good thing. All hell breaks loose when he has to see a doctor. It means someone having to touch him in an invasive way.”

"Do you think… Could something have happened to him that makes him act out like this?" Remus couldn’t get himself to say the word "molested".

"What do you mean?" asked Sirius. "Oh - no, no, I can't imagine that. I don't know who could have done anything like that. He has always stayed clear of everybody as much as he could. I don't even remember when it started, so if something had happened he would have had to be very, very young."

"But it could have happened?"

"It’s very unlikely," said Sirius.

"Hey, Remus," said James suddenly. "We didn't make you feel bad talking about the bacteria, did we? It wasn't aimed at you. You're not hysterical about it, and you even have a good reason to be careful. Regulus doesn't."

"I know you didn’t mean to aim it at me," said Remus. "I’m just worried about why Regulus is like that and what might have happened to him.”

"Nothing has happened," said Sirius determinedly. "He’s just special like that and has a weird idea that people actually want to listen to his rubbish."

**o0o0o**

That evening when the guests had left, Remus sat by himself in the living room with the TV on. Some movie rolled over the screen but he wasn’t really paying attention to it. His mind was wandering in a different direction. Why  _was_ Regulus so afraid of being touched and of germs? Had something happened that his brother didn’t know about? Or did he have some kind of mental condition?

He pulled out his sketchbook and looked at the drawing he had made of the lonely looking boy, and let his fingers run over the paper. This was probably the closest he would ever get to touching him. He wondered how the skin would feel. If it felt as smooth as it looked. He wished that one day he would get the answer and that he would be able to get through to Regulus. He wasn’t going to give up on him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – Do Try not to Bite Her Fingers off**

Regulus was having a crisis. Over the last week he had developed a tooth-ache, the pain getting progressively worse. From where it hurt he was in no doubt that it was a wisdom tooth trying to make its way up but not having enough space. He knew this was a common problem and that many young people ended up having to have a wisdom tooth removed. The reality of this caused panic to rise inside him. This would mean a dentist having to mess around in his mouth and anaesthetics pumped into his veins. Just thinking about it made his heart start to pound. He had not gone to the dentist in years and the times he had as a child he had had to be held down or sedated. He spent more than half an hour every day with dental hygiene: brushing and flossing after every meal, so that he would not have a reason to go to the dentist. But this was something he could neither prevent nor fix himself. Even so, he was not ready to accept the reality of it so he did nothing. 

The third day he asked for soup, Mrs. Harris said, "Now, you tell me why you have not eaten anything solid for three days."

Regulus swallowed. "No reason. I’ve just been in the mood for soup."

Mrs. Harris put her hands on her hips and gave him a stern look. "Now you tell me the truth, young man. What’s wrong?"

"Nothing," mumbled Regulus. "Just a bit of toothache. It will go away in a few days."

"If you have a toothache you need to go to the dentist or it will only get worse," said Mrs. Harris.

"No dentist! I take good care of my teeth and I'm sure this will pass. It's just a bit of pain from a wisdom tooth making its way up. It's bound to hurt a little," said Regulus, knowing very well that this pain was much worse than just from a tooth breaking through.

"It doesn’t hurt so much that you aren’t able to eat solid food,” said Mrs. Harris. “Does it, Sirius?"

Sirius shook his head. "You best be going, Reggie." Sirius had seen Regulus at the dentist once and it had not been pretty. But if there was something wrong with his tooth, then he would just have to cope.

"No!" said Regulus and got up, pushing his bowl away. "I don't need a dentist!" Then he marched off to his room and curled up with Kreacher on the bed. 

**o0o0o**

Three more days and the pain had become too excruciating for Regulus to endure. He could no longer lie to himself that it would get better without help. "Sirius," he said as he found his brother in the kitchen the morning after a night of no sleep. "I need to see a dentist. Will you go with me?"

Sirius nodded. "Of course I’ll go with you. I was wondering when you’d break. You want me to call and make an appointment?"

"I don't know where to go. How is your dentist?"

"He’s like most dentists, I suppose. Very friendly and all, so I’m sure he won’t mind having a look at your tooth."

"Does he have big hands?"

"What?"

"I bet he has big hands. I want a woman. With small, gentle hands," said Regulus. 

Sirius looked up the Yellow Pages on his tablet and started calling around. Five minutes later he had made an appointment with a female dentist who could take Regulus in immediately. 

"Well get your jacket on," said Sirius as he went for the front door. "We have to be there in fifteen minutes." He sighed and eyed his brother seriously. "Do try not to bite her fingers off. She’s only trying to help you. And she will be wearing gloves and a mask, so no germs."

Regulus nodded and followed Sirius outside. The germs weren't his biggest fear. It was the touching. Some stranger's hands halfway down his throat...

**o0o0o**

When they stepped into the waiting room Regulus' palms were already sweaty. He let Sirius do the talking and just waited, standing by the window as far from the other patients as possible. Ten minutes later a dental assistant showed the brothers into a room and gestured for Regulus to take a seat in the dentist chair.

Regulus eyed the chair suspiciously. "Has it been disinfected?"

The assistant looked a little surprised. "Yes, we disinfect it every day."

"But not since the last patient? I'm not sitting in it if it hasn't been. Who knows what diseases the last one was carrying around." 

"Sit down, Regulus," said Sirius and pushed his brother into the chair. "They said it had been cleaned and people don't sit naked in those chairs. As long as they disinfect the tools you should be fine."

The assistant quickly assured them that the tools were indeed disinfected after every use.

Moments later, the dentist came in and stopped by the sink to wash her hands. "Hello, Regulus," she smiled. "And what can I do for you today?"

Regulus swallowed although his mouth was completely dry. "I think I have a bad wisdom tooth..."

"Who is your usual dentist?"

"I don't have a dentist. The last one didn't want to see me anymore, and that was fine by me."

"Why is that?" asked the dentist and sat down on her chair, snapping on a pair of rubber gloves.

"Because he has issues with people touching him," said Sirius.

"I see," smiled the dentist. "Well, if you get uncomfortable you just let me know and we will take a break. I see quite a few people with dentist fear, so no need to worry.”

“I’m not scared of dentists,” objected Regulus.

“Just of people in general,” commented Sirius.

“I’m not scared!” said Regulus, sending his brother a glare.

The dentist picked up a tools and asked Regulus to lay back and open his mouth.

Regulus just looked at her, unable to move. "Do I have to lean back? Can't I just sit up like this?"

"No, I can't get a proper look if you don't lie down."

Regulus gulped again, his eyes flicking nervously to his brother as if asking for help.

"Just do as you’re told and you'll be fine," Sirius assured him, hoping desperately that Regulus would not cause too much trouble.

The dentist finally convinced Regulus to lean back, but when she tried to put the tool into his mouth, he turned his head away. "You have to lie still so I can look," she said and tried again.

When she put a hand on his chin, he slapped it away before he could stop himself. "Sorry," he mumbled. 

She looked a bit shocked. "I'm going to try again, yes?"

"Right," said Regulus, digging his fingers into the armrests to prevent his hands from flying to his face again. 

"Open your mouth."

Stiff as a board Regulus forced himself to open his mouth but as soon as she stuck her little mirror inside his mouth he snapped and roughly shoved her away. She lost her balance and would have fallen had Sirius not caught her. 

“Reggie, for God’s sake!” he swore and none too gently pushed his brother back down in the chair, which he was struggling to get out of.

"Perhaps we should give you a sedative," said the dentist, rubbing her arm where she had banged it against the table. “To help you relax so we can get that tooth looked at."

"No!" said Regulus. And here was the dilemma - forcing himself to let her look in his mouth or have chemicals pumped into his veins. "Can't you just see it on an X-ray? I can hold that thing you put in the mouth myself."

"Of course I’m going to take an X-ray, but I have to see your mouth as well.” She sighed. “I suppose we can start with the X-Ray…”

The dental assistant handed the dentist the small disk and she asked Regulus to open his mouth wide so she could place it in his mouth. This, however, was easier said than done. "Regulus I have to place the image right or it’s no use," she tried to explain.

"I can do it myself."

"No, it has to sit precisely the right place - at the very back," she said, sounding like she was finally losing her patience. 

Regulus opened his mouth again but before he could brace himself, she had already stuck in the disk, cupping his chin in her hand to hold his face still. Panic gripped Regulus and he jerked so violently that the small table next to the chair was knocked over, sending instruments flying in all directions. 

The dentist flew up from her chair and looked around at the instruments lying scattered across the floor. “I can’t do this. You clearly don’t want my help!”

“Please,” said Sirius stepping up to her. “Please don’t give up on us. He really needs your help. He’s not being a brat, he’s just very scared.” When she opened her mouth to say something, Sirius put a hand on her shoulder and sent her his most pleading eyes.

She sighed. "All right. I’ll give him another chance, but I’m going to sedate him."

"I don't need it," said Regulus, getting up from the chair and heading towards the door. "It will probably go away on its own in a few days."

"No it won’t!” said Sirius and grabbed his brother roughly by the shoulders. “No more shite, you hear me? She’s giving you another chance and you better take it!”

Regulus pulled himself free of Sirius’ grasp. Of course he knew that he was right. “You don’t need to force me,” he mumbled as he reluctantly went back to sit in the chair.

"I think it’s best to give you nitrous oxide,” said the dentist. “If you can’t sit still for me to just look in your mouth there is no way you can sit still for an injection."

"I have to inhale it from a mask?" asked Regulus. 

"Yes. You can hold it yourself.”

Regulus thought about it. He was not keen on inhaling gas, but he supposed that it didn't make a difference if he had chemicals injected or inhaled them. And doing the gas, she didn't have to give him the injection. So he agreed.

The assistant prepared a mask for Regulus and held it out for him. He eyed it suspicious. "Other people have been breathing into that. There are so many bacteria in people's airways. That's how most illnesses spread -"

"I can assure you that this is perfectly safe," the dentist cut him off in a no-nonsense tone.

"Just take it, already!” said Sirius. “I'm sure they wipe it off after every patient."

Regulus eyed it, then braced himself and held the mask to his face, quickly taking a couple of deep breaths to get it over with. For a moment his heart was pounding in anxiety but then a pleasant dizziness fell over him and he started breathing normally. 

It was easier this time for Regulus to force himself to sit still and not push the dentist away while she investigated his teeth. It didn't quite feel real; more like it was something happening in a dream. 

The dentist had her assistant take an X-ray and said, studying the picture, "I'm afraid we have to remove it."

Regulus groaned. He had suspected as much. "Just be done with it. Pull it out. "

"It's a little more complicated than that," she sighed. "It's growing askew, so I have to operate."

"So you can't do it now?" said Regulus, feeling his chest tighten at the thought of going through the whole ordeal again another day, instead of getting it all over with now.

"Yes, seeing how troubled you are by this, I will clear my schedule for the next hour and get it done."

"Thank you."

"Angelina?" said the dentist to her assistant. "I'm putting Regulus under full anaesthesia. Will you prepare it?"

"What?" said Regulus, darting upright in the chair. "Why full anaesthesia? Just let me breathe some more of this!"

"It's an operation and nitrous oxide will not take all the pain. Normally I would just use local anaesthesia, but I don't trust you to sit still if you're conscious."

"I will! I promise!" gasped Regulus, terrified of being completely out of control of what was happening to him. "Sirius -" he said, looking desperately at his brother. "Tell her I will!"

"I can’t see any other way, Reggie,” said Sirius. “Look – it will be easier for you this way. You’ll go under and the next thing you know, it’s over. I’ll stay to make sure they don’t violate you."

"I can do it with just the mask!" said Regulus, looking at the dentist again. "I'm not afraid of a bit of pain!"

She shook her head. "Out of the question. I need to be sure you don't move, and frankly, the way you have behaved so far it's obvious that I can't. Now, do you want your tooth removed or not?"

Regulus swallowed. "Yes. Yes, alright. But my brother stays!"

Even under the influnce of the nitrous oxide Regulus went into full-scale panic when the dentist tried to apply the IV to administer the anaesthetics, and Sirius and the assistant ended up having to hold him down so the dentist could do it.

Regulus felt sick when he woke up but he was relieved that it was over. The dentist gave him antibiotics and some strong painkillers and instructed him to take them for a week. Regulus never took pills if he could avoid it, not wanting to pollute his body. He knew that if he didn't take the antibiotics he might develop an infection, but he rejected the painkillers. "You can keep them and give them to some other twat.”

**o0o0o**

Remus came to the house the next day. He spotted Regulus sitting in the living room with a book and his ugly cat in his lap, and when the others were occupied raiding the kitchen Remus went in there. 

"Hello," he smiled. When Regulus looked up a little startled, Remus took a step back. "I just wanted to ask how you were feeling today? I heard you had to have a tooth removed."

Regulus felt something flutter in his chest. He had felt like that recently every time he looked at the tawny-haired boy. He didn't quite understand what it meant. "Yes. It's fine. Thank you for asking." In truth he wasn't fine. He was in agony, but still refused to take the painkillers. 

"You look a little pale," said Remus. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes. It was just a tooth. No big deal. People go to the dentist every day," said Regulus, hoping Sirius hadn't told his friends about the drama he had caused, although he knew the chances were slim.

"Okay," smiled Remus and then eyed the cat on Regulus’ lap. Kreacher lifted his head and looked up at Remus, tail flicking and ears in a half-upright position. "Can I pet him or will he claw me? Sirius told me he's a bit reserved."

"I wouldn't touch him if I were you. He really only likes me. Which is no wonder since nobody else treats him with respect. By the way, I doubt ‘reserved’ was the word my brother used to describe him."

"Well," said Remus and pulled up a chair to sit on. "I think he looks like a very special cat."

Kreacher laid his head back down on Regulus lap but kept watching Remus with suspicion.

“He is. Still, I'd rather you not touch him. I don't want him to hurt you," said Regulus, afraid that Remus would reach out to pet the cat while he was lying in his lap. 

"Okay, I won’t, then," said Remus and leaned back in his chair. "Which book are you reading?"

"It's Steve Hawking’s newest. Quiet interesting, but of course that is no surprise. The man is a genius."

"Hey, Remus," said James as he and the others walked into the room. "You should have some of these toffees. They're dead delicious," he said, holding up a large bag of wrapped sweets. 

"You shouldn't," said Regulus, eying Remus. "They have like ten different artificial colourings and conservators in them. They cause cancer and allergy."

"Oh, put a sock in it, Regulus," said James. "Perhaps Remus wants to enjoy life, unlike you who's determined to lead a miserable existence."

"Yummy," said Sirius and stuffed several toffees into his mouth at once, throwing the wrappers on the floor.

"Why should I eat something I wouldn't enjoy anyway? You can make perfectly delicious sweets with organic ingredients. Remus, you should try Mrs. Harris' caramel fudge next time she makes it."

"I’d like that," smiled Remus.

"Why would he want to wait for that when he can have these sweets right now?" asked James.

The four went into one of the TV rooms to watch a movie, throwing themselves on a couch each. Remus didn't find the film that interesting, so he pulled out his sketchbook from his pocket, flipped through the pages and stopped on the one of Regulus. He couldn’t help but smile as he looked at it and wished he could get the chance to draw him smiling. Remus was sure he must look dazzling when he smiled.

Regulus had been to his room to dress in his running clothes and went through the TV room on his way outside, mostly because he was curious. The others didn't hear him come in and as he passed behind Remus he stopped dead in his tracks when spotting the sketchbook in his hands. He stared at it, recognising his own picture. Going pale, he tore the book out of Remus' hand. "You drew me? What the hell are you doing - spying on me?"

"W-what?" Remus gulped and looked up at him. His hand was shaking as he reached for his sketchbook, being very fond of it and the pictures in it. Especially the one of Regulus. "No I just...  I just saw you sitting alone and I thought you looked... well you looked good so I drew you," he said nervously, hoping Regulus would give him back the book.

"What kind of freak are you?" yelled Regulus. The others had turned their heads and were watching the scene in astonishment. Regulus ripped off the sheet of paper with his picture, unceremoniously tossed the book in Remus' face and tore the picture into a dozen pieces. "Freak!" he repeated and rushed out of the room. 

Remus picked up the book and felt his heart ache from Regulus’ reaction. He felt embarrassed as he picked up the pieces of the drawing that lay scattered all over the floor. "I think I’ll go home now," he said and tried to act as if it didn't bother him.

"No, Remus," said James and hurried over to put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't let him get to you. He's fucked up and not worth taking seriously. _He's_ the freak - not you."

Sirius had already jumped up and raced after Regulus, furious. He caught up with him in the main hall about to go outside and spun him around by the shoulders. "What the hell is the matter with you?" he roared. "Don’t call my friend a freak just because he drew a sketch of you! You should be grateful that someone finds you interesting enough to want to spend time drawing you!"

"Let GO of me!" yelled Regulus agitatedly and pushed his brother away. "And stay out of it! He drew me without asking! It’s an invasion of privacy!"

"Maybe he didn’t dare ask you because you act like a lunatic! You freak out over every little thing and now you’ve hurt his feelings! You didn’t have to call him a freak, which I am sure he has heard plenty of times due to his illness. You of all people should know what being called a freak feels like!"

"Well, I'm used to it!" said Regulus and hurried out the door, setting off at a brisk pace, knowing that Sirius couldn't catch him even if he tried. 

Sirius slammed the door shut and went back to the others, mumbling curses under his breath.

Remus was still sitting next to James, head bent. He wished he was at home where he could hide away in his room. It had been so embarrassing and hurtful, hearing Regulus yell at him and then tearing his drawing into pieces. 

"Don't mind that bloody twat," said Sirius, sitting down next to Remus. "He doesn't have any social skills."

"I just didn’t think it was such a big deal," mumbled Remus and looked down at the torn pieces of paper in his hands. "But I guess I should have asked for permission before doing it. I just didn’t think before I acted."

"Don't worry about it," said Sirius and wrapped an arm around Remus' shoulder. "It wasn't like you were peeping at him through the keyhole to draw him naked or something, so don't blame yourself."

Remus just shrugged and closed his hands around the pieces. He felt like his heart was breaking. They had finally started to have a bit of a connection, but that was ruined now, and it would take a miracle for Regulus to ever even talk to Remus again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – “It’s very Neat, I Promise”**

The next day Regulus found Remus sitting alone in the library at school. He stopped at the entrance, hesitating a moment. Once he had calmed down the day before he had regretted his behaviour. He couldn't get the image of Remus' face when he had torn up the picture out of his mind. He walked into the library and stopped a few yards from Remus. 

Remus flipped through a History book and took a few notes, not realising that Regulus was standing there. He had gone home the day before Regulus had come back from his run, not wanting to face him. He had just wanted to go home and be alone. He hadn’t even spoken to his mother about it and had just gone to bed early.

Since Remus did not notice him, Regulus cleared his throat, making the other boy look up a bit startled. "I..." he started. “Sorry I overreacted yesterday."

Remus looked surprised to see him and his eyes widened at the apology. "That's alright. I shouldn’t have drawn you without asking.”

Regulus nodded. Then after a little consideration he pulled out a chair and sat down a few seats from Remus. "It was quite good. Why did you draw me, anyway?"

"Because..." started Remus, choosing his words carefully. "You have such nice features and the way you were sitting with the sunrays coming in through the window… I just had to sketch it. I thought it would look great on paper and I was right. I’m sorry. I just sometimes get so lost in my drawings that I forget to consider that not everyone wants to sit model," he smiled and blushed slightly at the fact that Regulus had complimented his work.

Regulus was quiet for a moment, then said, "You can draw me if it's that important to you."

Remus' face lit up and he stared at Regulus for a moment, trying to determine if he had heard right. "R-really? Would you really let me draw you?"

"Like I said, if it means that much to you. I did destroy the drawing you had already made."

"Well I don’t want you to be uncomfortable about it," said Remus, feeling his heart skip a beat. He would be able to draw Regulus and keep the drawing! "But if you don’t mind me drawing you, then would you mind sitting model for me? Whenever you have time, of course."

"Sit model?" said Regulus, looking a little warry. "Like how?"

"Just sit on a chair by a window in a pose that I ask you to,” Remus quickly added. "Like the drawing I already made. Nothing worse than that, I promise."

"Alright... I suppose I can do that. When do you want to do it? Do you want to come to my house?"

"We can do that," said Remus. "Or we can go to my house. Much more quiet and we won’t be bothered by the others there."

"Your house?" said Regulus, furrowing his brows. "I dunno..."

"It’s very neat, I promise," Remus assured him. "My mum cleans every day so there are no germs for me to get ill from. Also, my parents aren’t home until six today so you don't have to worry about running into them."

Regulus thought about it for a minute. He had to admit that the thought of being alone with Remus got him strangely excited. "Okay."

Remus lit up in a smile and packed away his book and notes. "Brilliant! I'll see you after school, then."

**o0o0o**

Regulus stopped at the front door, hesitating for a moment before following Remus inside. Remus’ room was small but well lit. "So, where do you want me?"

Remus cleared a chair next to the window and adjusted it so the light hit it just right. "Here," he said and pulled up a chair for himself, looking through his drawing materials and finding an A3 sketchbook and the right pencils.

"Do I have to sit completely still? Or can I talk?”

"You can talk," smiled Remus. "As long as you don’t change your position. Tilt you head a little and look towards the window," he instructed. It would have been easier if he could touch him but he wasn't going to ask. That would be pushing it.

"How far are you?" Regulus asked twenty minutes later.

"Just going to do some shading and it will be done," Remus said, only looking up a few times to make sure that he had gotten things right. Another five minutes passed and he put the book down. "There. All done," he smiled and turned the page towards Regulus so he could see the result.

Regulus studied the drawing for a while. "It's good. Did you draw Sirius too?"

"No," said Remus, feeling happy that Regulus liked it. He bit his lip and looked around. "Do you want to see some of my work? I have a few sketchbooks and paintings..."

“Sure!”

Remus put the sketchbook down and went over to find another book. He then pulled his chair up next to Regulus and handed him the book.

Regulus stiffened and moved his chair a little back to get a more comfortable distance. Then he took the book and slowly flipped through it. "I like them. Especially the animal drawings. Do you think you could draw a nice picture of Kreacher?"

"Of course," smiled Remus. “I could come over and draw a picture of him one of these days. If you can make him sit still, or you could sit with him and I can draw you both."

"I can sit with him. He would be more comfortable that way. He doesn't really trust people," said Regulus and handed Remus back the book. Their fingers accidentally brushed and Regulus pulled his hand back as if burned. His heart was pounding. A little from the shock but mostly something else. He looked away. Remus made him feel strange. But not exactly in a bad way.

**o0o0o**

Peter and James went with Sirius home as they did most days. 

"Your brother went home with Remus? Alone? Of his own free will?" said James, not fathoming it. "Is he ill?"

"I have no idea," said Sirius. "I would never have thought he would go home with anyone unless he was forced. I think Remus said something about drawing him. I have no idea how he managed to pull that one off after what happened yesterday. And even getting him to come to his house!"

"Maybe he is gay after all, and fancies Remus," suggested Peter.

"You think so?" said James.

Peter shrugged. "I dunno. Just a theory, because this isn't normal Regulus behaviour. What he did yesterday – _that_ was normal.”

**o0o0o**

Regulus looked at his watch and discovered that it was already a quarter to six. "I better get going," he said, not wanting to run into Remus’ parents. However, Mrs. Lupin was a little early that day, and as Regulus was putting on his shoes in the small hallway, she came in through the door. 

"Oh?" she said as she spotted him standing with Remus. She looked him over and then smiled. "You must be Regulus? You look so much like your brother,” she beamed and stuck out her hand. “I’m Hope, Remus ' mother. Remus has told me a lot about you."

Remus gulped and shook his head at his mother, making her lower her hand as she remembered that Regulus didn’t like to be touched.

Regulus gasped for breath, suddenly feeling claustrophobic in the small hallway. "I forgot something," he said and speed off to Remus' room. When he came back down, he stopped in the living room a good distance from the hallway, waiting for the others to come out. He was not going to be cornered out there again. 

"Are you okay?" Remus asked when his mother had gone into the kitchen. "I’m sorry. I didn’t think she would be home before six. She rarely is."

"Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?" said Regulus in an irritated voice. "I just left because there wasn't space for three persons in the hallway. It's a tiny house you have."

"Yeah I know," sighed Remus. "Can I walk you some of the way? I could use some fresh air."

"Yeah, alright," said Regulus. On their way down the street, he asked, "What did you tell your mother? She said you had told her a lot about me."

"Oh. Um…" said Remus and bit his lip. "I just told her that you played the piano for me." He felt a little embarrassed that his mother had said this. He couldn’t very well tell Regulus everything that he had told his mother.

"That doesn't sound like a lot. Did you tell her I'm a freak? That's what everybody else says. Don't think I don't know that."

"I don’t think you’re a freak," said Remus looking at Regulus seriously. "I never thought that for a second. You’re just being yourself, and that doesn’t make you a freak." 

"Yes, well... I’m just a little private. I think I'll take it from here. It will seem strange if you walk with me all the way home. See you tomorrow after school."

**o0o0o**

Regulus called Remus later that night. "You can't come and draw Kreacher tomorrow."

"What? Why not?" asked Remus, feeling his stomach drop. He had really been looking forward to seeing Regulus again and get a chance to sit and look at him while sketching.

"I forgot we have this bloody party at our house, so you can't come. And believe me - you wouldn't want to. I wish I didn't have to either. It's going to be hell."

"Oh, I see," said Remus, relieved that it wasn't because of something _he_ had done. "Can’t you just stay for an hour and then withdraw to your room? You shouldn’t be forced to stay if it makes you uncomfortable," he said and sat down on the couch with the phone.

"They won't let me. They say it would look strange if I didn't stay for the whole party. Appearance is everything to them. They don't give a toss about me and Sirius. At least he enjoys the parties."

"I’m sorry to hear that," Remus sighed. "Can’t you step outside to get some air a couple of times during the party? Or sit with Kreacher for good company?"

"I'm not putting Kreacher in the middle of all that! I love him. He'll be locked away in my room. Besides, our parents don't allow either of our pets to be within sight. They are ugly and filthy, they say. Well, in Padfoot's case, I suppose it's true."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 – “Oh, that Poor Boy”**

When the brothers came home from school the house was already buzzing with activity being prepared for the guests. Mrs. Harris had been reinforced with three caterers, four waiters, two bartenders and a cloakroom attendant. 

Regulus found his mother discussing flower arrangements with a party planner. "Mother - I need to go to bed. I'm feeling ill."

"How stupid do you think I am?" said Mrs. Black, not even looking at him to check if he was actually telling the truth. "This is a very important party and you will attend even if you were dying from a fever." She scribbled her signature on an order form and then turned her head to look at her son. "Now go take a shower and get dressed. I want you looking respectable for the guests. Just like Sirius."

"But I'm ill! My stomach is acting up and I might suddenly vomit, perhaps not even have time to get out of people's way.” When he got no answer he continued, “Perhaps it's contagious too. You don't want me to make the guests ill, do you?"

She gripped his arm and pointed at him. "If your stomach truly is upset, I’m sure it’s because of all that organic rubbish you fill your body with," she hissed. "You will attend this party because I say so and I will not stand here and listen to your griping. You will not be excused from this event!"

Regulus pulled away from her grasp. She always had to grab him like that when she was scolding him. She knew how much he hated it. "How long do I have to stay?"

"Until the guests go home," she said and turned back her attention to the party planner, who looked a little shocked.

Regulus left for his room in a sulk, deciding to take a very long bath. 

**o0o0o**

Dressed in a brand new Brioni suit, Sirius knocked on Regulus’ door a good hour later. "Need help with your tie?" he asked when Regulus stuck his head out.

Regulus hesitated for a second. "Yeah, alright." Sirius was just about the only person Regulus could tolerate standing close to (it made him uncomfortable, but not to the point of panic), and Regulus never had quite gotten the hang of tie knots.

Sirius stepped up to him calmly, put the tie around Regulus’ neck and started tying it. "It’s going to be fine you know. I’ll make sure they stay away from you. At least I’ll do my best to make sure of it.”

"I hate those pretentious snobs with all their superficial chatter. Mother and father better leave me alone for a while afterwards."

"They probably won't," sighed Sirius as he finished the knot. "They will bitch about how much better we could have done for the business, I’m sure."

"Not you. They're proud of you. At least when it comes to the impression you give at parties."

Sirius looked at his brother and then gently gave his shoulder a squeeze and took a step back to give him some space. "Don't worry so much about what they think. It doesn’t mean shite. Just try and keep your speeches about... well everything, to a minimum."

"I don't care what they think about me. I just want them to leave me alone," said Regulus and stuck a small container of hand sanitizer in his pocket. He was probably not going to get out of shaking a few hands so he was going to need it. 

**o0o0o**

Mrs. Black swooped into the hall when they came down, her eagle eyes inspecting them. "Hmm… I guess you look respectable," she said when she reached Regulus. "Now you behave and shake the guests’ hands, you hear me?"

"Yes, Mother," said Regulus darkly. 

The first guests, the Abrams, arrived ten minutes later. The brothers stood lined up at the bottom of the stairs ready to greet them. 

"Oh, both of your boys are here!" said the woman. "I have never seen the young one. Is it Regulus?"

She stuck her hand out for Regulus to shake but he hesitated. Mrs. Black sent him a warning look and he shook it quickly.

"Lovely to see you, Mrs. Abrams," said Sirius, taking her hand and kissing it to take her attention away from Regulus. He had met Mrs. Abrams several times at previous arrangements and knew she was what Regulus would call very pushy. "I hope you had a nice summer?"

"Ah, Sirius – so lovely to see you again,” she beamed. “Yes, we had a wonderful summer. We spent two weeks touring vineyards in Provence and Rhone." She took a step back. "Oh, look at the pair of you! Such handsome sons, Mr. and Mrs. Black."

"Yes," smiled Mrs. Black smugly and nodded at her husband. "We are very proud of our sons."

Sirius looked over at Regulus and could clearly see that he was uncomfortable. And these were only the first guests. He would definitely have his work cut out for him.

Regulus retreated further into the house as soon as his parents weren't paying attention. As long as he was standing in the entrance hall he would have to shake every new guest's hand, but if he was further in, at least some would overlook him. Sirius, however, remained in the front hall and greeted every guest that came in. 

"Don’t you have two sons?" a tall man asked Mr. Black as he shook his hand. "I see young Sirius, but I would have thought your other son would be here as well tonight?"

"He _is_ here," said Mr. Black and turned his head in the direction where Regulus had been standing five minutes ago. He swore inside but gave the man a smile. "Oh, he must have forgotten something. He will be right back, I'm sure.” When the man turned to talk to Mrs. Black, Orion went over to Sirius, leaned in and growled in his ear. "Find your God damned brother and bring him back! It's your job! And tell him to stop rubbing his hands with that bloody gel every time he has shaken someone’s hand!"  

Sirius looked at his father. "Yes, sir," he mumbled and hurried off in the direction he had seen Regulus disappear. "Reggie?" he said when he found him. "You better get back in there or Father will have our heads."

"No. I've already been out there playing the nice little son. Now I'm in here. It isn't as though I've left the party," Regulus said, waving the hand to show all the guests in the parlour. 

"You’re supposed to be greeting the guests with me. They’re asking where you are and Father is furious, as you can probably guess. I suggest that if you don’t want a shitload of trouble, you follow me back out there." Sirius sighed, feeling he had taken on more than he could chew.

Regulus grudgingly followed his brother back to the main hall. When they entered, a few of the guests turned their heads and a woman let out a surprised gasp when she spotted Regulus.

"Oh, my! You look so like your brother!" she beamed and went over to shake his hand, which he unwillingly accepted. “ _Very_ handsome indeed.”

Regulus swallowed and stepped back when the woman finally let go of his hand. He supposed he should be flattered when people called him handsome, but he wasn't. He would rather have been average looking, attracting the least amount of attention. It wasn't as though there was anybody he wanted to attract. Except... He hadn't minded when Remus had complemented his looks. In fact, it had made him feel good, had it not?

When the last guests had arrived, the brothers followed their parents into the parlour. Sirius took a glass from a tray and handed one to Regulus as well. "Just pretend to drink it. It will make you look social," he said and took a sip, sending Mr. And Mrs. Abrams a nod as they passed.

"I don't know why people fill themselves with this poison of their own free will," said Regulus, sniffing the wine. "Alcohol eats brain cells like fire eats paper."

Sirius rolled his eyes and took another gulp. "Because it makes you feel good and wine is not that bad for you. I think I actually read somewhere that a glass of wine a day should be healthy."

The dinner was a buffet, so people could take some food on their plates and still move around among the other guests or take a seat at the many couches and chairs available, should they choose so.

Regulus blankly refused to take anything from a buffet, organic or not. People would take food with their hands, often touching some of the other food, whether by accident or not. Mrs. Harris, of course, knew Regulus well enough to be aware of this and she had provided a platter of personal "Regulus food" in the kitchen. 

Mrs. Black, however, did not look pleased when she spotted Regulus walking out from the kitchen with a plate of food. "What is this?" she hissed as she leaned close to Regulus. "You will eat the food that is served and not have the help prepare special meals just for you. There is plenty to choose between in the buffet so you should be able to avoid all the things you think will poison you."

"He's not hurting anyone by getting food from the kitchen," said Sirius, having guessed what the problem was. "I doubt anyone even noticed." He looked around and indeed no one seemed to have paid the slightest bit of attention to Regulus leaving for two minutes.

Mrs. Black sent Sirius a glare but then walked off to mingle with the guests.

Regulus found a chair in a corner and sat down with his plate, hoping that he would be left alone. However, a few minutes later an elderly woman sat down next to him. "Hello, dear," she smiled. "I am so pleased to finally meet you. Your mother says you play the piano?" She took a sip of white wine and when Regulus said nothing, she continued: "Perhaps you would care to play us a piece? I would love to hear some."

"I'm not a circus animal performing tricks," said Regulus, looking at her blankly. 

The woman looked a little startled and then got up from her seat, leaving him without a word.

Two minutes later, Mrs. Black walked up to Regulus. "Did you tell Mrs. Finn that you would not play the piano for her?"

"Yes. I don't like to play in front of people. You know that."

"You were very rude to her! You could have said a polite no instead of being rude!"

"I _did_ say no. And I didn't yell or swear or anything."

"Well she felt offended. Now you go apologize to her or you will be sorry!"

Regulus opened his mouth to tell his mother to stuff it, but then changed his mind. Sirius had been promised a new car if Regulus didn't make too much trouble at the party, and recently Sirius had been helping him out a lot (for instance at the dentist) so he decided to make more of an effort. "Fine," he said and got up to find Mrs. Finn. "Madam," he started when he found her. "I apologise if I offended you. I'm just shy about playing for people."

Mrs. Finn turned to look at him and then smiled amicably. "I understand, dear. I was just a little taken aback by your comment, but it's okay if you don't feel comfortable playing for me. I had just hoped."

"I’m sure Regulus wouldn’t mind playing a little later," said Mrs. Black and took a hold on Regulus' shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

Regulus had not noticed his mother coming up from behind so he got so spooked that he jumped away, raising his hand protectively in front of himself. The nearby guests stopped talking and gawked at him in surprise. Regulus quickly retreated, not at all liking the attention he was suddenly getting from the nearby guests. Also, he knew that his mother was not someone he would want to be close to right now. There would be hell to pay later. 

Sirius had also seen what had happened and hurried after his brother. "Reggie!" he called. "Reggie, wait! You can’t leave. You know they will come down hard on you if you do!"

"Yeah? You think they want me here after that display? But it's her own fault! Why did that stupid bitch have to sneak up on me like that?" said Regulus agitatedly. 

Sirius stopped him by the shoulders but Regulus quickly shook him off. "I know," said Sirius. "But it will only get worse if you disappear now. You have to go back in and -" 

Then footsteps could be heard behind them and Sirius only just turned his head to spot his father coming towards them, before he was in front of Regulus, grabbing him by the arms.

"Let GO!" shrieked Regulus as his father quickly dragged him down the hallway further away from the guests.

"Shut up, you little demon!" he growled. Regulus knew he would have been roaring if there had been no guests in the house. "You are not ruining even more than you have already done by screaming! What do you think you're doing, acting like you're some abused child? Was it your plan to make people think your mother beats you?"

"It's her own fault! She snuck up on me and grabbed me! I got a shock! I didn't have time to think, I just reacted!"

"Don't give me that!" spat Mr. Black and shook Regulus. "What do you think she has to endure right now because of your little scene?"

"I don't care! It's her own fault!"

Sirius had realised that some damage control was in order if this was not going to have devastating consequences for Regulus, so he hurried off to find his mother, who was still standing the same place, trying to behave as though nothing had happened. Sirius went up to her and gave her a hug. "Don't be upset, Mother, you know Regulus didn't mean to react like that. He didn't realise it was you and he's just a little shook up still."

The guests looked from Mrs. Black to Sirius, obviously having no idea what he was talking about. 

He turned his attention to them, giving them an apologetic smile. "Yesterday at school some lowlife bullies decided to play a prank on Regulus, so one of them snuck up behind him and hit him hard in the back of his head. He's a sensitive boy, and he was rather shook up, so this must have reminded him of that."

Mrs. Black looked at Sirius and then around at the guests. "Yes. Yes my poor Regulus," she said and struck up a fake smile. "My husband went to check on him, did he not?"

Sirius nodded quickly and let go of his mother. The guests looked worried and Mrs. Finn walked up to Mrs. Black. "Oh that poor boy. Kids nowadays can be so cruel. Do make sure that he is alright."

"Yes I will," said Mrs. Black and turned her attention to Sirius. "You entertain the guests while I check on Regulus," she said and then hurried off to find her son and husband.

Regulus had backed away from his father, trying to put as much distance between them as he could. He could feel himself shaking, but did his best to supress the panic that was stirring in his chest. 

"Orion," said Mrs. Black as she reached them. "Sirius took care of it," she said and eyed her younger son. "He made up some story about Regulus being attacked at school, so everything is fine."

Orion looked at his wife and sighed in relief. Then he turned back to Regulus. "You best be glad that you have a quick-witted brother to cover for you," he hissed. "Now go to your room and stay there for the rest of the evening. I don’t feel like you causing any more trouble tonight.”

"I'll be more than happy to. And you can count on me staying there the rest of the night," said Regulus and slipped past his parents to rush up to his room and lock the door. He sank down on his bed, still shaking, but relieved of getting away. Kreacher, happy to see him, jumped onto his lap and rubbed his forehead against his chin. Regulus hugged his cat close and started sobbing. 

**o0o0o**

Sirius knocked on Regulus’ door later that evening when the guests had gone home. "Reggie? Are you asleep?"

Regulus didn't answer, hoping that Sirius would go away, but when he knocked again he sighed and got up to unlock the door.

Sirius slipped in, closing the door behind him. "Good thing they let you go here after only a few hours. How are you?"

Regulus shrugged. "How do you think? It’s funny, though - turned out that it wasn't the guests who were worst. It was _them_. How stupid can they be? They _know_ what things set me off!"

 “I don’t know,” sighed Sirius. “They’re bloody idiots, I guess.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 – Cats Are Better than People**

Mr. and Mrs. Black insisted on a family breakfast the morning after the party to talk about what had happened.

"Your mother and I have decided to give you the car, Sirius," said Orion, "because you saved the situation very cleverly. But we are being generous because you could have done a better job of controlling your brother in the first place. We hope you will make a bigger effort next time."

Sirius lit up in a smile and almost couldn't hide his excitement. "Thank you, Father," he said and tried to act as if it was no big deal.

"As for you," said Mr. Black and turned to Regulus. "We are sending you to see a therapist. This has gone on long enough and this time you _will_ make an effort and do as the therapist tells you!"

"Fine," said Regulus. There was no need to argue. He knew that after what had happened the night before, the consequences could have been worse. Besides - he was just going to refuse to cooperate with the therapist. 

"Good," said Mr. Black and started eating. "That’s settled then.”

**o0o0o**

Sirius told the others about the drama at the party as they went for a joyride the next day. "So they're sending him off to another shrink," he finished, taking a sharp turn, making Remus grab on to the seat with both hands. 

"That might be a good idea," said Remus, thinking of Regulus wellbeing. "But I reckon he’s not too pleased about it?"

"It's not going to make a difference," said Sirius. "He's just going shut her off like he’s done with the other therapists he’s been forced to see. He doesn't want help."

When they came home to the Black residence they sat down in front of the computer and started browsing the internet for cars, since Sirius had been promised a new one for keeping the Regulus situation under control.

Regulus was nowhere to be seen when they came back, but he quickly discovered that they were home. He walked quietly to Sirius' room where he found the door open and the boys leaning forward, preoccupied with the computer screen. He stayed just outside the room, not interested in talking to James and Peter; but Remus was sitting a bit further back and his eyes weren't glued to the screen like the others' were. Evidently he didn't find cars as exciting as they did. Regulus stood waiting until Remus noticed him standing there. He lit up in a smile when spotting him. Regulus returned a tentative smile, shuffling his feet. Then he turned and walked slowly away, hoped that Remus would follow him.

Remus got up from his seat and told the others that he would be back in a bit. Sirius just gave him a wave, his eyes not leaving the screen.

Remus closed the door behind him and smiled at Regulus. "Hi. You look well. I'm sorry I didn't bring my large sketchbook so I can't make that picture of Kreacher I promised now, unless you want a normal A4 piece?" He scratched his neck and smiled nervously.

"Oh, that's okay. It doesn't have to be now.” There was an awkward silence and then Regulus said, "Do you want to taste Mrs. Harris' caramel fudge I talked about? I asked her to make some, in case you came by..."

"I'd love to," beamed Remus. "I could use something sweet. My blood sugar’s a bit low.” 

Regulus headed for his room, where he kept the fudge. He unlocked the door but hesitated in the doorway, eying Remus doubtingly. He very rarely allowed people into his room. "Is all your clothes clean?"

Remus looked down himself to make sure and then nodded. "Yes I put on clean clothes this morning and I have only been in Sirius' car and then here. I haven’t even talked to Padfoot."

"Could you disinfect your hands? Just so if you touch anything you won't contaminate it. Although… I’d prefer if you don’t touch anything, unless you have to."

"Of course," said Remus and found a small container in his pocket and rubbed his hands quickly.

"If you take your shoes off as well you can come in."

"You have a very nice room," said Remus as he walked inside. It was quite large, although not as large as Sirius’. It had a neat look about it, not one misplaced book on the shelves, everything standing in a straight line and the bed neatly done. On the bed, lay Kreacher, rolled into a ball sleeping peacefully. Had Remus not been told not to touch him, he would have loved to go over at pet him. 

Regulus opened a drawer in his desk and took out the biscuit tin Mrs. Harris had given him. He held the tin out for Remus to take a piece. 

"Thank you," smiled Remus. He unwrapped the sweet and took a bite. He closed his eyes as he let the taste sink in. "You were right – they are really good," he nodded and put the rest in his mouth. 

Regulus found his eyes drawn to Remus’ lips as he chewed the piece slowly, and something in his stomach tickled. He knew what these feelings meant; he wasn't in denial. He had known he was gay for a couple of years. When watching movies he had never found any of the actresses remotely attractive but the actors were another story. And there was no other explanation for how he sometimes fantasised about boys touching him - an idea that in itself was completely bizarre to him. But they were fantasies. He doubted very much that he would ever want to be touched in real life. 

Remus looked over at Regulus and noticed him looking back. He sent him a smile, wondering what he was thinking. "Thank you for letting me taste one," he finally said. “And for letting me see your room.” 

"No problem," said Regulus. He tried to look at something other than Remus' face. He fiddled with a loose thread on his sleeve, not knowing what to say. He wasn't used to being social like this, one-on-one. And not at all _wanting_ to be social with someone. Usually he would do the best he could to ignore people, or insult them hoping it would make them go away. 

Remus smiled and looked around the room. It was nice to be alone with Regulus even though he didn't say much. Just being with him made Remus feel warm inside. "Is it okay if I sit down somewhere?" he said. He was feeling a little awkward standing in the middle of the room but perhaps Regulus didn't want him to stay too long. "Unless you want me to go back to the others again? Because it’s okay if you do."

"Oh - yeah, you can sit. Of course," said Regulus, pointing to a chair and sat down on the bed himself. Kreacher immediately jumped onto his lap and curled up. 

"That cat really loves you," said Remus, studying the cat for details. "It will be easy to draw you both because he will sit with you all the time."

"You don't have to draw me. Just Kreacher, although he’s sitting in my lap. "But... can I keep the picture? If you make it big I could hang it on the wall, and I don't want a picture of myself hanging in my room."

"Of course you can keep it. I would be honoured," Remus smiled and studied the boy. He was so good looking, and really nice when you got him one-on-one. From the first time Remus had laid eyes on him he had been enthralled by him. Everyone had said he should forget it; yet here he was, sitting in Regulus’ room as if it was just another normal thing.

Regulus ran a hand over his cat a couple of times. "Everybody says Kreacher is very ugly. I think he's sort of handsome. In his own way."

Remus looked at the scrawny animal with its thin fur, bat ears and crooked nose, and ‘handsome’ was not the word that popped into his head. In fact, it was probably the ugliest cat he had ever seen. "I think he’s very special. I’ve never seen a cat like him before. Where did you get him?"

"I found him in the shed in the back garden when I was five or six. He was tiny and skin-and-bones. Mother wanted to take him to the vet and kill him, but I made a big scene and she gave in. Sort of the same thing that happened with Sirius' dog a few years later. I think they tolerate the animals only because it gives them an excuse not to feel guilty about being away so much."

"I see," said Remus. "I always wanted a pet but my mother says no. Too many germs, she says. How come you called him Kreacher?"

"I don't know. Because he was like a little creature, I suppose. It just suits him. And my parents hated the name, so that was just a bonus."

Remus laughed.

"Cats are very clean animals, you know,” Regulus continued. “Not like dogs who roll in faeces and eat rotten things. Cats will always smell their food carefully and if it isn't fresh that will not eat it."

"Really? Maybe my mother would let me get a cat if I told her that. Or perhaps you could tell her?" suggested Remus. "You know more about cats than I do."

"Oh. I don't know...” said Regulus, shifting in his seat, feeling uncomfortable thinking about having to socialise with Remus' parents. 

"Oh, I’m sorry for suggesting that,” said Remus quickly, feeling stupid. “You don’t have to. That was stupid. But I'll ask my mum if I can get a cat. And tell her what you said. I would really love to have a cat."

Regulus nodded slowly. "Cats are better than people, anyway."

Remus watched the cat on Regulus' lap and then looked up at the boy. "I’m sure you feel better with him than most people, yeah?" he asked a little hesitantly. "I mean… you really don't like people that much, do you?"

"No," said Regulus, looking at Kreacher. "Why should I? They don't like me, either."

Remus bit his lip and tried to build up some courage. "I like you. I mean..."

Regulus hid a smile and shrugged. "Well... you’re alright. I mean, you're nicer than most people. You don't care that I'm the way I am."

"I like the way you are,” said Remus. “I just wonder if you don't get lonely with so little human contact? I know I feel lonely when people shy away from me because they’re afraid I’ll catch something from them." He leaned a little forward, resting his arms on his knees.

Regulus swallowed. "No, I'm not lonely. I wish people would leave me alone. They don't get that I just want to be left alone. If I were in your shoes it would be the only good thing about the disease. That people keep a distance. And I would have a reason they would actually respect. Not that I want your illness or anything. That's not what I meant." He shivered by the thought of how much invasive contact Remus would have to be subjected to by doctors and nurses. 

"Well, I just thought…" started Remus but then stopped talking. Did Regulus really enjoy being on his own all the time? "I just thought that maybe you would enjoy spending some time with someone. But if you don’t like me being here you just have to tell me. I enjoy your company very much but I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"N-no, it's okay. You can stay if you want. I don't mind. You're all right, because you're not pushy," said Regulus, suddenly afraid that Remus would leave.

"Well, I’d like to stay," said Remus, smiled softly and leaned back in his seat to get more comfortable.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" asked Regulus after a small silence.

"Me? No," said Remus, suddenly nervous. Should he tell Regulus that he was gay? "I'm... well. I'm gay and I just haven’t been lucky enough to find someone I liked and who wanted to go out with me too."

"Oh," said Regulus, surprised. "Oh. I see. So you fancy Sirius, do you?" 

Remus looked at him a little surprised. "What? No! I don't know why everyone thinks that I do. Sure he’s good looking and all, but he’s my friend and I don't fancy him.”

“It's just that most birds fancy him. Because he's so handsome and charming.”

"No denying that," said Remus. "But I don't fancy him. I like the more quiet type of bloke. Not pushy like Sirius tends to be."

"I can understand that. I wouldn't like a bloke to come on to me like that, either. Pushy. If he weren't my brother I probably wouldn’t like him at all. But I'm used to him, and he mostly treats me with respect. Only because I'm his brother and he feels he has to, I'm sure. He's stuck with me. You don't choose your family, do you?"

"I think he cares a lot about you, Regulus," said Remus in a serious voice. "He always sticks up for you, although I guess being the way he is, he can’t help himself pushing your buttons once in a while. I haven’t known Sirius for very long but that’s the impression I have gotten. I think he feels bad for you because no one understands you, and he certainly doesn’t dislike you!"

"Yeah? Well…. If it weren't for him I would be doomed in this house. My parents certainly do _not_ like me. If you could turn your children in at the pound like you can with pets they would have done that a long time ago."

Remus felt a sting to the heart when he heard Regulus say this. Of course he already knew that the parents were horrible - Sirius had told him plenty of times - but he wished he could do something so they wouldn’t be so mean to Regulus.

Regulus had run out of things to say and he was getting rather uneasy. Still, something in him didn't want Remus to leave. He liked him. A lot. And he was gay. Quite a coincidence.

Remus could see that Regulus was not comfortable anymore. He was shifting in his seat and rubbing his hands nervously. "I should probably get back to the others," he smiled. "They’ll be wondering where I am. But it was really nice to talking to you and to see your room."

"Okay," said Regulus, both relieved and disappointed. 

"Hey, mate, where’ve you been? Did you really go to Regulus' room?" asked Peter when Remus came back. “I heard voices from in there when I went to the loo. I thought that maybe he was just talking to himself – you know, being a nutter and all – but you were gone as well, so I thought you might be in there?”

Remus nodded with a wide smile on his lips. "Yes I did. He isn't as bad as you think," he said and sat down on Sirius' bed.

Sirius turned in his seat. "Not bad? Regulus usually throws a fit when someone as much as brushes against his doorframe! He must really like you."

"He never lets people into his room," said James. "Except Sirius once in a while."

"Is it really that special?" asked Remus.

All three boys nodded.

"I bet he fancies you," said James. "There's no other explanation. Other than him having had a brain haemorrhage or something."

"You really think so? I mean that he fancies me?" Remus asked, feeling his stomach doing a flip.

"Could be," said Sirius. "I guess my little brother could be gay after all."

"Well, even if you do manage to score him you gotta prepare yourself to die an old maid," said James. 

**o0o0o**

Regulus didn't see Remus the next couple of days. Sirius said he was away visiting some family during the weekend. Regulus had the strange experience of actually looking forward to going back to school Monday. Because Remus would be there. It was rather scary, the way Regulus had not been able to think of anything else since he had last seen him, not even to concentrate on his books or his piano. 

"What’s up with you?" asked Sirius as they both sat in the family library. Sirius was looking through his homework but noticed that Regulus had not flipped a page in his book for a good twenty minutes.

"Nothing. Just thinking..." Seeing Sirius eying him suspiciously, Regulus quickly changed the subject. "Did you decide on that car yet?"

"No," sighed Sirius, leaning back in his chair. "The ones I really like cost more than Mum and Dad are willing to pay. I’m thinking about maybe getting a second-hand Porsche… since a new one costs an arm and a leg."

"I'm surprised you aren't getting a motorcycle. You love doing headless, dangerous things."

Sirius looked at his brother in surprise. “Huh… I hadn’t considered that actually…”

"Well, forget about it, then. I'm not interested in losing the only brother I have," said Regulus, regretting that he had given Sirius the idea.

"Aww, so you _do_ care," smiled Sirius and rested his chin on his hand. "Don't worry ‘bout me. I always land on my feet."

"Of course I care," snapped Regulus, smacking his book shut, giving up on getting any more reading done. Maybe he should go for a run instead. "Did I ever give you the impression that I don't care? Just because I don't like you when you’re being a twat."

"I know…” said Sirius. He tilted his head. "How come you let Remus into your room? I’ve never seen you invite anyone in there other than me and Mrs. Harris."

Regulus averted his eyes. "We were just talking about Kreacher and he happened to be in my room. Remus likes him and doesn't think he's ugly."

"I'm sure he doesn’t," grinned Sirius. "He likes Padfoot too, you know, so Kreacher isn't all that special."

"Yes, he is!" snapped Regulus. "He told me he thought Kreacher was very special. And he's going to draw him."

"I hope you keep that picture in your room. I don't want to look at that cat more than I have to."

"Well, he doesn't want to look at you either!" said Regulus and got up. Kreacher was an extremely touchy subject. 

"Okay, okay. Sorry I mentioned it," said Sirius, not wanting to get on Regulus' bad side right now. He was really interested in knowing what he thought of Remus. "It's brilliant that Remus wants to draw Kreacher. I know how much he means to you. But honestly, why did you let Remus into your room? I’m curious about it. And he was in there for about half an hour. I don’t remember when _I_ was last allowed to be in there for that long."

"Like I said - he wanted to study Kreacher and Kreacher wanted to be in my room," said Regulus, knowing it was a bit far-fetched. 

"I see… So it’s not that you maybe like him a little bit?" Sirius said with a smirk on his face.

"What do you mean _like_?" said Regulus. "I wasn't worried, because he's polite and he didn't touch any of my things apart from the chair he was sitting in"

"Well I’ve just never seen you being this nice to anyone before," said Sirius, the smirk still on his face. "But it’s good to see you interact with someone for a change."

"Well, it was nice chatting with you. Now I will go for a run," said Regulus.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 - You Can't Lock Him Away in a Bubble**

"Mum?" said Remus as they sat in the car on the way home from the family visit. It had been an okay weekend, considering that his aunt had kept a distance to him because she was coming down with a cold and didn't want him to catch it. Remus was a little sad about that because his aunt always hugged him and made him feel normal at the family gatherings, unlike most of his other family, who (however caring) behaved as though Remus was made of glass.

"Yes, luv? Are you not feeling well?" Mrs. Lupin asked, suddenly worried. She had been on the verge of taking Remus home again when she learned that her sister was coming down with a cold, but Mr. Lupin had talked her out of it. 

"I’m fine," said Remus and looked out the window for a brief moment. "I was just wondering if maybe I could have a cat? Regulus says cats are very clean animals and I’d really like the company. Especially when I’m bedridden. I get really lonely, then…"

"Oh... I don't know, Remus," she said, shifting in her seat. "They clean themselves by licking their privates, and there are certain illnesses that can transmit to humans as well, aren't there?"

"I think that's just old wives' tales, Hope," said Mr. Lupin. "Like the one about cats crawling into cribs to suffocate babies."

Remus looked expectantly at his father, hoping he could help persuade his mother. "Regulus is very fanatic about hygiene, as you know, and he has a cat himself, which I doubt very much he would if it was a health risk. He pets his cat a lot and it even sleeps in his bed, I think.” Remus felt like a little child begging like this, but he really wanted a pet. "Please, Mum?"

"He pets the cat? So he does not have a problem with physical contact when it comes to the cat?" she asked, partly from interest, partly to avoid answering Remus' question. 

"I guess not," said Remus. "He invited me into his room last time I visited and he sat with his cat on his lap and petted it, so I guess he’s okay with contact to animals. Cats, anyway. He hates Sirius’ dog because it’s rambunctious and slobbers."

"Hm. Very interesting. It would seem that the fear of physical intimacy is worse than the fear of germs... which again makes me question the origin of his issues.”

"Do you have to sit there psychoanalysing a boy you don't even know?" said Mr. Lupin with an air of irritation.

"Psychoanalysis died with Freud," said Mrs. Lupin. "No decent modern psychologist believes in that anymore.”

Mr. Lupin rolled his eyes. "Okay, whichever word it is that you use nowadays, then. You know what I mean."

Remus turned his attention back to the passing threes outside and sighed. His mother seemed more interested in talking about Regulus' problems than the fact that Remus had asked permission to get a cat. He guessed it was another ‘no’ then and he wouldn’t bother to ask again. He had hoped that if he told her what Regulus had said, she would give in this time. 

**o0o0o**

But Mr. Lupin brought up the topic again when he and his wife had gone to bed that night. "I think we should let Remus have that cat. You can't keep being so overprotective. It isn't fair to Remus. And I have never heard of anyone getting ill because of a cat, have you?"

"Well no," said Mrs. Lupin and sighed. "I just don’t want to risk it. Don’t you remember last time he went to the hospital? I was sure he wouldn’t make it. He was so ill and I sat with him for a week just to make sure he kept breathing." She wiped away a tear with her palm. "I just don’t want to risk him getting ill."

"We have been over this so many times. You can't lock him away in a bubble. He deserves to have a life. Let him have that cat. If that can bring him some happiness, I say it's a bloody good thing and a small risk."

Mrs. Lupin bit her lip and looked at her husband. "I guess you're right then. Alright, he can have that cat."

**o0o0o**

"What's her name?" Regulus asked as he ran a hand over the purring cat.

Remus had, of course, been overjoyed to get his mother’s permission. The next day he had picked up a red tabby with a bushy tail at the local RSPCA. Regulus had advised him to get one from a shelter because, as he said, there were so many cats in need of a good home because people threw cats away like garbage. Remus had suggested that Regulus come with him to help choose a cat, but Regulus had declined. Remus had not been surprised. A place like that could impossibly live up to Regulus’ extreme standards of cleanliness, and there were also a lot of people coming and going. But Remus was glad when Regulus had agreed to come with him home the day after to meet his new cat.

"Cleo," said Remus and leaned a little forward to stroke the cat’s head, careful not to touch Regulus' hand even though he really wanted to.

Regulus moved his hand away. He was a little startled to suddenly notice that they were sitting so close. They were both sitting on Remus' bed with only the cat between them. 

Cleo purred and looked up at Regulus, wondering why he had stopped. Remus just smiled and scratched her behind the ear. _He_ had been aware how close they sat and felt his heart race. Regulus had never let him this close before.

"You once said that you wished you could learn to play the piano. Are you serious or was it just to make conversation?" asked Regulus suddenly. 

"I was serious," said Remus. "I always wanted to play but my parents couldn't afford either piano or lessons."

"Well... If you'd like to try, then I don't mind giving you lessons."

"Really?" said Remus, lighting up in a smile. "I'd love that! I haven’t played a single note in my life, though, so you would have to have patience." Cleo meowed and crawled up onto Regulus' lap, rubbing her head against his chin. "She really likes you," said Remus and reached over to pet that cat on the head, taking a chance that Regulus wouldn’t pull away.

Regulus' instinct was to push Remus away, but something made him supress it. Remus being so close made his heart pound, and not only from the usual anxiety. 

Remus kept petting Cleo, enjoying sitting so close to Regulus without being pushed away. Sirius and the others would never believe him if he told them how close they were sitting without Regulus jumping off his seat and running out of the room. He turned his head a little and looked at Regulus, feeling his heart pound in his chest.

Regulus swallowed and looked away, sitting stiff as a board, forcing every fibre in his body to stay put. "I think she wants to go back to you," he said a few seconds later when the proximity was becoming unbearable. He put Cleo in Remus' lap and moved over to sit on a chair instead.

Cleo rolled onto her back and dapped Remus’ hand with a paw.

"Well, I think I should be going home,” said Regulus a few minutes later. “Our dear parents wants a family dinner tonight." He snorted. "As if forcing your children to eat with you twice a month makes you a family."

"I can walk you some of the way if you want,” offered Remus. “It's getting a bit late and dark outside.”

"I can look after myself," said Regulus, sounding a bit offended. Then he regretted it, because he actually wouldn't mind spending a bit more time with Remus, and walking was less intense than sitting together in a room. "But okay, if you'd like to come out and stretch your legs..."

Regulus unlocked his bike and walked it so it was in the middle of the sidewalk, between himself and Remus. It was sort of stupid, really, because he would be home faster if he rode it all the way instead of walking some of the way.

Remus rubbed his hands and blew hot air on them. Fall had finally set in for good and it was very cold now the sun had set. "So, when so you want to give me my first lesson?" he smiled and looked at Regulus.

"Whenever suits you. I'm at the house whenever I'm not in school or out running."

"What about the day after tomorrow? I promised Mr. Ollivander to come and work tomorrow so I can’t tomorrow but the day after I’m free."

**o0o0o**

Remus' mother had come home when Remus came back. She stuck her head out from the kitchen as he walked in the door. "Hullo, luv. Where were you?"

"I just walked Regulus a bit down the road," he smiled. "He wanted to see Cleo so he came home with me after school."

"Oh he did, did he?" smiled Mrs. Lupin. "You've been spending a lot of time together lately."

"Yeah," grinned Remus as he went to sit down. "He even let me sit next to him while we petted Cleo. He pulled away after a while but we sat there for a few minutes, so that’s a record."

"That's nice, Remus,” said Mrs. Lupin and handed Remus a mug of hot tea. “It's obvious that he likes you and feel more comfortable around you than most people. But if he’s only interested in you as a friend, could you live with that?" she said, a tone of concern in her voice again.

Remus poured milk in his tea and stirred it. "I guess I could. You know I want to be with him, but if friends is as good as it gets, I’m going to have to live with that."

"I just don't want you to get hurt," she said and took his hand. “I don't want you hurt whenever you're close to him because you know you can never have him."

Remus stared into his tea and bit his lip as he thought about it. The thought of Regulus never wanting to be with him hurt. But what if Regulus actually  _did_  fancy him? Today he had allowed Remus so sit close to him on the bed. Remus would regret it forever if he didn’t at least try to win him over.

**o0o0o**

There was trout for dinner that night and Regulus stuck to the potatoes and vegetables. 

"Why is it that you don't eat fish?" asked Orion irritably. "I see the arguments about red meat, but fish is supposed to be very healthy. Is it just to be difficult?"

"Fish live in the sea and the sea is polluted. Especially with heavy metals. People in areas where fish and sea mammals are a major part of the diet, such as Greenland and Japan, are at increasing health risk as the amount of heavy metals in the ocean rises. In the fifties in Japan there was a large amount of mercury in the waters of Minemata Bay because a nearby factory dumped it in the bay. People died, got many illnesses, and children were born deformed and with terrible handicaps and neurological disorders, and -"

"Oh, shut up with your lecturing! We don't live around Minemata Bay, do we?"

"No, but the concentration of heavy metals in the water is increasing in general."

"You will sit here until you have eaten some of that fish!" ordered Mrs. Black.

Sirius actually felt like pushing his plate away, having lost his appetite from listening to Regulus’ speech. Even though he was close to immune by now, sometimes something did get through to him.

"And you don’t think poultry is as unhealthy as fish?" asked Mrs. Black. "I hear that they put all sorts of things in their feed, so why is it that you can eat that?"

"That's why I only eat organic meat!" said Regulus, frustrated over his mother's ignorance. "Because they are only allowed to feed the animals with organic feed. I also only eat organic meat because conventional farming is animal abuse."

"I don’t know how we have come to have such an idiot for a son," spat Mrs. Black. "You're nothing but trouble and you will end up alone and miserable because no one will put up with your nonsense!"

"What about that shrink?" asked Orion. "Weren't you supposed to make an appointment for him?"

"I did. We have an appointment next week," said Mrs. Black. "And you better show up!” she continued, pointing threateningly at Regulus.

"Well, let's leave him alone for now," said Orion. "I'm not in a mood for another fight over the damn food. I wanted to talk to you, Sirius. There is an upcoming board meeting and we expect you to participate. You're eighteen now and it’s time you start taking a more active part in the company."

Sirius looked over at his father a little taken aback. "But I’m still in school! And frankly I don’t see what the rush is. It’s not like you're going to kick the bucket anytime soon so I have plenty of time to get into how the company works after I’m done with school."

"Mind your tongue!" warned Mrs. Black, pointing at Sirius with her fork.

“You are not going to be involved in any decision making yet, but we expect you to listen and learn how things are done and what is going on in the business," said Mr. Black.

Sirius mumbled a few words but then nodded. "I guess I’ll go, then, if it’s that bloody important to you."

**o0o0o**

Regulus woke up that morning to a shockingly realisation. He had had an erotic dream. About Remus. Well, not very erotic, but kissing and touching, and he remembered getting rather excited. How could touching like that make him excited? And even worse - kissing? The thought alone made him nauseous. Physical contact had always been something he loathed and feared, so how could it have felt good in the dream?"

Sirius eyed his brother who had not said a word since they sat down to eat breakfast. "You didn’t sleep well?" he asked and took another piece of toast. "You're usually not _this_ quiet and you haven’t even commented on me using too much butter on my bread." 

"If you want to clog up your veins then that's your choice. It isn't as though you don't know the consequence by now," mumbled Regulus, not looking up from his food. 

"Are you feeling alright, dear?" asked Mrs. Harris and put a glass of milk in front of both boys. Their parents had left early that morning for yet another business trip so the boys were on their own for another week.

"Yes, I'm fine," said Regulus and took a sip of the milk. "Mrs. Harris, will you cut my hair today?"

Regulus would rather let his hair grow to his waist than let a hair dresser touch him, so Mrs. Harris had cut his hair since he was very young. He didn't like it, but it was the best solution and he trusted her to touch as little of his head as possible. He had never had an elaborate haircut because it took time and had to be done often. No, he wore it half-long, only asking Mrs. Harris to cut it when it had reached his shoulders. This way, she only had to do it a few times a year. 

"Of course, dear," she smiled and went over to the kitchen counter to clean up after breakfast. 

Sirius checked his watch and then quickly stuffed the rest of his toast into his mouth.

"What’s the rush?" asked Mrs. Harris and placed her hands on her hips. "Chew your food properly!"

"Sorry," said Sirius. "I just realised I was late. I promised to give Remus a lift since it’s raining today."

"You're giving Remus a lift?" said Regulus, sounding more interested than he wanted to. 

"Yeah," said Sirius and got up from his seat. "He texted me this morning, asking if I would mind terribly to swing by his house so he didn’t have to ride his bike to school. His parents had to leave for work early so they couldn’t drive him and he doesn’t feel like risking getting ill from the rain."

"Yes, I suppose that's good reasoning." Regulus considered for a second asking if he could ride along, but he always either walked or rode his bike to school except for in extreme weather, and it wasn't extreme enough for Sirius to not get suspicious of his motives, so he finished his breakfast and found his waterproofs. 

"Do you want a ride? It’s only me and Remus in the car so you don’t have to be crammed up with James and Peter too."

Regulus just shook his head and put on his raincoat.

"Well if you’re sure. You can always ride with me back home unless you get sent home early again," he winked and went out to the car.

**o0o0o**

Regulus had been wondering what Remus would think of his hair when it was cut shorter. In fact, he was quite excited about it and eager to get it done before seeing him again, so he made sure not to run into him at school that day and as soon as he got home he asked Mrs. Harris to cut it. 

"Why are you so eager?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "You use to hate it."

"I do. But it’s become really long and I thought it's about time, so I just want it over with." 

“You’re a strange little lad," she smiled, shaking her head, and pulled out a chair for him to sit on. "I'll start now, okay?" she said when Regulus had sat down with a towel around his shoulders.

"Yes," said Regulus. "Just be quick about it. But not so quick it isn't done properly," he added. He opened a book and tried to concentrate on reading to distract himself from what Mrs. Harris was doing. 

Mrs. Harris gently took a few locks of hair between her fingers and started cutting, making sure not to touch Regulus’ head more than she had to. “You seem a lot happier lately, dear," she smiled. "Anything special happen?"

"What? No, not really. I don't know..."

"Well it’s good to see you smile more often," she said, “so whatever is going on, it’s good for you."

So he was happier than usual? Maybe he was. It had to be Remus, of course. Regulus wondered if Remus fancied him. Just because someone was gay it didn't mean they fancied all blokes. But he had said that Regulus was handsome and had drawn him in secret. That meant that he had been looking at him a lot. And he had been very consistent from the start in talking to him and trying to become his friend. Yes, it was quite likely that Remus did fancy him. A part of Regulus wished he could be his boyfriend, but that had to remain a fantasy. Remus would want to kiss and touch, as boyfriends did, and Regulus could never do that, so he supposed friends was as good as it got. 

After about ten minutes, Mrs. Harris put the scissors away and smiled. "There you go, dear. Now you look smashing." She found a small mirror and handed it to him, waiting for the verdict. "Do you want more off or is it good enough?"

"No, it's good. I don't want it to be too short. Don't you think it looks best like this?"

"You look very handsome, luv," she smiled.

**o0o0o**

Remus came over for his first piano lesson the next day. When he saw Regulus, he reached into his bag and pulled out a book on astronomy. "We just got this at the bookstore and I thought that maybe you'd like to read it. I know you fancy astronomy, so..."

"Oh," said Regulus, looking at the book with interest. "Is... is it new?" He knew Ollivander’s had both new and second-hand books.

"Yes, it’s new," smiled Remus and held out the book for Regulus. "Ollivander gave me a discount. I thought that perhaps you hadn’t read it because it’s new, and I wanted to bring you something as a thanks for teaching me to play."

"Thank you," said Regulus, taking the book. Had it been second-hand he would not have touched it. "So it's a gift? Or you’re just lending it to me?"

"It’s for you," smiled Remus and scratched his neck. "I hope you like it." Remus had been so excited to give the book to Regulus that he had barely been able to sleep that night.

"Thank you. I like this author. He has some very unusual theories. This one must be his newest - I haven't seen it before," said Regulus, flipping the book over to read on its back. 

Remus beamed as he saw Regulus looking at the book with great interest. He knew that he had made a good choice. "Sirius mentioned that astronomy was your favourite subject."

"It is," said Regulus, his eyes still on the book. "It is a very fascinating science." Then he looked up. I'll just put this in my room and then we can start the lesson, yeah?"

Remus looked around the room as he stood there waiting. There were a few paintings on the walls and one in particular caught his eye. It was a family portrait. The parents were standing at the back and Regulus and Sirius sitting in front. They didn't smile as would be normal on a family portrait. Mr. and Mrs. Black were staring ahead with emotionless expressions, Sirius looked bored out of his mind and Regulus looked like he wanted to run and hide somewhere. It must have been unbearable for him to sit there for so long while the painting was done, Remus mused. The boys were much younger on the painting than now, so maybe Regulus’ condition was less severe back then. Remus however thought not. The eyes showed discomfort and so did the positioning of his body on the painting. He was sitting stiff and leaning a bit to the side, away from his brother. Yes, his condition was bad already back then. 

Regulus came back down and led the way into the piano lounge. "So..." he said, finding some papers with very easy tunes on. “These should do.”

As Regulus looked down at the papers in his hand, Remus noticed that his hair was shorter than usually and when he looked up again it was much easier to see. Remus thought it suited him perfectly, although the old length had made him look just as handsome. "Your hair looks great."

"Oh," said Regulus, trying to supress a smile and a blush. "Well, I usually wear it like this. It had just gotten a bit long so I had it cut." He walked over to the piano. "You don't have to learn notes right now. But you need to learn the keys. They go from A to G and then it starts over. Here's an A," he said tapping one of the keys. "And then B, C, D, E, F, G," he continued, pushing one key after the other. 

"What about the black keys?"

"They are sort of halves. For instance, this one - A sharp - is the note between A and B. But forget them for now. We’ll worry about them later and concentrate on the whites."

"Okay," smiled Remus and followed Regulus with his eyes. He hoped that maybe he would feel comfortable enough to sit down beside him and show him how to play, but it was probably wishful thinking. 

"We will pick a very simple melody to start out with. Like _Itsy Bitsie Spider_. Everybody knows that one." Standing up, Regulus played it a few times with his right hand, and then motioned for Remus to sit. "Go ahead - give it a try."

Remus sat down and did his best to copy what Regulus had done. "Could you show me again? I can't seem to get the last part right," he said, looking up.

Regulus hesitated. "Yes. Just..."

Remus got the hint and scooted a little to the side on the bench so Regulus could reach the keys without getting too close. Regulus played it again and Remus tried to copy. 

"No, you shouldn’t move your hand,” instructed Regulus. “You just have to stretch your pinkie, then you can reach."

Remus tried but his fingers felt like they were cramping up. 

"Your technique isn't quite right," said Regulus. "You curl your fingers too much." Remus tried again but Regulus interrupted. "No, now they're too flat. Let me show you..." Regulus reached down to model Remus' hand but stopped a few inches away, hesitating.  _You can touch his hand for a few seconds. It isn’t going to burn you,_ he scolded himself, feeling his hand tremble. 

Remus stared as Regulus finally reached down and touched his hand, trying to model his fingers into the right position. Remus gulped and felt his heart skip several beats. Regulus’ fingers sent shivers through Remus’ hand, all the way up to his arm. He had been wondering for so long now how Regulus’ skin would feel against his own, and now he knew. Careful not to startle him, he looked up at him, noticing just how close they were. Quickly he looked back down, trying to focus on how to play the piano and not Regulus’ touch.

Regulus could barely focus on the task at hand. It felt strange. Nice, in fact, but after a few seconds he couldn't tolerate it any longer. "Okay. Try again" 

Remus nodded, having to collect himself for a moment. He did as Regulus had shown him and finally it was there. He beamed up at Regulus. "How was that?"

"Good," said Regulus, although he hadn't really been listening. "Do it again until it comes smoothly."

Remus tried again and again, feeling more and more comfortable with the piano. He couldn’t believe he was actually able to play a song even if it was just a simple children's song. In a way he wished he needed more help, so that perhaps Regulus would touch him again.

"Well, I think that should be enough for today," said Regulus. "You can practise the next time you come." Then he added, "You can stay for dinner if you like."

"I’d like that," smiled Remus.

"Hey, Remus!" said James, popping his head through the door. "Are you going to spend some time with us or are you going to let Regulus hog you all day?"

Remus turned his head, a little startled. "N-no, we're done now, so I’ll join you lads." He reluctantly got up from his seat and sent Regulus a grateful smile. “Thank you for the lesson. I really enjoyed it."

“Yeah, alright,” mumbled Regulus and left the room, sending James an irritated look. 

James looked after him, shaking his head. "I don’t understand what you see in that tosser."

"I guess you don’t have to understand everything," said Remus and picked up his bag.

"So?" asked Sirius when Remus and James came into his room. "How did it go?" He sat on the bed with a lazy dog halfway across his lap.

"It went really well," smiled Remus and sat down in a chair. He gently let a finger run over the back of his hand where Regulus had touched him.

All three gave a start when a loud yelp reached them from somewhere in the corridor. A moment later, a teary-eyed Peter came in, clutching his bleeding nose. 

"What happened?" asked James, although he already knew the answer. 

"I passed him on my way from the toilet and he punched me! I only brushed his shoulder!" snuffled Peter. 

Sirius got up from his seat, pushing Padfoot off. "You know not to touch him," he sighed but felt he had to go have a talk with his brother, so he marched off towards his room, hammering at the door as he reached it. "Regulus!" he called angrily. "Open up!"

"Go away!" sounded the voice from the other side. "It's his own bloody fault! That wanker needs to get some manners and not just push people out of his way!"

"That doesn’t give you the right to ram a fist in his face!" yelled Sirius and banged on the door again. "You could just have told him off instead of assaulting him! This is how you get in trouble at school as well and what lands you so many detentions with McGonagall! "

"I don't care! And I'm not apologizing if that's what you think!"

Sirius gave the door a kick and walked off, cursing.

Remus had made Peter lie down on his back so he could take a look at his nose. 

"Is it broken?" asked James

"No, I don't think do," said Remus and carefully examined the bloody nose. "I'll just go get some paper towels for your nose to stop the bleeding."

"Incredible Remus hasn't been hit yet, with so much time he's spending with him," said James. 

"Well, he's careful not to touch him," said Sirius. "You should know better too, Pete."

"I barely touched him!" insisted Peter. "He's mental! I don't get why he hasn’t been put him in some institution long ago."

Sirius narrowed his eyes and pointed a finger at Peter. "Don’t even joke about that! My brother is not going to be locked up in some cuckoo house!"

Remus came back and noticed Sirius and Peter looking very tense. "I got you the paper towels," he said and handed them to Peter.

"Well," said Sirius and sank into his chair. "Just stay away from him if you want your face to remain intact. Best advice I can give you, mate."

Peter declined staying for dinner when he saw that Regulus was intending to eat with them. Sirius was surprised. Normally Regulus kept to himself for the rest of the day after having had a fall-out with someone, but here he was, sitting down at the table as if he and Sirius hadn't been yelling at each other through his door just an hour ago. 

The mood at the table was a little tense. Sirius was still a little angry with his brother for hitting Peter. Remus had taken a chance and sat down on the chair next to Regulus but keeping a little distance. He wasn’t keen on getting the same treatment as Peter.

"So, Regulus," said James, sounding amused, "Got a sore fist, do you?"

Regulus sent him a glare. "It isn't as though I rammed it into something hard. It was rather soft, actually. That head of his."

Sirius couldn’t help but chuckle a little but then cleared his throat. "That's my friend you're talking about. Try not to hit any more of my friends will you? I’d like to have them over for dinner once in a while and you scared Peter off," Sirius said and stuffed his mouth with mashed potatoes.

"He should show some manners, then," said Regulus, ladling a large spoonful of peas onto his plate. "Perhaps he will remember now."

"Manners?" said James incredulously. "Look who's talking! In what country is it good manners to punch guests in the face just because they happen to brush against you?"

"He wasn't _my_ guest," snapped Regulus.

"No but he was a guest of the house and if you ever manage to get some guests of your own I am pretty sure you wouldn’t want me punching them either!" snapped Sirius.

Regulus pursed his lips and stood up. "I can tell when I'm not wanted, so I’ll leave you to it." He left the dining room without another word, although he would have liked to at least have said goodbye to Remus. 

Sirius made an angry hand gesture. "He drives me mad sometimes," he muttered to his friends.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 – Kreacher Will not Understand**

Regulus opened the door at three o'clock to find Remus standing on the front steps, arms full of equipment: a large easel, rolled up rough paper and well as a bag, no doubt containing brushes and paint. 

"Blimey," said Regulus," eying the things. "How did you get here with all this?"

"Bus," smiled Remus. 

"You should have asked Sirius to drive you. I'm sure Potter could have played that training match without him watching." James was on the school's football team.

"I’m used to taking the bus, although my mum doesn’t like it," said Remus and walked inside. "You want me to do this in your room or do you have another place in mind?"

"We’ll have privacy in my room. I don't want my brother to come home with his friends and make rude comments about Kreacher. Unless you think somewhere else is better?"

"No, no, your room is fine."

Kreacher was lying on the bed, curled into a ball and sleeping soundly. Remus almost felt sorry for the cat that he had to be disturbed.

"So where do you want us?" asked Regulus, carefully picking up Kreacher, who purred when he realised it was Regulus. "In that chair by the window, perhaps?"

"That would be brilliant," said Remus and looked around to see if there was a better spot anywhere but didn’t find one. He put up his equipment and took out paint and brushes.

Regulus sat down with Kreacher. The cat eyed Remus suspiciously but then turned its attention back to Regulus as he scratched it behind the ear. "Are you expecting to finish the whole painting today? Kreacher will not be able to stay in the same position for hours."

"No, no, I'm going to fill in all the details later. I'll take a picture of him to bring home so I can remember his details."

"Oh, alright. Can he lie down like this? I think this is the most comfortable for him."

"He can," smiled Remus. "As long as he keeps his head up. If he lies like that, he will look almost majestic, I think. Like the cats of ancient Egypt." 

Regulus couldn’t help smiling. Sirius would have laugh his head off if he had heard Remus referring to Kreacher as majestic. Regulus knew Kreacher wasn't exactly a beauty, but it still bothered him when people called him ugly, and it felt good when Remus said nice things about him. Nobody else did.

Remus noticed the smile on Regulus' face and felt a warmth spread in his chest. He picked up his pencil to do the sketch before starting to paint. He sat quietly in his seat as he tried to capture the most important details of the cat. He looked up and then returned his gaze to the picture in front of him, sending Regulus a smile whenever they gained eye contact.

Regulus was sitting quite still, only moving his hand once in a while, stroking Kreacher to keep him comfortable, but his insides were in an uproar. The way he felt about Remus, and sitting alone with him like this, so intimately, made it impossible to stand much longer. He had to tell or he would burst. "Remus..."

"Mm?" hummed Remus and looked up from his work. He thought that Regulus looked a little odd all of a sudden and got slightly nervous. "Is something wrong?" he asked and put the pencil down. "Do you need a break?"

“Do you fancy me?" Regulus asked, ignoring Remus' question. 

Remus' eyes went wide, not expecting that question. "F-fancy you?" He gulped, not sure what to say.

Regulus just nodded and kept his eyes fixed on Remus.

Remus rubbed his neck. "I guess I do, but... I don’t intend to pressure you into liking me. I just enjoy your company a lot. I hope that’s alright," he said, feeling very nervous. Was Regulus going to shun him now? Was this the end of their friendship?

"Why haven't you tried anything, then? If you fancy me?"

"B-because you don't like being touched or people even being close to you…" said Remus, for a moment sure that Regulus would ask him to leave.

"So what’s your plan with me, then?" asked Regulus in a neutral tone. "You know that I don't want to be touched. Is your plan to just hang around, being content gawking and fancying me? I don't understand."

Remus dropped his gaze. It did sound rather stupid when Regulus put it like that. "I guess I was kind of hoping you would like me back at some point, and with time would let me touch you. Maybe even... well, I know that’s wishful thinking. Please don't think bad of me," he said, looking back up.

Regulus swallowed. "I think I'm gay. And I know I like you. A lot."

"W-what?" said Remus, not sure he had heard right. "Really?" He pinched himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. He took a few steps towards Regulus. "Would… would it be okay if I went to sit next to you?"

Regulus stiffened and leaned a bit away. Kreacher sent Remus a displeased look. "I like it better when you're sitting opposite me."

"Alright. I'll stay in my chair," said Remus and sat back down. "What makes you think you’re gay? I mean, you haven't been with anyone. How sure are you?”

"I just know. Isn't it something you just know? Did you have to be intimate with someone before knowing?"

"Well... no," said Remus, feeling stupid for asking. He sent him a small smile. "I’m really glad to hear that you like me. Because I like you a whole lot too. Like I already told you."

"It doesn't matter, anyway," sighed Regulus. "You should find someone else to pursue. I can't be your boyfriend."

"Why not?" Remus asked and felt his heart sink. "I like you and you like me."

"Because I can't do the things boyfriends do," said Regulus. He suddenly felt tears well up in his eyes. He got up, hugging Kreacher to his chest and left the room with a mumbled, "Sorry..." hoping to God Remus hadn't noticed the tears.

Remus stared at the empty doorway, feeling a knot form in his stomach. When Regulus hadn't come back fifteen minutes later, Remus packed up and left, not waiting for Sirius to come home. 

**o0o0o**

"Hello, luv," said Mrs. Lupin when Remus came in. "Oh, you should have called me and had me pick you up with all that!" she said, eying Remus' equipment. 

"It’s alright,” said Remus, hanging his head, not really wanting to look at his mother. His body was a turmoil of emotions. First Regulus had said that he liked him, giving him hope, and then he had rejected him. 

"What's wrong, luv?" said Mrs Lupin worriedly, immediately noticing that something wasn’t right, took the easel out of his hands, put it down and sat him on the couch. 

Remus rubbed his neck and kept his head down, still not wanting to look at her, afraid that he might start crying if he did. "Just... Regulus said he liked me and that he’s gay..." he mumbled. "But then he said that we couldn't ever be together."

"Remus, dear," she said and pulled him into a hug. "Why are you upset? This means that you have a chance with him!"

Remus laid his head against her shoulder. "He said that we couldn’t be together, Mum, so I don’t know what to do now. He told me to find someone else and then he left."

"Remus, dear," she said and ran her hand softly over his hair like she had done a million times to comfort him when he was ill. "He's just scared. This must terrify him, with the problems he's having with himself. But he's attracted to you and he admitted it. That means you have a real chance."

"You really think so?" said Remus, looking up at his mother for the first time. “What if he won’t even talk to me now? I mean, he left me sitting there, and he didn’t come back."

"If he told you how he feels, it means that he likes you a lot. He left because he's scared. What did he say exactly?"

"He said that he couldn't do what boyfriends were supposed to do and then he left."

"Good. That means he wants to be with you, Remus, but he doesn't think he can handle it. Why don't you try to talk to him? Tell him that you would like to try being his boyfriend, and that it doesn't have to be a big deal. Tell him he doesn't have to feel like he has to let you touch him; that you will be happy with just being with him and see where it goes. And that you won't blame him if he never gets around to want to get physical."

Remus nodded. "I guess I could try that… He seemed to have made up his mind, though, but I’ll try and talk to him tomorrow if I can get him on his own for a moment."

"There's a good boy," she said and patted his cheek. "Have some faith in yourself. Look how far you’ve come with him already - Sirius said you had made him do things he never used to do. You got him to visit our home, for instance. And he let you into his room. Didn't you say that was something he only allowed Sirius to do?"

"Yeah, he did say that… and Regulus also touched my hand the other day," said Remus and couldn't help but smile at the memory. "Thanks, Mum... Thanks for not telling me to just move on."

She smiled, a mixture of encouragement and worry. "I wish you had fallen for someone less complicated, because I want things to go your way for once in your life, but since this is the boy you want, then I'm behind you. Be patient with him. Well, who am I to give you advice? You've already used the right approach so far, I'm sure if anyone can do it, it's you."

**o0o0o**

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" Remus asked Regulus as he caught up with him in the hallway at school. He sent Regulus a smile to let him know he wasn't upset about the day before.

Regulus looked around quickly but didn't stop walking. "Is it a pressing matter?" 

"Just about our talk yesterday. I want to ask you a couple of questions. It won't take long so if you would please just hear me out for a minute or two," Remus said, following him.

Regulus stopped, taking another look around. "Okay. But not here. You can come to my house after school." 

**o0o0o**

Regulus sat in his room waiting for Remus to arrive. He had regretted agreeing to talk, but it had been the easiest way to get Remus to leave him alone in school. 

Remus arrived around three and went up to knock on Regulus' door. When Regulus said "come in," he opened the door gently and went inside. "Hi," he said and pulled up a chair to sit down. There was quiet for a while after Regulus had said hi back. Remus felt nervous. "Well... I just... I wanted to talk about yesterday. I want you to give me a chance.”

Regulus looked back at him blankly. "Why? I told you I couldn't do the boyfriend things. I just can't."

"And I know that," said Remus. "I won’t pressure you to do anything with me. You might at some point let me touch you, but if you don’t, then that’s okay. I know what I am getting into. I just want to be with you." Remus paused for a second, still looking sincerely at Regulus. "You said you liked me a lot. Don’t you want to see where this could go?"

Regulus was quiet for a second. "I would feel like I was leading you on. You deserve better. You're nice and good looking, it should be easy for you to find someone else."

"I don't want anyone else," said Remus, leaning a bit forward. "We could just see how it goes and take it from there?"

Regulus wrung his hands. He very much wanted to say yes. "But what kinds of things would we be doing, then?"

"Spend time together and get to know each other better. Who knows what the future holds and what will happen," smiled Remus.

Regulus swallowed. "Alright. But don't expect anything, yeah?"

"I won't," beamed Remus, his heart leaping with joy.

"Ok. Could we not tell the others? I don't want them to snoop."

"They’ll wonder why we’re together so much.” 

"Tell them we're just friends, then."

"Okay," agreed Remus, still smiling from ear to ear. He was actually dating Regulus Black! He knew he would have his work cut out for him, having to resist even touching him. He would just have to see how things went.

**o0o0o**

"Someone's looking happy," said Mrs. Lupin, looking up from the TV, when Remus came home with a huge smile on his face.

He dropped down beside her. "He agreed on going out with me! But he made me promise not to tell anyone, so you don’t know anything," he said as he turned his head to look at his mother, the smile not leaving his face.

"Oh, darling, that's wonderful!" she beamed and gave him a hug. "So how did you convince him?"

"I followed your advice. I asked him if he didn't want to at least see where it could go and that I didn't expect anything from him. It feels weird not being able to touch him, though, but I promised him I wouldn't."

"Well, I'm sure you can charm your way in on him. And you do have the patience of an angel."

"What're you talking about?" said Mr. Lupin coming out from the bathroom. "Who's an angel?"

"Your son. He got a new boyfriend. Isn't it wonderful?"

"Oh you do, do you?" said Mr. Lupin and smiled at Remus. "Who is the lucky chap?"

"It's... it's Regulus from school. You know, Sirius' brother."

"The messed up kid?" said Mr. Lupin in surprise.

“He’s not that messed up,” Remus objected. “He’s a good person.”

“I’m sure he is,” smiled Mr. Lupin. “Otherwise you wouldn’t fancy him.”

"I wish he would accept help from a good therapist," said Mrs. Lupin. "I'm sure professional help would improve his condition a lot. Don't you think you can talk him into it?"

"Sirius told me his parents are dragging him to another therapist, but that it won’t make a difference because Regulus refuses co-operate.”

 “Yes, of course it will only help if he chooses to go of his own free will. You cannot force therapy on someone,” said Mrs. Lupin

"I’ll try and talk to him about it when we have been together longer," Remus agreed. "I can’t believe that he agreed on dating me," he beamed and put a hand to his forehead.

**o0o0o**

"You have your first appointment with Doctor Pfeiffer tomorrow at half past one," informed Mrs. Black as they were eating dinner one night. "So you come home early. I've already informed the school."

Regulus pretended he didn't hear her. There was no use in fighting. He knew they were not going to let him get out of this.

"Doctor Pfeiffer is supposed to be one of the finest therapist in the city,” continued Mrs. Black as if Regulus had made a protest, “and he will cure your nonsense behaviour, before this gets even more out of hand. And you will cooperate this time, Mr," she continued, pointing at her youngest son. "You answer his questions and you do as he says."

"Give me the address and I’ll go straight there from school," said Regulus. 

"Oh, no you don't," said his mother. "I'm driving you myself to make sure you're actually going. And I want to speak with him first."

Sirius sighed. Every time they tried to send Regulus to a therapist it ended up the same way. Lots of yelling and screaming and Regulus only getting worse. 

"Try and actually talk to this bloke," said Sirius when they went upstairs. "It might do you some good."

"How would getting brainwashed do me any good?"

"I’m pretty sure he isn’t going to brainwash you. Look, they just want you to get better so you don't have to be so bloody scared of everything."

"Who's _they_? Mum and Dad?" Regulus snorted. "They don't care if I get 'better'. They just want me to act normal so I'm no trouble."

"Well _I_ want you to get better," said Sirius in a sharp tone. "It’s not exactly easy watching you live your life like this."

**o0o0o**

Sirius was awoken in the middle of the night by Regulus slamming open the door and rushing into his room. "Wake up! It's Kreacher! He's ill! We need to drive him to the vet!" he cried agitatedly.

"What?" said Sirius and rubbed his eye, not really taking in the information. "How ill?" he asked as he finally realised what Regulus was saying.

"I think he's got a fever and he's staggering around like a drunkard!"

"You sure he's not just being Kreacher?" asked Sirius and got up. "Alright, go get him and I’ll get dressed.”

Regulus was near paralysed with fear when he stood watching the vet examine his cat. Kreacher had been his only friend since childhood and he couldn't bear the thought of losing him. "Is he going to be alright? You can cure him, right? Cure him!"

“He very likely has an infection,” said the vet, pulling Kreacher’s lips back to bare the gums. “I will need a blood sample to determine which.”

Regulus held Kreacher still and calm while the vet drew a blood sample. It was very uncomfortable standing so close, but he forced himself to suffer it for Kreacher's sake. Then the vet disappeared to process and study the sample. He returned fifteen minutes later, looking serious. Regulus forgot to breathe while staring at the vet, waiting for the verdict.

“It is not a complicated infection to cure, but his CRP values are very high, so I need to keep him here until his fever drops and the CRP values go down significantly."

"Why can't I take him home?” asked Regulus. “I will give him all the medicine he needs - and he will be much more comfortable at home."

The vet shook his head. "His condition is too precarious. I want to keep an eye on him and put an IV on him to make sure he gets liquids enough."

"But I can get him to drink," protested Regulus. 

"Reggie," said Sirius and carefully placed a hand on his shoulder. "The vet knows what’s best for Kreacher, so if he says Kreacher needs to stay here, then that’s what we have to do."

"No. Kreacher would be very unhappy here," said Regulus and scooped the cat up in his arms. "I can't abandon him here with strangers."

"His infection could turn worse if he doesn’t get expert supervision and the right treatment," said the vet. "I promise we will take good care of him and you will have him back in a couple of days."

Regulus hugged Kreacher harder to his chest, torn between two evils: Fear of losing Kreacher and fear of leaving him with the vet. "He would feel like I abandoned him," he repeated. 

"He will understand and you will have him back in a couple of days," repeated the vet. 

"Kreacher will  _not_  understand. He doesn't like people and he has been with me ever since I found him when he was little."

"Well what do you want to do, then?” said Sirius in a harsh tone. “He might die if he doesn’t get the right treatment, and he needs to be her for that!"

"I'll stay here with Kreacher, then," said Regulus determinedly, although he knew the vet was unlikely to allow that.  

"Yeah, Mum and Dad are just gonna love if you do that and skip your appointment tomorrow," said Sirius and started to walk around in circles. 

"I can't allow you to stay here, but you can come and visit him in our opening hours," said the vet, reaching out for Kreacher. "Now let me take him so he can get better."

Regulus turned his back to the vet, getting Kreacher out of his reach. He wanted Kreacher to get well, yes, but the thought of him being left all alone in a strange place was too much to bear. 

"Regulus, give Kreacher to the vet!" ordered Sirius, stepping in front of his brother.

"Maybe we should get a second opinion. Maybe this vet doesn't know what he's doing," said Regulus to Sirius as if the vet wasn't there.

"Who else do you want to ask? It’s the middle of the night and this is the only clinic close by that’s open. Also - he took good care of Padfoot when he cut his paw on that piece of glass, so I think he is good enough," said Sirius. "Just trust him."

"Cats are more delicate than dogs and this isn't just a cut in the paw!" argued Regulus. 

"Your cat needs treatment now," said the vet, running out of patience. "Give him to me or go somewhere else. I got out of a warm bed to help you and if you don't want my help, I'll be going back to that bed."

Regulus gulped. "It's just that... Kreacher has never been left somewhere before. He will think I abandoned him."

“Reggie, be reasonable!” said Sirius. "Give Kreacher to the vet so he can get his treatment started!"

Regulus hesitated for a moment and then said, "Alright. But I want to be with him when you put in the IV."

When the IV was in place, the vet lead Regulus and Sirius into the back where they kept the animals. "Put him in there," he said and showed Regulus a cage with a cat bed, a bowl of water and a litterbox.

"A cage?" exclaimed Regulus. "You want to put Kreacher in a cage?"

"We have to, so he doesn’t run away. He will be perfectly fine. He will be sleeping most of the time so he won't notice."

"What if I pay more? Can you put him somewhere nicer? Maybe in your own house."

The vet looked a little surprised and then shook his head. "That’s against policy. It's only for a couple of days and all the other pets are fine here. See?" He looked around at the other animals, some sleeping and some standing against the bars and looking curiously at the newcomers. 

"Well, Kreacher is used to better," said Regulus. "This is like a prison."

"This is the best we got for him,” snapped the vet.

“Regulus!” growled Sirius, finally losing his patience. “Put him in that bloody cage!

"I don't trust that vet," sulked Regulus as they drove home. "There was something fishy about him."

"There’s nothing fishy about that vet," said Sirius and yawned. "You're just not comfortable with leaving Kreacher somewhere. But like the vet said, he’ll be sleeping mostly anyway. Relax, okay? Kreacher is going to be fine."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 – I Don’t Have to Prove Anything**

Regulus got up before anyone else in the house and rode his bike in the dark to the animal clinic. He waited on the doorsteps an hour for it to open. "How is Kreacher?" he asked as soon as a vet assistant unlocked the door. The assistant looked baffled and before she could say anything Regulus had pushed past her and steered into the room with the cages. To his relief he found Kreacher sleeping. "Kreacher?" he called. 

The cat opened his eyes and looked up, meowing hoarsely when he saw Regulus. He tried to get up but Regulus quickly opened the door to the cage and stopped him. “Best lie down, Kreacher," he said as he gently ran a hand over the cat's sparse fur, "or the IV will come out."

“You have been very worried about him, yes?” smiled the assistant, coming into the room. “He’s doing alright, as you see.”

The veterinarian arrived ten minutes later. "Did that brown cat come in last night?" asked the assistant.

"Yes," said the vet. "They came in with him around three o'clock. A boy and his older brother." He looked past his assistant and spotted Regulus standing with his hand in the cage. "Is he already back?" he asked surprised. 

"Yes. I think he's been waiting outside for a long time. He looked freezing. He sure loves his cat."

"He sure does," sighed the vet. "I best be looking in on Kreacher, then." He walked into the back room and sent Regulus a friendly smile. "Well, shall we have a look at Kreacher this morning?" he asked and reached into the cage. 

The cat looked very displeased and tried to crawl out to Regulus. Regulus took him out without asking permission. Kreacher let out a hiss in the direction of the vet.

The vet took out a syringe and drew a small blood sample from Kreacher while Regulus held him. "Do you want me to get you a chair so you can sit with him?" he asked. "Just for a short while. He needs his rest, but you can stay for a few minutes."

"I'm not going anywhere," said Regulus determinedly. "I'm staying as long as the clinic is open."

"Don't you have school? And I thought your brother said you had an appointment today?"

"Oh," said Regulus, not looking at the man. "It's not that important."

Kreacher lay curled up on Regulus’ lap, sleeping peacefully, when the vet came back in. "Well, I looked at the blood samples and it's going the right way. I will keep him another day, though, just to be safe."

Around noon the assistant asked Regulus if he wasn't hungry and if she could get him something. Regulus declined although his stomach was rumbling. He hadn't remembered to bring his own lunch or even have breakfast.

Two hours later, Sirius walked in, looking angry but relieved. "You know how much trouble I got in for not knowing where you were this morning? And I can’t imagen the trouble _you_ are gonna be in if you stay away from that shrink appointment."

"I don't have to go today," said Regulus, looking up at his brother, Kreacher sleeping on his lap. "This is a medical emergency. They'll understand."

Sirius snorted and crossed his arms. "They wouldn't understand even if it had been _you_ in the hospital."

"You didn't have to come. Don't you have lessons you're missing?"

"This is more important. I want to make sure you aren’t getting into more trouble than you're already in with Mum." Sirius looked around at the other pets. "Any news on Kreacher? When can you take him home?"

"He's improving. The vet wants to keep him until tomorrow but I'm going to take him home today."

"If the vet says he has to stay till tomorrow, then let him stay till tomorrow, Reggie," said Sirius, looking strict. "No point in risking him getting ill again, and I’m not in the mood for driving to the vet at three in the morning once more."

Regulus reluctantly let his brother lead him out of the clinic and into the car.

**o0o0o**

An agitated Mrs. Black met them in the hall. "What kind of time is this?" she said, tapping her watch. "We should have left ten minutes ago! I'm not arriving late, so get your behind into the car!"

They arrived at the therapist's office only two minutes late but Mrs. Black made a big deal out of it, even though the assistant behind the desk said that it was fine and that they were running a bit behind schedule anyway. When Regulus was called in, Mrs. Black told him to stay put so she could talk to Doctor Pfeifer first. She came out ten minutes later, looking irritated. She had wanted to stay, but the doctor wanted to see Regulus alone.

Regulus walked in and sat down on a chair, pushing it a few feet further away from where the doctor was sitting, and folded his arms across his chest. 

“So, Regulus," said the doctor and smiled at him amicably, picking up a notepad that he had already written something on. "Your mother tells me you have a lot of fears."

"She does? I thought I was just misbehaving."

"She said you have many fears. For example of being touched?" The doctor peered over his spectacles at Regulus, ready to take notes.

"I don't have a problem with being touched."

"You don't?" The doctor looked a little curious. "You wouldn’t mind shaking my hand, then? A formal introduction."

Regulus stiffened in his seat. "I don't have to prove anything."

"No you don’t, but I would like for you to shake my hand, and if you’re not afraid of touch that shouldn’t be a problem for you. Or is it that you don't want to be honest with me? I am not here to judge you."

"I don't like shaking people's hands because it's a nasty custom. Scientists agree on this. Illnesses are spread that way - people cough into their hand one minute and the next they're shaking somebody else's hand."

"I see," said the doctor and wrote something on his pad. "And you’re very focused on germs and how they are spread?"

"I'm not obsessive, if that's what you think. I'm just conscious about it. Most people don't think about these things and they get ill easily. I'm just clean and sensible. Is it a mental illness having a good hygiene? If it is, then I'm perfectly fine with being mentally ill."

The doctor sat contemplating Regulus silently for a whole minute, making Regulus very uncomfortable. He could practically feel the eyes touching him. Finally the doctor spoke. “I’m curious whether your major issue is germs or physical contact. I would like for you to be honest with me so I can help you with whatever struggles you might have. You don’t need to worry about your mother. I have duty of confidentiality."

"I don't need help with anything. I'm perfectly fine."

"I don’t think you are," said the therapist. "Since you did not want to shake my hand, I’m going to ask if you will do it if I disinfect my hands first?"

"No," said Regulus, tightening his crossed arms a little harder. 

"And why not? If you don’t have a problem with touch that shouldn't be an issue.”

"I'm not afraid of touching people, I just don't want to touch _you_."

"I see. And do you not want to touch other people, either? For example people at school? Your mother said you get into fights over nothing at school."

"She wouldn't know. She's always away on business. I don't fight more than the average student."

"Mm," nodded the therapist. "And what about doctors and such? Your mother tells me you act out if you have to go to the doctor’s? Any specific reason?"

"I don’t have a problem with doctors. Only the kind that snoops in my mind,” Regulus said, looking pointedly at the doctor. “And again, she wouldn't know. She never takes me. My big brother does."

The doctor kept going for another half hour, trying to pressure Regulus into telling him something, but little did it do. Regulus just sat there and made snappy replies, not telling the therapist anything he could use.

"Well... I think that is it for today. I will give you a new appointment next week. Same time as today."

"What? We've already discussed what there is to discuss. I don't have anything else to say, so that would be a waste of time," said Regulus and got up.

"I still think we have things to discuss," said the doctor. "But we will see next week."

**o0o0o**

"So - did you tell the doctor about your problems so he can help you become normal?" Mrs. Black’s eyes were glinting with expectation as she unlocked the car.

"He said it was no big deal. He said that you sounded a bit uptight, actually, and that you should mellow out a bit," said Regulus, stopping by the car. He knew talking back was not a smart move, but he couldn't help himself; he was angry that she insisted on him going, especially now Kreacher needed him. 

His mother narrowed her eyes. "What did you say?" she hissed and went around the car, grabbing him by the arm. "You  _will_ behave and you  _will_ start to respect me! Get past this silly phase and become a normal human being!" She let go of his arm in and opened the passenger door. "Now get in!"

"No!" yelled Regulus, his heart hammering in his throat from the shock of being grabbed. "I'd rather walk!" He turned on his heel and headed at a brisk walk down the pavement, hoping she wouldn't follow him.

But his mother slammed the door and ran after him, her high heels echoing on the pavement and she grabbed him yet again. "You will do as I say!" she snarled and gave him a violent shake.

Before he could think, he pushed her away roughly so she staggered back, nearly falling. Then he stormed off, running as fast as he could, not caring where he was going. Why couldn't she just learn not to grab him? How many times had she experienced a violent reaction when she did it?

**o0o0o**

Remus was walking down the street, shuffling some papers around in his bag and almost walked into someone who came sprinting around the corner.

"Oh, sorry," he said. Then he recognised the boy. "Regulus?" he said in surprise.

Regulus looked at him wild-eyed for a second, then calmed down. "Oh, it's you. What are you doing here?" 

"I was just at Ollivander’s to pick up my pay check. His shop is right around the corner," smiled Remus. "What are you doing here? I thought you were with Kreacher?"

"I was. Until my mother took me to a stupid shrink appointment. I'm going back to the vet now, but I was so mad at her that I didn't want to ride with her home. I guess I will have to call Sirius to have him come drive me. Unless the clinic is within walking distance. I'm not even sure where I am."

“I don’t know what clinic he’s at but I could wait with you until Sirius comes to pick you up?" offered Remus. "We could grab a cup of tea to keep us warm. There’s a café right there," he said and pointed across the street.

"No, that's alright. I don't want anything, but we can sit and wait here," he said, pointing to a bench. He found what the cleanest part of the bench and sat down, careful not to touch it with his hands. Remus sat down a few feet from him. Regulus pulled out his mobile and called his brother. "Do you mind coming to get me? I need to get back to Kreacher and it’s quite far from here. I'm sitting across from some café named Roberto's on Winston street. I couldn't ride home with the old hag. She got violent. Oh, and could you bring me something to eat? I haven't had anything since last night. And a large bottle of water."

When Regulus had hung up, Remus asked a little hesitantly, "You said your mother got violent with you? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. She just has this annoying habit of trying to jerk off my arm when she gets angry. She dragged me to that shrink. She's convinced there's something wrong with me and I have to be fixed. She should mind her own business."

Remus just nodded but looked concerned. It would seem that Regulus truly didn't want any help. "As long as you’re okay," he decided to say. 

Regulus glanced at Remus. It was nice sitting here with him and suddenly he felt like sitting closer. He stood up, pretending he needed to stretch and sat back down, closer to Remus this time, trying to make it look random. 

Remus looked a little surprised and felt a warmth spread in his chest. It was nice to sit like this and he felt like it was a step in the right direction.

Their arms were touching. They were both wearing winter jackets so that was okay for Regulus. He couldn't remember when he had last sat this close to somebody without being close to panic. It had been Sirius, no doubt. He was the only one to whom he could tolerate this kind of proximity.

Remus looked up at the sky, which was grey with clouds. "I think winter is coming, don’t you? The weather is cold enough soon for snow." He wanted desperately to take Regulus' hand, but he didn’t want to push it.

"Yes. Well it is December, so technically it already is winter." They were quiet for a minute. "Remus? Could I... Do you have an extra bed?"

Remus looked over at him, a little puzzled. "We have a camp bed. Why do you ask?"

"Could I sleep at your house tonight? I don't want to go home. My mother is livid. Tomorrow they're off on another business trip and when they come home maybe she will have forgotten about it. Cooled off, at least."

Remus' eyes widened. Regulus wanted to stay at his house? "Sure you can stay! You’re always welcome at my house."

Sirius’ new second-hand Porsche honked and pulled up to the curb. "I'm staying at Remus' tonight," informed Regulus when his brother got out of the car. "I don't want to face Mother. It could get ugly."

Sirius looked very surprised but then nodded. “Well, I can't say that I blame you. She’s furious. I had to sneak out to take the car. So how do you wanna do it?” he continued, looking from one to the other. “You want to visit Kreacher first, I reckon. You need me to get something? Like clothes for tomorrow?”

"Yes, clean clothes, and a set of bedding and toilet bag. And... what about food, Remus?"

"My mum only buys organic food. She doesn’t want me to ingest pesticides or artificial additives."

Sirius grinned. "Your mum is as bad as Regulus. They are going to get along just fine!"

"Okay. I don’t eat red meat or fish, though. Or fatty foods."

“I think I’ll go straight home and figure out about the food,” said Remus. “I don’t live far from here. Was on my way home when I ran into Regulus, actually. Perhaps you could drive Regulus to my place when you’re done getting his things and visiting Kreacher?”

 “Sounds like a plan,” said Sirius. “I’ll drop you off at the clinic, Reggie, and then pick you up again when I’ve fetched your stuff.”

**o0o0o**

"Oh, Remus, could you run down to the grocery store and buy some potatoes? I forgot them when I was out shopping," said Mrs. Lupin when Remus came home. 

"Sure, but Mum," he said and walked over to her. "Regulus asked if he could come and stay the night.”

"Regulus wants to stay over?" said his mother, nearly dropping what she was holding. "That's quite out of the blue! I mean he hasn't even agreed to meet your father and me yet. But of course he can. He's more than welcome!"

"Well... He had a falling out with his mother and didn’t want to go home, so he asked if he could stay here." Remus looked at the groceries and then at his mother. "What are we having?"

"Cod and steamed veggies. And baked potatoes, once you’ve bought them," she smiled. "You know you should have fish at least twice a week. You need the omega-3 oils."

"Could we make a piece of chicken for Regulus? I can buy it when I get the potatoes."

"He doesn't eat fish? But that's very healthy. I would have thought he would like that."

"He has this idea that fish are full of chemicals."

**o0o0o**

Sirius picked up Regulus when the clinic was closing. Regulus was close to asking him to take him home instead, that he had changed his mind, because the thought of sleeping over at somebody else's house was terrifying. Almost more than his furious mother. But Remus would be disappointed. Regulus had seen how his eyes had lit up when he asked if he could stay. 

"Tell Remus I'll pick you lot up tomorrow morning for school,” said Sirius as he stopped to let his brother out.

Regulus stood for a moment at the front door, very close to running back to stop Sirius and ask him to take him home, but the image of Remus' crestfallen face stopped him. 

A beaming Remus opened the door. "Come in!" He stepped aside and let Regulus in. "How was Kreacher?"

"Better. But he didn't understand why I left him there... I'm going there straight in the morning to pick him up," said Regulus, untying his shoelaces. 

"So you're not coming to school tomorrow either?"

Cleo strolled into the narrow hallway and rubbed herself against Regulus' leg. Regulus jumped but relaxed when he saw it was the cat and bent to pick it up. "School is not important. I learn from my books, not school." Cleo rubbed her head against Regulus' chin and gave it a lick.

"She really likes you," smiled Remus and stroked the cat's head, careful not to touch Regulus.

"I'm a cat person," said Regulus. "Are… are your parents home?"

"Yes. Mum’s in the kitchen preparing dinner. My dad is in the living room, watching telly. He had a long day at work. Started at five and just got home."

"Do they... know about... us?"

Remus nodded. "Yeah. I’m sorry, I couldn’t hide if from my mum. She knows me too well. I hope you’re not mad.”

Regulus started sweating. He wished he didn't have to face Remus' parents. How were they going to act, knowing they were together? What were they expecting?"

Mrs. Lupin stuck her head out from the doorway to the kitchen. "I thought I heard someone come in," she smiled. "Hello, Regulus. Welcome to our home. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes."

Regulus followed Remus upstairs to put his things in his room. Ten minutes later they went back downstairs to the dinner table.

Mrs. Lupin had placed a plate in front of Regulus with a piece of chicken on it. "You can just help yourself to potatoes and veggies as much as you like," she smiled.

"So, Regulus," said Mr. Lupin. "Remus tells me your cat is ill. Is he doing better?"

"Yes, he's better. I'm taking him home tomorrow. Your house is close to the clinic, that's why I asked Remus if I could stay here," said Regulus, not wanting to tell them the real reason in case Remus hadn't already told them. He put the chicken and some vegetables on his plate but hesitated before taking a bite. "Is everything organic?"

"Oh yes," said Mrs. Lupin. "Remus’ immune system needs to be protected from anything potentially damaging, so I always buy organic food.”

Remus dropped his head. He felt so fragile whenever his mother talked about his condition like that. 

"Well, you're quite right," agreed Regulus. "Especially with the meat. Conventionally produced meat is full of medicine and antibiotics. It's poison to the immune system.”

Mrs. Lupin nodded and smiled. "See what I told you," she said and turned to Mr. Lupin. "Poison to the immune system. "You're a very smart boy," she smiled at Regulus. "And you can go ahead and eat the food. I guarantee that it's all organic and prepared with impeccable hygiene."

Regulus decided to trust her and started eating. He figured there was no reason for her to lie about the food and he was starving, having barely had a bite all day. 

Mr. Lupin was looking a Regulus curiously throughout dinner. He had been told by both his wife and Remus to give Regulus some space but it was difficult when he was so curious. "You look a lot like your brother," he said. 

"Er... Yes, I've heard that before," mumbled Regulus. 

Mr. Lupin smiled and took a gulp of water. "Good looking bloke, Sirius. Of course you are too, since I just said you looked like him. Nice catch, Remus,” he grinned.

Regulus gulped and stared down at his plate. He wasn't used to anybody knowing he was gay. Not even his brother knew. 

"You should come by more often. It’s nice to keep an eye on the boy our son is dating."

Remus could have hidden under the table in embarrassment of his father's lack of tact.

"Give the boy a break, Lyall," reprimanded Mrs. Lupin.

“I was joking,” said Mr. Lupin, holding up a hand.

Remus leaned in a little closer to Regulus and whispered "Sorry about that."

“Well, you’re not funny,” said Mrs. Lupin, sending her husband another stern look. 

Mr. Lupin looked a little taken aback and then returned to eating. "So how old are you, Regulus?" he asked a moment later. 

"Er... sixteen..." mumbled Regulus.

"Really? I thought maybe you were younger. You don't look sixteen."

"Dad..." said Remus.

"I'll be seventeen in June," mumbled Regulus. Normally he would deal with uncomfortable social situations like this with lashing out verbally, but this was Remus' father, and he didn't want to upset Remus by offending his parents.

"Tell us how Ollivander is doing, Remus," asked Mrs. Lupin.

"He’s doing fine," said Remus, grateful that his mother changed the subject. "He asked if I could work a few days around the holidays because it’s usually very busy around that time."

**o0o0o**

"I've had it with that damned boy," said Mrs. Black when she told her husband about the psychiatrist appointment. "He's out of control. Raced down the street as if fleeing from a lion or something. You should have seen the people staring at us. So embarrassing."

"I hope this doctor will be able to set him straight," said Mr. Black and looked up from his newspaper. "He is too old to be put in a mental institution."

"Can't we have him involuntarily committed? Adults can be committed too, by their family."

"Yes, but that’s a very difficult procedure. I talked to a lawyer about it, and he said you can only commit somebody if there is clear proof that they are dangerous to themselves or others."

Mrs. Black poured herself a nightcap. "What have we done to be stuck with such a child? People at the street thought I was abusing him with the way he behaved. It was so embarrassing. He can just wait until he comes back home!” She clenched a fist. “Then I will give him reason to flee from me."

"He isn't home yet?" asked Mr. Black and looked at his watch. "Where is he? He's never out this late."

"I have no idea where he is," said Mrs. Black. "But he will come home soon, I’m sure. His bizarre habits will not allow him to stay out all night."

"But how did the actual conversation with the psychiatrist go?"

"I don't know. The little devil had the nerve to tell me the doctor had said that  _I_  was the problem! That I’m uptight and ought to loosen up!" said Mrs. Black. "I swear to you, I have no idea how that child got so out of control. I thought we had raised him better. He and Sirius are nothing alike."

"They certainly aren't. Although they both lack respect for us. We must have been too soft on them. Sirius has his good sides, yes, but he can be insolent and disrespectful, you know that very well."

"Yes, I know,” sighed Mrs. Black. “But there’s hope for Sirius. He knows how to behave, it's just a matter of when he chooses to do it.”

“He’s still very immature,” grumbled Orion. “He’s bound to grow up sooner or later, I suppose. He better hurry up."

“He has been doing a good job helping out with his brother lately,” said Walburga. “He is the only one who has some kind of control over him. If it hadn't been for him, Regulus wouldn't have come home so we could go to the therapist. Sirius found him and picked him up."

"Did he, now?" said Mr. Black, looking up at his wife. "Then he likely knows where he is at this moment. We should call him down."

Mrs. Black went into the hall and called Sirius’ room on the intercom. "Sirius!" she yelled into the speaker when he finally answered. "Come down here - your father wants to talk to you!"

Sirius sighed and turned off his music and went downstairs. "What do you want?” he asked, walking into the drawing room, irritated to have been called down like a servant.

"Your brother has not come home. Do you know where he is?" asked Orion.

"No. Maybe out running or something," said Sirius. "Why would I know where he is? Regulus prefers his own company." He looked at his father with a bored expression, trying to act as casual as he could. He had promised Regulus to cover for him and he intended to do so.

"You knew where he was earlier," Walburga pointed out. 

"I knew where he was after school because he had told me. I haven’t seen him after the shrink," lied Sirius. "It's not my job to keep tabs on him. That should be yours, and it would probably be easier for you if you showed him a little consideration and understanding."

"Consideration?" spat Walburga as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Until that boy shows _us_ some consideration he will not get any in return! And watch your mouth, young man!"

Sirius just shook his head and folded his arms. "No wonder he doesn’t tell you anything. But to answer your question again: no I don’t know where he is. Probably found a place to hide for the night so he could avoid getting his head ripped off."

"You best start to shape up, Sirius," said Orion in a warning tone. “We will not stand for your cheek! You're a role model for your little brother, and the way you're talking to us certainly doesn't teach him how to show respect!"

"Well I learned from the best. It’s not like you lot show us any respect either. You treat us like we’re your property, not human beings. How am I supposed to show you any respect when you give me no reason to do so?"

Mrs. Black jumped to her feet. "And I was just sitting praising your good qualities to your father. Well, you certainly know how to remind me of your bad ones! You're a spoiled rotten child, is what you are!" 

By the end of the tirade she was screaming, and Mr. Black left the room, knowing from years of experience that this was the start of one of his wife and son's screaming matches, and he preferred to get out of earshot. 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 – Just a Small One**

Remus took Regulus up to his room after dinner so they could be alone. He sat down on the bed and stroked the sleeping cat lying curled up on the duvet. "I'm really sorry my dad asked so many questions. He lacks social skills sometimes," he explained and sent Regulus an apologetic smile.

"Yes, he was rather nosey," commented Regulus, who was more than relieved to have escaped the dinner table. He had managed to behave, but his anxiety had become harder to control by the minute. 

"Do you want to sit down?"

Regulus hesitated for a moment, then sat down on the other side of Cleo. Their gazes met and although Regulus suddenly felt embarrassed, he couldn't look away. Remus’ eyes were a warm shade of dark amber. Regulus couldn't remember ever having seen quite that eye colour before. 

"I’m glad you wanted to stay over," said Remus. He scooted a little closer so the only thing keeping them from sitting flush against each other was Cleo.

Regulus couldn't get any words out so he just nodded. He could feel the warmth radiating from Remus’ and his eyes finally left his face, trailing down his body to his hand that was resting on Cleo. He was wearing short sleeves and on its own accord Regulus’ hand slowly reached out and touched Remus’ lower arm. Feeling the warm skin, Regulus slowly ran his hand down the arm. 

Remus gulped, afraid to move for fear of spooking Regulus. "Regulus?" When the boy didn't look up, Remus took a deep breath, building up the courage to ask. "Can... can I kiss you?"

Regulus' eyes snapped up to Remus' face, looking shocked, as he jerked his hand back. "N-no. I can't do that."

"Okay," said Remus, regretting that he had asked, since Regulus had now removed his hand. "I promise I won't touch you..."

"No," said Regulus, shaking his head. It was strange. A part of him was longing to kiss Remus; had done for a while, in fact, but a stronger part was resisting fervently, screaming about saliva and germs. 

"Okay. I understand," smiled Remus, reaching out to gently touch Regulus' hand. What had he been thinking? That Regulus, who was barely all right with touching yet, would be ready to kiss?

Regulus swallowed and looked at Remus’ hand on his own. He resisted the urge to pull away again and instead opened his hand and curled his fingers around Remus', then resting their joined hands on Cleo, who was sleeping comfortably between them. It wasn't as scary as Regulus thought it would be, and although the voice inside him was still protesting, it became weaker and weaker until he felt his pulse go almost back to normal. 

Remus' smile widened as he looked down at their joined hands. Gently he let his thumb run across the back of Regulus' hand. "You have very soft skin," he said as he kept his thumb moving in circles.

"I look after myself. Lotion and stuff..." said Regulus, his eyes transfixed on their hands.

"Yeah I can feel that." Remus looked up at Regulus’ face, feeling the warmth spread in the pit of his stomach.

They held hands for a few more minutes, then it all became too overwhelming for Regulus, so he pulled away but sent Remus a little smile to let him know that he was okay. "Um, I better get ready for bed. Only slept two hours last night. Because of Kreacher, you know."

"Of course," nodded Remus. "It’s getting pretty late too." He got up and looked around. "I’ll let you use the bathroom first. I’ll just go tell my mum that we won't be having tea."

Regulus had crept under the covers when Remus came back up. It had been a huge challenge for him to use someone else's bathroom, and the only reason he had been able to do it was that he knew the Lupins cleaned their house thoroughly because of Remus' condition.  

Remus smiled at him and pulled his shirt over his head as he got to his own bed. He then pulled off his trousers and went looking for a T-shirt that he could sleep in. He could feel Regulus' eyes on him as he pulled the T-shirt over his head. "Are you comfortable enough?" he asked as he crawled into bed and under the covers.

Regulus looked away, to his irritation feeling his ears get hot. Seeing Remus shirtless had been exciting. "I'm fine," he mumbled.

Although exhausted, Regulus could not fall asleep. Past one o'clock he still lay wide awake, anxiety churning in his stomach. He couldn't remember when he had last slept in another bed and without Kreacher on his pillow. At two o'clock he snuck up and found a book from one of Remus' shelves and then crawled under the covers where he could read by the light of his smartphone without disturbing Remus. At six he got up, getting ready to go to the animal hospital which opened at eight. He estimated that it would take about one and a half hours to walk the five miles there. 

Remus heard him get up and rolled onto his side, blinking a few times and then turning on the light. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Regulus? You're up early?" Remus looked out the window and saw that snow was falling. "Why don’t you lay back down for another hour? I’m sure Sirius or my mum wouldn’t mind driving you there. It’s freezing outside and I don't want you to get ill."

"No, Sirius has had enough trouble with me the past couple of days and he hates getting up early. I'm going to have to ask him to pick me and Kreacher up around nine, so... And I just can't ride with your mother. You have a small car. It's too close, you know. I'll be fine, don't worry. I'm used to walking."

"At least let me make you a cup of tea before you go," said Remus and got out of bed.

"Okay. I like green tea, if you have some. Or camomile."

The house was quiet and dark so Remus tiptoed downstairs and put the kettle on. Regulus came down a few minutes later, yawning. He was beyond tired, not having slept at all this night and just a few hours the previous. 

"Are you sure you don’t want to call Sirius and ask him to drive you there?" asked Remus when he saw how tired Regulus looked. "Or at least let me go with you?"

"No, no. You go back to bed and get a bit more sleep before school," said Regulus and accepted the bowl of yoghurt and muesli Remus handed him. 

"I'll stay up until you leave," said Remus and sat down opposite Regulus. "Haven’t you slept well?" 

Regulus speculated for a moment whether or not to tell the truth. "Um... I slept okay," he said, hoping he didn't sound as unconvincing as he thought. 

Remus rested his chin on his hand watched Regulus eat. "You look really tired. I guess it will be good to get home with Kreacher and sleep in your own bed?"

"Yes. Yes, it will. Kreacher will be happy too. He’s never been away from the house that long. And never without me. I hope he will forgive me for leaving him there."

"I’m sure he will," said Remus. "You did it for his own good. I’m sure he will just curl up on you bed the minute you get him home."

"Animals don't understand that. If I were Kreacher I would feel abandoned and betrayed."

"You just have to show him you’re sorry, then," said Remus. "I’m sure he will forgive you. Also, you visited him several times so he knows you didn’t abandon him."

"But still... I let them put him in a cage and left him there."

"You had no choice. Sirius told me he was very ill. I’m sure he will just be happy to come home with you."

**o0o0o**

Regulus was nearly sleepwalking out to the car when Sirius picked him up half past eight. He missed his first lesson to drive his little brother home with his cat. 

"You look like shite," said Sirius as Regulus closed his door. "Were you and Remus up all night talking or what?"

"No, I just couldn't sleep," said Regulus, getting into the passenger's seat, balancing Kreacher's crate on his lap. "Worried about Kreacher you know. And I got up at six to walk to the clinic."

"Why didn't you just get me to drive you there instead of getting up at six?"

"You've already been driving me around a lot. No reason to force you out of bed that early. Besides, I was too restless to stay put any longer."

"Well, it’s a big deal for you to stay over at someone else's house. I’m actually surprised you didn’t ring me up in the middle of the night to have me come and get you. I actually slept with my phone on, should you decide to call."

"I'm not a little boy who can't stay a whole night away from Mummy," said Regulus. "Talking about her... How mad was she yesterday?"

"Pretty damn mad. We had one of our screaming matches and she slapped me across the face when I told her to go jump in a lake. I spent the rest of the evening in my room with my music on max volume just to tick her off."

"I'm sorry," mumbled Regulus.

**o0o0o**

Remus came home with Sirius, James and Peter after school. Regulus came down when he heard them come in, curious to see if Remus was with them. He had just come out of the shower, his hair still wet. 

"Oh. Hi," said Regulus, trying to act casual as if he had run into them on co-incidence.

"Hello," smiled Remus, looking Regulus up and down. He looked a lot better now that he had slept and had a shower. "How is Kreacher?"

"Better," said Regulus, pushing a wet lock out of his eyes. "He's resting on my bed. Do you want to visit him?"

"I’d love to," smiled Remus and followed Regulus up the stairs.

"What's up with those two?" asked Peter, looking in Remus' and Regulus' direction. "Why does Remus get to go to his room all the time?"

"Are you envious?" grinned James and poked his friend. "Wanna go visit Reggie in his room?"

"No! It's just weird, is all. What do you think they’re talking about?"

"About cats, probably," said Sirius. "Or Remus finally built up the courage to make a move. Not that I think anything good would come of It."

"Well, Remus is rather sneaky, isn't he? Very smart move, showing interest in Kreacher and saying nice things about him," grinned James. "You said he had offered to paint him?"

"That’s what Regulus said," said Sirius.

"It’ll be the ugliest painting he will ever make," Peter laughed.

"If there is indeed a way past Regulus' massive walls it has to be through that cat," said James. "It's the only living creature he likes."

"Well I think he’s starting to warm up to Remus as well," said Sirius.

Remus walked with Regulus into his room and spotted the sleeping cat on the bed. He went over to sit down on the edge and studied the cat. "He seems happy enough," he smiled. "Just like I told you – that he would just curl up on your bed and sleep."

"Yes," said Regulus, sitting down on the bed as well. "He slept on my pillow as usual when I took a nap after we came home."

"I bet he really missed you," said Remus. He reached out and gently pushed a lock of hair behind Regulus’ ear. "Sorry," he said, not realising what he had done.

Regulus made a slight jerk of his head but then stopped himself. He couldn't quite seem to get rid of the reflexes when he wasn't prepared for the touch coming, but it was getting better when it came to Remus. "That's alright," he mumbled. "No big deal."

Gently, Remus took Regulus’ hand in his, intertwining their fingers like yesterday. "You look much better than you did this morning. Did you go straight to bed when coming home?" 

Kreacher stretched his front paws and rolled onto his back, still sleeping but purring with a bit of a wheeze. Regulus could only nod, his eyes glued to their joined hands. He was feeling a little dizzy; a warm buzzing feeling, like once he had been forced to drink a glass of champagne. Only this was nicer. His gaze travelled slowly up to Remus' face and the bubbly feeling grew stronger. He realised he had barely been able to think of anything but Remus the past days, even when he slept. 

Remus' eyes met Regulus' and he leaned a little closer to him. He had not been able to think about anything but Regulus all day. He had actually been scolded for daydreaming in one of his classes and had had to apologise with an excuse of not having slept well.

"Y-yesterday you asked if you could kiss me. Why?" asked Regulus, his eyes settling on the other boy's lips.

"Because I really wanted to," said Remus in a mild voice. "I was wondering if your lips were as soft as they look and I'd like to try and kiss you. Show you how good that can feel."

"Are... are you sure about that?" Regulus hadn't been able to get the thought of kissing Remus out of his mind ever since he had suggested it. He was confused. The thought of kissing had always repulsed him and it was beyond him how anybody could enjoy it, but now his feelings were mixed. Something in him was longing to try it although his old self was protesting loudly. 

"I’m sure," smiled Remus.

"It's... It's unhygienic, you know... Mixing saliva and all that..."

"It feels good, though, and since none of us are ill there’s no harm done," said Remus and tilted his head. 

Regulus swallowed. "Well... If you really want to, I suppose you can do it. Just a small one..."

"Really?" said Remus, very surprised. Regulus just nodded but Remus could tell he was very nervous. "Just a small one and you can pull away if it’s uncomfortable," he said in a soft voice.

"Alright," said Regulus, pulling away his hand. It was more than enough focusing on one sort of physical contact.

Remus leaned in so close that he could feel Regulus' breath on his lips. "Relax..." he whispered and closed the gap between then in a gentle kiss.

Regulus supressed the urge to pull away as he felt Remus lips on his. They were warm and surprisingly soft, like silk, and only a little moist. It was a little overwhelming looking at Remus' face so close so he quickly closed his eyes, drawing in a shaky breath through his nose. 

Remus didn’t move for a few seconds. Regulus' lips were as soft as he had imagined. He knew he had promised him a short kiss but he took a chance and let it last a little longer, hoping that Regulus had a good first impression.

Regulus could feel himself shiver and pulled away a few seconds later. His whole body was buzzing with a mix of anxiety and excitement. He couldn't help feeling a little proud of himself. Just a week ago it had been unthinkable for him to imagine ever kissing somebody. 

Remus smiled, feeling they had come further in weeks than he had imagined they would get in months. "How was it?"

"Um... Not that bad," said Regulus. It hadn't been. In fact, it had been surprisingly good, albeit a little scary.

"Your lips were as I thought," smiled Remus. "Very soft." He took Regulus’ hand again and stroked it gently. "I know it was probably a bit overwhelming for you but you really did well. You’re a pretty good kisser."

Regulus let out a short laugh. "I didn't do anything. I was just sitting there." 

"Well you didn’t pull away," grinned Remus and gave his hand a squeeze.

"Yeah. I didn’t," said Regulus with a little smile.

**o0o0o**

Mrs. Harris had insisted the boys eat together that night, something she often did when their parents were away. She said they needed to do things together because that's what brothers were supposed to do. Regulus hadn't protested that night and when Mrs. Harris left, Regulus found himself open his mouth and say to his brother: "I kissed Remus today."

The food dropped off Sirius’ fork. He stared at his brother for a long moment before speaking. "You did what?"

Regulus couldn't believe he had just told his brother. Sirius didn't even know he was gay. He was just so high on the experience, he felt like he was going to burst if he didn't tell somebody. "You heard me. I kissed him. And held his hand."

Sirius shook his head and tried to process the information he had just gotten. "But you... wait… are you gay? But you never let anyone near you and now you tell me that you and Remus snogged?"

"Obviously I am gay. And Remus is not like other people. He always respected my personal space. He's very nice and doesn't think I'm a freak."

"Of course he doesn’t," said Sirius. "Remus is a nice bloke and he respects people for who they are. You couldn't possibly find a better boyfriend. If that’s what he is?" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows and took a piece of meat on his fork.

"Yes," mumbled Regulus, looking down at his plate, feeling his ears go red.

"That’s brilliant," smiled Sirius. "Really. I’m happy for you both. You’ve no idea how much Remus has been pining for you.”

**o0o0o**

Sirius cornered Remus the next morning at school. "I hear you seduced my baby brother, you old dog!" he grinned, giving Remus a nudge. 

Remus blushed heavily. He hadn’t thought that Regulus would actually tell anyone about it. "I... well… It was just a kiss."

"Just a kiss? That's huge, mate!" said Sirius and slapped Remus' back. "You should have a price or something. I would never have thought he would swap body fluids with anybody."

Remus smiled nervously and scratched his elbow. "I guess he really likes me, huh? I mean since he let me kiss him and hold his hand. It was a short kiss, though. Nothing wild."

"Well, that's huge for Reggie."

"What's huge for Reggie?" asked James coming up to them with Peter in tow. 

"Remus snogged my brother!"

Both James and Peter laughed. "Very funny, Black. And the Easter bunny left an egg under your pillow?"

"It’s true!" said Sirius and looked from James to Remus. "Tell them, Remus!"

Remus nodded with a gulp. "It is true. I kissed him yesterday in his room."

"See!" crowed Sirius and crossed his arms. "Told you it was true!"

Peter sniggered, clearly not convinced, and James said, "Ok, and how many of your bones did he break?"

"None,” said Remus. "He said I could give him a quick kiss, so I did."

Sirius nodded. "Reggie told me yesterday at dinner. I guess he was very proud of himself."

"What the...? What did you do to him? Give him a love potion or something?" James asked Remus.

"I just try to understand him. I don’t pressure him into anything," said Remus and smiled. "He trusts me, I suppose."

"Well that, plus he must be a flaming queer. No offence, Remus. So you're a couple now or what?"

Remus nodded. “Have been for a while, actually. Don’t tell him you know. He doesn’t want people to know he’s gay." He shot Sirius a reprimanding look for having brought it up in the first place.

"Well, he told me," said Sirius. "But I suppose we better keep it to ourselves. Especially around our parents. As you can imagine, they’re just as narrow-minded concerning homosexuality as they are about anything else. And they don't need another thing to give Reggie grief about."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 – Did You Have a Doctor Look at You?**

The next Wednesday Remus did not come to school. James texted him, asking what was up. 

Remus reached out for his phone and texted James back with shaking hands.

_Ill_

He rolled onto his side groaned in discomfort as he put the phone on the nightstand. Mrs. Weasley had placed a cup of tea and some oatmeal on the stand but he had barely touched it.

At five Regulus knocked on the door to the Lupin house. A short stout woman with red hair as fiery as Lily’s opened. Regulus took a nervous step back. "Um... I'm here to see Remus. I'm a friend from school."

The woman smiled and stepped aside. "Come in before you let out all the heat. Oh, Remus will be pleased to get some company, even though he hasn't done much other than sleep all day." She sighed and shook her head. "The poor boy. Dreadful illness he has."

Regulus hesitated. The woman had only stepped aside and the entrance hall was rather small so he would have to pass by her very close. "Do you mind?" he said, sounding a little snappy. "I can close the door behind myself, you know."

"Oh sorry," she said with a smile on her lips, but her eyes told him that she thought he was rather rude, and she left for the kitchen.

Regulus saw himself up to Remus' room where he stopped in the doorway, afraid to go in. What if what Remus had was contagious? "Remus?" he called. When he didn't get an answer he called again, a little louder. 

Remus opened his eyes. "Regulus?" he said, surprised. He hadn’t thought he would dare come to see him. "Come in. I don’t think it’s contagious," he said in a weak voice.

"No? Did you have a doctor look at you?" asked Regulus, still standing in the door.

"Yes, and a nurse," said Remus. "Mrs. Weasley is my nurse. I take it she greeted you downstairs?" He coughed. "The doctor doesn’t think it’s contagious."

"Okay…” said Regulus and hesitantly walked in, sitting down on a chair a few meters away from Remus just to be safe. “So what's wrong with you?"

"Just a bit of a cough. I probably didn’t dress warm enough." Remus smiled at Regulus. "Thank you for visiting me."

"You look too ill for ‘just’ a cough."

"I get much more ill from simple things that regular people. A flu could even kill me if it’s bad enough so that’s why I have to stay in bed so it doesn’t develop."

Regulus suddenly remembered something and gulped. "W-we kissed the other day. Maybe you got it from me. Maybe I'm immune but still carrying it. That can happen. I probably did make you ill. We shouldn't have kissed. I knew we shouldn't have kissed! It's unsanitary, like I said!" he blurted and stood up in agitation.

"I didn’t get it from you," said Remus. "It’s been days since we kissed." He closed his eyes and took in a short breath, feeling a sharp sting to his lung.

Regulus sat back down but shifted restlessly in his seat. “Did you tell your mother? I'm sure she agrees you could have got it from me."

"I told her, yes, and she agrees with me. It would have shown earlier if it was from the kiss." He eyed Regulus with a serious expression. "I wouldn’t regret kissing you even if it had made me ill. Which it didn't."

Regulus' eyes settled on Remus. "I don't think you should go around kissing blokes. You should look out for your health. That's what I do, and I'm rarely ill. And you - it's worse for you because your condition is dangerous."

"You want me to go through life not kissing or being close to anyone?" asked Remus, suddenly scared that Regulus would break up with him. "I care a lot about you and as I said I don’t regret kissing you and I don’t want to go through life isolated. My mum thinks the way you do. Wanting me to live in a bubble, but I don’t want that. I want a normal life. As normal as possible, anyway."

"So your mum doesn't approve of me?" said Regulus. "She was just pretending to be happy for us and liking me?"

"No, that’s not what I meant," Remus quickly said. "She is very happy about us dating and doesn’t think I could get a better boyfriend because you’re so neat and careful. She’s really happy for us. No, I meant that she keeps me away from anything that can make me ill and if she had her way, I would be home schooled because she thinks there are too many germs at school."

"There _are_! I wish _my_ mother would let me home school," sighed Regulus. "I don't see what you want to go to school for. It's dirty and full of nasty people. It's suffocating."

“I like people and if I had not gone to school I wouldn’t have met you," said Remus.

"I suppose..."

They were both quiet for a while, Remus lying with his eyes closed. 

"Do you want to sleep? Should I go?" asked Regulus.

"No... Please don’t go," said Remus and opened his eyes just barely. He was dead tired but it felt so nice to have Regulus there. "I enjoy your company. I just need a minute to collect myself."

There was a knock on the door and Mrs. Weasley stuck her head in. "Remus, have you eaten your soup yet? You need to eat," she said when she saw the nearly full bowl. "I’ll just reheat this." She looked at Regulus. "Do you want some tea or anything, dear?"

Regulus shook his head. He had accepted food and drink from Mrs. Lupin because he trusted that she was very careful with hygiene and used only organic products. But he had only just met this woman. 

Mrs. Lupin came home ten minutes later. "Oh you’re here? How wonderful," she smile when spotting Regulus. She went over and kissed Remus’ forehead. "How are you, luv?"

"I’m ok. Just tired," Remus mumbled, not opening his eyes.

"Maybe I should go," said Regulus and stood up. "Looks like Remus needs to sleep."

"No..." mumbled Remus and forced his eyes open. "I really want you to stay."

Mrs. Lupin sighed and brushed Remus’ hair back again. "I think you need rest and Regulus can come back tomorrow if he doesn’t mind." She smiled at Regulus. "Do you want a ride home? I insist. It’s snowing again and we don’t want you to get ill too."

Regulus shook his head. If there was too much snow he would have to walk his bike, but he would rather do that than get in a car with Mrs. Lupin. He hated driving because a car was a confinement where he was forced to sit close to people. Sirius he could handle, but he avoided going with anybody else. "It's fine. I don't mind cycling home."

When he had left, Mrs. Lupin said, "I wish he would let me drive him. The weather is terrible and it's going to take him a long time." 

Remus nodded, already half-asleep. "You... you could catch him and ask if we should call Sirius. Maybe he would be more comfortable with him picking him up."

Mrs Lupin hurried downstairs and looked out the front door but Regulus was already out of sight. 

"So that's Remus' boyfriend, is it?" asked Mrs. Weasley. When Mrs. Lupin nodded, she continued, "Very handsome boy. But rather rude. He wouldn't come into the hall until I had moved out of it, and he was quite snippy about it."

"He has problems with being close to people," sighed Mrs. Lupin. "But he’s a nice boy and Remus is very fond of him even though his has these intimacy issues. ”She turned her attention towards the stairs and worry filled her face. "Do you think he’s doing any better?"

"Not well," sighed Mrs. Weasley.

"I wish I could do more for him,” said Mrs. Lupin. “We are already using so much money on treatments and research, but no luck." She went to sit down by the kitchen table and buried her face in her hands. "I’m so afraid I might lose him one day."

**o0o0o**

Regulus came by after school the next day. Remus was asleep so Regulus pulled out a history book and started reading the chapter they had been given for homework. 

Remus slept for about half an hour before he opened his eyes and spotted Regulus sitting reading. "R-Regulus?" he said, happy to see that he had returned.

"Oh, hello. How are you doing today?"

"A bit better," said Remus and sat up in bed. He actually wasn't feeling good at all but he didn't want to worry Regulus.

"That's good."

"Have you been here long?"

"Just about half an hour." Regulus was quiet for a long awkward moment, not knowing what to say. "Um, do you need anything?"

"A cup of tea would be nice. I think we have some green tea if you want something for yourself as well."

"O-okay," said Regulus, wondering if he would run into Mrs. Weasley if he went down to the kitchen. He tiptoed down the stairs, hoping she wouldn't hear him. But once the kettle was boiling and Regulus was putting teabags in mugs she came into the kitchen. 

"Hello, dear," she smiled. "Oh you're making tea? How lovely. I could have done that, you know, but it’s so sweet of you to take care of Remus. Do you need anything?"

"Do you have honey?" asked Regulus, eying her warily, hoping she would keep her distance. She seemed like one of those pushy people with no social skills.

"Yes, it's in the cabinet by the sink," she smiled. "Anything else?”

Regulus shook his head and hurried up the stairs. "Here," he said, placing the mug on Remus' nightstand before quickly retreating to his chair at a safe distance. "There's honey in it. Mrs. Harris always puts honey in the tea when Sirius and I are ill."

"Thank you," smiled Remus and took the mug, blowing steam away before taking a sip. "Tastes really good," he said and put the mug back down. He was feeling a bit dizzy but the hot tea felt good in his sore throat. After a few more sips he lay down and closed his eyes.

A bit later Regulus asked, "Do you want to sleep? Maybe I should go and give you some peace."

"I wish I could lay with you and just feel you close to me," Remus mumbled. He opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Regulus. "But thanks for coming by. It means a lot."

"Yes, well..." said Regulus, shifting in his seat. Then he got an idea. "I can read for you if you want. I'm sure you have some homework you need to read. In English for instance?"

"I’d love that," smiled Remus and reached out for his phone. James had texted him the pages he needed to read. "I have about ten pages in English," he said, scanning the text. He pointed at his school bag by the desk. “My books are in there."

"Only ten pages?" asked Regulus, flipping open the novel they had been assigned to read. "That's just one chapter! But I'm sure you'll get more chapters the following days, so I'll just read as long as you can stay awake."

"Thank you," smiled Remus and rolled onto his side to face Regulus, resting his head on his arm. "I would get a lot behind if you didn’t read to me. I usually catch up when I get better but it would seem it’s going to take a while," he sighed. "I just hope I’m well before Christmas."

"That's in two weeks. Of course you'll be well by then," said Regulus and made himself comfortable in his chair. 

He read for Remus until he suspected he had fallen asleep. He had been lying with his eyes closed most of the time but now his breathing had become slow and steady the way sleeping people’s did.

**o0o0o**

Mrs. Lupin worked late that night so Mr. Lupin was the first one home at seven thirty. He tiptoed into his son's room. "Remus? Are you awake?"

"Mm..." Remus hummed and rubbed his eye with his palm. He looked around confused, realising that Regulus had left and he felt his heart sink. He would have liked to say goodbye. "Hello, dad," he said and coughed, taking in a sharp breath as he finished. His chest hurt an awful lot. More than it had the day before.

"Not feeling any better?" asked his father, frowning in worry as he sat down next to the bed, putting a hand on Remus' forehead."

Remus shook his head and tried to breathe normally. "What time is it?"

Mr. Lupin looked at his watch. "Nearly eight. Your mother should be home soon." He sighed. "I think we will have to call the doctor again tomorrow."

Remus nodded, not putting up a fight. "Dad... my chest hurts," he mumbled and coughed again. He shivered a bit and pulled the duvet up over his shoulders.

Mr. Lupin decided to call the doctor right away. 

"Hello, Remus," smiled the doctor when he came by an hour later.

Mrs. Lupin who had come home by now stood with her husband and looked nervously at the doctor as he pulled Remus' shirt up so he could listen to his chest. "How is he?" she asked anxiously. "Does he need to go to the hospital?"

"Well," said the doctor, taking off his stethoscope. "Let's not be so hasty. I will give you some stronger cough syrup, Remus and then we will see how you're doing tomorrow. And you must drink plenty of fluids. It's very important. Do you understand?"

Remus nodded and pulled the covers up over his chest again. 

Mrs. Lupin went over to tug him in and then turned to the doctor. "Thank you for seeing him. We were so worried about him. He doesn’t seem to be getting any better.”

"Check his temperature once in a while and call if it gets higher."

Mrs. Lupin saw the doctor out and then got Remus some tea and some water. "Here, dear," she said and helped him sit up so he could drink.

Remus wasn't at all feeling like drinking anything but he forced himself to take a few sips.

"The whole glass," she insisted. 

"I can't," gasped Remus and tried to push the glass away. It hurt in his chest every time he swallowed.

"You must!" said his mother in a sharp, scolding tone. "Do you want to go to the hospital? Do you?"

Remus gulped and looked nervously up at her. It was rare for her to scold him and especially when he was ill. "No. But it really hurts…" He took the glass to his lips once more and forced some water down.

"I'm sorry, baby," said Mrs. Lupin, running a hand over her son's sweaty hair. "I'm just so worried. I don't want you to get so ill again."

"I… I know," said Remus and closed his eyes as the pain lessened. "I just don't want you to be mad at me."

Mr. Lupin watched as his wife took the glass and kept running her hand over Remus' hair. He wished he could do something for his son but all he could do was pull extra hours so they had more money for experimental treatments.

"Oh, I'm not mad at you, baby," said Mrs. Lupin, wiping a tear from her eye. "I could never be mad at you."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 – “Give a Bloke a Chance to Get into It”**

Two days before the Christmas holidays Remus returned to school. He ran into Lily at the main entrance.

"It’s good to see you back on your feet," she smiled and gave him a hug. "Was it dreadfully boring?"

"It wasn't too bad. Regulus came by every day and read to me.”

"That's brilliant. So you and he are getting close?"

"Yeah," smiled Remus. He really wanted to tell her about them but he had promised Regulus to keep it secret from those who didn’t know already.

"Did you kiss him yet?" she asked with a glint in her eye, saying something along the lines of _Did_   _you really think you could keep that a secret from me?_  

Remus’ eyes widened. "How... how did you know that… that it was more than a friendship?"

"You didn't answer my question," she grinned and winked at him.

Remus blushed a little. "Once. A small one."

"Oh, that's nice! Big deal for him, yes? You must have some magic touch, Lupin."

"That's what Sirius says," smiled Remus. "At first he didn't believe Regulus when he told him, and James thought both Sirius and I were lying."

"Well, you proved everybody wrong, didn't you? Anyway, are you coming to that Christmas party Sirius is throwing the first day of the holidays?"

"If my mum will let me," nodded Remus. "She’s a little overprotective, as you know, and I just got over two weeks’ illness so I think I have to beg. I’ll probably ask my dad first. He gets that I want a normal teenage life."

"Well, I hope you’re coming. Potter asked me so nicely that I agreed to go with him.”

"You said yes to James? That's new," Remus grinned as they walked towards Biology. "You think you might fancy him a little?"

"I don't know," she sighed. "He certainly has charm, although he's such a show-off. But I don't think he's as cocky as he used to be. Maybe he's starting to mature a bit."

**o0o0o**

Remus met up with Regulus outside the school at four and they walked together to Grimmauld Place. Regulus had skived off French to be finished the same time as Remus.

"Nobody's home," said Regulus as he unlocked the door. "Not even Mrs. Harris. Wednesday is her day off.”

"Oh? So we got the house to ourselves," smiled Remus and took off his coat. He knew Sirius wouldn't be home for another two hours since he liked to watch James practice. He gently took Regulus' hand, having wanted to touch him for two weeks.

"We... we should get some tea and go sit in my room," Regulus said and turned toward the kitchen, but not pulling his hand out of Remus' grasp. 

They went up to Regulus’ room about five minutes later and Regulus closed the door behind them.

Remus took the mugs to the bedside table and sat down on the edge of the bed, not wanting to disturb the sleeping Kreacher who was lying on his back with his paws drawn up to his chest. When Regulus sat down, Remus reached over and gently laced their fingers, sending him a caring smile. "I missed your touch."

Regulus gulped and watched their joined hands. He had missed it too, but he hadn't dared touch Remus when he was ill, even when the doctor had said he was long past contagious. "You look good. I mean, still a bit tired, but well. You're all well again, aren't you?"

"I am. It’ll just takes a few days for me to regain my strength," smiled Remus, gently caressing the other boy’s hand.

"Right," nodded Regulus. He suddenly didn't know what else to say or do. He had been quite relaxed around Remus the past two weeks, but that had been easy, because he had been reading to Remus and talked mostly about school and homework. Now Remus was on his feet again and things were different. Although Regulus had kept a safe distance during all his visits to Remus' sick bed it felt as though they had become closer. Got to know each other better. But now they were physically close again. 

"Regulus?" Remus said after a few minutes of silence. "Would you mind terrible much if I kissed you? I have been wanting to for weeks." He looked serious and a little nervous.

"O-oh?" said Regulus, feeling his pulse pick up. "Well, yeah... I suppose..." In fact he had been thinking a lot about the kiss they had shared before Remus became ill. How exciting it had been. How it would feel trying again. How much more they could do and how that would feel.

Remus smiled and squeezed his hand gently, moving a little closer. He could feel Regulus’ warm breath as they were only inches from each other and closed his eyes as he pressed their lips together. 

Regulus supressed a strange sound in his throat and tried to relax. It was like the last time but not quite as scary, since he had tried it before. He closed his eyes and waited for Remus to take the next step, whatever that was. 

Remus slowly took Regulus' hands and guided them up to rest on his shoulders, then moved his own hands down to Regulus' waist. When Regulus did not pull away, Remus tilted his head and opened his mouth slightly, letting his tongue run over Regulus' bottom lip.

Regulus' head did a slight jerk when he felt Remus’ tongue on his lips but he quickly closed the distance again, hoping for Remus to continue. It had felt kind of good. When Remus licked his lip again, Regulus drew in a sharp breath through his nose, determined not to break the kiss again. It was just getting exciting. Perhaps a bit too much though - with their lips, Remus' hands on him, his own hands on Remus, all at the same time, so Regulus removed his hands from Remus' neck and gently pushed Remus' hands off his own waist, but angled his head a bit to encourage Remus to keep kissing him.

Remus eagerly responded, pushing his tongue between Regulus’ lips. It was met by a wall of teeth. "Try to open your mouth a little," mumbled Remus, barely breaking the kiss. “If you’re ok with it.”

 “Mm…” Regulus hummed and opened his mouth a little, although he could feel his body shivering with nerves. When Remus gently slipped his tongue inside, Regulus' mind nearly blanked out. There was nothing but an explosion of sensory. He had had no idea that his mouth could be so sensitive and that something could feel this good, and he tried to move his tongue along with Remus’. Without realising it, he slowly placed his hands on Remus' shoulders, resting them there, while he opened up his mouth even more to allow closer contact. After a while - Regulus had no idea how long - they broke apart, Regulus watching Remus with a dazed look on his face and a slack jaw. "Wow..." he whispered. 

"Yeah," nodded Remus with a smile on his lips. He gently caressed Regulus' leg and looked into his eyes. "You're amazing."

"N-no. I wasn't doing anything. Just going along with it."

"Well, you did good. I hope I didn't overstep your boundaries," said Remus a little nervously. “You know, with my hands…”

"It's alright. It felt good. I almost forgot to think about it."

"Good," beamed Remus and ran a hand over Regulus’ thigh. "I really enjoyed it too and I hope we can share more of those kisses."

Regulus nodded eagerly. Then they heard the front door slam and a moment later feet thundering up the stairs. The door to Regulus' room sprang open and a grinning Sirius stood in the doorway. 

Regulus jumped to his feet. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HAVEN’T YOU HEARD OF KNOCKING?"

"Sorry. Were you busy snogging?" grinned Sirius, leaning against the doorframe. Seeing Remus' expression, he knew he had hit the mark.

"No! But you couldn't know that! Is it really necessary for me to lock the door to my own room to ensure some privacy? Didn’t you read the sign on the door? DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT THE EXPRESS PERMISSION OF REGULUS ARCTURUS BLACK!" Regulus spelled out, pointing to the sign.  

Sirius flashed his brother a grin. "Oh, sorry. Must have missed that." 

"You're so full of rubbish," muttered Regulus.

Sirius dumped into a seat and looked at the two. "So, what _were_ you lads doing?"

"We were just talking," said Remus with a light blush on his face.

"Rubbish," grinned Sirius. "You were snogging! Good for you. Seems Reggie is finally getting out of his shell. You might even join the Christmas party? Your boyfriend will be there."

Regulus snorted. "I wouldn't dream of it. I get enough of those prats at school. By the way - who invited you to come in and sit down? Are you even clean? Have you washed your hands after you came home?" asked Regulus, knowing that it wasn’t the case, since they had heard Sirius slam the door and run straight up the stairs. 

"No, I haven't, but it's not as though I’ve stuck my hands into a load of dung. Do I honestly have to take a disinfecting shower before I enter your room?"

"It would be a nice change," said Regulus. "What were you so excited about, anyway?"

“I got myself a date for my party and I wanted to tell Remus."

Regulus raised an eyebrow. Sirius could get a date by snapping his fingers, so Regulus failed to see why his brother was so excited about this particular date.

"It's Emmeline Vance!" Sirius beamed. When the two others still looked puzzled, he explained, "You know - the bird I asked out last week and she said no? Well, she had a change of heart. Means I still got it."

"Did you ever lose it?" Remus asked.

"Well, no, but I didn't like being turned down. It’s a scary experience I hope to never encounter again.” Sirius shuttered at the memory.

"You only want her this badly because she turned you down at first," pointed out Regulus. “At least Potter wants Evans because he's fancied her forever."

"True, but who can blame me for wanting her?" said Sirius and flashed them toothy grin. "She's bloody hot! Big blue eyes and an arse like Shakira." He laughed and got up from his seat. "Well, I'll leave you two to it, then. Do drop by my room when you’re done with my brother, Remus," he said with a wink and then left the room. They could hear him go downstairs, undoubtedly heading for the kitchen.

"Do... would you want to teach me some more piano or should we wait till another day? Or would you rather stay here and just hang out?" asked Remus. He was still feeling a bit dazed from the kiss.

"Oh. Yes, of course. You haven't played for weeks," said Regulus and got up. "I don't see what Sirius wants with that girl other than shag her," he commented when they sat down next to each other on the piano bench. "She's dumb as a door nail. Failed chemistry last year, and that's quite a feat. Old Sluggy is very generous with marks."

**o0o0o**

Regulus locked himself in his room the night of the party with food enough so that he didn't have to go out until the next day. 

Sirius jumped in behind James and Lily and gave them a big hug at the same time. "Be good to him, Evans. He’s fragile," he said and started laughing.

Remus had placed himself by the fireplace and just watched everyone, wishing that Regulus was there.

A girl with bubble-gum pink hair sat down by Remus about an hour into the party. She smiled at him and asked, "What are you drinking?" nodding to the drink in Remus' hand. 

"Oh... just some punch" he smiled at her and took another sip. He wasn’t much of a drinker and had only taken that one glass so far.

"You should try the margarita," she said, holding out her glass for him to take a sip. 

Remus eyed the glass. With his illness, drinking from someone else’s glass was a big no-no, but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. “Thanks, but I can’t stand the taste of lime,” he lied. “Weird, I know,” he smiled apologetically. He took a quick look around the room, spotting Sirius already making out with Emmeline in one of the armchairs.

"You're Sirius and James' new friend, right? How do you like the school?"

"I like it very much," said Remus, turning his attention back to her. She was sitting rather close, he thought, so he scooted a little sideways. "I’ve been met with respect and kindness from the start. And I’m glad to call James, Peter and Sirius my friends."

“Yeah, they're cool. And funny. I'm Dora, by the way. A year below you."

“Remus," he smiled and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you."

They talked for a while until Dora asked, "So... Do you have a girlfriend?"

Remus looked at her, biting his lip nervously as he struggled with himself about whether or not to tell her. "No… but I have a boyfriend."

"Oh," she said, the smile faltering on her face. But then she smiled again, patting Remus on the knee. "Good for you you're out in the open. So your boyfriend, is he out of the closet too?"

Remus shook his head. "It’ll probably take some time before he’s ready, but that’s okay. I’m not in a hurry. So what about you? You here alone?"

"Well, most of my classmates are here. But not with a boy, no. Your boyfriend is not here, then? Is it someone from school?" she asked curiously. 

"No, he isn’t at the party," said Remus and tried to think of something to say. Regulus would definitely not like if people found out about him. He noticed a couple of girls looking in their direction, giggling, so Remus could easily figure out that they were Dora's friends and were probably rooting for her to hook up with him. "I think your friends think we have something going on," he said and nodded in their direction.

"Oh," she laughed. "Yes, I told them I thought you were cute so they dared me to go talk to you."

"I see," smiled Remus with a blush on his face. He had never thought of himself as being cute or good looking. He thought of Regulus and wondered if he thought he was good looking. Regulus, who was so much handsomer than Remus.

At one o'clock the party was in full swing. The floor was full of dancing people and many were making out on one of the many sofas and armchairs. Peter had gotten lucky, it seemed, having a short-haired blonde sitting on his lap giggling. 

Remus’ mobile buzzed with a text:  _If you need a little break from the madness you're welcome to come up here._

Remus looked around. Since no one seemed to be paying attention to him at the moment, he snuck upstairs and knocked on Regulus' door. Regulus unlocked the door and opened it just enough for Remus to get in. Then he shut it again and locked it.

The room was quiet apart from some classical music playing softly and it felt good to Remus' ears after the loud music downstairs. He smiled at Regulus. "I thought maybe you were asleep, so I didn’t want to bother you."

"Not possible with all the ruckus down there," said Regulus. "So, is it an orgy?"

"I wouldn’t call it an orgy, but quite a few people _have_ hooked up," said Remus and sat down on a chair, taking in a deep breath. His ears were still ringing from the noise downstairs. "Sirius got lucky, of course. He disappeared with his date to his room ten minutes ago. And I think Lily and James are hitting it off pretty well. Even Peter got someone."

"And poor you, sitting all alone..."

"I don’t mind. I got you all to myself now," he smiled at him.

Five minutes later they were kissing, Regulus' hands on Remus' arms, tentatively moving them up and down to get a good feel of them. He kissed him deeply, his tongue gently running over Regulus'. He placed his hands on Regulus' waist, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt. He let his fingers push the shirt a bit up so he could caress him underneath.

Suddenly feeling Remus' fingers on his bare skin sent a rush of panic over Regulus and, breaking the kiss, he smacked the hand away hard. 

Remus looked a little startled, touching his smarting hand. "S-sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," he apologised.

Regulus didn't know what to say. He felt embarrassed over himself but also a little angry with Remus for making him feel cornered. "Yes, well... give a bloke a chance to get into it, will you?"

Remus nodded quickly and gulped. "I’m really sorry, Regulus. I didn’t mean to overstep your boundaries.”

"I warned you I couldn't do the boyfriend stuff. This is actually more than I ever thought I could do."

"And you’re doing good," Remus said. "I didn’t mean to push you. I guess I just got a little carried away."

They started talking about music instead, Regulus playing snatches of different pieces for Remus. Not just classical, but also modern music, most of it including piano. Regulus talked about it with a passion. "Mathew Bellamy is a genius," he said, playing the song "Butterflies and Hurricanes" by Muse. “Listen to how he incorporates classical piano into rock music. And he plays beautifully. Don't you think so?"

Remus listed to the music and swayed a little to the tune as he nodded. "It sounds really good," he agreed. The music from downstairs could still be heard but not so loudly that they couldn't listen to Regulus' music. "I wish I had brought my art supplies. I feel inspired by this music."

"Yeah? What would you draw?"

"I’m not sure, but this music just makes me want to draw. Let the pencil have its way on the paper." He talked with passion as he tried to describe what kinds of ideas he had for a picture. "Something in the genre of fantasy maybe."

"Sounds nice. You will have to bring it the next time. Um... Are you planning on sleeping in Sirius' room?"

"I actually hadn’t thought about it," said Remus. "But I have a feeling he wants the room to himself tonight." He gave a small chuckle. "I’ll just find a couch I can sleep on or something. Unless Sirius sends Emmeline home for the night."

"I guarantee you he won't." Regulus didn't suggest that Remus sleep in one of the guest rooms - of which there were several in the large house. "If you want, you can sleep in here," he said, trying to sound casual. "I can find a mattress for you."

"Really?" Remus’ face lit up. "I’d like that very much if you’re okay with it."

There was just the small matter of finding a mattress good enough for Regulus to want to take into his room. Surely not one that any of Sirius’ friend had ever slept on. He went to look for one after instructing Remus to lock the door behind him and not let anybody in, for no reason at all. To his relief he finally found a brand new mattress in the storage room, still wrapped in plastic. 

Sirius spotted Regulus coming down the hall with the mattress. "Regulus? What are you doing? I didn’t think you would want to leave your room all night?"

The party was coming to an end and only a few people were left. Some lay sleeping on couches and some were staggering around on the dance floor. Lily and James sat in a corner talking, and Peter seemed to have left along with the shorthaired girl.

"Well, I had to go get this mattress," said Regulus without stopping, hoping that Sirius wouldn't pester him for more information.

"What do you need a mattress for?" asked Sirius and took a few steps to regain his balance. He too was rather drunk. "Did Kreacher pee on your bed?"

"It's for Remus, okay? You can't expect him to lie in your room forced to listen to you shagging that bird you landed."

"Oooh," grinned Sirius and nudged his brother in the ribs. "So you two are going to sleep together again. Why bother to get a mattress?" He flashed him a grin and wiggled his eyebrows.

"We're not sleeping together'!" grumbled Regulus, feeling his cheeks burn. "He's just crashing in my room. And excuse me, I have to get going before some drunken bird sets her eye on me."

"Don’t flatter yourself," grinned Sirius. "Everyone knows to keep their eyes _and_ hands to themselves when it comes to you. Well, if Remus is not coming down again, tell him goodnight from me."

When Regulus came back he found linen in his closet and made a bed for Remus. "There. Did you bring a toothbrush? Otherwise I think I have an unopened one."

"I brought one," Remus smiled and opened his bag. "Is the party coming to an end or are they still at it?"

"Sort of coming to an end. But the hard-core ones are still at it. You want to turn in now? I'll get you a towel; then you can use my bathroom."

**o0o0o**

The next morning, Remus woke early and saw that Regulus was still sleeping, his hand hanging out over the side if the bed. He moved his hand up and caressed his fingers, careful not to wake him. Regulus didn't wake, but Kreacher opened his eyes and watched Remus suspiciously, giving a low growl. 

"Hello, Kreacher," said Remus quietly but kept caressing Regulus' hand.

Kreacher did not take his eyes off him for a second and even took a swipe at his hand with a paw, but to Remus' surprise, the cat didn’t use claws. He was still tired and took out his phone to see what time it was. It was only seven so he pulled the duvet up over his shoulders.

**o0o0o**

Regulus woke at ten, which was rather late for him, but of course it had been very late until they had gone to bed. He got up quietly and found clothes before going into the bathroom for a morning shower. 

Remus was still asleep when Regulus left the room. It had taken him a good hour to fall asleep again after having awoken earlier. The sound of the shower woke him, however, and he sleepily rubbed his eyes. To his surprise he felt something heavy on his feet and he looked down to see Kreacher at the end of his bed. The cat had jumped down to lie there when Regulus had left for the bathroom. Kreacher watched him with narrowed eyes, seemingly unable to make up his mind what he thought about Remus sleeping in his and Regulus' room. Undoubtedly, he had never experienced anybody else sleeping here. His tail was twitching uneasily but he wasn't growling anymore.

"Hey," Remus said as if he expected the cat to say something back. He laid his head on the pillow and listened to the sound of running water coming from the bathroom and his mind started wandering. Regulus was in there. Taking a shower. Naked. Remus gulped and shook his head. He wasn’t supposed to think like that. Regulus wouldn’t even let Remus touch him under the shirt. What wouldn’t he think if he knew what he was thinking now?

Ten minutes later Regulus emerged from the bathroom along with a cloud of steam, dressed in boxers and a T-shirt, drying his hair with a towel. "Oh, you're awake. Morning."

"Good morning," smiled Remus and yawned, raising himself up onto his elbows. "Kreacher has taken me prisoner," he said and nodded at the cat who had turned its head to look up at Regulus, letting out a hoarse meow.

"He probably didn't want you to have cold feet," smiled Regulus, sitting down on the edge of his bed. 

"Maybe not," smiled Remus. "Thank you, Kreacher, for keeping my feet warm."

Kreacher got up and stretched his front paws, digging the claws into the duvet before jumping up onto Regulus’ bed.

Remus sat up and stretched his arms. "How did you sleep?"

Before Regulus could answer, there was a knock on the door and Mrs. Harris’ voice sounded, "Regulus, are you up?"

"Yes," shouted Regulus, a little startled. "I'll be down for breakfast soon." Then he said to Remus, "If we're quick we might make it before the booze heads wake up."

**o0o0o**

Mrs. Harris stood in the kitchen and was surprised to see Remus there as well. "Your brother is not up yet," she said. "Neither is James."

A few minutes later the door swung open and a very tired looking Sirius walked in. He dropped into a seat and rubbed his temples. "Bloody hell. I’m never drinking again."

Regulus scoffed. "Right. As if we haven't heard that one before."

Sirius groaned and rested his forehead on his hands.

Mrs. Harris placed a glass of water by his right elbow and a couple of aspirins next to it. "You better take these. You have a lot of cleaning to do today, young man."

Regulus snickered at the look on his brother's face. "What did you expect? Mrs. Harris isn't a house keeper and Miss Winky isn't coming until Monday. And Mother and Father will be home tomorrow, so…"

"But I can’t manage all that on my own!" Sirius sent pleadingly eyes at Remus and Regulus.

"I’ll help you," said Remus in a kind voice. “And I’m sure James and Peter will help too.'

"Well, it's only fair," said Regulus, looking at Sirius. "They're just as responsible for the mess as you are. Are they sleeping still?"

"James is. Peter left with some bird last night," said Sirius, looking miserable as he took the painkillers and emptied the glass of water in one go. Mrs. Harris put a plate of food in front of him, but he looked like she had just served him something disgusting and didn't touch it. 

"You sure you shouldn’t get a few more hours of sleep?" Remus asked.

"Yes, but I have to  _clean up,_ don't I?" he said wryly.

Just then, Padfoot came bounding into the room, wagging his tail happily, greeting first Sirius, then smacked his sloppy head onto Remus' lap for a few seconds and then set his eyes on Regulus. 

Regulus jumped to his feet ready to stave off the dog. "SIRIUS! GET HIM BACK! He's drooling and filthy and I just put on clean clothes!"

"He really likes you, as you can see. You should be flattered." Sirius said and folded his hands under his chin.

Remus took a hold of Padfoot 's collar to stop him from jumping on Regulus. The dog was wagging its tail violently and started barking.

" _Padfoooot_ ," wined Sirius and covered his ears. 

Mrs. Harris grinned as she watched the boys and shook her head. She took a plate with sausages and some eggs and put it on the floor. Padfoot immediately stopped barking and jumped over to the plate, nearly pulling Remus with him.

"You should put him to good use and set him on Potter," muttered Regulus, sitting back down. "That should get him out of bed."

"That’s actually not a bad idea," said Sirius.

Padfoot gulped down his food and then jumped over beside Sirius, wagging his tail violently and placed his head on his knee, looking up at him with begging eyes, clearly having smelled his untouched food.

"You're spoiling him," said Regulus when Sirius took a sausage off his plate and fed it to his dog. 

"Don’t tell me you don’t spoil that cat of yours," said Sirius and petted Padfoot on the head. He was about to take another sausage but Mrs. Harris slapped his hand.

"You’re supposed to eat that! The painkillers will do no good on an empty stomach!” she scolded.

Sirius sulked and stabbed the sausage with his fork and nipped at it. 

"I treat Kreacher well," said Regulus. "It's not the same as spoiling him. And he doesn't drool all over my lap, begging for sausage."

"Padfoot is a good dog," said Sirius and gave the dog the rest of his sausage when Mrs. Harris looked away. "Your scrawny cat could use a little stuffing too. You should give him a treat once in a while."

Remus just sat quietly and listened to the brothers bickering over their pets.

"I give him plenty of treats! He gets precisely the food he needs and he's as healthy as he can be!"

"So you’re saying my dog is unhealthy just because he isn't a stuck up feline that sleeps all day, and that he’s not well-trained because he likes other people apart from me?" Sirius said and narrowed his eyes, looking like he was about to start a fight.

"I... I don't think that’s what he said," interjected Remus.

“I didn't say that! You accused me of not feeding my cat well!" said Regulus agitatedly. "And I didn't train him to only like me - he only likes me because I'm the only one who appreciates him!"

"You're the only one who can love that foul creature!" spat Sirius.

"You two behave!" Mrs. Harris said and turned to Sirius. "Apologies to your brother!" When Sirius just sulked and said nothing, she smacked him upside the head.

"Ouch! Alright, alright! I’m sorry!" he hissed and leaned back in his seat, looking moody. "Why don't you make Reggie apologise for what he said about Padfoot?" muttered Sirius a moment later. 

"I only pointed out facts," said Regulus. "That he's drooling and begging. Which he is. I didn't say he was unhealthy or foul."

Padfoot stood with his head on Sirius’ lap and looked up at him with big eyes. "I just love my dog," Sirius mumbled and let a hand run over Padfoot's head.

"Well, tell him you’re sorry," said Mrs. Harris and tapped her foot at Regulus. "You're brothers and should appreciate each other instead of fighting all the bloody time."

"Alright. I'm sorry for stating the obvious," said Regulus grudgingly. "I suppose you've got your reasons for loving him...." 

Sirius got up from his seat. "Well, me and Padfoot will go wake up James."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 - You Two Behave!**

Regulus always dreaded Christmas, because they usually celebrated with Walburga's brother, wife and daughters. At least they would be coming to Grimmauld Place this year, so Regulus would have his own room to retreat to whenever he got the chance. Also, Mrs. Harris was cooking the Christmas dinner and lunch so Regulus could eat it without causing a scene. 

Sirius sighed when he heard the Mercedes roll up the driveway, and before he could make a run for it, he and Regulus had been pulled aside by their mother.

"You two behave!" she said, pointing threateningly at Regulus. "I mean it! The last thing I want is Christmas being spoiled by you two. You behave around your cousins and use a decent tone."

Regulus loathed them all, except for Andromeda, his middle cousin. Uncle Cygnus was just as conceited as Orion, Aunt Druella was as snobbish as Walburga, and Narcissa, their youngest daughter was a self-absorbed model, who thought she was the new Heidi Klum. She entered the hallway in her high heels, tossing her long blonde hair over her shoulder in the best shampoo commercial fashion. Bellatrix, the oldest of the cousins was also beautiful (like all Blacks), but behind her sweetly mocking voice was a cruel cold-hearted witch. Narcissa was accompanied by a tall platinum blond man. She introduced him as Lucius Malfoy, the executive manager of her modelling bureau, and held out her hand showing off a golden ring with a large diamond. 

"Oh dear," gasped Walburga, looking at the ring. "Did you get engaged?"

"Yes!" she shrieked, mincing on the spot like an excited schoolgirl.

Sirius turned to Regulus and made a gagging sound. Then he smiled at Andromeda, who entered as the last person. He gave her a hug and asked, "What about Ted?" He liked Andromeda’s husband. He was down-to-earth and friendly.

"Oh, he doesn't enjoy spending too much time with my family,” she said in a low voice so they others couldn’t hear her. “Being just a working class man, they haven't exactly made him feel welcome in the family, as you know. Blimey, I thought they would disown me when I married him. I was actually planning on going with him to celebrate Christmas with his parents this year, but in a weak moment I let Cissy persuade me to come here."

"Well I’m glad you came," said Sirius. "At least there’s one person worth spending time on. Too bad Ted couldn’t join us, though."

"I'll take their bags to their rooms," said Regulus to his mother, hoping to score some cheap points, but mostly to get an excuse to remove himself from the uncomfortable greeting situation in the hall.

"All right, but you will come right back down for tea," said his mother and showed the guests to the parlour.

Regulus didn't come right back down, however. He hoped that maybe his mother would be so engrossed in conversation that she forgot about him. 

Fifteen minutes later, Aunt Druella looked around and asked, "Where is Regulus? He was here when we came."

"Where _is_ that blasted boy?" muttered Orion to his wife, who was sitting next to him. 

"I told him to come right back down," said Mrs. Black and stood up. "Excuse me," she smiled at the guests and walked out of the room. "Regulus!" she hissed and knocked on his door. "Come out this minute!" 

Regulus was quiet, hoping she would think he wasn't there.

"Regulus Arcturus Black, come out this minute!" she roared and slammed her palms against the door.

When Regulus still didn’t answer, he heard her leave, probably to go look for him in the rest of the house, or (if he was lucky) giving up on him for now.

She must have gone looking for him, however, because five minutes later she banged on his door again, this time even louder. "Come out, you little maggot! I know you’re in there!" 

Regulus knew that the battle was lost so he slowly moved over and unlocked the door. "Blimey, take it easy! I was just using the bathroom."

She narrowed her eyes. "For fifteen minutes?"

"Yes. Do you want the details?"

Mrs. Black grabbed him by the upper arm and gave it a jerk. "Don't you use that tone with me!"

"Let GO!" he yelled and pushed her away roughly. Was she ever going to learn not to grab him like that?

She took a few steps back and eyed him with loathing. "You will come downstairs now or you will regret it!" she hissed but didn’t grab him again.

"What was taking you so long?" asked Narcissa, eying her cousin curiously, when he joined them in the parlour.

"Some private business," mumbled Regulus.

"He was using the bathroom," said Mrs. Black and sat back down.

"For fifteen minutes? What were you doing for fifteen minutes in the bathroom?" asked Orion and eyed Regulus suspiciously.

"Do you need to know the colour of his shite?" asked Sirius.

"Sirius!" scolded Walburga. "I will not hear that language in my house!"

Bellatrix laughed. "This is an easy one. What do little teenage boys do alone in the bathroom?"

"I didn't!" snarled Regulus. 

Narcissa giggled girlishly, covering her mouth with a napkin. "I didn’t know Regulus had started doing that yet. He is so young."

"I'm sixteen!" snapped Regulus, feeling his cheeks burn. 

"So you  _did_ do it?" asked Narcissa and giggled to her husband who didn’t seem to find it quite as funny as she did.

"NO! Why are you so interested in what I do in the bathroom, anyway? Do you have some sort of sexual perversion?"

"Oh stop it, little cousin Reggie," smiled Bellatrix. "No need to be embarrassed. It's only natural and I’m sure that in ten years’ time you will get to try the real thing. If you ever let anyone touch you, that is."

"Why don't you shut that hole in your face," spat Sirius. "Just because your husband can’t satisfy you doesn’t mean you can butt into other people's private life!"

"You little creep!" hissed Bellatrix. 

"OUT!" yelled Orion, standing up and pointing to the door. "Go to your room! And I suggest you do some serious thinking about how to treat our guests before you show your face down here again!"

"They’re the ones who started!” spat Sirius, remaining seated. “Why don’t you yell at them? Or is it because they are girls? They can’t just waltz in here and talk to Regulus that way!"

"They are _guests_!" yelled Walburga, getting up as well. "Now, get out like your father told you!"

Sirius looked at Regulus and felt bad for having to leave him unprotected, so he didn't budge. "Fine! I’m sorry for defending my brother against our guests when clearly you were too busy talking so you didn’t notice the hurtful remarks they made."

"Get... out!" hissed Mrs. Black.

Sirius shot daggers at her as he got up, marched off and slammed the door to the parlour behind him.

"Aww... Big brother not here to defend you anymore?" cooed Bellatrix at Regulus, pursing her lips. 

Regulus poured himself a cup of tea, pretending he hadn't heard her.  

"So, how is school, Regulus?" asked Andromeda. “You were always so book smart.”

"Fine," mumbled Regulus, stirring his tea, although he had put no sugar in it.

"Get into trouble lately?" asked Bellatrix. "I hear you get into lots of fights."

"That's an exaggeration," said Walburga. "Regulus doesn't get into more fights than normal boys. He does very well in school, actually. Top marks in every single subject."

"Oh, that is nice to hear," said Aunt Druella, putting down her cup of tea.

"What about PE, little cousin?" asked Bellatrix, a malicious glint in her eyes. "How is that going?"

Regulus stared into his cup. He had been excused from PE because he refused to use the locker room and shower, and the teachers had finally given up trying to force him. Bellatrix knew that very well, it seemed from the sly look on her face. "It's fine," he mumbled, not looking at her. 

"So you’re finally getting over that silly phase of yours?" asked Narcissa. "I knew you would grow out of it at some point." She turned to Malfoy. "Regulus used to have this obsession about cleanliness. He doesn’t like people touching him either. Well, good thing if he has grown out of it.”

"Let's test it, shall we?" said Bellatrix and before Regulus could react she had reached over and planted a hand on his chest. 

He jumped up so fast that several cups were knocked off the coffee table, some shattering on the floor and tea splashing out. "What's the matter with you, you bloody witch?" he yelled.

"Regulus!" roared his mother, jumped to her feet. "Look at this mess! What in God’s holy name is wrong with you?"

Orion had got to his feet as well and grabbed his son by the arm. "Excuse us," he muttered and dragged off with a struggling Regulus 

"Well, that was fun," said Malfoy in a sardonic tone.

"I warned you about Regulus being a nutter," said Narcissa.

Walburga forced a smile. "I apologise for Regulus’ behaviour. He must be having a bad day."

"Let GO!" Regulus screamed, fighting like mad to pull free of his father's iron grip. 

"I will not tolerate this behaviour, Regulus!" growled Orion as he dragged Regulus up the stairs. "Not one of my sons can behave for a single day!" He reached Regulus’ room and tore the door open, making Kreacher flee underneath the bed. He threw Regulus into the room, finally letting go of his arm. "Get in there, and I don’t want to see or hear you until dinner!"

"Fine by me!" said Regulus and locked the door from the inside, his heart hammering against his ribs.

Sirius had heard the commotion and came out from his room just as Orion was heading back down. "What's going on?"

"Your brother caused a scene again," said Orion. "Now get back in your room! I am not dealing with any of you right now."

"I bet he didn't start it. Who was it? Was it Bella, that evil bitch?" 

"Sirius!" roared Orion and walked back up the stairs. "You are not to speak of your cousin like that. Ever!"

"So it's true? I knew it."

Regulus could hear every word spoken because they were so loud. He opened the door and stuck his head out, hoping to be able to catch Sirius' attention without their father noticing. 

"Get back to your room before I make you regret it!" roared Orion at Sirius.

Sirius spotted Regulus and sent him a reassuring smile. Then he turned his attention back to his father. "And you call yourself our father. You’re supposed to take our side when we’re being abused, but you don’t give a rat's arse about them playing tricks on Regulus!"

"Abused?" growled Orion, now purple in the face. "You two spoiled brats have no idea what abused means!"

"I know a real father would understand his son’s problems and not just blame him for everything that goes wrong!"

"Sirius," said Regulus. "Don't. Just... don’t."

Sirius eyed his brother for a second and then decided to back off. "Fine!" he spat and went back into his room.

**o0o0o**

Regulus was relieved to find that Mrs. Harris had prepared pheasant for dinner so that he could eat everything the others did. Had it been red meat or fish, someone were sure to comment on him not eating it, and he didn't want any more attention drawn to himself today. 

"Such a shame Rodolphus couldn’t join us this year," said Walburga to Bellatrix. "But I'm sure it's important business he's away on. Where did you say he went?"

"Shanghai. The business marked in China is just exploding," she said. "He was sorry that he couldn’t join us, but he has promised to call tomorrow."

"To make sure you haven’t run off to join some Satanist cult?" asked Sirius. "He really shouldn’t worry. Tonight isn’t a full moon."

Everybody stopped talking to look at Sirius. Regulus sank deeper into his seat, waiting for hell to break loose. 

"SIRIUS!" yelled both Mr. and Mrs. Black. 

Bellatrix just smiled her sugary smile. "If I were in a Satanist cult, little cousin, I would offer you up to the Master for sacrifice."

Sirius smirked at her. "Doesn’t it have to be a virgin? Because that ship has long sailed." He took a sip of wine, not taking his eyes off Bellatrix. She wasn’t going to get the satisfaction of winning this one.

"We could take your little brother, then. He’s a virgin for certain."

Sirius hadn’t seen that one backfire. He narrowed his eyes. "Who says he’s a virgin? He could be dating someone and having sex but just not want to share the news with the world!"

"Sirius!" said his mother again. "We are eating and I will not have talk about sex at this table!" 

"Don't be such a prude, Mother."

"Don't tell me what to do in my own house! We will lead a civilised conversation at the dinner table. We're not sitting in a common pub!"

"I wish I were," mumbled Sirius and sank back in his seat. He really wished tomorrow had been a school day so he didn't have to sit in the house with their cousins all day.

Bellatrix sent Sirius a stealthy little smile, indicating she wasn't done provoking him. Round two would be up later. Sirius made a face at her when his parents weren't looking.

It didn't take long until the topic at the table was Narcissa's favourite: herself and her career. 

"- And of course I'm an obvious choice for the Versace spring collection catalogue, isn't that right, darling?" she said, turning to her fiancé.  

"Yes, my dear," Malfoy nodded. “They would be foolish indeed not to choose you. And I’m going to make certain they don’t make that mistake.”

"As you can see, now that you've met everybody," Narcissa said to Malfoy, "beauty runs in the family. Just look at my cousin," she gestured in Sirius' direction. "He would make a good model, don't you think?"

Malfoy eyed Sirius with mild distaste. "With his looks, perhaps, but somehow I doubt that young Sirius has the self-discipline it takes to be a model."

"And what’s that supposed to mean?" said Sirius, eying Malfoy with great dislike.

Malfoy let out a humourless laugh. "I mean, modelling is hard work and takes self-discipline and knowing how to behave, for one thing."

"Sirius wouldn't care about modelling, anyway," said Regulus, speaking from own initiative for the first time. "He's very intelligent and wouldn't want it to go to waste."

"Are you saying models are dumb?" said Narcissa, glaring at Regulus.

"No..." gulped Regulus. He didn't know why he had suddenly spoken up. He usually avoided drawing attention to himself when he could. Maybe it was because Sirius had defended him earlier and got into trouble over it, that he felt the need to do the same. Not that Sirius needed defending, but Regulus really disliked this Malfoy, coming into their house and talking down to them. "I just said it doesn’t take intelligence. It's your choice if you want to waste yours."

"I am not wasting my intelligence," hissed Narcissa. "Modelling is very demanding work!"

"Yeah,” snorted Sirius. “I bet you need a college degree to become a model. How was that again - did you finish school before going into modelling or did you plan to just live off your looks for the next ten years and then hope  Malfoy is stupid enough to keep pumping money into you the rest of your life?"

"SIRIUS!" roared Orion, getting up from his chair. "You're a _disgrace_ today! You ought to be ashamed of yourself! And you," he continued, shooting a glance at Regulus, "you better not start copying his obnoxious behaviour. We have enough trouble with you as it is!"

Sirius sank back in his seat. He turned his head and looked at his father. "Am I excused or do I need to offend Miss England some more?" He was in his dangerous mood and did not care what his father said. Malfoy had offended him and Narcissa and Bellatrix, offended Regulus earlier.

"No, you are not excused," said Orion in a steely tone. "You will stay seated until everybody is excused and you will behave."

Sirius slumped into his seat and started to twirl his fork on the table, clearly bored out of his mind, and when Narcissa started talking about her modelling career again, he shot Regulus a look like they were both undergoing torture.

**o0o0o**

Christmas dinner the next afternoon was not much more pleasant. Regulus ate a little of the traditional Christmas turkey although it was fried in too much fat for his taste. At least he knew it was organic, and if he didn't eat any, he knew there would be comments about it.

It turned out there were comments, anyway: Aunt Druella asked, "Are you not feeling good, Regulus? You have eaten so little of the good bird."

"Just don't want to get fat,” he mumbled. He knew that starting his tirade about saturated fat clogging up the arteries was not going to be received well by his parents. 

After the Christmas pudding everybody made themselves comfortable in the lounge, relaxing after the vast, satisfying meal. Regulus, however, slunk off before everybody had settled, hoping that his absence wouldn't be noticed for a while. Although his parents had forgotten to tell him directly, he knew his presence was required. 

Regulus had brought Kreacher a piece of turkey. He didn't often give him unhealthy food, but Kreacher was skinny so a little fat couldn't harm once in a while. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a napkin in which he had wrapped the poultry. "Look what I got you," he said and held out the turkey. "A little Christmas treat."

Kreacher snatched the turkey and gave it a good shake as if to kill it and then he started eating it happily.

"They're absolutely horrible, Kreacher," Regulus said while watching the cat devour the poultry. "If you want to go out while they're here, best avoid getting close to them. Especially Bella. She's mean. I think Sirius might be right when he jokes about her being in a Satanist cult."

Kreacher finished his food and started licking his paws clean. A text from Sirius beeped in on Regulus’ mobile. _Better come back down before you get in more trouble. They’re asking for you._

Regulus sighed and pocketed his phone. "I better get down to the madness, Kreacher. Do you want to go out?" he asked, holding the door open for Kreacher in case he wanted to go out. But the cat just looked at him and then curled up on the bed, not seeming the least interested in the hallway.

"Where have you been?" asked Mrs. Black in an unusual kind voice. You would have to know her well to hear the hidden irritation in her voice.

"Just tending to my cat. He needs a little extra attention for Christmas as well," mumbled Regulus. 

Sirius sat beside Andromeda and was having a conversation with her. Regulus sat down on Sirius’ other side.

Andromeda smiled kindly at him. "How is Kreacher?"

"Oh, God," commented Narcissa as she turned her head. "Don’t tell me you still have that hideous thing?"

Regulus had decided to keep a low profile but Narcissa was pushing one of his buttons. 

"Looks aren't everything, Narcissa. You'll learn that when you get old and ugly. Then you have nothing.”

"I will still be beautiful when I’m old!" stated Narcissa and brushed her hair over his shoulder. "I would have thought that Aunt and Uncle would have made you get rid of that ghastly animal long ago. I just don’t understand people who keep ugly pets. Like that filthy mutt of yours too, Sirius."

Sirius' eyes went blazing. "They are family to us! So keep your big mouth shut for once in your life!"

"Watch your tone, Sirius!" warned Walburga.

"Our boys are privileged and perhaps a bit spoiled," explained Orion to the others. "Why they have chosen these pets are beyond me, but as long as they don't ruin the house, then that's their choice."

Sirius shot his mother a glare but decided not to start another fight with Narcissa. She didn’t say anymore either, just sat twirling a lock of her hair around a finger, looking surly.

A little later Bellatrix got up from her seat, excusing herself to go to the bathroom. As she passed Regulus, she let her hand run over his hair. "You have so soft hair, baby cousin," she said in a sugary voice.

Regulus nearly fell off the sofa even though he had been on the lookout. "Keep your hands to yourself! I'm your bloody cousin! It's disgusting!"

Bellatrix put her hand to her chest and looked at him with a fake shocked expression on her face. "My God, Regulus. What are you accusing me of? I only complemented your hair."

"Well, stop feeling me up all the time!"

"I’m just being nice to you,” she smiled, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

This made Regulus give another jerk and both his parents looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"Sit still for God's sake!" hissed Mrs. Black. "You’re making everyone jump with your constant movement!"

"Go away," said Regulus, glaring at Bellatrix with eyes like storm clouds, mustering all his self-control to sit still. 

"Sooner or later you have to get used to someone touching you," said Bellatrix, her lip curled in a satisfied smile. "How do you expect to ever get a girlfriend if no one is allowed to touch you?"

"That's none of your business. I don’t do incest, so you are not girlfriend material. And it's sexual harassment what you do," said Regulus, his body extremely tense, ready to bolt if she made another advance on him. She was still standing way too close. 

"You have a twisted mind, cousin," she laughed. "I’m not making a pass at you."

"Regulus, stop it!" warned Walburga, her teeth gritted. "Don’t accuse your cousin of such filth. She barely touched you."

"Weren’t you on your way to the bathroom?” asked Sirius, looking up at his cousin. “Or did you have other things in mind when you got up?"

Bellatrix slowly passed Regulus and headed toward the hall, her eyes boring into Sirius with a dangerous glint as she went. Regulus heaved a sigh of relief and slumped back into his seat. 

**o0o0o**

When dinner was served that night, Sirius’ chair stood empty. Walburga sent Regulus to fetch him, but Sirius was nowhere to be found.

"Orion this is unacceptable," said Mrs. Black irritated and tried to smile to their guests so they wouldn’t see how angry she was.

"He will just have to go hungry to bed, then," said Orion, clenching his jaw. 

Regulus looked away. He had a strong suspicion where Sirius had gone, but he was not going to say anything.

At ten thirty Sirius pulled into the driveway and sighed as he prepared himself to go inside. He hoped he would be able to get to his room without being noticed. But Mrs. Black had been on the alert ever since dinner ended and she fell upon Sirius like a bird of prey the moment he came in through the door. 

"Where have you been? What time is this to get home? Where have you BEEN?"

"Out. I needed some space," said Sirius and took off his jacket. "What do you care where I've been?" He kicked off his shoes, not looking at her. "So if you'll excuse me, I'll be going to my room."

"Oh no, you don’t!" growled Mrs. Black, grabbing a hold of his arm as he tried to pass her. Had they not had guests she would be screaming. "You missed dinner! Everybody was wondering where you were!"

"Who cares? All they do is bitch and moan about me! And all _you_ do is yell at me and Reggie, but Cissy and Bella can say whatever the hell they want to us!"

"They are guests! And they're also adults!"

"I don’t care if they’re guests!” said Sirius wrenched his arm away from his mother. “If they’re dishing it out, they should be prepared to get the same treatment! Why can’t they just go home?"

"I won't hear any more from you! They are guests and should be treated with respect no matter what! I don't care what you think is fair - you will behave for the next few days or I promise you there will be consequences!”

**o0o0o**

Regulus went to see his brother in his room a little later. "Are you mental?" he asked while holding out a hand to keep Padfoot from bouncing up on him. "Where'd you go? Potter’s?" 

"If you must know, then yes," said Sirius, looking very moody.

Padfoot kept trying to jump up Regulus but was pushed down every time he tried and then started barking happily, wagging his tail enthusiastically.

"How can that dog so dumb? I keep turning him away and still he acts all happy to see me."

"He’s too happy for his own good," said Sirius and called Padfoot over. “He just hopes you’ll eventually care enough to pet him."

"It's pretty dumb being happy when somebody you want to talk to keeps giving you the cold shoulder. He has no reason to like me."

"Neither did Remus, and he still liked you even though you gave him the cold shoulder to begin with."

"I didn't give Remus the cold shoulder," said Regulus. "I've never hit him or even pushed him, have I?"

"You did tear up that picture he drew of you and called him a freak. How that didn’t scare him off is beyond me." Sirius shook his head and shrugged. "And Padfoot likes everyone. The more you push him away, the harder he tries to get your attention."

"That's what I'm saying: He's dumb." Regulus looked around to locate a spot Sirius or Padfoot had not made a mess of, and decided to sit on the counter. He eyed the tail-wagging dog and said, "You know, if you would just calm down and be polite about it, I might actually want to pet you. If Sirius gave you a bath first. In his _own_ bathroom."

Sirius ruffled the dog’s fur and talked in a childish voice. "You’re perfect the way you are. Yes you are." Padfoot wagged his tail even more violently, nearly knocking Sirius out of his chair. "He just hasn’t been out running today, that’s why he’s so full of energy,” Sirius explained. "You should try and pet him after he’s been out running."

"I've seen him after he's been out running," said Regulus drily, indicating that Sirius was stupid for thinking otherwise. "He's only a little calmer and drools twice as much as normal."

"You just don’t want to like my dog,” sighed Sirius. “You should just try and pet him. It would mean the world to him."

"I will, if you give him a bath and groom him," said Regulus. "He's filthy."

"Deal," grinned Sirius. "And I’ll use my own bathroom this time." He sat quietly for a moment. "Did you get Remus anything for Christmas?”

"Of course I got him something. A sweater, gloves and scarf. He needs to keep warm so he doesn’t get ill again."

Sirius smiled. "I just didn’t know if the two of you had decided on giving each other presents. I mean, you haven’t been dating for so long. I wonder what he got you."

"Yeah... Maybe I should open it now. I'm not going to do it tomorrow morning in front of the others. There will be questions."

"Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

Regulus went back to his room, excited about Remus' present now that he had decided to open it. He dug it out from the drawer he had put it in. The package was hard and square and was wrapped in dark blue paper with stars on, making it look like a night sky. Regulus carefully unwrapped it as he sat down on his bed. Kreacher pricked up his ears as he looked curiously at the present. Inside was an astronomy book. There was also another book filled with sheets of piano music. Inside the box there was a small note:

_Happy Christmas, Regulus. We just got this book in, so I immediately thought of you. I remember you said you liked this author. I hope you like the things, otherwise I’ll trade them in for something else that you would enjoy more. Remus_

Regulus smiled and carefully opened the book. It made him feel warm inside how thoughtful Remus was about finding him a good present. And he realised just how much he missed him. A sudden crazy idea hit him: He could go to Remus' house now. Why not? He should be able to sneak out this late and they wouldn't discover that he was gone until the morning. And he could leave Remus' house early... It was risky, he knew. There was a chance they might find out, but right now he didn't care. He was willing to play the odds.

Before leaving. he went into Sirius' room. "I'm going to visit Remus," he announced. 

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Really? You’re actually going to sneak out and visit Remus? Well, I would drive you but I think Mum would notice if I start the car. Did you tell Remus that you’re coming?"

"No..." said Regulus, scratching his neck. Truth be told, he was a little afraid that if he called, Remus would talk him out of it. "I want to surprise him. It's fine, I can ride my bike."

"Okay. I’m sure he will be happy to see you.” Sirius walked over to the window and looked outside. "You better dress warm. It's snowing."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17 – How Does it Feel?**

Remus had just turned out the lights on the ground floor and was about to go upstairs to bed when he heard a knock on the door. He stopped and glanced at his watch. Who would come here, close to midnight on Christmas Eve?

"Hi," said Regulus, relieved that it was Remus opening the door. “I'm sorry to disturb you lot on Christmas Eve..."

"No, no, it’s fine," said Remus, smiling widely in surprise. He stepped aside so Regulus could come in. "Did something happen?" he asked, supressing the urge to hug and kiss him. He knew Regulus would feel ambushed.

"No, just couldn't stand being in the house with these horrible people another minute." Regulus suddenly gave Remus a hug, resting his chin on his shoulder, breathing in his scent. "And I missed you so much," he mumbled. 

Remus put his arms around him very gently, his heart leaping in his chest. This was the first time Regulus had wanted to hug – in fact it was the first time he had allowed their bodies to touch. "I missed you too," he said and kissed the top of his head.

It made Regulus a little uneasy feeling Remus' arms wrapped around him but he pushed the feeling away, concentrating on the good part: being close and together again. 

They stood in each other’s embrace for a while before Remus spoke. "Do you want to come sit down? My parents have gone to bed early so you don’t have to worry about them. I can make you some tea if you like?"

"Oh, yes," said Regulus, relieved that he didn't have to be social. 

Remus took Regulus' hand and led him to the kitchen. He put the kettle on and found some tea for Regulus to choose from. He leaned against the counter and looked at his boyfriend, feeling warmth spread in his chest. "I really missed you. I’m sorry you have to deal with your family and they aren’t being nice."

Regulus smiled a little. "Yes, they're ghastly. My oldest cousin is downright evil. She and Sirius have been fighting a _lot_."

"I can imagine," said Remus and filled the mugs with boiling water. "But you're welcome to stay here for as long as you like."

"Well... I have to be back by the morning. I snuck out and I'm not keen on being caught,” said Regulus, accepting the mug Remus handed him. “Besides, it's Christmas morning and I don’t want to impose."

They went to the living room to sit by the fireplace. Regulus was still cold from the bike ride, so Remus found a soft blanket and put it around his shoulders. Taking a chance, he put an arm around him, pulling him closer. "Better?"

Regulus nodded, turning his head to look at Remus. He rested his head on his shoulder and enjoyed the heat from him. It was wonderful sitting here in peace and quiet with Remus, just looking into the fire. He had not truly relaxed, he realised, since the family had arrived a few days earlier. 

Remus buried his nose in Regulus’ hair, inhaling deeply. Carefully he moved his hand up to gently lift Regulus' face so he could look at him. He sent him a gentle smile before moving in and placing a soft kiss on his lips. Feeling warm and relaxed, Regulus just melted into the kiss, his eyes slipping shut. Remus opened his mouth a little and felt Regulus open up to him as well. He pulled him a little closer. He just couldn’t get enough of him.

"Can we go to your room?" asked Regulus after ten minutes of kissing and light touching. He had become a little worried that one of Remus' parents might walk in on them down here. 

"Sure," said Remus and got up from the couch, pulling Regulus with him. As soon as he had closed the door behind them, Remus put his arms around Regulus and started kissing him.

Regulus kissed back and - surprising himself - pressed himself against him. Remus slowly backed until his legs hit the bed. He smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Regulus before sitting down, pulling Regulus with him onto his lap.

Regulus' heart hammered in his chest, a little in shock over the fact that he was now sitting on Remus' lap, their bodies touching, but also because it was exciting. However, the tight hands around him made him feel a bit trapped, so without moving off Remus' lap or breaking the kiss he reached behind his back to grasp Remus' hands and placed them carefully on his waist instead. 

Remus licked Regulus' bottom lip before deepening the kiss again. Gently he settled his hands on his waist, glad that Regulus had not pushed them away.

Regulus was losing himself in Remus, running his hands up and down his back, one hand wandering to his front, curiously exploring his flat chest. 

"Do you want to lie down with me?" asked Remus as he broke the kiss just barely. "Or we can stay like this if you prefer.”

Regulus looked at him, having a hard time thinking clearly through the daze. All he knew was that he didn't want this to end. He wanted to be physically close to Remus, a feeling he had never known before.

Since Regulus didn't give an answer, Remus slowly tilted backwards, Regulus following him and landing on top of him. Regulus suddenly became aware that he had grown hard from the excitement, and afraid that Remus would feel it, he crawled off him, lying down on his side, hoping Remus would do the same. Remus seemed to catch on, because a moment later they lay facing each other, bodies close but not quite touching. 

Remus caressed Regulus’ cheek before leaning in for another kiss. He had been dreaming of being able to lie like this, next to Regulus and kiss him, feel him without being pushed away. It was like a dream and he was suddenly afraid he would wake up.

Once in a while Regulus broke the kiss to look down at Remus’ chest. The top button of his shirt stood open, Regulus noticed, and he got an urge to see more. He trailed his fingers along the fabric at the neck, lingering a moment on the next button. 

Remus was surprised, but sent Regulus a reassuring smile. He let his hand rest on Regulus' hip, moving his thumb in circles, feeling the edge of  the hipbone through the rough fabric of the jeans.

Regulus felt it, but couldn't focus on anything but Remus' shirt. He couldn't go ahead and just open it, could he? Even though Remus probably wouldn't mind, it felt like it was crossing some kind of boundary if he started unbuttoning. He looked up at Remus. "Can... can I?"

Remus looked into his grey eyes and smiled. "Yes."

"Even... even though I’m not letting you open mine?"

"Yes," said Remus again and gave him a light kiss.

Regulus sat up on his haunches, looking down at Remus, who rolled onto his back and lay there smiling gently up at him. Regulus reached down and, fumbling a bit, slowly began to undo the buttons from the top. He felt secure in this position, free from restraints and free to explore at his own speed. And Remus seemed perfectly confident lying there all vulnerable to Regulus. When he had undone the final button, Regulus pushed the shirt off Remus’ shoulders as far as it would go without him getting up. Regulus gulped, staring at the chest and ran a hand softly over it. Remus was skinny - too skinny in fact, but Regulus still thought he looked good. "Thank you," he said after a few minutes of exploring, as if Remus had been doing him a favour.

"For what?" asked Remus a little surprised, but the smile not leaving his lips.

"Just... letting me do this. And not getting anything in return.”

"I got plenty," Remus chuckled, reaching up a hand to cup Regulus' cheek. "It feels good when you touch me.” They lay down on their sides again, facing each other. Remus smiled and scooted closer to Regulus. "I'm so glad you came to see me.”

Regulus moved his hips back a bit so their lower bodies were not in contact. He was still hard, and a little embarrassed about it, but being with Remus like this, touching and seeing him half-naked had got him rather excited. He wondered if Remus felt the same way. "How... What do you think about me? I mean... How does it make you feel what we've been doing together?"

"What do you mean?" asked Remus, a little puzzled. "Um... It makes me feel really good and I have to admit that I’d like to touch you more, but I know you don’t like that, so I won’t push you. Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy with what we’re doing now."

"But...” mused Regulus. “If we pretended I didn't have a problem with the touching thing, then what would you like to do with me?"

"Well," said Remus and bit his lip. "I’d crawl in over you and gently undress you. Kiss my way down your neck and onto your bare chest while letting my hands explore your body, learning what you like so I could make sure you enjoyed every second of it." He didn’t look up and his hand rested on Regulus’ hip once more, gently caressing it with his fingers as he spoke.

Regulus' mouth fell open as he stared at Remus. He hadn't expected him to be so bold, but it made him feel all hot inside, and even though he knew he wouldn't be able to stand Remus doing what he talked of, it still sounded very arousing. He gulped. "Oh... and that... that would make you feel good?" he asked, trying to keep his voice and breathing steady.

"It would," nodded Remus.

"How does it feel when I touch you?" asked Regulus curiously. 

"It gives me shivers," smiled Remus. "In a good way. I love when you touch me."

"Do you want me to do it some more?" Regulus wanted to do more with Remus. He liked that he said it felt good to be touched, because Regulus could better handle doing the touching than receiving it. 

Remus smiled. "I’d like that very much."

Staying on his side this time Regulus let his free hand start exploring Remus upper body again, daring to go lower this time. He noticed Remus stifle a gasp as his fingertips caressed his stomach. "Sorry, I didn't mean to tickle you."

"It’s alright," said Remus and took in a deep breath. "It felt good," he smiled and shivered slightly as Regulus ' fingertips ran across his stomach again. "Would it be okay... if I touched your hip? On the skin? Or is that too much?" He opened his eyes and looked at Regulus, crossing his fingers.

Regulus hesitated for a moment. "You can touch me… But not under the clothes. Promise you won’t."

“I promise," said Remus and let his hand move around on Regulus’ T-shirt.

Regulus forced himself to focus on Remus’ chest instead of the hand on his side. He wondered if he would ever come to enjoy being touched like this, but he supposed there was hope. Things had changed much the last few months. Remus' touch no longer sent a wave of anxiety and discomfort through him, so perhaps...

Remus smiled at him and leaned in for a kiss, enjoying the feel of the soft lips and the warm fingers on his chest. "Do you want me to get you the camp bed to sleep on or do you want to share my bed? I promise I won't do anything you don’t want me to." He looked into Regulus’ grey eyes and smiled softly, hoping that he would agree to sleep in the bed with him.

Regulus gulped. "I would like the camp bed." He knew he would not get a minute of sleep if he lay beside Remus, afraid to move in his sleep and come into physical contact without being fully aware. 

"Okay," said Remus and kissed him again. "I understand. It was just a suggestion." 

As nice as this had been, it had also been very intense and trying for Regulus so he was getting quite sated. "Perhaps we should get to bed. I think I'll get up at six thirty. Then I should be back before eight. I doubt very much any of my family will be up before nine on a holiday."

"Sounds like a good idea. I don't want you to get into trouble for coming to see me." Remus sat up and buttoned his shirt. "I'll just get the camp bed while you get ready for bed." He left to get the camp bed, a duvet and a pillow for Regulus.

A good twenty minutes later they had both crawled into bed and Remus reached down his hand to gently caress Regulus' shoulder. "Sleep well," he said and turned out the light. "Wake me tomorrow before you leave. I want to say goodbye."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18 -** **Don't You Want to Help your Brother?**

The second day after the holidays Mrs. Black drove Regulus to his psychiatrist appointment. Sirius had taken him he last two times because she had been out of town.

"Ah, Regulus," said Doctor Pfeiffer when the sulking teenager came into his office and demonstratively moved a chair a yard farther away from the psychiatrist before sitting down with crossed arms. "So good to see you," smiled Doctor Pfeiffer and flipped to another piece of paper on his clipboard. "So, how have you been?"

“Fine. How have you been?" mocked Regulus.

"I’ve been well, thank you," smiled the psychiatrist as if he hadn’t caught Regulus’ sarcasm. "So… have you practiced like I told you? Letting people get closer and even touch you?"

"How many times have I told you I don't have a problem with people touching me? I just don't like everybody pawing all over me all the bloody time. I'm not some whore at a brothel, and I'm certainly not going to start acting like one just because you want me to."

"Is that the image you have of yourself?” The doctor leaned forward and looked closely at Regulus. "Regulus… Did someone hurt you as a child?”

"W-what?" said Regulus, taken aback. Then he got angry. "No, I bloody well haven't been hurt as a child! How dare you insinuate such a thing?"

"You seem to believe that touching you is always meant as a sexual gesture. Victims of sexual abuse often develop a strained relationship to touch. So I had to ask."

"Well, I’ve never been abused!" Regulus nearly shouted. "And I don't have a problem with touch! My mother has been lying to you! Why do you listen to her and not me?"

"Well, you just said yourself that you were not a prostitute people could feel up. If that is how you see an innocent touch such as a handshake or a hug, that is plenty proof to me that you do have a problem with touch."

"I'm not afraid of touch! I have a boyfriend and everything.” Regulus leaned back and waved a hand. “There you go."

"A boyfriend?" Doctor Pfeiffer looked very surprised. "I see. And does your mother know of this boyfriend? She has not mentioned to me that you were homosexual. Not that there’s anything wrong with that."

“No, I haven’t told her, because she’s a bigot.”

The doctor took a few notes. "So do you and your boyfriend touch?”

"You would like to hear such details, would you?" said Regulus with contempt in his voice. "Well, it's none of your business what we do in private!"

"Of course it isn’t. I’m not asking for details. I was just wondering if he is allowed to touch you without you seeing it as an assault." When Regulus just gave him a deadpan look, clearly signalling that the subject was closed, the doctor sighed and pulled out a prescription block. "Regulus, I would like for you to try some  medication. Even though you say you have no problems, your behaviour tells me otherwise, and I think a bit of medication might help you."

"Medication? No! I'm not taking poison just because you lot don't like my personality!"

"I really think it would be a good idea to try."

"Well, I don't! Are we done now?" said Regulus, getting to his feet.

Doctor Pfeiffer sighed. "Yes, but I would like to have a word with your mother."

"Why?" Regulus suddenly got nervous. "You can't tell her about my boyfriend - she doesn't know I'm gay and she would just hate me even more."

"No, no. I won't tell her about your boyfriend," the doctor assured him. "No, there are a few things I’d like to discuss with her about your treatment."

Regulus pressed his lips together in a thin line. Then he marched out and told his mother that the witch doctor wanted to see her. Probably about joining his order. 

“So?” said Mrs. Black as she sat down in front of the psychiatrist. “Is there anything to be done? I must tell you, he has shown no sign of improvement. In fact, he has been acting horribly towards our guests during the holidays. _Such_ an embarrassment."

Doctor Pfeiffer sighed. "Well, he is still unwilling to cooperate with me. He became very angry when I asked if he had experienced sexual abuse in his childhood."

Mrs. Black looked shocked for a second. "Well, I can't see how that could have happened," she said stiffly. "No one has ever been able to get close to him, so I don’t see him ever letting anyone get away with such a thing without making a drama."

"What about kindergarten? Pre-school? Is it not possible something could have happened to him there? It could have happened when he was very young. He might not even remember it clearly."

"Well, everything is theoretically possible, I suppose," said Mrs. Black, not seeming very affected. "Although I highly doubt it. But let’s say just for the sake of argument that something _did_ happen, then what would there be to do about it?”

"If something did happen, it is very important that he gets proper help and understanding. It is very traumatising for a child to experience sexual abuse."

"Well, it’s your job to figure out what’s wrong with the boy, and how he can be fixed," she said, folding her hands in her lap.

Doctor Pfeiffer fixed her with a grave expression. "You don't seem very worried. Most parents would get very upset at the mere suspicion of their children having been exposed to abuse."

"What would you have me do?” scoffed Mrs. Black. “Track down his old teachers and question them? And as I said: I seriously doubt he has been exposed to something. "

The doctor took a deep breath, composing himself. "Your son needs some affection and understanding. Demanding that he get better will not help his condition. Whatever the cause is."

“Well, he doesn’t _want_ affection.”

“Have you tried giving him any?”

Mrs. Black glared at him. “Of course I have! I’m a good mother! I have given him everything and never got anything in return but trouble. And you should remember who’s paying your bills!”

Doctor Pfeiffer sighed. Then he pulled out his prescription pad. "I will give you a prescription for some anti-depressants, and hopefully you will be able to talk him into taking them."

"Anti-depressants? But he is not depressed."

"They work on anxiety disorders too."

Mrs. Black stared at him in disbelief. “If there’s a pill that can fix him, then why in the name of Jesus have you not just put him on that from the start?”

Doctor Pfeiffer took off his glasses. “Medication does not ‘fix’ him alone. He needs therapy as well, but anti-depressants can help reduce his anxiety and obsessions.”

**o0o0o**

Mrs. Black did not speak to her son until they were well on their way home. "The doctor gave me a prescription for some pills for you. I know you’re going to refuse, but believe me, you’re going to take them.”

"I already told him no! What's he giving you the pills for? I'm not going to take them! Ever!”

"You _will_ take them even if it means I have to stuff them down your throat!" hissed Mrs. Black, shooting him a stern look. "I have _had_ it with your behaviour!”

"Well, you might as well forget it. I'm not taking the pills, and that's that,” said Regulus, folding his arms across his chest. “I will bite off your fingers if you try to force them down my throat."

Mrs. Black looked like she had bit into a lemon. "You _will_ and that is final!" She stopped for a red light and tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. "He should have given us those pills from the start instead of being so judgemental. He even had the nerve to suggest that you had been abused. No, you haven’t. You’re just a spoiled brat."

“I HAVEN'T!" yelled Regulus, feeling very uncomfortable that the doctor had shared that theory with his mother. "And even if I had, you wouldn't care about it, other than worrying about the embarrassment if anyone should find out!"

"Are you saying it did happen?" said Mrs. Black and turned her head to look at him. "Because if it did, then you need to tell me!"

"NO! I'm saying that _if_ it did, why should I tell you? You wouldn't care, anyway!"

"That’s not true! I would sue that kindergarten or pre-school."

"And you think suing them would make me feel any better? It would make _you_ feel better and that's all you care about! You never cared about me or Sirius. You and Father both."

"Shut your mouth!" spat Mrs. Black. "We would care a whole lot more about you two if you behaved instead of acting like spoiled brats! Sirius, at least, is useful when it comes to the company, but you’re completely useless!"

"Suits me fine!" said Regulus sticking out his jaw and looked out the window, trying to convince himself that her last comment didn't hurt as much as it did, even though he already knew this was how they felt about him. 

**o0o0o**

Regulus passed Sirius on his hasty ascent up the stairs. "You okay there, Reggie?" Sirius asked, a little concerned, noticing how upset his brother looked.

"Fine!" said Regulus, not stopping to talk but storming into his room and locking the door. 

Sirius decided to go downstairs and talk to his mother. "What did you say to Regulus?" he asked, strongly suspecting that she was the reason for Regulus' bad mood.

"Nothing. He's just offended as usual about being taken to Doctor Pfeiffer. By the way - he gave me a prescription for your brother. Hopefully it will fix that head of his."

"There’s nothing wrong with his head. And you know he won’t take medication. He believes it poisons his body. What are you going to do? Make him take it?"

Mrs. Black laughed dryly. "Nothing wrong with his head? Poisons his body!” She snorted. “What a load of nonsense. Medicine is not poison - it cures illness. He is not right in the head and you know it, Sirius. Stop defending him every time I say something about him. He has to take this medicine, and I'm counting on you to convince him to take it."

"Me?" said Sirius, looking surprised. "Why do _I_ have to do it? I like being on his good side.”

"He needs to take that medicine because Doctor Pfeiffer thinks so, and he's the expert. Now, don't you want to help your brother?"

Sirius looked at his mother and bit his lip. He did want to help Regulus, and if medication could lessen his anxiety, then Sirius was all for it. There was just the small matter that he knew Regulus would never willingly take the medication. "Alright... I'll ask him, but that’s all I’m going to do. I won’t pressure him.”

**o0o0o**

Regulus came down to the dinner table that evening to find a pill lying on his empty plate. He sat down and looked at it. "Am I to interpret this as I'm going to take that before I get any food?"

"You're an intelligent boy," said Mrs. Black, pouring herself a glass of merlot. 

"Looks like I'm going to bed hungry, then."

Sirius looked at his brother and sighed. "Why don’t you just eat the stupid pill and get it over with?"

"No," said Regulus blankly. "I am not polluting my body with chemicals just because you think I'm crazy."

"It’s against anxiety, not against crazy," said Sirius. "It will help you relax more and not be so scared of everything."

"They bribed you to be on their side, I see. What did they promise you? A Rolex? Another car?"

Sirius was a little hurt by Regulus' words. "Nothing. I just want you to get better and not be so bloody afraid all the time."

"Well, I'm afraid of poisoning my body with pills, so how is that helping me be less anxious?"

"You're eating that pill and that's final!" said Mr. Black, hammering a hand in the table. "You're not anxious - you're just being difficult because you enjoy giving your mother and me grief."

In an instant Mrs. Black had left her seat and rushed over beside Regulus. She grabbed him by the jaw and forced his mouth open. "Eat it!"

"Mother!" exclaimed Sirius and jumped to his feet.

"NO!" screamed Regulus and jerked away from his mother's grip, at the same time knocking the pill out of her hand. 

She gripped him by the shoulders and pushed him down in his seat. She was a surprisingly strong woman. "Orion! Help me hold him down!"

Mr. Black got up from his seat and went to help his wife but Sirius reached her first and pushed her away from Regulus. "Leave him the hell alone! You’re the ones who are mental! This is abuse!"

"Stay out of this!" roared Orion. "This is OUR son and it's not your business how we treat him!"

"He is MY brother!" shouted Sirius, stepping in front of Regulus to shield him. “Now leave him alone!"

"Don't you _dare_ give me orders!" shouted Orion, his face going crimson. 

Regulus used the opportunity to escape and bolted out of door. Then he was up the stairs and ran for his room where he locked his door and put the chain on he had installed himself. 

Sirius backed away from his parents and tried to calm himself. It would do Regulus no good to escalate the situation any further, although it was hard not to begin a fight with them after what he had just witnessed.

Mrs. Black sat back down. "Well, then he will go to bed hungry. Maybe that’ll teach him," she said. "And YOU!" She pointed at Sirius. "Stop defending him or he will never get better!"

"He won’t get better with you abusing him, either!" said Sirius and sat down as well.

"You lay your hands on your mother again and you will be sorry," said Orion, his gaze piercing Sirius. 

"You try to force another pill down Regulus' throat and _you'll_ be sorry!" spat Sirius, returning the gaze.

Orion stood up slowly. "You just remember that you live here on our hospitality. You are of age and we can kick you out the moment we see fit."

"And what would happen to your precious company if you kicked me out?" asked Sirius but got slightly nervous. He didn’t want to leave Regulus behind, or he had left ages ago.

"If you keep acting up like this you're not fit to take over the company anyway. So the choice is yours: Stay here and behave, or you're on your own."

**o0o0o**

Mrs. Black came into the kitchen early the next morning to find Mrs. Harris. 

"Regulus got these pills from his psychiatrist, but he's being impossible as usual, refusing to even consider taking them. So I would like you to sneak them into his breakfast. Crush them or whatever, but make sure he gets them," she said and held out the package of pills for Mrs. Harris. “One each morning.”

Mrs. Harris looked at the package and then at Mrs. Black. "He would never trust me again if he found out I did this. This is your battle, not mine. I suggest you sit down and talk to him like the mother you’re supposed to be, instead of making me sneak drugs into the poor lad."

"Excuse me? Are you accusing me of being a bad mother?"

"I personally wouldn't hide pills in my children's food. I just thought it would be better to get him to take them willingly."

"Don't you think we have tried that? Even Sirius. But Regulus refuses, the blasted boy. And he's not a "poor lad" – he’s a spoiled brat who's being difficult in order to get attention!"

Mrs. Harris clenched her teeth for a minute to prevent herself from giving Mrs. Black a piece of her mind so candidly that her job would be in danger. She couldn’t risk that happening. The boys needed her – especially Regulus.

"So we agree?" asked Mrs. Black, holding out the pills again. 

Mrs. Harris took the small package. "I'll ask him to take them but I won’t put them in his food."

**o0o0o**

Regulus went downstairs for breakfast as soon as his parents left the house. He pinned Mrs. Harris' with his gaze as he sat down at the kitchen table. "Can I eat your food and drink the tea, or have they corrupted you?"

"You can eat it, luv," said Mrs. Harris. "I would never abuse your trust, although they did ask me to do so. But I’m going to say this -" She looked at him. "I think you should consider trying the pills. See if they might actually help you. But I won’t trick you into taking them so you need not worry about eating my food."

He looked her in the eye for a long moment, testing her honesty. "Okay. But I am not taking them, and if I suspect something I would rather starve.

She placed a plate of eggs, beans and toast across from Regulus. "Where is your brother? He will be late if he doesn’t get his bum down for breakfast."

"It wouldn't be a first," mumbled Regulus. "But I heard the water running so he's probably in the shower."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19 – Any Last Words?**

Regulus went outside during almost every recess, finding himself a secluded spot where he could get a small break away from all the students. But a sunny day in March, someone had followed him.

"Well, well, well. If it isn’t the freak," drawled Avery and shot a look at his two friends, Mulciber and Rosier, as they surrounded Regulus.

"How come they haven’t kicked you out yet, freak? Hasn’t Dumbledore convinced your parents to put you in a special school? Better yet – a nuthouse," grinned Mulciber.

Regulus' gaze flickered from student to student, trying to spot a way around them, but they had cornered him between the two walls. "You should talk," he said, forcing his voice to sound as cocky as only a Black's could. "- with your ridiculous make-up and piercings. Do you think it makes you look cool and dangerous?"

Avery narrowed his eyes. "We look cooler than you." He gave Regulus a rough push in the chest.

Regulus reeled back, hitting the wall behind him, his heart hammering in his chest. It was clear that they were going to get physical.

"You think you’re better than us, Black? Do you?" Avery gave him another push and stepped up to Regulus until he was only inches from him.

With Avery so close, Regulus panicked and shoved him hard in the chest. The Death Eater stumbled back a few steps, and Regulus quickly dodged him and rushed past. He almost got away but Mulciber caught him by the arm and flung him back against the wall. 

"Where’re you going?" said Avery and picked up a bottle, smashing it on the wall and pointing it at Regulus. "We are just trying to help you. Teaching you some social skills."

"FUCK OFF!" screamed Regulus, his arms flailing wildly, and then managed to knee Mulciber in the groin. The Death Eater shrieked in pain and doubled over, holding his privates. 

"You fucking freak!" cried Avery and thrust the bottle into Regulus’ shoulder.

Regulus barely registered the pain. Like a wild animal he bolted, now able to get around the three, and ran as fast as he could. He stopped on the other side of the school to catch his breath. The bell had just rung and the area was near empty. He sunk down on a big rock and took a look at his shoulder. Shit. The fabric was torn and there was a deep gash, bleeding profusely, having already soaked the top of his sleeve. He couldn't go back inside - they would just send him to the nurse's office or, even worse, the emergency room. No, he would get his bike and hurry home. Hopefully Mrs. Harris was still there and she could help him patch it up. He clutched his shoulder tightly on his way to the bike shed in an attempt to contain the bleeding. When he turned a corner he nearly ran into the PE teacher. 

"Mr. Black," said Professor Hooch, pinning the boy with a stern look. "Where do you think you're going? The bell has just -" Her expression turned softer when she spotted his bleeding shoulder. "What happened to you?” Like all teachers, she knew better than to touch Regulus. “You need to go see Madam Pomfrey right away!" Under vehement protest from Regulus, the professor marched him to the nurse’s office.

Madam Pomfrey looked tired when she saw Regulus. “Professor, would you mind fetching his brother?”

Professor Hooch returned a moment later with Sirius, who gaped at his brother in shock. "What the bloody hell happened?"

"I fell in the court yard and cut myself on a bottle," said Regulus, trying to fight off madam Pomfrey as she was trying to clean the wound. 

"SIT STILL!" she shouted. "Sirius - hold him down. I need to clean this so I can see how bad the damage is."

"I can clean it myself!" shrieked Regulus, pulling his arm out of her grip for the tenth time. 

"Regulus, sit still already!" ordered Sirius, trying to fixate his brother without much luck. Regulus was working himself up into a panic. "Wait here!" said Sirius, losing his patience. He marched off and came back a few minutes later with Remus in tow.

"What's he doing here?" said Regulus. "I told you I can clean it myself!”

Remus stepped into the office, eying Regulus’ shoulder in shock. Madam Pomfrey sieged the opportunity of Regulus being distracted to get a better look at the wound. "This will need stitches," she said. 

"No, no, no," said Regulus, shaking his head violently. "It’ll be fine. I'll just put a large band-aid on and it will heal up nicely."

"No, it won't. You are almost certain to get an infection, and even if it does heal on its own, it will leave a very ugly scar."

"I don't care," said Regulus.

"Yes you do," said Sirius. "Let Madam Pomfrey fix you!"

Remus sat down beside Regulus and looked at his shoulder with a grim expression on his face. "You... you really should let her stitch you up."

Regulus took another look at the wound and reluctantly realised that they were right. "Mrs. Harris can do it. She can sew. I'll just ask her to do it."

"Unless this Mrs. Harris is a nurse or doctor she is not qualified to do so," said Madam Pomfrey and took out a piece of cloth and some disinfection gel for the wound. "Now let me handle it or I will send you to the emergency room, and I know you will hate that even more."

Remus took one of Regulus’ hands and gave it a gentle squeeze. "It’ll be alright. She will fix you right up."

But Regulus could not stand the thought of Madam Pomfrey holding his arm and doing something so evasively as digging into his flesh with a needle. "What about Remus? Can't he do it while you instruct him?" he asked, clutching for straws. 

Remus' face turned white as he looked from Madam Pomfrey to Regulus. "I-I…" he stuttered and was relieved when Madam Pomfrey shook her head.

"No. It has to be me. I’m a nurse and I have done this hundreds of times before, so just relax."

"Yes, but I don't want you digging in my shoulder! Your face will be really close to mine and I can't stand that!"

"Reggie, stop that fucking rubbish and get it over with!" barked Sirius. "Do you want a big nasty scar? No? Then pull yourself together!"

"You can look at me while she does it," said Remus, trying to find a way to distract Regulus. "Then you won’t have to sit face to face with her."

"What if we just put on a very tight bandage to keep it together? Then maybe it won't need stitches..." said Regulus, still not quite ready to give in.

"Do you want an ugly scar?" hissed Sirius, a vein pulsing on his temple. "What about Remus? How attractive do you think he would find a big nasty scar on his boyfriend?"

Regulus gasped, his eyes flickering from his brother to Remus. 

"W-what?" said Remus. "No! I just want you to be okay, that’s all that matters to me." Remus sent Sirius a reproachful look before returning to Regulus. "You need to get stitches. It will also keep infection away, and it doesn’t really hurt. I fell in the school yard once and cut open my knee." Remus pulled up his trouser leg and revealed a scar. "See? It won’t be so bad."

"I don't care about the pain!" scoffed Regulus. "It's  _her_. I don't want  _her_  doing it!"

"You're acting like a brat!" yelled Sirius. "How do you think you're making Madam Pomfrey feel, talking like that?"

"Regulus," said Madam Pomfrey. "We need to get this stitched! There is no way around it or I will send you to the hospital where they will sedate you to do it. Would you rather have that?"

Remus caressed Regulus' hand and looked him in the eye. "You can handle this. I know you can."

"Alright..." said Regulus finally. "But you sit in front of me."

Madam Pomfrey told Regulus to carefully remove his shirt so she could get to his shoulder. When Regulus refused, she allowed him to keep his T-shirt on and rolled up the sleeve the best she could. "It’s going to hurt a bit, but I’ll be as gentle as I can." 

When Regulus said nothing, she started sewing. Remus held Regulus’ hand and tried to keep eye contact to keep his attention off Madam Pomfrey.

Regulus' self-control lasted for one and a half stitch and then with a rough jerk he tore his arm away from the nurse's grip, ripping open the skin where the needle had been half way through. 

"Regulus!" gasped Madam Pomfrey, staring at the damage.

"Sit still for God's sake!" cried Sirius. “You’re gonna rip yourself to shreds!”

"He needs to lie down," said Madam Pomfrey, treading the needle anew. "On your back, Black, and then your brother take a good hold of your wrist."

Sirius pushed Regulus down on the examination couch and took a good hold on him to keep him steady. "Now lie still and let her do her bloody job!”

"Don't hold so tight!" snapped Regulus at his brother. "Can't Remus do it?"

Sirius looked over at Remus and then nodded, letting go of Regulus to let Remus take over.

Remus' grip was gentler than Sirius', yet firm. Regulus tried to relax, focusing on Remus' face and trying to block out everything else. 

About fifteen minutes later Madam Pomfrey could finally cut the string and lean back, wiping her brow. "There. Now you keep that arm steady or it will burst open again and all this will have been for nothing. I suggest you go home for the day and rest."

Regulus heaved a sigh of relief when she let go of him. It had been incredibly uncomfortable, but Remus' calm demeanour had helped him not panic. Sirius meant well, but his way of dealing with Regulus in these situations were not the most efficient. He would get more and more frustrated and, in turn, wound Regulus even more up. 

Remus helped Regulus sit up. "How are you feeling?" he asked and looked at him a little closer. He thought he looked rather pale. "Do you want me to go with you? I can skip the rest of my classes."

"You shouldn't skive off lessons for me..." said Regulus although hoping he would. "Sirius, will you drive me home?"

"Of course. There's no way I'm letting you bike home with that arm."

"It’s no big deal,” said Remus. “I’ll do some studying at your house so I won’t fall behind. So what do you say? Is it okay that I go with you home?"

"If you insist," Regulus shrugged. 

**o0o0o**

Once in the car Sirius turned to his brother. "Now tell me the real story. I'm not buying the ‘I fell and cut myself’ fib."

Regulus sighed. He had lied to Professor Hooch because he did not need another scandal involving him and fighting. He had trouble enough at school as was and with his record the teachers would probably not believe that this was not his fault. "It was Avery. He and Mulciber and Rosier cornered me out behind the science wing. He broke a bottle and cut me when I tried to escape."

Sirius' eyes went dark as he let out a string of curses.

"They cut you with a bottle?" asked Remus, horrified. "But why?"

"Because they’re mental," hissed Sirius and turned to his brother for a moment. “I won’t let them get away with that shite!"

“We should go to McGonagall or Dumbledore,” said Remus.

"No. I don't want more trouble at school. There's enough of that. Besides, they’d bring Mother and Father into it, since cutting someone open with a bottle is pretty serious. And I don't want them to know."

Sirius didn’t say another word the whole way home. He looked like he was thinking hard. "I’ll be home in a few hours," he said as he dropped them off.

Remus nodded and thanked him for driving them. As Sirius drove away, Remus turned to Regulus. "I didn’t like the grim expression he had. You don't think he’ll do something stupid, do you?"

"Oh yes, I'm sure he will do something stupid. I only hope he doesn't get in trouble for it."

Remus bit his lip and gazed after the car that had disappeared over a hill. "Let’s go inside. “It’s freezing out here."

When they walked inside, Mrs. Harris came out from the kitchen, looking mildly surprised to see them. "Regulus? Why are you home so early?" She frowned. "Did you get into trouble at school again?"

"I cut my shoulder," said Regulus, taking off his jacket to reveal his bloody shirt and the bandaged upper arm. "It was just an accident." He felt a little ill and dizzy, which was not so strange. He had bled quite a lot. 

"Good gracious! Have you seen a doctor?" she said and quickly examined the wound. “Get off that bloody clothes and take a shower, dear. Then I'll fix you some food. You look a little pale."

"I just need to lie down for a bit," said Regulus, but hurried to his bathroom, eager to get out of his bloodied shirt. He was disgusted by body fluids and hated to be anything but clean. 

Ten minutes later he opened the door slightly so he could peep out, hoping Remus was waiting in his room. "Could... could you give me a hand with my shirt? It's a bit difficult to put on with my shoulder, you know."

"Of course," said Remus. 

Regulus hesitated for a second. This would mean Remus got to see him topless. He wasn't quite comfortable with that, but supposed that as long as Remus didn't grope him it wouldn't be so bad. 

Remus did his best to not gawk too blatantly. Regulus’ body was slender and flawless. Nothing like Remus’ own. He gulped and picked up the clean shirt and helped Regulus put it on. When Regulus' head popped through the top, their faces were very close to each other. Remus smiled and looked into the grey eyes, reflecting himself in them.

"T-thanks," said Regulus, taking a step back. "Do you want to lie down with me a bit while I rest? Mrs. Harris will probably disturb me soon with something sugary."

"I’d like that very much," said Remus. He hoped Mrs. Harris would come before they got too comfortable. It would be nice to lie and relax with Regulus until Sirius came home.

"Could you put this on the wound?" asked Regulus, handing Remus the extra bandages Madam Pomfrey had given him to dress the wound to protect it from infections. 

"Sure," said Remus. "Just keep it steady and I'll put it on." Carefully he started to wrap Regulus' shoulder very carefully, afraid to put pressure on the wound. "Does it hurt?" he asked, not taking his eyes off the shoulder while working.

"It's alright," said Regulus. The wound did hurt quite a lot but he was not going to sound like a wimp.

Mrs. Harris knocked on the door five minutes later and Regulus hurried over to meet her so she didn't have to come inside the room. 

"I brought you and Remus some tea and biscuits."

Remus was there in an instant to take the tray so Regulus didn't have to use his injured arm. 

"Thanks," said Regulus. 

"You two enjoy," smiled Mrs. Harris.

Regulus wasn't really hungry, he just wanted to sleep, but he knew Mrs. Harris expected him to eat, so he took a biscuit and stuffed it into his mouth before lying down 

Remus lay down beside him. "You just sleep. Tell me if you want me to leave the bed, yes?" He remembered when Regulus had slept at his house he had wanted to sleep alone, but this time he had asked Remus to lie with him.

"Mmm," hummed Regulus, closing his eyes. He was very drowsy already and in less than a minute he had fallen asleep. 

**o0o0o**

"I'm going to smash his face in," said Sirius when he had told James and Peter what had happened. "I'm going to kill that bloody bastard! I just need to get him on my own and preferably outside of school so I don't get in trouble with McGonagall."

"How are you going to do that?" asked Peter with admiration in his voice. "I mean those Death Eaters always walk in packs."

"It wasn’t just Avery, was it?" James asked Sirius.

"Mulciber and Rosier were there too, but it was Avery who cut Reggie. And since I don't want you to get in trouble for fighting, I'll settle for just him."

“What the hell?” said James, looking incredulous. “You don’t want my help?”

“I’d like your help getting Avery on his own, but if you start beating up students you’ll lose your prefect status if someone finds out. Even if it happens outside of school. And now you’ve finally landed Evans, I don’t want you to risk all that."

James protested vehemently but finally agreed to let Sirius do the dirty work alone.

It turned out to be easier to catch Avery on his own than they had expected. They stalked him for half a kilometre walking with Mulciber, Snape and Nott, but then they split up, Avery probably heading home. 

"Pete and I will wait out of sight," said James. "But we’re keeping an eye on you, and if you're getting your arse kicked just yell and we'll come and save you."

"Very funny, Potter. I think I can handle one little Death Eater on my own." When Sirius was sure the others had left, he hurried after Avery and when he was only a few yards away from him, he barked, "Avery!"

Avery spun around and froze when he spotted Sirius. "Black? What do you want?"

"You hurt my little brother, you son of a bitch," he growled, walking towards Avery, his hands clenched into fists. "Any last words before I beat the living shite out of you?"

Avery took a quick look around to see if there was an easy escape route. "That sick freak attacked me - it was self-defence! Everybody knows he starts fights all the time!"

"I don’t believe you," said Sirius. "If he got violent it was self-defence, and no matter what, it doesn’t give you the right to slice him with a broken bottle! He had to get fifteen stitches!" Sirius walked even closer and Avery backed into a wall. "How does it feel? Being cornered? How do you think it made my brother feel?"

Avery gulped, looking scared now that he was alone. "I didn't corner him! It was Mulciber's idea, okay? And then your brother attacked him and I had to defend him."

"Wrong answer!” Sirius grabbed a hold on Avery’s collar so he wouldn't escape and planted a solid punch in his jaw.

Avery let out a grunt as his head popped back and knocked against the wall. He raised his arms trying to shield his face but before he could get them in place Sirius landed another blow on him 

"You’re a coward!" Sirius hissed and sunk a fist into his stomach, letting go of him so he could sink to his knees. "Attacking my brother and then trying to lie your way out of it? You’re not so tough when you’re on your own, are you?"

"You're gonna pay for this!" coughed Avery between gasps for air. "You and your freak brother!"

Sirius narrowed his eyes and pulled Avery to his feet by the hair. "What did you say? My brother is not a freak!"

"You're both mental!" said Avery, trying to wipe his mouth with a hand, smearing blood and black lipstick out on his chin. 

"You’re a waste of my time," said Sirius and pushed him back so he hit the wall again. “But if you ever lay a hand on him again I’ll waste a whole hour of my time on redecorating your ugly phiz. Got that?”

"Blimey," said Peter, looking very impressed when Sirius returned to them. "You didn't even get a scratch!"

"Yeah, he wasn't so tough without his bottle," said James. 

"I had hoped for more of a fight from him," grinned Sirius. "I thought he would piss himself when he saw me, backing away and wide eyed."

"Well, let's hope it will keep him away from your brother."

"If not, I will do it again and this time he won’t be able to stand up when I’m done."

**o0o0o**

Mrs. Harris met the three in the hall. "What's that on your jacket? Is that blood? Did you get in trouble as well? I have just taken care of your brother!"

"Nah, it’s nothing," said Sirius, waving her off. "Is Reggie okay?" he asked a little worried. "Since you said you had to take care of him. I thought Madam Pomfrey had fixed him right up."

"Well, he was pale! He needed fluid and sugar, of course. The poor boy lost a lot of blood. And don't brush me off like that - what happened with you? I want the whole story! Your brother told me he fell and cut himself."

Sirius sighed. So Regulus had not told her the truth. "I got into a fight with one of those goth kids at school." He sent her a smile and crossed his arms. "I didn’t get one scratch, so you don’t have to take care of me."

"Ah, so he cut your brother. Yes, I can put two and two together. I hope he needs as many stitches as poor Regulus."

"Sadly not," said Sirius. "I gave him a few good punches, though. Hope I broke his nose at least.” He then looked serious. "Don’t tell mum and dad. Regulus doesn’t need more problems."

"No, I won't say anything," she sighed. "But I would like to get my claws in the boy who did this."

"I’ll bring you to school and point him out to you," Sirius laughed.

James and Peter chuckled. Just the thought of Mrs. Harris running down the hall after Avery was priceless. 

**o0o0o**

There was a knock on Regulus' door. "Reggie? Remus?"

Remus opened his eyes with a start and looked around confused. Then he realised where he was and spotted Regulus lying beside him, still fast asleep. He sat up and carefully moved out of bed and went to open the door.

"Sleeping, yeah?" said Sirius when Remus opened the door, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "How is Reggie?"

Remus glanced over his shoulder at Regulus who had rolled onto his side. "Better, I think. He got a shower and a bit to eat. "

"Well," said Sirius, pulling a small box from his pocket. "Here's some antibiotics Madam Pomfrey forgot to give us. You can be the lucky man who gets to break the news to Mr. drama queen. He needs to take them to prevent an infection."

Remus looked at the package and gulped as he took it. "I'll do my best."

"You staying for dinner? I think Mrs. Harris is making pot roast. And believe me, she makes one killer of a pot roast!"

"That sounds good," Remus smiled. "Are James and Peter here as well?"

"Yeah. We're going to play some boxing on Wii. I'm winning, since I got a good warm-up on Avery," Sirius grinned. "I would ask you to join, but I'm guessing you would rather cuddle with my little brother."

Remus went slightly pink. "Wait a minute," he said as he just realised what Sirius had said. "You got in a fight with Avery?"

"Oh, right. Gave him a bloody nose and wet trousers, I think. What a coward."

"I hope you don’t get in trouble for it."

"I won't. Did it away from school and he isn't going to squeal. He would be in more trouble than me if it came out what happened. He sliced open a student with a bottle. Even Dumbledore would have to expel him. 

"That’s true," nodded Remus. "I’m glad you didn’t get hurt. He could have cut you as well."

"I'd liked to have seen him try. Well, see you at dinner."

Remus ran his hand through his hair and sighed before closing the door. He sat down on the edge of the bed and gently cupped the sleeping boy’s cheek. "Regulus? You awake?"

Regulus woke with a start as he felt a hand on his face, but calmed when he saw it was Remus. "Well, now I am. Have I slept long? Is it late?"

Remus checked his watch. "You slept for three hours." He sent him a smile and brushed his hair back. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry."

"Good," Remus said and hesitated a little before speaking again. "Um, Sirius brought some antibiotics for your shoulder. You really need to take them so you don’t get an infection."

"What? No, I don't think I need that. I'm not taking something for something I don't have. I'll just save them in case I do get an infection," said Regulus, reaching out for the box in Remus' hand 

"I really think you should take them," Remus said and tried to gain eye contact with him. "It’s better to prevent an infection than to fight it off. Believe me I know all too well."

"Well, it's different with you. I'm healthy and don't get ill that easily."

"It's just that Madam Pomfrey said that bottle could have had a lot of bacteria on it and that you really need to take these. Please? I just don’t want you to get ill."

Regulus hesitated. "No. She cleaned the wound and I'll be careful to keep it clean. It will be fine." He sighed. "People have so much faith in pills and medication. You can get pills for _anything_ nowadays, and people think they have some kind of magic ability. Like that stupid therapist my parents are forcing me to see. He wants me to take crazy-pills for my ‘condition’. I bet you he knows it's all bollocks. He's just doing it to please my mother. She wants the magic pill solution."

Remus looked a little surprised. "Well, if you want to, I can ask my mum about that medicine you got and whether it’s any good."

"Your mum?" asked Regulus, raising his eyebrows. "Why? Is she a doctor?"

"Um, well kind of," Remus said and rubbed his arm nervously. "She’s a psychologist. Not that she would try to force any medicine on you," he quickly added, afraid Regulus would get the wrong idea.

" _What_?" exclaimed Regulus angrily. “She’s a shrink and you never told me? So she's been spying on me whenever I've been to your house? Studying me? Do you sit and discuss what an interesting case I am?"

"What? No of course not!" said Remus, although it wasn’t quite true. "My mum likes you. And she doesn’t go around studying people outside of work, you know."

"I think you should leave. I feel a little betrayed and I need some time away from you."

Looking very hurt, Remus got up from his seat on the bed. "I honestly didn’t think it mattered," he said before leaving and going to Sirius’ room.

"Hey, what's with you?" asked James when he saw Remus' crestfallen face.

"Regulus is upset with me and said he needs time away from me," said Remus and sank into a chair. He explained what had happened.

"Ouch," said Sirius, lowering his controller. "Classic Reggie. Always finds something to make drama about."

"Bloody hell, Remus," said James. "But you always knew you had a difficult boyfriend. Do you think he'll come around, Sirius?"

"Yeah. You mean the world to him, Remus. It might take some time, though. If anyone can hold a grudge, it's Reggie. Best just leave him alone until he talks to you on his own."

**o0o0o**

To Regulus' annoyance he found himself disappointed to find that Remus had left when he came down for dinner. He was still mad and wasn't supposed to want to see him for a while. 

Regulus put some of Mrs. Harris' low-fat potato salad and a large piece of whole-wheat baguette on his plate and turned to head upstairs. 

"Why don't you have some of the pot roast?" asked James, feeling like provoking Regulus a bit. "Red meat's got plenty of iron and you've lost all that blood."

Regulus turned on the spot and scowled at James. "It also has a load of unhealthy things. And stay out of my business, Potter. You’re not my doctor!"


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 – Just go ahead**

The next day at school, Remus kept his distance, just hanging his head whenever he saw Regulus, who pointedly ignored him.

"Lighten up, Remus," said Sirius as they sat down to lunch. "He’ll come around."

The next day Regulus decided that Remus had had enough punishment. He was still a little upset with him, but he missed him terribly, so he sent him a text. 

_\- You coming over after school or what?_

Remus looked at his phone, his eyes wide. He had been so miserable since Regulus had told him to leave, but now he was acting as if nothing had happened.

_\- Sure, if you don't mind me coming over_

_\- If I minded, why would I ask?_

**o0o0o**

Remus stood outside the door for a minute before finally ringing the doorbell. He didn’t know if Regulus would act like he always did or if he would still be upset with him.

Regulus opened the door and let Remus step in. "You came alone. Did my brother stay to watch Ronaldo practice?"

"Yeah," said Remus and sent him a nervous smile. He took off his scarf and jacket, hanging them on the coat stand. He looked at Regulus and rubbed his neck nervously. "Are... are you still mad at me?"

Regulus gave him a blank look as if Remus had asked him a strange question. "Why would I be mad?"

Remus looked a little puzzled but then smiled. "Forget I asked," he said, reaching out for his hand.

They decided to go to Regulus’ room. As soon as Regulus had locked his door behind them, Remus put his arms around him and leaned in to gently press their lips together.

Regulus kissed back although automatically taking a gentle hold of Remus' upper arms to prevent him from wrapping them too tightly around him. It was okay now to stand close, bodies touching, but Regulus still didn't like feeling trapped. 

Slowly deepening the kiss, Remus turned them around and backed towards the bed, happy that Regulus followed without hesitation. They dropped down on the bed, lying on their sides facing each other. Remus hesitated a little before sliding a hand down Regulus' body, and as it reached the end of his shirt, Remus broke the kiss for a moment. "Can I?" he asked, letting his fingers play with the hem.

Regulus wanted to say no, but it wasn't fair to Remus. They had been stuck at this point for a long time and he didn't feel he could keep rejecting Remus, so he gulped and gave a short nod. 

"Just tell me to stop if it gets too much," said Remus and closed the gap between them again in a soft kiss. His fingers slowly crept up under the hem of Regulus’ shirt and caressed the warm skin with his palm.

Regulus stiffened, forcing himself not to move or bat away Remus' hands, and tried to concentrate on the kiss. It was difficult, though. Why couldn't he get across this barrier of being okay with Remus touching him under the clothes? It didn't make him panic any longer, but it was still very uncomfortable for him.

Remus moved his hand away after a moment, noticing how tense Regulus was, eying him with a concerned look on his face. "You’re stiff as a board. I don’t want you to do this just to please me. I want to touch you, but not if it brings you discomfort."

"Yes... Yes, you do. I have to get used to it. It's not fair," said Regulus, feeling ashamed and angry with himself. "Just go ahead."

"Forget about what I want,” said Remus and brushed his hair out of his eyes. “What do _you_ want?"

"I... I want this. To be with you. To do boyfriend stuff. The way it's supposed to be," said Regulus. 

Remus smiled softly. "Let’s try something different, then." He dipped his head in under Regulus’ chin and kissed his neck.

Regulus let out a gasp as the lips on his throat sent shivers through him. He pulled back, staring at Remus, surprised both at what Remus had just done and - even more - the way it had felt.

Remus looked up at him, a little worried. "You don’t like it? I can go back to kissing you on the lips if you’d rather have that, but I thought this might feel good for you."

"N-no," said Regulus. "You can do it again. It... felt alright."

Remus' eyes lit up as he leaned back in to pepper kisses all around Regulus’ neck. He was pleased to hear Regulus letting out another gasp.

This was exciting. Apart from kissing, this was the first time Regulus had felt any kind of pleasure from physical contact. For some reason Remus' mouth did not make him feel uncomfortable the way his hands did. It made no sense, but that was how it was. When he felt Remus slowly slipping a hand under his shirt again, Regulus grabbed the wrist and removed it, placing it on his jean-clad hip instead, hoping he would keep it quiet there. The touch was very uncomfortable and Regulus wanted to just enjoy the lips on his neck.

Remus understood and decided to keep his hand still on Regulus’ jeans, all the while kissing his way down his throat until he couldn’t go any further because of the shirt. He wished he could unbutton it, but wasn’t sure how Regulus would feel about that. "I’d like to keep kissing you further down, but that means you have to remove your shirt, or just unbutton a few buttons," he hummed against his skin. "But I understand if you’re not ready for that." He placed another gentle kiss on his throat and awaited his response.

"It feels good on my neck," said Regulus, avoiding answering the question directly. The shirt was not coming off. He just wasn't ready for that. 

Remus nodded and resumed his activity. Regulus closed his eyes and revelled in the moist lips on his neck and how it made his blood course through his veins. He was getting quite turned on. Without thinking about it, his hands went to Remus' shirt, fumbling a bit with it before pushing a hand up under it to touch. 

Remus let out a surprised gasp. He took a gentle hold on Regulus’ hip and pulled him closer, his lips still caressing the skin of Regulus' neck. The touch on his chest made his skin tingle. Oh, how he wanted to touch Regulus too, but he had made it clear that he didn’t wish him to do so.

"Remus," hummed Regulus as his hand moved around Remus' back and then down over his bottom. 

Lying flush against each other, Remus responded with an automatic roll of his hips.

Regulus started and pushed Remus back. 

Remus looked at him in surprise. "I'm sorry."

"It's... It's okay," said Regulus, sitting up. "I just need to use the bathroom..." Then he hurried off, leaving Remus lying on the bed.

Remus rolled onto his back and ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. "You have to learn to control yourself!" he scolded himself.

Regulus stayed out there until he had calmed down. When he didn't think he could let Remus wait any longer, he went back out and sat down on the bed. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"It’s alright," said Remus. "I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to push you. I just got a little carried away." He smiled and reached out for Regulus’ hand, lacing their fingers.

"Are you staying for dinner today?" Regulus asked, changing the subject. He was a little scared Remus would want to leave because he had cut them off when they had got going. 

"I’d love to stay for dinner,” smiled Remus. “How is your shoulder, by the way? I had been meaning to ask you but then we got caught up in cuddling."

"It's fine. I don't think it's going to get infected," Regulus added quickly, in case Remus was going to start about the antibiotics again. 

**o0o0o**

Regulus found Mrs. Harris in the kitchen as she was preparing dinner. "Remus is eating with us," he said, gesturing to Remus who had followed him into the kitchen

"Oh how lovely," said Mrs. Harris, her dark face lighting up in a broad smile. "You're always welcome to eat with us, luv." She took out an extra piece of chicken and put it on the pan.

Remus craned his neck to look past Regulus at the food. "It looks very delicious, Mrs. Harris," he smiled and watched her put some vegetables into a pot.

"Thank you, dear. Regulus is very picky with his food, as you know."

"I'm not picky. I just won't pollute my body with junk," Regulus commented. "By the way, Mrs. Harris... I'm going to be in trouble when Mother comes back from Spain. I know she hasn't given up on making me take these pills. Could you perhaps lie for me and say you're feeding them to me in my food like she asked? Although, of course, you aren't."

Mrs. Harris turned to look at him sternly, her hands on her hips. "I would have liked for you to actually try to take those pills to see if they helped you with your anxiety, but I don't want you to get in trouble. I do, however, have a counter offer: I lie to your mother for you, and you try to cooperate with that therapist. Yes?"

"What?" said Regulus, a little taken aback. "But that bloke is completely incompetent! He has outrageous theories and he's annoying as hell."

"Well, it wouldn’t hurt giving it a shot, would it? That is all I ask of you, and your mother will never know that you aren’t getting your pills."

Regulus mumbled something unintelligible. He was already talking to the psychiatrist, because he was forced to go there, but ‘making an effort?’

"Just think about it, dear," said Mrs. Harris. "One time and see how it goes."

They ate in the kitchen since it was just the brothers and Remus. Regulus liked it best this way, without their parents or Sirius’ other friends. Sirius hung in over his plate, resting his head on his hand. He looked like someone who was ready to go straight to bed.

"Hard day?" asked Remus, smiling at Sirius.

"Yeah. I could use another holiday. When is the next one?"

"Well, Easter is in a month."

“A whole month! I’m not gonna make it that long,” groaned Sirius.

Regulus found Remus' hand under the table and gave it a squeeze. He still felt bad about earlier. He was afraid that Remus was getting tired of being rejected all the time. It must be very frustrating for him to be led on and then pushed away again and again. 

Remus looked down at their joined hands and sent Regulus a smile. "I guess I’ll take the bus home today since you're so tired," he said to Sirius.

"No, I’ll drive you."

"No, it’s okay," smiled Remus. "The bus-stop is just around the corner. I’d like to stay a bit longer, and you look like you could use a bed right now."

“The bus is full of ill people,” said Regulus, pinning Remus with his gaze.” Let him drive you. He doesn’t mind, do you, Sirius?”

“No, I don’t mind. Like I just said.”

Remus shook his head. "I’ll just take the bus in a couple of hours. There won’t be so many people by that time."

**o0o0o**

After dinner Remus and Regulus decided to watch a film. Remus sat on the bed with his back against the headboard, Regulus resting his head in his lap. Remus looked down and smiled while letting his fingers run through Regulus’ soft hair. It made him feel warm inside being able to sit like this with his once so reserved boyfriend. He turned his attention towards the TV as he kept stroking the silky locks.

Regulus closed his eyes, enjoying the fingers carding through his hair. So he was getting alright with Remus touching his face and head as well. Why was it still so aversive for him when he touched his body? Regulus could not explain it. He supposed it would make perfect sense if he had been molested as a child as his therapist suspected, but that just wasn't the case. It had to be something else. Perhaps it was some genetic fuck-up, Regulus mused.

**o0o0o**

The next day Remus did not come to school. James texted him, asking where he was, and when there was still no answer two hours later he called the house. 

"The Lupin residence," answered a woman. 

"Mrs. Weasley?" asked James, understanding that this confirmed their suspicion that Remus was ill. "What's wrong with Remus this time?"

"I’m not sure," said Mrs. Weasley, sounding a bit concerned. "He wasn’t feeling well this morning so his mother asked him to stay home from school."

Hearing the news, Regulus went straight to Remus' house after school. Mrs. Weasley let him in, automatically stepping out of the entrance hall, having learned by now that Regulus needed space. 

Remus was half asleep when Regulus came into the room but opened his eyes and smiled weakly at him. "Hey," he said in a hoarse voice.

Regulus sat down next to the bed. "You shouldn't have taken the bus. Those bloody things are germ fests on wheels. You should have let Sirius drive you."

"Must have caught a cold, but honestly it’s not so bad,” mumbled Remus. “I ate some chicken soup and rested and I already feel loads better."


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21 – Are You a Doctor, Young Man?**

Remus came to school the next day, but didn't look well. 

"You don't look too good, mate," said James, seeing his pale face and dull eyes. "Sure you shouldn't have stayed home in bed?"

"No, I’m fine," smiled Remus, not feeling at all like he should have gone, but he just couldn’t stand to be bedridden again.

"You sure?" asked Sirius, equally concerned.

"I’m fine. Really."

"How did you manage to convince your mother to let you go?" asked Peter when they sat in Science class. "I mean, she's a bit overprotective, isn't she?"

"Quiet down there, Pettigrew!" sounded McGonagall's stern voice. 

"She left early," said Remus and felt a sharp sting to his chest. His throat felt like sand paper and he swallowed a couple of times, trying to moist it a bit. After ten minutes he raised a shaking hand. "Professor McGonagall? May I go get some water, please? My throat is very dry."

"I'm sure you can survive until recess," said McGonagall, peering over her spectacles; but upon seeing Remus' face she continued, "You don't look well. Perhaps you should pay a visit to Madam Pomfrey."

"Perhaps," nodded Remus.

"Well. Go on, then."

Remus got to his feet but as soon as he stood up, his head started swimming. He tried to walk, but a few steps from the door his chest felt so tight that he almost couldn’t breathe. Then everything went dark as he passed out, collapsing on the floor.

Everybody stared at Remus. A girl screamed and Sirius and James jumped up and rushed over to Remus. 

"MOVE!" said Sirius, unceremoniously pushing someone away who had already kneeled by Remus. "Remus? Remus!" he said, giving the boy a shake.

"Careful there!" instructed McGonagall, looking flustered. "Somebody fetch Madam Pomfrey! Potter - you go!"

James raced out of the room and down the hall to the nurse's office. He returned with Madam Pomfrey a few minutes later and she kneeled down beside the still unconscious boy. He was pale as a ghost and his breathing came in wheezy puffs.

"We need to call an ambulance," she said after looking Remus over for a moment. "I’m worried about his breathing. Remus? Remus, can you hear me?" She gave him a gentle shake but there was no response.

The ambulance arrived ten minutes later. The paramedics managed to get through to Remus, but he was very groggy. “Just lie still and concentrate on breathing into this,” said one as he put an oxygen mask over Remus’ nose and mouth.

Madam Pomfrey told the paramedics about Remus' condition as they lifted him up on the gurney.

There was turmoil in the main hall as students had milled out of classrooms to see what was going on, of course having heard the ambulance.

"What happened?"

"Who are they picking up?"

"It's probably somebody in Binn's class who died of boredom."

"Make room!” said McGonagall, ushering people out of the way so the paramedics could roll the gurney down the hallway.

Sirius, Peter and James stood in the doorway, watching the ambulance drive off. "We have to go to the hospital so he isn’t alone," said James, looking at his friends.

"I have to get Regulus first," said Sirius.

As the only student to have stayed in his classroom, Regulus was sitting at a desk in the back, reading a textbook. 

"Reggie!" said Sirius as he rushed into the room. "It’s Remus. He fainted in class and the ambulance just picked him up."

"What?" said Regulus, considering for a second if his brother was joking, but then he remembered how Remus had looked yesterday. He jumped up. "Why? What's wrong with him? Is he okay? Drive us there!"

"I don’t know what happened," said Sirius as they hurried down the hallway. Sirius was a little surprised that Regulus wanted to go to the hospital. Usually he refused to enter a hospital because of all the illness in there, but it seemed that his worry for Remus was overriding that fear.

"Why did he come to school? Why didn't you tell him to go home?" demanded Regulus in the car. "Why didn't you drive him home? You lot are supposed to be his friends!"

"Easy, tiger," said James. "We're not his parents. We can't order him around."

**o0o0o**

They arrived at the hospital twenty minutes later and Sirius had hardly stopped the car before Regulus tore the door open and sprinted towards the main entrance. He steered directly up to the counter in the lobby. "I want to see Remus Lupin," he demanded. 

The nurse looked a little surprised at Regulus’ urgency and then typed the name into the computer. "Hmm… He just came in." She gave them directions to the ward Remus had been taken to, and they hurried there.

Although they were not family, Sirius managed to charm the nurse at the counter into letting them see Remus.

"You can see him if you wear a mask. Just until the doctor has looked him over." She handed the four boys a mask each and told them where they could find Remus.

"Did you just disinfect your hands?" asked Regulus, looking from the mask in his hand to the nurse. 

"I always do."

“Well, right now you didn’t,” pointed Regulus out. “You just typed on your computer, and keyboards are as full of germs as toilet handles.”

"Here we go again," said Peter to the others, rolling his eyes.

The nurse looked very taken aback. Then she sighed, took out a bottle of hand sanitizer and rubbed it on her hands before giving them four new masks. "There. Now you saw me disinfect them."

"Good," said Regulus, his eyes piercing the nurse. "Because what good is handing out masks against germs when you rub germs on them while doing so?"

"Reggie, let’s just go see Remus," said Sirius.

Remus' parents had not arrived yet but there was a doctor and a nurse looking him over. The four boys went as close as they could without getting in the way. Remus was as pale as the sheets, his eyes shut. Sometimes he pressed them even harder shut as if he was in a pain. He was still wearing the oxygen mask.

"What's wrong with him?" Regulus wanted to know. 

"I’m not sure yet," said the doctor and listen to Remus' chest. "His breathing has gotten worse since he was picked up by the ambulance. I have ordered some tests. Gloria – I need five samples for a start,” he told the nurse, who was in the middle of applying an IV to Remus’ arm.

Sirius looked from Remus to Regulus, who stood nervously shuffling his feet. It was easy to see that he was very uncomfortable there. The nurse drew the blood and hurried off with the doctor to get them processed.

Remus' parents came rushing in, Mrs. Lupin at her son's bedside in two seconds. She burst out in tears. "Remus, oh Remus!"

Mr. Lupin, put a calming hand on her shoulder. "Remus? Are you awake?"

Remus opened his eyes just barely to look up at his father.

"Why did you go to school when you were ill? Why?" demanded Mrs. Lupin through tears. 

"Hope, give the boy a rest," said Mr. Lupin. "He doesn't need scolding.” 

"We asked him if he shouldn’t have stayed home," said Sirius. The sound of Sirius’ voice made Remus turn his head and look at his friend, and then he spotted Regulus. He tried to reach out a hand for him but it was so heavy it fell back on the bed.

"It's your fault he got ill in the first place!" said Regulus. "He got it on that damned bus! Why didn't you drive him home?"

Sirius looked stunned for a moment. "He insisted on taking the bus! What was I supposed to do? Force him into my car?"

"Yes! He was only declining because he's so modest!"

"Boys - let's not blame each other. It's nobody’s fault,” said Mr. Lupin. “And we don't know if he got it on the bus. It could have come from anywhere."

"He got it on the bus," maintained Regulus. "Those things are death traps."

Gloria the nurse came into the room and clipped a small oxygen tube to Remus' nose, clasping it together behind his neck, and put the mask away. "There. Much easier, isn't it?"

Remus gave a nod and a weak smile.

"Looks much better on you," joked Sirius, trying to lighten the mood.

"Feels... better too," gasped Remus. He felt like he had been out running for miles.

"Just rest, darling," said Mrs. Lupin. "You can't overexert yourself. Maybe we shouldn't be so many people in here?"

"Alright..." said Sirius. "We can go sit in the foyer for a while." 

"Or go get something in the cafeteria," said James. "It's past lunch time."

"How can you think of food when Remus is lying here dying?" snarled Regulus. 

"He's not dying!" retorted James but then looked nervous for a moment as if Regulus might be right. They actually didn’t know how serious Remus’ condition was. The doctor had not come back with the results yet. 

The sound of the word "dying" made Remus look up at his mother with a nervous expression. "I’m not... dying... Am I?"

"Nobody's dying," said Mr. Lupin firmly. "Remus just gets more ill than other people. It's not the first time he's looked this bad and he's still here, isn't he? You boys just go ahead and get something to eat. It might be some time till there are any news."

"That's right, you little drama queen," mumbled James as they left for the cafeteria. 

Mrs. Lupin stroked her son’s hair, telling him that everything was going to be all right. Remus closed his eyes and enjoyed the sound of his mother's voice and the stroking of his hair. It always comforted him when he was ill. "Regulus..." he mumbled. "Thanks… for coming..."

"Of course. What did you expect?"

"Thought… hospitals… freak you out..." Remus said, struggling to speak.

"Well..." Suddenly Regulus became aware that they were actually in a hospital and immediately he started to get anxious. He had been so occupied with Remus that he hadn't had time to think of these things. "Of course I'm coming here with you. I'm not scared."

Remus closed his eyes tightly for a moment as a sharp pain shot through his chest and he held his breath while the pain ebbed away.

Mrs. Lupin was still crying, which made Regulus very uncomfortable. He didn't like to leave Remus, but he felt like he was intruding on something private. "Maybe... Maybe I should give you a little privacy."

"Okay, dear," said Mrs. Lupin. "You’re welcome to stay. You mean so much to Remus. But I understand if you need to step out for a moment.”

"I'll just wait in the visitors’ lounge. I want to hear what the doctors find out," said Regulus and left the room. Now that he was aware of his surroundings, the trip down the corridor past the rooms - many with open doors so he could see the patients - and past ill people sitting in wheelchairs or being pushed by on gurneys, made his insides crawl up into his throat. He had a strong urge to sprint out of the hospital and directly home to take a long shower. 

"Remus is sleeping," said Mrs. Lupin when the doctor entered the room. "Is it bad, doctor?"

"Well… both lungs are infected and his CRP values are very high. I’m going to run some more tests on him.” He looked from one parent to the other. "We will start him on antibiotics immediately and hope his body can fight off the infection."

Mrs. Lupin started crying again. 

"Now, now," said the doctor. "No need to get worked up. Your son is in good hands and will get all the treatment he needs. It will likely take a long time, but I'm sure he will recover. People of normal health would beat something like this in a few weeks, but of course we must expect quite more time."

Mrs. Lupin dapped her eyes with her already soaked tissue and looked up at her husband, who had put an arm around her shoulder. "Lyall - you should go tell Regulus the diagnosis. He's waiting in the visitors' lounge."

"I'll do that." He found Regulus sitting at the far end of the corner of the lounge and he pulled up a chair to sit down across from him, proceeding to explain what the doctor had said.

Regulus felt his already tense gut curl up. "So what does that mean? How serious is it? How quickly can they cure him?"

"They don’t know yet," said Mr. Lupin. "They’re going to run some more tests.” He noticed how concerned Regulus looked and sent him a smile. "Remus is a fighter. He will pull through.”

Regulus didn't know what to do now. He wasn't keen on sitting in Remus' room with his parents, both because he felt like he was imposing and because he felt like he was forced to be social, but he did not know how long he could stand sitting in the visitors’ lounge. He felt like he was breathing in polluted air and every time someone came within close range of him, his heart started hammering against his ribcage.

"Do you want to come back to Remus’ room?" Mr. Lupin asked. "I was thinking of getting Hope to go with me to the cafeteria and get some food while Remus sleeps, and I figured that you might want to sit with Remus while we’re gone. Just so if he wakes up he won’t be alone."

"Yes. Yes, okay, I can do that," said Regulus, trying not to show how relieved he was. He didn't know how much longer he would have been able to stand sitting in the lounge.

Back in Remus' room Mr. Lupin went over to his wife, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Come on, Hope. Let's go get something to eat. Regulus is going to stay here with Remus." He turned to Regulus. "You want us to bring you some food? Something to drink?"

Regulus shook his head. He was hungry but would rather starve to death than eat anything from a cafeteria. As they were leaving he said, "Oh - maybe a bottle of water. Plain. No bubbles or citrus or anything."

Remus' parents came back half an hour later, bringing Regulus his bottle of water. Mrs. Lupin looked more collected now and not crying any more.

Regulus found a tissue and hand sanitizer in his bag, and carefully cleansed the whole water-bottle with it, paying extra attention to the cap before unscrewing it. He froze suddenly as he noticed everybody's eyes on him; Mr. Lupin with raised eyebrows. "I'm not crazy," he said quickly, remembering that Remus' mother was a psychologist. "It's just that these bottles go through several hands before ending up in the stores, and there's no knowing what germs they have been carrying."

Mrs. Lupin nodded and sent him a smile. "I used to do that when Remus was little as well, although Lyall always thought I was overreacting." She sighed and pushed Remus' hair back from his forehead to look at his pale face. "I’ll do anything to protect my son."

"I want to protect him too,” said Mr. Lupin a little annoyed. “But you know Remus needs to live just a little as a normal teenager."

"He isn't a normal teenager!" said Mrs. Lupin in a sharp tone. "He’s ill!"

"Please don’t fight," croaked Remus, opening his eyes.

“Remus, darling,” said Mrs. Lupin and took her son’s hand. “I thought you were asleep. How are you feeling?”

Remus sent his mother a forced smile and then looked at Regulus. "Could I have a cup of that water?”

"Of course!" said Regulus, jumping to his feet. "And I'm sure it's safer than the water the nurses would give you." He held the bottle to Remus' lips. "Drink from the bottle. We don't know about the cups here. I'll bring you some clean ones tomorrow. I didn’t drink of the bottle yet, so it’s safe," he quickly added.

"Regulus," said Mr. Lupin, looking puzzled. "This is a hospital - if anybody knows how to treat ill people, it's the staff and they are very careful with what they give to their patients."

"You can't count on that. Every employee is an individual and you can't expect them all to follow procedure."

Mr. Lupin just shook his head. "Oh, Regulus, I forgot to tell you that your brother and his friends drove home. We agreed there were quite enough people in the room. He said to call when you wanted to be picked up."

A bit later, a nurse came in to change one of the IV bags. “More fluids for you,” she smiled at Remus, who opened his lids just enough to look up at her. Then she prepared a syringe. "I'm just going to inject this, okay Remus? It’s a shot of vitamin C and D. Doctor’s orders."

Regulus thought that having Remus drink a lot of fruit juice and take some cod-liver oil would be a much better way to get the vitamins, but he didn't interfere. Remus obviously needed these things fast. 

The nurse found another syringe. "I'll give you something to sleep on and a shot of pain killer to give you a little break from those chest pains as well."

This was too much for Regulus to ignore. "Don't let her, Remus! You should take only the medicine you absolutely need in order to be cured!”

"Remus needs to sleep and if anything can ease his pain and discomfort, then he's getting it!" said Mrs. Lupin, sending Regulus a strict look. 

"But it's very unhealthy," Regulus objected. "The chemicals will damage his body and -"

"Are you a doctor, young man?" asked the nurse, looking very stern. 

"I don't need to be a doctor to know stuff. I read a lot of science, and I'm my Chemistry professor's top student!"

The nurse planted a hand on her hip. "He is in a lot of pain and really needs the pain killers. Would you rather have him lie here suffering just so you can prove a point? We know what we are doing, and believe it or not, I went to school and had chemistry too, and then three years of nursing school, so I think I know best what this boy needs!"

Regulus gave up, slumping into his seat, muttering something about liver damage. 

"You must excuse my son's boyfriend," said Mrs. Lupin. "He's a little paranoid.”

"Clearly," said the nurse and gave Remus a shot of morphine. "There we go,” she smiled at Remus, although he was lying with his eyes closed. “That should do the trick."

Half an hour after the nurse had left, Mr. Lupin put a hand on his wife's shoulder. Remus' breathing had gone steady (although still a bit wheezy) and he lay with his eyes closed, clearly sleeping. "I think we should go home. They will call us if anything changes." He turned to look at Regulus, who had not taken his eyes off Remus since he had gotten the shot. "Do you want a ride?"

Regulus didn’t like to leave Remus unprotected, but he couldn't stay forever. "Why don't one of you stay? You could take turns. We could all take turns."

"Remus will be sleeping the next many hours, Regulus," said Mr. Lupin. "There is no point in sitting here.”

"But then he'll be unguarded!"

"Unguarded from what?" asked Mr. Lupin, looking confused.

Regulus scratched his neck. "He's lying here all helpless. The staff might give him all sorts of things without us knowing about it..."

"Regulus," said Mrs. Lupin in a friendly but determined tone. "I think you deep down know that your fears are unreasonable. It’s one thing that you make your own life difficult, but I will not let you impose your irrational fears on Remus."

Regulus felt heat rise in his cheeks, both from embarrassment and anger. "But you people are too trusting! Hospitals are dangerous places. Just look at the statistics how many people came in with non-life-threatening injuries who ended up dead!"

Remus' parents exchanged looks. "Regulus, seriously," said Mr. Lupin. "This is a good hospital and we have full confidence in the staff. They will call us if anything changes."

Regulus pressed his lips together, realising that the battle was lost. If Remus' parents wouldn't stay the night, Regulus would have to trust that the staff would leave Remus alone, because Regulus had to go home. He was starving and, even worse, his bladder was about to burst, and there was no way he would use a public toilet. "I'll just call my brother to come pick me up."

**o0o0o**

"Do you think he didn't want to ride with us because he was angry?" asked Mr. Lupin when Sirius had picked up his brother.

"No. He hasn't wanted to ride with me in all the time he has been coming around," said Mrs. Lupin and kissed Remus' forehead. "He has those issues with proximity, you know. And he’s also afraid of me because I’m a psychologist, and he believes I want to analyse him."

"Oh. Yes I can see that. I would be scared too if I weren't so used to you," chuckled Mr. Lupin. 

"Lyall," said Mrs. Lupin, not in the mood for jokes. "You must not indulge Regulus in his obsessions. You must be firm and not let him try to include us in them. Like before."

"What? You're the one who keeps reprimanding me when I try to talk about his strange ideas, saying I must not pressure him."

"Pressuring him and not allowing him to force his irrational fears on us is not the same thing. He needs understanding, yes, and should not be forced to do the things that frighten him, but we must not allow him to include us in it. By doing so we're validating his ideas and he will only become more convinced he is right."

Mr. Lupin looked confused for a moment but then sighed and nodded. "Well... let’s go home and get some sleep."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 – “Are You Trying to Turn Him into a Junkie?”**

In the middle of the night, the phone rang in the Lupin residence. Mr. Lupin fumbled with the lights before picking up the phone. "Yes?"

"Mr. Lupin? This is Doctor Michaels."

Mr. Lupin sat up straight, suddenly wide awake. His wife woke too, looking anxiously up at her husband. "Did something happen to Remus?"

"He is running a high fever," said the doctor. "He has been drifting in and out of consciousness, asking for his mother and someone called Reginald. I’m sorry to disturb you at this hour but your wife was very specific about us calling should anything change in his condition."

It took the Lupins less than five minutes to get dressed and into the car, and Mr. Lupin raced to the hospital breaking the speed limit all the way there. 

"Remus!" cried Mrs. Lupin, rushing into the room. She bent over her son's bed, grabbing his hand. "Remus, it's me. It's Mum."

Remus' hair stuck to his forehead, damp with sweat. He rolled his head from side to side, gasping for air. "M-m-mum," he stuttered, his teeth chattering.

"Yes, luv, Mum's here," she said, pushing his fringe out of his forehead.

"M-m-mum..."

Mr. Lupin sat down on the other side of the bed and gently rubbed Remus' shoulder.

The doctor joined them. "If the fever hasn't dropped in half an hour I will administer some antipyretics, but I hope I won't have to. It's best that the fever goes down naturally, but it's also dangerous if it gets too high. Try to have him drink. Even though he's on the IV. He needs as much fluid in him as possible. It's the best remedy against fever, as I'm sure you already know."

Mrs. Lupin got a bottle of water from a nurse and helped Remus sit up so she could hold the bottle to his lips. She managed to coax him into drinking half of it before he pushed it away and lay back down, looking very exhausted.

"Good job," smiled Mrs. Lupin and ran a hand over Remus' hair again. "Very good, honey. The water will make you better.”

Half an hour later the fever had not dropped and Remus was as delirious as ever, and the doctor decided to give him a small dose of antipyretic medicine. "Hopefully this is enough to bring the fever down to a safer level," he said.

After another hour of mumbling and stirring in his bed, Remus finally seemed to settle and fell asleep.

At five a.m. Mr. Lupin got up from his seat with a sigh. "I’ll go home now and get ready for work. Are you going to work today or are you staying here?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"I'm not going anywhere until my son's fever has dropped to a safe level," said Mrs. Lupin determinedly. 

Mr. Lupin nodded and kissed his wife’s cheek. “Well, sadly one of us have to go to work. Do call me later, will you?" 

"I know," she sighed. "Of course I will, honey." Mr. Lupin couldn't skip work as easily as she. She had her own practise and could cancel patients when she wanted to, but Mr. Lupin was on a strict schedule.

**o0o0o**

Regulus got up early and rode his bike to the hospital, arriving at seven thirty. He found Mrs. Lupin sitting in Remus' room. 

She looked extremely tired as if she had been up all night, but when spotting him, she smiled. "Good morning, Regulus. Don’t you have school?"

"No," lied Regulus. "How is he doing?"

"Better than last night," she sighed. "The doctor called us at around 2 a.m., saying Remus was running a high fever. They had to give antipyretics."

"What? Why wasn't I informed? He's my boyfriend, I have the right to know!" exclaimed Regulus indignantly. 

"We don’t have your number. Also, we thought you needed your sleep since it’s a school day."

"You could've found it in Remus' phone,” mumbled Regulus, walking up to Remus and looking him over. He had stopped shaking but was still very pale and had dark circles under his eyes.

"We didn’t think about that," said Mrs. Lupin. "I’m sorry we didn't call you, but I thought you had classes today, which I am still pretty sure you do, so I didn’t want to wake you up in the middle of the night."

Regulus sighed and sat down. Yes, he had classes, but he had no intent of going today. Remus was more important. 

Remus’ head tilted to the side and slowly he opened his eyes, seeing Regulus. He gave him a weak smile and said in a hoarse voice, "Regulus?" He turned his head and spotted his mother. "Mum?" 

"Yes. We are here, darling," she smiled and pushed his hair back. "How are you feeling?"

"Thirsty..."

Regulus knocked over several things on the bedside table to grab the glass of water standing there. "Here! Is it clean, Mrs. Lupin?"

"It's clean," she nodded.

Regulus held it to Remus’ mouth and ordered, "Drink!"

Remus gulped down the water until the glass was half empty and lay his head back down on the pillow. "Thank you.”

"I’ll go get some coffee and call your father," said Mrs. Lupin. "I think Regulus can watch you just fine while I’m gone."

"Are you feeling better?” asked Regulus when she had left.” Your mother said you've been very ill during the night."

Remus closed his eyes for a moment. "Yes. I don’t remember much, just that I was freezing and confused. I don’t even remember my mum coming in." He opened his eyes and looked at Regulus. "I feel better now. Just tired. But I don’t want to sleep now that you’re here." He reached out a weak hand.

Regulus took the hand and gave it a small squeeze. "You should sleep if that's what you need. I'll be here when you wake again. I'm not going to school today."

"Won’t you get in trouble?" asked Remus a little concerned. "I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me."

"I won't. My parents don't give a toss as long as no one is complaining to them, and the school talk to Sirius when they have a problems with me. Don't worry about it. It isn't as though I'm staying away for months. Sirius will take care of it. Everybody knows it was serious with you yesterday, so old McGonagall is bound to give me some slack.”

Remus sent him a weak smile. "I’m glad you’re here with me. Makes me feel like everything is going to be okay."

There was a knock on the door and a nurse walked in. "Good to see you awake," she smiled and checked Remus’ IV. "Any pain?"

"My chest still hurts quite a bit."

She nodded in sympathy. "I’ll give you a bit more morphine.”

"More?" asked Regulus, staring at the nurse. "Do you know how fast an addiction takes hold? Are you trying to turn him into a junkie?"

She frowned. "He’s in pain and it has been twelve hours since the first shot."

"There are worse things than pain," said Regulus. "Such as turning into a drug addict who can't function without his morning hit!"

"This is medical morphine," said the nurse, sending Regulus an icy gaze. "Not crack from the street corner! It's quite safe, and you need to stop getting Remus riled up."

"Can't... can't you just give me some aspirins or are they not strong enough?" asked Remus, getting slightly worried about what Regulus was saying.

The nurse sighed. "I can and it's your choice, but I suggest that you listen to us. We know what the best treatment is. It's our job, you know."

Mrs. Lupin came back just then. "Oh, hello," she smiled at the nurse.

"Your son's friend here seems to think it’s a bad idea that Remus gets get another shot of morphine for his chest pains,” informed the nurse. “And Remus seems inclined to indulge him."

Mrs. Lupin pressed her lips together. Then she said, "Could I have a word with my son alone?"

When both Regulus and the nurse had left, Mrs. Lupin gave Remus the same speech she had given her husband the day before about not going along with Regulus' obsessions. "I'm afraid you're too soft, Remus. You are kind and understanding, and yes, he needs that. But being understanding shouldn't go as far as supporting him in his belief that the world is as dangerous as he sees it."

"But, Mum," said Remus. “He does know a lot about health and such... He doesn’t want me to take dangerous drugs.”

"He means well, honey," smiled Mrs. Lupin and carded her fingers through his hair. "He truly believes these things, that's why he's so worried about what they're giving you. He cares very much for you. But remember that his fears are out of proportion with reality. You should listen to the doctors, not Regulus."

"Okay,” agreed Remus. He had to admit that he feared how Regulus would react to this. What if he got upset and left? Remus was so happy he was there. It made the thought of a long hospital stay more tolerable. 

"Remember what I said about only making his condition worse by adopting his beliefs. Even if you're doing it to please him, that's not the way you're helping him."

"I understand," he said and clenched his teeth as a new current of pain washed through his lungs. He wished the nurse had given him the morphine before she had left. He breathed through his nose while his mother ran her hand over his hair to comfort him while the pain slowly lessened.

"I'll fetch the nurse," she said, hurrying out of the room to find her, and decided to tell Regulus that if he wanted to stay, he would have to accept that the treatment was up to the staff and that if he didn't stay out of it, they were likely to refuse him to visit. She wasn't sure they could actually do that, but she did not want to create an unpleasant atmosphere for Remus or give him fears and doubts.

When Mrs. Lupin had fetched the nurse, she gave Regulus her speech in the corridor. When Regulus turned to walk back into Remus’ room, Mrs. Lupin stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, momentarily forgetting his issues with touch. He jumped away from her as if her hand had burned him. She looked at him in surprise. "Sorry, dear. I forgot you don’t like to be touched."

"What are you doing?" snapped Regulus.

"I just wanted to make sure that you understood what I told you."

"About shutting my mouth and not worrying about Remus' wellbeing?" Regulus said offendedly.

"Of course you can worry about Remus' wellbeing, but the hospital has it under control. You’re making him anxious with all your doomsday talk."

Regulus eyed her for a moment. "You think I'm crazy. Fine. I guess that's your job."

"I don’t think you’re crazy," protested Mrs. Lupin. "I want what is best for you, I truly do, but I don’t want you to tell my son that the treatment he’s getting is bad for him. If he doesn’t get the right treatment he could die and I believe the hospital is doing the right thing."

Regulus gave a stiff nod, not looking at her. "Fine. If that's how it has to be." Then he marched into the room where he was happy to see Remus eating a bit. Someone had obviously brought him some food while Mrs. Lupin was lecturing Regulus.

Remus sent him a smile and put the spoon down. "Hey.”

"Good to see you eating," said Regulus, resisting to comment on where the food had come from or voicing his concern about whether or not the hygiene in the hospital kitchen was good enough. 

"Good to get something into my stomach," nodded Remus and lay his head back on the pillow. "I wasn’t able to eat much but I guess a little is better than nothing."

Remus fell asleep a little later and Regulus opened his stuffed rucksack. Mrs. Lupin watched with raised eyebrows as he pulled out one piece of cleaning material after another. 

"Regulus..." she started. "This room is completely clean. They are very careful and know that Remus is very sensitive to germs."

Regulus snorted. "Don't kid yourself. If you sprayed a fluorescent around the room you would see bacteria lighting up all over." He took a few of the things and went into the bathroom. He _never_ used public bathrooms, but he had a problem if he had to go home every time the needed to pee, so he had decided that if he kept this bathroom clean and private, then he could use it.

Mrs. Lupin sighed but decided not to pick a fight with Regulus about this. They had already had one today, and if Regulus wanted to disinfect the bathroom so he could use it, then peace be with it.

Regulus spent a good hour cleaning and then decided it was acceptable. It was probably cleaner than it had ever been, he thought. He pulled off the rubber gloves, tossed them in the dustbin and slumped into a chair. 

"So now what? Are you going to clean it every time someone has used it?" asked Mrs. Lupin, trying to make him see how much effort he had to put into this.

"I was hoping I could get people to use one of the bathrooms in the corridor," said Regulus. 

She looked at him, eyebrows raised. "I can do that, but I am _not_ telling Remus to go out into the corridor. You two will have to share this bathroom, then."

"I don’t want him to use any of those, either," said Regulus, looking offended. “He doesn't need to pick up even more infections."

"Good," said Mrs. Lupin and nodded, flipping open the magazine she had been reading. Then she looked up again, sending Regulus a tired smile. "Are you going to stay all day? I was considering going home for a nap and then come back, but I don’t feel comfortable leaving Remus on his own just yet. After last night I don’t want him to be alone until he is more stable."

"I quite agree," said Regulus. "Yes, I'm staying as long as I can. You just go home, and rest assured that he's well-guarded," said Regulus. "I will lock the door to this room when I'm using the toilet, so nobody can sneak in when I'm not here"

"Don’t do that," said Mrs. Lupin. "The doctors need to have access to Remus. You can’t just lock the door. Promise me you won’t."

"But anyone can just walk in here and do things to him that we don't know about," protested Regulus. "And I will be very quick."

"Nobody is going to hurt Remus in this hospital, Regulus," said Mrs. Lupin in a strict voice. "They are here to help him. Not hurt him."

"Not intentionally, perhaps, but even in hospitals the hygiene is not sufficiently good. Studies have shown that way too many patients end up more ill than when they came in because they pick up infections due to bad hygiene. It's preposterous!"

Mrs. Lupin shook her head and sighed. "Remus has been in this hospital several times and it has only done him good." She got up and put on her coat. "I’m going home now. Call me if there is anything. And don’t lock the door!"

Since Remus was sleeping, Regulus pulled out some schoolwork and started doing it. Since he was going to do all his homework in time, he didn't see any reasons why the school should have a problem with him skiving off to be here instead. Of course he knew that McGonagall might not see things this way, but he was going to get away with it as long as he possibly could.

There was a knock on the door and a nurse stuck her head in. She was a plump woman with rosy cheeks and a friendly face. “So nice of you to sit with your friend,” she beamed at Regulus as she went over to check Remus's IV. 

Regulus' gaze was fixed on the nurse's hand on the IV. "When did you last wash your hands?"

"Just before I came in," she said, looking puzzled. 

"Really? Well, since you probably can't prove that, you won't mind using a bit of this from now on before you touch him, would you?" Regulus said and held out a bottle of hand sanitizer. 

The nurse looked even more confused but let Regulus squirt some of the gel onto her palm. "If you insist. But as I told you, I used hand sanitizer before I went in here. We are very strict about this, especially with your friend here, because of his condition." She then proceeded with checking the IV and made some notes on a clipboard. 

"Thank you," said Regulus coolly and opened his history book again. 

She shook her head and walked out the door. "That lad is a weird one," she told one of the other nurses. "I know his friend is ill, but he doesn’t believe that we are doing our job correctly. You know what he made me do?"

"Apply hand sanitizer before touching the patient?" suggested the other nurse. “He did the same with me. Even had the nerve to ask me if I knew how bacteria spread. We’re going to have our hands full with this one."

A few hours later Remus opened his eyes slowly and sent at Regulus a weak smile. "Hey... you're still here?"

"Of course I'm still here," said Regulus, putting his book aside. "Didn't I tell you I would be?"

"I know… But I'm not much company," said Remus. He eyed Regulus’ books. "I miss you reading to me. Would you read to me?"

"Of course!" beamed Regulus. In fact he had very much enjoyed reading to Remus last he was ill. "What would you like to hear? Anything you want. I can go to the library."

Remus used the remote to raise the headrest a little to get more comfortable. “I’d really like to just dream myself away from this place and forget that I'm ill. Can you recommend a good fantasy book?"

"Oh, yes. Just because I love science doesn't mean I'm all dry and don't enjoy fiction as well. What about ‘A Song of Ice and Fire?’ You know, the ‘Game of Thrones’ books."

"That sounds interesting," said Remus. “I haven’t read them or seen the series."

"It’s going to take a long time, though. There are seven fat books."

"That’s alright. Gives us time to kill. I reckon I might be here for quite a while," Remus sighed. "Last time I was in the hospital it took nearly two months."

"I'll go home and get the first book when one of your parents gets here, yes? I don't want to leave you alone here, unprotected.”

"Sounds like a plan. My dad will probably come by after work.

**o0o0o**

An hour later James, Peter and Sirius arrived, stomping snow on the floor and tossing gloves and hats on chairs and tables. 

Regulus jumped up and sneered, "Do you mind? This is a hospital! You come barging in, and look - now you've woken Remus!"

"Well, it's much more fun to be here when he’s awake," pointed out Sirius and walked over to Remus, who looked groggy and a little confused from being woken so suddenly. "Sorry, mate. How you feeling? Is my brother taking good care of you?"

Remus nodded and smiled softly. "Yeah. He came early this morning."

James studied Remus for a moment. "You still look like shite. You sure they’re treating you alright here?"

"Yeah... I just have a fever."

"Hands," ordered Regulus, holding out his bottle of hand sanitizer. 

Sirius sighed and accepted a splash. So did the other two. 

"Not like I’m going to grope your boyfriend, Reggie," said Sirius with a curled smile. He pulled up a chair and sat down. "Everyone is talking about you at school, Remus."

"Some say you’re in a coma,” said James. “Others say you died. Only a couple of students have actually asked us how you’re doing, in order to get the facts straight."

Remus gave a small chuckle and then coughed. "Well, I’m not dead yet."

"McGonagall was not pleased with you skipping school," Sirius said, turning to Regulus. "I told her you were with Remus because, well because you and him have a special friendship. She seemed to buy that but asked me to bring you your homework."

"Of course. I always do my homework. Actually I'm ahead in most subjects. So you think she'll look the other way if I don't come tomorrow either?"

"I wouldn't count on it, mate," said James. 

"Yeah, I think it might be best if you go to school tomorrow," agreed Sirius. "I’ll drive you to the hospital after."

Regulus wanted to talk to Remus' parents first. If neither of them could stay here during the first part of the day then he was going to. He didn't care what McGonagall said, as long as she didn't contact his parents 

Sirius dug into his bag and pulled out a bag of sweets and a coke and placed them on the table next to Remus. "If you should want some of that instead of that awful hospital food. Sugar is always good."

"That -" said Regulus, pointing at the sweets and soda, "is loaded with artificial colouring, aromas and whatnot! How can that be good for Remus? You should rather have Mrs. Harris make some of her fudge or toffees!"

"Well, I haven't exactly been much home since yesterday have I?" said Sirius and rolled his eyes. "You can do it if you think that‘s so much better for him."

"I will. It's enough that they don't serve organic food here. Remus doesn't have to stuff himself with chemicals as well."

Remus thanked Sirius for his consideration.

"You're welcome, mate. At least someone appreciates my efforts," Sirius muttered and leaned back in his seat.

The boys were having a good time until Peter coughed. Regulus jumped to his feet. "You can't be here if you're ill! Get out!"

"I'm not ill," said Peter, a little shocked. "I just had an itch in my throat."

"Well, we can't risk it. Get out!" said Regulus, pointing to the exit. 

"Regulus, it’s alright," said Remus. "I trust it was just an itch, if he says so. I doubt he would want to risk my health."

"Come on, Peter," said Sirius and got up. "We’ll get you a mask so in case it’s not just an itch then you won’t accidently kill Remus." He took Peter by the shoulder and rolled his eyes before leaving the room.

"You're a nutter, you know that?" said James. "Peter was sitting several metres from Remus. Even if he is ill there's no way Remus would catch it."

"Oh, I didn't know you were a doctor, Potter. I apologise," said Regulus, his voice laced with sarcasm. 

Sirius and Peter returned five minutes later and Peter slumped into a seat, wearing a mask like the ones they had had been given the first day.

"There. Happy?" said Sirius and dropped into his seat again. "Or do we all need to take a bath?"

"No, but Peter will need to disinfect his hands again."

"I'm not going to touch him!" protested Peter behind the fabric.

"Well, there's no telling where you'll put your clumsy sausages by accident," said Regulus. 

"Regulus, relax already!" ordered Sirius and narrowed his eyes at his brother. "We want Remus to be safe just as much as you do, or did you forget that we are in fact his friends?"

Regulus leaned back in his chair, arms crossed and a slight pout on his face. 

The boys started talking about school. "Lily said she would drop by one if these days and see how you were doing. She sends you her best," said Sirius and helped himself to a handful of sweets.

"Oh, the lovely Lily," sighed James. 

Regulus rolled his eyes. "I thought that now you had finally scored her you would stop going on and on about her."

"Are you kidding?" grinned Sirius. "He’s even worse now." Sirius turned his head to look over at Peter who looked very sulky although his mouth was covered. "How are you doing over there, Darth Vader?"

"Enjoying myself very much, thank you," said Peter dryly, "With you letting your brother bully me."

"I’m not letting him bully you," said Sirius and got up. He strolled over to Peter and placed both hands on his shoulders. "Do you want to talk about it? Do you feel like my evil brother is on your back?" 

James laughed and Peter shot daggers at Sirius and pushed away. "Bugger off," he muttered. 

Sirius snickered and went to sit by Remus again. "Well," he said and checked his watch. "Best be getting on our way. You look a little worn out, Remus, and we don’t want to overstay our welcome."

"It’s alright," nodded Remus and sent Sirius a smile. "Please come back soon."

"I will, my love," said Sirius and hugged Remus so tight that Remus had to push him off.

"I think you had too much sugar, Sirius."

Regulus sent his brother a glare, not at all pleased with how close he had gotten to Remus. "Watch it," he snapped. “You could carry germs on your clothes. And your breath."

"Yeah, yeah," said Sirius and backed off. "I’ll leave your boyfriend alone, if you have to be that jealous. Coming?” he continued, looking at his two friends.

"Yeah, just need to use the loo first," said James and jumped up, steering towards the bathroom.

"Stop!" cried Regulus. 

James turned. "Why?"

"That bathroom is only for patients."

"Bullocks!" said James and turned again. 

"You can't use it!" said Regulus, flying over to block James' way. "I just cleaned it. You can't use it!"

"Watch me, you little nutter!" said James and pushed Regulus out of the way, went into the bathroom and locked the door. 

"You want it all to yourself, don’t you?" snapped Sirius.

"You know I can't use other people's bathrooms! Do you want me to ride home every time I have to take a piss?”

"Why don’t you relax, for once? It’s just James. He’s not a pig," Sirius said and crossed his arms. “Is Remus to use a different bathroom as well?"

"Of course not. It's his bathroom. And all the more reason to keep others away from it!"

Sirius shook his head and knocked on the door. "Hurry up, James. Regulus needs to clean it again because we weren't allowed to use it."

James came out a minute later, rolling his eyes at Regulus.

"I’m sorry he did that," said Remus once they had left. "Do… do you really need to clean it again now?"

"Yes. I bet he peed on the seat or floor and probably didn't wash his hands properly afterwards," said Regulus, snapping on a fresh pair of rubber gloves. 

There was a knock on the door and the plump nurse came into the room, smiling at Remus. "It’s time for dinner. What would you like?"

"I don’t know if I can eat anything," coughed Remus.

"You need to eat something, dear. You need your strength. "

"Maybe some soup, then,"

She looked toward the bathroom where Regulus was working. "Why is he cleaning in there?” she asked Remus. “The cleaning personnel clean it twice a day."

"He doesn’t think it’s done properly," said Remus and sent her an apologetic smile. "He is very strict with hygiene so it’s best to just leave him to it."

The nurse sighed and shook her head before leaving to fetch some food for Remus.

"Are you okay out there?" called Remus after not having heard Regulus for some time.

"Two more minutes," said Regulus, appearing in the door opening, starting to disinfect the handle. 

Remus nodded and closed his eyes. He wasn’t feeling too good but didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to spend time with Regulus.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23 – A Bloke Can Dream**

The next day Regulus arrived with another full rucksack. "My homework..." he said, pulling out a couple of books and a writing pad, "…homemade toffees for you..." he continued, handing Remus a bag of Mrs. Harris' sweets, "…and this should come in handy," he finished, pulling out the largest bottle of hand sanitizer Remus had ever seen. He planted it on the foremost table and checked that the pump worked. On the bottle he had written in giant letters: _USE ME!_

Remus chuckled and took a toffee from the bag. "Are you sure it’s alright that you stay away from school again today?" He coughed. His mother had stayed with him all night, assuring Regulus that she would, and had then left for work early that morning. Remus felt bad about it. His mother had looked so worn out, but she was just as worried as Regulus about Remus having a relapse after what had happened the night before, that she dared not leave him alone.

"Don't worry. It isn't as though in won't pass my exams," said Regulus in an indifferent voice. "You look a little better today. Not so much of a fever?”

"It’s gone down a bit more, the doctor said. My chest still hurts, but it’s a little better. Must be because the fever has gone down."

"And hopefully the antibiotics are starting to work," said Regulus, popping one of the toffees. "Should I read, now you're properly awake?"

"I'd like that very much."

The next nurse who came in to check on Remus was greeted by Regulus pointing demandingly at the hand sanitizer bottle. 

"I already washed my hands," she said, but Regulus just shoved the bottle towards her until she put some on her hands. "Don’t you have other places to be?" she muttered as she changed the IV bag. "We will need a new blood sample from you, Remus," she told Remus.

"Make sure to use a new sterile needle," commented Regulus. 

"Of course! We always do," snapped the nurse as she unwrapped the needle from a plastic container. She drew the blood from Remus and smiled gently at him, feeling his forehead. "You’re still hot. I will keep an eye on your temperature so we're sure the fever won’t get too high again."

**o0o0o**

Regulus went home at five when Remus' parents came in after work. He had convinced Mrs. Lupin to let him take the night watch, as he put it, at twelve once he had had some sleep, so she could go home. She had been awake more than 24 hours, after all.

Come the morning, Regulus had fallen asleep in an armchair and was awoken by a nurse giving him a gentle shake. He woke with a start so violently he fell off the chair

The nurse reached down to help him up but her hand was smacked away. "Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you," she said. Then she went over to wake Remus.

"Don't wake him when he's sleeping!" said Regulus, agitated from being awoken so abruptly.

The nurse placed her hands on her hips. "He needs food. He can’t afford to lose more weight. It’s not good for his health."

"Call that food one more time,” mumbled Regulus, deciding that he did not trust this nurse at all. There had been no reason for her to touch him like that, other than because she wanted to grope him. She could have just said ‘excuse me’ or something.  

"Hi," Remus smiled at Regulus when the nurse left to get him some porridge. He rubbed his eye with a palm and tried to focus. "Have you been here all night?”

"Yes," said Regulus, running his hands through his hair. "I took over for your mother at midnight."

"You really don’t have to sit guard over me," Remus said, feeling like a burden. Regulus looked horrible. He had probably been sitting in that chair all night.

"I'm staying till one O’clock. Your father managed to get half a day off, so I can go home and get some proper sleep. I think I'll take the night watch again.”

When Mr. Lupin arrived at one O'clock he bumped his head against something in the doorway. He looked up, holding a hand to his forehead, and spotted Regulus' large bottle of hand sanitizer hanging from a string. "What the... is this?"

"I'm tired of having to remind everyone who come in here to use it. This way no one will forget," said Regulus.

Mr. Lupin looked puzzled for a moment before he shook his head and took some of the gel. "I have to admit you sure are looking out for my son," he said, knowing he shouldn't encourage him too much. He looked at Remus who was asleep again. "Has he been sleeping long?" Mr. Lupin did not like how his son was looking. Pale and thin with dark circles under his eyes. He would have a talk with the doctor as soon as Regulus had left.

"A while. The bloody nurse woke him at eight but he went back to sleep not too long after. He's very tired."

"Hmm..." mumbled Mr. Lupin and ran a hand over Remus' hair. "Has anyone said anything about his state? Doctor been to check on him recently?"

"Yes, but he wouldn't say much to me. He was quite rude, actually."

"I’ll have a talk with him. You go on home and get some sleep, lad. You look like you could use it."

"Alright," said Regulus, swinging his rucksack over his shoulder. "Please use the bathrooms in the corridor and ask others to do the same."

**o0o0o**

When Regulus came home, Sirius sat in the hallway with Padfoot, throwing a ball back and forth, Padfoot chasing it happily. As Regulus stepped through the doors, Padfoot forgot about the ball and ran to greet him.

"NO!" shrieked Regulus and held out his hands to stave off the dog; but it was too late - Padfoot had already jumped and landed in his chest, knocking him off his feet. "Si...rius!" gasped Regulus as the dog planted its paws on his chest and licked his face.

"Who can blame him? You’re never home," Sirius laughed but finally took pity on Regulus and pulled Padfoot off by the collar.

Regulus scrambled to his feet, face crimson with fury. "TEACH THAT BLOODY BEAST SOME MANNERS! HE HAD HIS TONGUE IN MY MOUTH!" he screamed. Then he realised the truth of his statement and suddenly bent over and vomited on the floor. 

Mrs. Harris had heard the screaming and came storming. “What’s going on here?" she gasped, spotting Regulus throwing up on the tiles.

"Just Padfoot giving Reggie a welcome home kiss,” said Sirius.

"He assaulted me!" cried Regulus, tears in his eyes, wiping vomit from his mouth. "Sirius doesn't care! He doesn't care! And I got... I got his tongue in my mouth!" He vomited again. 

"I do care! You're just so bloody touchy!" yelled Sirius, still holding on to his bouncing dog. "It’s not my fault he likes you!"

Mrs. Harris steered Regulus to the bathroom where he could wash his mouth. "Sirius!" she called. "You clean up this mess!"

"What? Why me?"

"Because _your_ dog did this!"

Hating himself for it, Regulus was sobbing and shaking as Mrs. Harris wiped his face with a wet cloth. He hoped Sirius wouldn't come into the bathroom and see it; it was embarrassing enough that Mrs. Harris saw him like this. 

"There, there, luv," she said, handing Regulus a towel. "I’ll just make sure your brother is cleaning up that mess," she said and left the bathroom.

But she found the hallway empty - the puke still on the floor. "Sirius!" she called and stomped upstairs and hammered on his door. "You come out this minute!" There was quiet for a moment, but when she hammered a second time, roaring, "I know you're in there!" the door opened. "Didn't I tell you to clean up that mess? It's your fault your poor brother got sick!"

Sirius sent her a deadpan look and crossed his arms. "Technically it was Padfoot – not me – and he just missed him because he’s never home. Not my fault my dog loves him, and frankly, right now I have trouble seeing why he does."

"It's your responsibility to control your dog," said Mrs. Harris in a calmer tone. "You have to remember how sensitive your brother is."

"When do I ever get a chance to forget that?”

"I won't discuss it anymore. I know he's difficult, but you are his brother and you have to show consideration for him. Now, clean up the mess," finished Mrs. Harris and started walking away. 

"Why is it always me who has to show consideration?" Sirius asked her back. "Why can't people show some consideration for _me_ sometimes?"

Mrs. Harris stopped but didn’t turn around. "I don’t know, dear," she sighed, looking over her shoulder at the frustrated teen. "But you know how he is and you know he doesn’t like your dog, so keep him under control around him."

Regulus was sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of tea, trying to calm himself. He had tossed his sweater, which had been contaminated with Padfoot drool, on the floor. 

Mrs. Harris picked it up when she came in. "I had a talk with your brother," she said and put the sweater on a chair. "I will wash this for you later." She studied him for a moment and sighed. "How much sleep are you getting? You look terrible."

"Thank you," said Regulus in a sarcastic tone. "A bit in an armchair. And a few hours after dinner. I'll have some sleep now after I've eaten."

"I’m not sure it’s such a good idea that you keep going in there every night. You practically live at that hospital. You’re not getting enough sleep and not enough food, I suspect. Are you planning on going tonight as well?"

"Yes. Remus' parents need to sleep, they're working all day. And I better do the night shifts while I can. I might have to go to school Monday. Sirius said McGonagall meant business. That old bat obviously doesn't understand how ill Remus is."

"She understands that you need an education, and I must say I agree with her. You need to go to school and you need your sleep every night. You can visit Remus after school.” She turned to start making Regulus a sandwich. "How is the poor lad? Any better?"

"Not good. He's stable but not really better. I'm not sure the medicine is doing much more than keeping his condition at bay. Or at least the progress is very slow."

Mrs. Harris turned to look at him, her face filled with worry. "Oh, I wish there was something to be done to cure that condition.”

"Yes, me too," said Regulus, an idea forming in his mind. He wanted to really learn about Remus' condition and what kinds of treatments there were. He knew Remus' parents spent a lot of money on research and different experimental treatments. He was going to hit the internet. 

**o0o0o**

The Lupins had refused to let Regulus take the nightshift on Sunday because Regulus had to get up and go to school Monday. Come morning, however, Regulus decided to go to the hospital instead. He thought Remus had looked rather miserable the day before.

Mrs. Lupin sat by his bedside and ran a hand softly over Remus' hair as Regulus walked in. Remus looked as thin as ever, lying with his eyes closed. She looked up, her face telling that she had not slept all night. She looked older than usual. "Regulus? Why aren’t you at school?" she asked, trying to sound reproachful.

"I'm not going," he said, not bothering to make up a lie. 

She sighed but didn’t feel like arguing with him. She turned her attention back to her son and gently stroked his hair. "He panicked last night when he had trouble breathing and it was almost impossible to get him to relax again."

"Don't you have to go to work? Or go home to sleep?"

"I cancelled my patients. I could do with some sleep but I just don’t feel like leaving him right now. What if he gets worse again?"

"Just go home and sleep. I'll look after him," said Regulus. “I promise to call if he gets worse."

**o0o0o**

"Uh-oh," said Peter and tapped Sirius' shoulder. "Look who's coming..."

Sirius and James turned to spot a visibly fuming Deputy Head Mistress marching towards them. 

"Mr. Black! Did I not make it clear to you that your brother was expected to be back in school today?"

Sirius sighed. "You did, and I did deliver the message, but Remus got worse over the weekend so Regulus wanted to check on him. Can't really blame him for being compassionate, can you?" He sent her a wide smile but when she didn’t seem to be susceptible to charm, he said, "I'll tell him to get his arse back to school tomorrow."

"You do that. And tell him that if he is not here tomorrow morning I will be forced to contact his parents. I have been very lenient with him, letting him stay away two whole days, and I do not like to be taken advantage of."

**o0o0o**

When Sirius came by after school, the first thing he noticed was a large piece of paper stuck to the toilet door reading: OUT OF ORDER!

"Your work?" he asked his brother, eying the sign. "Of course it's your work."

"Tired of fighting with everybody who wants to use it," said Regulus. 

Sirius pulled out a handful of papers and lay them on the table for Regulus. "Homework from Binns, McGonagall and Flitwick."

"Thank you," said Regulus. "I'll get them done before tonight, then you can turn them in for me tomorrow."

"You’re going back to school tomorrow, Reggie. I'm not your errand boy. McGonagall keeps breathing down my neck about you, and it isn’t like you can't come visit Remus after school." He looked over at Remus who was sleeping. "He doesn’t do much but sleep, does he?"

"Not much. That's one of the reasons I'm here all the time. I want to be here when he’s awake. And he likes me being here, so I don't see what the problem is. It isn't as though the old bat needs me and I do all my homework in time - which is more than you can say about most of the others, so she can just shove her bitching up her bum."

"Then why don’t you go tell her that and stop making me have to make up excuses for you?”

"Just tell her the truth. That I'm looking after a very ill student and that you can't force me, so you can't really do anything about it," said Regulus, picking at a loose thread on Remus' pillow

"Suite yourself," said Sirius, sitting down on a chair by the window. "But she’s probably gonna call Mum and Dad about you."

Regulus gulped. "She wouldn't do that..."

“Don’t kid yourself, Reggie. She’s already been very lenient, but she means business now.”

"Alright, alright, I'll come tomorrow," mumbled Regulus. 

"Regulus..."

Both boys looked up and saw that Remus was awake, his eyes scanning the room to figure out who was there. He reached out a hand for the nightstand where a bottle of water stood along with a glass.

"Let me!" said Regulus and filled the cup, spilling half the water in his eagerness. "Good. You should drink a lot."

Remus smiled at him and lifted his head slightly as Regulus put the cup to his lips. He drank the whole cup without a break and his head fell back against the pillow, exhausted, when he was done.

Sirius got up from his seat and walked over to the bedside. He studied Remus for a moment and then said, "You look better," trying to sound convincing.

Remus sent him a weak smile and shook his head. "You’re a terrible liar, Sirius," he coughed, covering his mouth with his hand.

"Sirius," hissed Regulus. "Don't stand so close. You could be carrying all sorts of stuff!"

"And what about you, yeah?" snapped Sirius. "Why are _you_ allowed to stand close? You keep chasing everybody off, but you could be carrying stuff too!"

"I shower and put on clean clothes right before I leave the house and I bike here directly. I don't go anywhere where I'm likely to pick up germs and I don't rub myself against other people."

"Oh, and I go rubbing myself against people all day like some stray dog?" snapped Sirius.

"You go to school every day where you can pick stuff up. And you _do_ rub yourself against people. Hugging and wrestling and all that rubbish."

Sirius was about to tell Regulus off but when he caught Remus’ pleading look, he decided to leave it. "Fine!" he spat and took a few steps back. "Is this better? Or do I need to leave the bloody room?"

Regulus rolled his eyes. "Don't be such a drama queen. Jesus Christ," he said as he turned back to Remus. 

Sirius crossed his arms and scowled at his brother but held his tongue. It was clear to him that Remus did not like to feel like he was lying in a warzone.

Remus took Regulus' hand and let their fingers intervene. "Have you been here all day again?"

"Since morning. I went here instead of school," said Regulus as though expecting to be praised for it, although he knew Remus felt bad about him missing school. 

"Aren’t you going to get in trouble for missing so much school?" Remus asked.

"He already is," mumbled Sirius and pulled up a chair. "But he insists on going here every day. Not that I blame him. We're all worried about you."

"Don't scare him, Sirius. He's getting well. It's just taking a while."

Remus nodded, giving Regulus' hand a gentle squeeze. He looked up at him with caring eyes. "I’m gonna miss you when you’re not here," he said, not thinking about how it sounded. The last thing he wanted was for Regulus to get in trouble with school, but it was such a comfort when he was there every time he woke up.

"I'll be here whenever I'm not in school or sleeping," said Regulus, squeezing Remus' hand back. 

"Hey, Remus," said Sirius. "I'll just go use the loo to give you lads a chance to kissy kissy."

"Not the one in here!" said Regulus. 

"Yeah, I got the idea when I saw the big sign you plastered on the door," said Sirius and walked out into the corridor, closing the door behind him.

Remus smiled softly up at Regulus. "I _do_ miss kissing you." He knew very well that Regulus would not kiss him as long as he was ill, but hearing Sirius mention kissing had made him miss Regulus' lips. He had almost forgotten what they felt like.

Regulus swallowed. "You know... you know why I don't want to kiss you, right? It's not because I'm afraid of your germs. The doctors say you aren't contagious."

"You’re afraid that you’ll make me even more ill…"

"Of course. It would be catastrophic for you to catch another infection while your body is already busy fighting this one. And although I don't go around putting my mouth where it doesn't belong, it's better to be safe than sorry."

"I know," nodded Remus. "But a bloke can dream."

Regulus bent down and planted a gentle kiss on Remus' forehead. "You'll have to do with this for now.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24 – I’ve Been Doing a lot of Research**

It took another week before the doctors finally were able to see progress. Mrs. Lupin cried in relief when they told her that Remus would recover probably over the next month. Regulus too was happy to hear the news. Now it would be easier for him to not worry when Remus was alone in the hospital at night, and hopefully Remus would soon be well enough to go home to his own bed where Mrs. Weasley could look after him during the day. After all, Regulus trusted her more than the hospital staff.

"What are you reading?" asked Sirius and stuck his head down beside Regulus, eying the screen of his laptop. He had found his brother sitting in the kitchen at home, where he the past week had taken a liking to sitting while Mrs. Harris cooked the boys’ dinner.

"Researching Remus' condition. I know quite a lot by now. A tremendous amount of experiments and research work has been done on it, but so far no cure has been found, and only treatments that improve the condition slightly.”

Sirius pulled up a chair, his eyes scanning the webpage. "Wow. They sure are working hard on finding a cure."

**o0o0o**

Regulus went straight to the hospital after school and found Mrs. Lupin sitting in a chair. Remus was sleeping and Regulus waved at her to join him outside. She did, looking puzzled. "I've been doing a lot of research," he said excitedly. "Have you heard of the Weinsteins/Miller study?"

Mrs. Lupin thought for a second. “Yes. Lyall and I looked into it last year. Why do you ask, dear?"

"Because the results so far are extremely promising! Why haven't you enrolled Remus in it? You've tried so many other treatments."

"Because," she sighed, "that project is insanely expensive. The first trial alone costs 30.000 pounds. And if that showed results, there would be more trials. We would never be able afford it."

"But it's your son's life! I thought it was the most important thing to you. You've spent all your money on this since he was little. What about the bank?"

"We asked the bank. We asked all the banks. We have tried everything, Regulus, but the only way we would be able to raise enough money would be if we sold everything we owned, and even then we would be in debt. Lyall and I would do _anything_ , but Remus won’t hear of it. He refuses to let us end in deep debt. You know how modest he is."

"There must be something that can be done!" said Regulus, unwilling to accept defeat. “Funds... Things like that..."

Mrs. Lupin shook her head, pain visible in her eyes. "What we have been able to find of possible funding would be nowhere near enough."

**o0o0o**

Mrs. Lupin left to take some evening consultations at her clinic and Regulus went into Remus' room, delighted to see that he had awoken. 

"Hey," Remus smiled and reached out a hand. "Have a good day?"

Regulus took Remus’ hand. "No, it was a shitty day, but at least I'm here now."

"So when are you letting him go home?" Regulus asked the first nurse to come in to check on Remus. He had started pressing for this the second the doctors had announced that Remus was finally in recovery. 

"Not for a while," she said. "It will take quite some time for Remus to get fully well. You know that, Regulus."

"Yes, but he might as well recover at home," insisted Regulus. "Actually, it would be better and safer for him."

“He’s staying here until the doctors say he’s well out of danger.”

"But It's much safer at home!" Regulus insisted. "The hygiene is proper at his house, unlike this place. Did you know studies have showed that 30% of hospital staff do not wash hands after using the toilet? 30%! It's preposterous! There should be monitors on all the toilets that set an alarm off whenever somebody leaves without using the faucet. And then visitors should get fined and staff fired!"

"Remus has been perfectly safe here," said the nurse in a sharp tone, placing her hands on her hips. "No one has put him in any risk.”

"Thanks to me!" said Regulus. "If I hadn't watched you all like a hawk, making sure you disinfect your hands every time you come in here, then he might be dead by now!" Regulus was in a particularly bad mood today, after having spoken to Remus' mother about the hopeless economic situation. 

The nurse looked at Regulus for a moment, her lips pressed tightly together, as if considering what to say. “Did you know that the staff is planning to hold a small party when Remus is released? And not just because we are happy for Remus.”

**o0o0o**

That night Regulus told Sirius everything about the study in Switzerland and how Remus' parents had given up on ever being able to afford it. "I want him to try it. Can't we do something? Perhaps _we_ could get some bank to give them a loan. You know - they'll have respect for our name. Who says no to a Black?"

"Well," started Sirius, tapping his chin. "I think it’s a great idea to get Remus to try that treatment but I doubt they would accept a loan. From what you told me, they would be in debt until they die and Remus doesn’t want that." Sirius sat down on a chair and pondered for a while. "You know what? We should start a fund for him. You know how most business people are always looking for something to put money into to get their name out there to make themselves seem like good people, so you would think an ill boy's life would be as good a cause as any?"

"But will that give them any advertisement? I mean, Remus' isn't an established cause," said Regulus, doubtingly but with a bit of hope in his voice. 

Sirius bit his lip, thinking more about it. "We just have to charm them and convince them it’s a good cause. Tell them about him and his illness…”

Regulus considered it. "You really think it could work? _You_ would have to do the talking. I don't know how to socialise with those people. You know that."

"I can charm the pants off anybody, so I can handle this fine," said Sirius, looking very confident. "I’m sure it’ll work.”

"Mum and Dad will flay us alive if they find out. They won't consider a common boy's illness a worthy cause, because it isn't a recognised charity foundation. How are we going to do it without them discovering it?"

"Well, we’ll just have to think of something to tell the clients so they don't blabber to Mum and Dad."

"Remus can't know either. I'm sure he would try to stop us."

"Right… He’s so modest," said Sirius and frowned. "It would be a lot easier if he would just accept help instead of always refusing and saying he doesn’t want to be a burden."

"Well, if we have already raised the money when we tell him, then he can’t very well refuse, can he? We should get as many as we can to pitch in. I wish I had access to my child savings, but that will be more than a year."

"I hate to sound like Mrs. Harris, but that money is for you when you move out so you have something to start out with. I'm pretty sure Remus would refuse to take your savings, anyway," Sirius said. "But I'll ask Lily, James and Peter to pitch in as well.”

**o0o0o**

Three weeks passed and Remus was finally healthy enough to get back to school. The past two weeks he had been at home and Regulus had been there every day reading to him. Now Remus stood on the front steps to the house and breathed the spring air, really taking it in. Sirius had promised to pick him up for school since his mother had now forbidden him to take the bus anywhere and she was sure he wasn't ready to ride his bike either, since his lungs had been infected and he was out of shape.

Regulus was very much against Remus going back to school so soon. "It's full of germs, and all those people have no manners, they get right up in your face."

"He’ll be alright," said Sirius and leaned back in his seat as the car sped down the road. "I'll protect him, Reggie," he snickered and made a sharp turn. "I’ll be his bodyguard!"

“I don’t need a bodyguard,” protested Remus from the backseat.

"Yes, and you take it seriously!” said Regulus, ignoring Remus. “Make sure people don't touch him or breathe on him. And Remus, don't take anything someone is trying to give you. You never know what's in it."

"Yes, because people are trying to kill Remus," said Sirius. "And they’re cunning little weasels."

Remus looked at Regulus. He had gotten more paranoid since Remus had been ill. It was endearing in a way, but Remus hoped it wouldn't make his condition worse. 

In the entrance hall Regulus watched them leave, feeling very jealous of his brother for being in Remus' year and sharing his classes.

**o0o0o**

To get a soft start (being Remus’ first day), he went home after lunch. Regulus, who dared not risk angering McGonagall further by skiving off, raced to Remus’ house as soon as his last lesson was over. He was glad that it was Remus who opened. He was still not comfortable around Remus' parents - especially Mrs. Lupin, whom he felt was trying to give him therapy every time she spoke. "Hi. Feeling ok?" he asked as he stepped in. 

"Yeah," smiled Remus. "Just a little tired."

They went up to Remus' room and closed the door. Regulus desperately wanted to kiss him, but the fear of him getting ill again was nagging. He pulled off his sweater and tossed it aside, in case some germs had attached themselves to it at school.

Remus smiled and stepped up close to Regulus. He knew what was going on in his head. He looked into his eyes and cupped his face with his hands, getting ready to kiss him.

"W-wait," said Regulus, stepping back. Then he hurried into the bathroom where he scrubbed his hands in scalding hot water, washed his face thoroughly and gurgled for several minutes before spitting out the water, somewhat confident that it would be safe to kiss Remus. Then he went back to the room and shyly stepped up to him. 

"Are you okay?" Remus asked, taking Regulus’ hands and looking at the skin that had turned red from the hot water. "You know, I don’t fear that you’ll make me ill. I know you’re careful and clean." He tilted his head and leaned in, hesitating a few inches from Regulus’ lips, but when he was sure that he would not pull away, he closed the gap between them.

Regulus felt his body go soft as he melted into the kiss, letting out a sigh of content. He hadn't realised just how much he had missed being close to Remus like this. He wrapped his arms around him and pressed himself lightly against his body as he angled his head for a more snug fit. 

They came up for air after a few minutes. "You tired?" asked Regulus.

"A little," gasped Remus and rested his forehead against Regulus'.

"So you wanna stop?"

"I'd rather not. I could kiss you all day."

"Then let's go lie down," said Regulus and lead Remus to the bed where they plunged down, Remus on his back with Regulus half on top

Remus moved up a hand and hooked a lock of Regulus' hair behind his ear while smiling at him. "You mean so much to me, you know that?"

"You...” Regulus gulped. “I do?"

"Yeah," said Remus and placed a hand on his cheek. "I... I love you."

Regulus felt his heart leap and warmth explode in his chest. He had been afraid to ask. Afraid that Remus didn't truly love him. Like him, yes, but love? "Me too..." he said, focusing on Remus' chin, too shy to look him in the eye. "But I guess that's been pretty obvious for a while."

Remus’ face lit up. Yes, he knew that Regulus loved him, but hearing him say it, felt great. "I'm so happy that you do. I’ve loved you for a long time but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable by saying it too soon."

Regulus pressed his face into Remus' neck feeling giddy and shy at the same time. He doubted Remus could love him as much as he did Remus. Remus was his whole world. Regulus didn’t think he could live without him.

Remus kissed his cheek and wrapped his arms loosely around him. "I really... really love you," he repeated and kissed his cheek again.

Regulus dug his fingers into Remus' hair and smiled against his neck, feeling happiness dance in his chest. He raised his head to kiss Remus and made himself more comfortable, still half-way on top of Remus. Their proximity didn't feel so bad in this position. He was even okay with Remus running his hands up and down his back.

Remus returned the kiss softly, keeping his hands running up and down Regulus’ back in gentle strokes.

"Remus..." said Regulus, breaking the kiss just enough so he could speak. “You can touch me where you want. As long as it's not under my clothes."

Remus opened his eyes a little to look at him. Then he smiled and slowly moved his hands down Regulus’ back until they reached his behind where he then let them rest, only to take a gentle hold on the buttocks.  Regulus stiffened for a second but then relaxed, concentrating on the kiss. It was okay. As long as Remus stayed above the clothes, it wasn't too uncomfortable. He rolled onto his back to give Remus access to the front of his body. Somehow he felt like he owed him.

Remus leaned in over him, kissing him still, and moved a hand across his chest, slowly letting it travel down until it reached the hem of his pants. He stopped there, however, knowing not to go too far.

Regulus gulped again, forcing himself to stay calm. He could not keep cringing every time Remus touched him. He didn't understand. Why did he long for Remus to touch him, but then when he did it, he wanted him to stop?

"You okay?" Remus asked, looking a little doubtful.

"Yes. Yes, I'm fine. It feels good," lied Regulus, forcing a smile. 

"Okay," said Remus, not fully convinced. He dipped his head to press kisses against Regulus' neck as his hand roamed his chest. He found a nipple through the shirt and started to rub it carefully, hoping for a positive reaction from his boyfriend. 

Regulus' whole body jumped and he stared at Remus in shock, regretting it immediately. "Sorry... I'm just a little ticklish," he tried. 

"Do you want me to stop?" Remus asked.

_Yes!_ Regulus’ brain screamed. Out loud he said, "No, it's okay. Just, maybe not right there." He hated himself for being like this. It wasn't fair to Remus that he kept denying him to touch him anywhere remotely intimate, but he had no idea what to do about it. He had never wished to be normal more strongly than now, to be rid of his stupid anxiety of touch. He had never thought of it as there actually being something wrong with him before. That he did have mental problems. Perhaps it was actually possible to get help? But how? Remus' mother might know, but Regulus could not talk to her about it - especially about her son touching him. Regulus would rather die. And Doctor Pfeiffer he did not trust at all. He was in his mother's pocket, Regulus was sure of it.

Remus pulled away and laid his head on the pillow next to Regulus. He studied him for a long moment and then asked in a kind voice. "Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?"

Regulus shook his head and lay his head on the pillow next to Remus, looking up at the ceiling. Remus didn't say anything else, so after a few minutes Regulus broke the silence, "I'm sorry I'm such a rotten boyfriend."

"You're not a rotten boyfriend," said Remus and raised his head a little to get a better look at Regulus. "It doesn’t matter if you’re uncomfortable with me touching you. We will work on that and even if it takes years I'll still think you’re the best boyfriend in the world. You know why?" He gently turned Regulus’ face around so he could look him in the eye. "Because you are always there for me. You looked out for me day and night when I was ill. You did that although I know how scared you are of hospitals. You did it for me."

Regulus swallowed, looking into Remus' eyes. "But... that's something a friend could do. Boyfriends touch and have... s... sex."

"Well..." said Remus. "Do... do you want to have sex? I don’t mean right now, but... in the future?"

"That's what lovers do, you know, so that's what we should." In truth, Regulus was terrified that Remus would get frustrated with him eventually if he did not start giving him anything in that department, and perhaps leave him. An unbearable thought. 

"Well, to be perfectly honest I can’t deny that I want to have sex with you and touch you under your clothes. The sex part makes me nervous too, though. You would be my first as well," he smiled but then looked serious. "Have you considered that maybe you should try that medication? Or see a therapist that you can trust and open up to?"

Regulus gulped. "I don't trust anybody. Only you. And Sirius, kinda, but he doesn't know anything and doesn't really understand me."

"I'd like to help you in any way I can. Perhaps I could go with you to your sessions?"

"No... I couldn't do that. It would be too embarrassing."


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25 – I Want to Make a Deal with You**

It was one of these rare evenings where both parents of the Black family were home in good time and wished to dine with their sons. The boys had been informed of this, but Regulus had either forgotten or chosen to forget it and fallen asleep on Remus' bed instead, so when Mr. and Mrs. Black sat down at the dinner table at seven, their youngest son's chair stood empty.

Walburga eyed the empty seat in displeasure. "Sirius, where is your brother?"

"The bloody boy is probably in his room not bothering to show us the courtesy of coming down on time," growled Orion. 

Sirius bit his lip and checked his phone. He had texted Regulus a good hour ago, telling him it was time to turn his head towards home but he had still not gotten a reply. "He’s out running," he said, trying to look convincing. "He had a stressful day at school and wanted to blow off some steam."

"He knew he was expected at dinner at seven," said Mrs. Black stiffly. “He has no business elsewhere. Call him on the phone and tell him he's in trouble and will get in even more trouble if he doesn't come home right this minute."

**o0o0o**

Regulus woke by the sound of his phone and cursed quietly as he found it in his pocket. "Sirius?" he hissed. "Why don't you just send a bloody text - you're waking Remus!"

"I did send you a bloody text an hour ago!" Sirius hissed back. "You were supposed to be home for family dinner at seven! Mum is furious. I told them you went for a run so you better get your arse home."

"Oh, bugger!" cursed Regulus. "Right, I'll be back in half an hour."

Remus sat up, looking groggy as Regulus hung up. "What's going on?"

"That was my brother. I forgot we're having a family dinner tonight so I have to get home asap. Sirius told them I was out running, so I better look the part. Do you have some running clothes I can borrow? Or just a sweat suit."

Remus blinked a couple of times and then nodded. "Yeah, I got some," he said and hurried over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a shirt that looked good enough for running. He handed them to Regulus and sat down on his bed, feeling slightly dizzy from having woken so suddenly and having to jump out of bed. "I hope you won’t get in too much trouble."

"Well, I'm used to it," said Regulus, pulling the sweatshirt over his head. "Don't worry. I don't care if I've ruined their evening."

**o0o0o**

Regulus rode his bike as fast as he could, working up a good sweat as well so he looked quite the part of having been out for a run. As soon as he closed the front door behind him, his mother's voice rang through the house. 

"REGULUS! COME IN HERE THIS VERY INSTANT!"

Sirius sat in his seat looking irritated when Regulus walked in.

"So?" said Mrs. Black and gave her son the elevator look. "You were supposed to be at dinner at seven o'clock sharp and here you are half an hour late and all sweaty. Where have you been?"

"I was at a fancy tea party," said Regulus, his voice laced with sarcasm. "What do you think?" he continued, gesturing at his clothes. 

"So you decided to go for a stroll just so you could miss out on dinner?"

"No, I just forgot. You'll have to pardon me, it's so very rare that you're actually home to eat, so it's an easy slip," said Regulus, turning towards the stairs.

"Where do you think you’re going?" demanded Mrs. Black. "I hope it’s to get out of those filthy rags and put on some decent attire. And you better throw those out! I thought you had better running clothes than that. A Black does not show himself in cheap rags!"

Regulus headed upstairs without another word. He was going to take his sweet time in the shower. By the looks of it they had finished the main course and would probably get started on dessert, and with any luck they would be done once he made it down.

As Regulus had hoped they were indeed done when he came back down. He steered into the kitchen where he quickly filled a plate of food and put it in the microwave oven.

"You shouldn’t have any food at all," said Mrs. Black, dapping her lips with a napkin, when Regulus came into the dining room. "In fact you should go to bed hungry."

"Well, since you're done anyway there's no reason I should eat down here," said Regulus and headed for the stairs, his plate in hand. He could hear his mother yelling after him but chose to ignore her and went to his room.

"That boy drives me up the wall," said Walburga. "He's getting more disrespectful than his brother!" she continued, although Sirius was still sitting right there. 

"He needs a good beating, is what he does," grumbled Orion. "He should have had it long ago.”

"What a mature and civilised solution,” scoffed Sirius. “Just beat him instead of being good parents.”

"Watch it!" said Mr. Black, pointing at Sirius. "Your mother and I are slaving away to make enough money so you and your brother can live like the spoiled brats that you are!"

"Don’t you think we would rather have proper parents?” said Sirius and got up. "I’m going to my room. Thanks for a wonderful family dinner," he said as he and went past his father.

"Sit down!" said Orion, stopping Sirius by the arm. "I want to talk to you about something.”

Sirius sent him an irritated look but returned to his seat, slumping down on the chair as a ragdoll. "What?"

"There is a large fundraiser at Puddifoot Hall next Saturday. It's an important one, that we shouldn’t miss,” said Orion. 

"Although frankly I couldn't care less about whatever bleeding-heart cause it is this time," snorted Mrs. Black. 

"Yes, but we have to show. It's the respectful thing to do," continued Orion. "Anyway, I have to be at a conference in Vienna, so I would like you to escort your mother there. It would look better than if she came alone."

Sirius sat up straight, suddenly interested. A fundraiser? That was perfect! He could charm his way into several people's wallets at such a gathering. "Sure," he nodded and acted as if he could care less. "May I be excused now?"

His father waved him off and Sirius hurried upstairs to Regulus' room, knocking eagerly on the door. "Reggie! Open up!"

Regulus took a long moment before going to the door. He knew Sirius was going to complain about not being able to reach him and he wasn't in the mood for that.

"Mum and I are going to a fundraiser," Sirius said the moment the door was opened and he walked in. "That means people with loads of money just waiting to be charmed by me and our noble cause." He flashed his brother a grin and slung himself into a chair.

Regulus got so excited that he forgot to get angry with Sirius for walking in and using his furniture without an invitation. "That's bloody brilliant! But you will have to be careful. Mum can't notice. You will have to keep an eye on her."

"Yeah, I know. I’ll try and keep my distance to Mum as much as possible. That won't look suspicious at all because that’s what I always do," he snickered. He tapped his chin and thought for a moment. "Wouldn’t it be good to have a picture of Remus to show the people? Just so they know what they are paying for? I know that's what they usually do at fundraisers. Plaster a billion pictures up so people feel sorry for them and tribute."

"Yes. Right. One where he looks ill. Perhaps one where he's in the hospital?" Regulus didn't know if such a picture existed, and he couldn't very well ask Remus. Perhaps his parents? But how would he explain such an odd request? He would have to figure something out. 

"That would be great,” agreed Sirius. “Really play on people's emotions. Everyone hates to see an ill child."

"Do you think they've cooled down by now?" asked Regulus suddenly.

"Yeah. They seemed pleased enough when I agreed on going to the fundraiser," nodded Sirius. "Why do you ask? Planning to go downstairs?"

"Need to talk to Mum," mumbled Regulus and hurried out of the room before Sirius could ask him about what. He found his mother in her favourite sitting room with a cup of tea and a brandy. She looked up at him, surprised. 

Regulus sat down as close as he could tolerate (not close, but closer than he normally would) and eyed her with a determined expression to show her that he meant business. "I want to make a deal with you."

His mother put down her cup and looked at him. "Oh? What kind of deal?"

"I don't like Doctor Pfeiffer."

"So? What kind of deal do you mean to make by telling me you don’t like Doctor Pfeiffer?"

"I'm not cooperating with him, as I'm sure you suspect. I don't like him and I don't trust him. But if I’m allowed to find another therapist, then I promise I will take it seriously and try to work with my... problems."

Mrs. Black's eyes lit up. "Oh? And where do you think you can find a therapist as good as Doctor Pfeiffer?" She hesitated and thought very carefully about it. "Alright. You can have another therapist."

"It will be one of my choice," said Regulus, looking his mother in the eye. "And you will not speak to him or her about me."

His mother was about to say something but decided not to. "Fine. I will leave it in your hands, but I expect to see results."

"Can't promise that. Only that I'll give it a serious try."

**o0o0o**

When Regulus returned to his room, Sirius sat with Regulus' phone and waved it at him. "Lover boy wrote you," he snickered and held the phone up. "What did you want with Mum?”

Red in the face, Regulus snatched his mobile out of his brother's hand and yelled, "What do you think you're doing, reading my texts? Have you no manners? And you got filthy hands too!" Regulus found some hand sanitizer and quickly applied some on a cloth before carefully wiping off his phone.

"I didn’t read your text," snorted Sirius and crossed his arms. "I just saw that it said Remus on the display. Have you no faith in me?"

"Not much. You're not exactly famous for your tact," said Regulus, a little calmer. Then he opened the text.

_Hey Regulus. I hope you’re okay and that your parents did not yell too much._ _I miss you terrible already and wished you could have stayed. I sleep much better when you're here. Anyway, I love you <3_

**o0o0o**

Regulus went with Remus home the next day. "When will your parents be home?" he asked. 

"My father around six, I think. Mum has evening consultations so she won't be home till late."

"You look worn out, Remus," said Regulus, looking concerned. "Listen, why don't you take a hot bath? I'm sure it will do you good."

Remus looked at him a little surprised and put his bag down. "Um, sure. I guess that would do me some good," he smiled and leaned in for a kiss and then took off his jacket. "You can help yourself to tea in the kitchen if you want. I won’t be long."

"Thank you. And just take your good time."

Regulus waited on the landing until he heard the water being turned off and Remus get into the tub. Then he went downstairs. He started in the living room, figuring that was the most likely place to keep the family photo albums. He was right - there they were, on a shelf by the fireplace. He hesitated before opening the first one. This was not decent behaviour. He was sure Remus would be more than happy to show him the photos, but that was no good - then Regulus wouldn't be able to steal one of them. He found a usable picture in the third album he went through. Remus was at least four younger than he was now, but who cared? He was in a hospital bed, and Regulus guessed that the younger he looked, the more sympathy he would get. He slipped the photo out of the album and, with a sting of bad conscience, stuck it into his pocket 

About twenty minutes later, Remus emerged from the bathroom, looking very content. The hot water had made him relax so much that he had almost drifted off in the tub. He smiled at Regulus, who sat with a cup of tea in the living room, and dropped down next to him. Leaning in, he kissed his cheek and then rested his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes and taking in Regulus' scent.

"Remus... I was wondering if maybe you could ask your mother who's a good therapist. One who isn't an old fashioned stuck up prat."

Remus opened his eyes and looked up at him. "Sure. I can do that. My mum knows a lot of therapists." He smiled even wider and took Regulus' hand, intertwining their fingers. "So you decided to give it a go?"

"Yes.... A woman, I think. I don't know why. I have this idea that they're more tolerant of gays. But I don't want her to be friends with your mother so they talk about me."

"They are not allowed to talk about you so you don’t need to fear that, but I’ll ask her to write down a few names for you," Remus said and caressed his hand.

**o0o0o**

It was with a knot in his stomach that Regulus went through the door to the waiting room of his new psychiatrist. There were three therapist sharing the building, so there were a few people in the waiting room. Regulus stopped in the doorway. There were several free chairs but none where its neighbour wasn't occupied, so Regulus went to stand by the window, the place furthest away from the other people. 

An elderly woman smiled at him. "Why don't you sit here, luv?" she asked, patting the seat next to her. “There's no reason to stand when there are free seats."

"No," Regulus said simply, not bothering to come up with an excuse. 

"There's nothing to be nervous about, luv," she continued, obviously interpreting Regulus' stand-offishness for nerves. "Doctor Bones is very nice. If she’s who you’re going to see." She got up and went over to Regulus, putting an encouraging hand on his shoulder. 

"Keep your hands to yourself, woman!" shrieked Regulus as he jumped backwards, bumping into a set of bookshelves which fell over with a crash. 

A door flew open and a secretary came rushing in, eying the knocked over bookshelf and the books that lay scattered all over the floor. Her eyes fell on the elderly woman who looked stunned and then at Regulus who stood against the wall in a defensive stand. "What happened here?" she asked in shock.

"I don’t know. The boy knocked all the books over," the elderly woman said.

"It’s alright," sounded a voice. "These things happen." A kind-looking woman in her forties stood in the doorway to one of the offices, smiling at Regulus. "Regulus Black? I’m Doctor Bones. If you would follow me then we can have a nice little chat."

Regulus walked to the office, his heart still pounding in his throat. What a great first impression. Why did people have to be such idiots? Why couldn't they just mind their own business?

The doctor closed the door behind him and motioned for him to take a seat. "So... Regulus,” she started, sitting down across from Regulus. “Tell me a bit about yourself."

"It wasn't my fault," said Regulus defensively, still thinking about the incident in the waiting room. "It was that woman. She was crowding me. No tact at all."

Doctor Bones waved a hand dismissively. "Don’t worry about that. Mrs. Figg believes everyone can be cured with a hug," she smiled. "But you don’t like hugs, do you?"

"No. I don't like people touching me at all."

"Why is that?" Doctor Bones asked, folding her hands in her lap.

"I don't know. It just makes me anxious. I don't know why. But I wasn’t molested as a child, so don’t even go there," said Regulus, looking out the window behind the therapist so he didn't have to look her in the eye. 

"I see. But do you  _want_ to be able to touch people?"

Regulus sighed. Then he told her how scared he truly was of physical contact, of germs, dirt and body fluids. How difficult it was for him to be anywhere but home. It was strange sitting here talking to someone about his problems - being truthful and actually acknowledging them as the problems they were. It was something he had never done before. Not even with Remus or his brother.

Doctor Bones listened closely without interrupting. "That sounds very exhausting," she said sympathetically when Regulus was done talking. She picked up her notepad and wrote a few things down. "I’m sure some medication could take the edge off your anxiety, but as I understand it you don’t wish to take any pills?"

"No medicine," said Regulus, shaking his head violently. "It's poison. I only take it in life threatening situations"

"I understand. It was just a suggestion so your mind could have a break from all the anxiety you have. But we can do the therapy without the medication, if that’s what you prefer." She made a few more notes. "Well, if I am to help you I would like to know more about you, Regulus. Hobbies and such. People in your life. Friends? Family? Do you have any siblings?"

"Yes. My big brother. He's two years older than me. He's... Well, he's a pain in the bum most of the time to be honest, but he's alright. At least he likes me. Unlike our parents. They hate both of us and it's quite mutual."

"Your parents hate you?" Doctor Bones asked. She put her notepad down and tried to gain eye contact with Regulus, but when she couldn't, she asked in a mild voice. "Do your parents hurt you?"

"Not really... They don't beat us, if that’s what you mean. Well, an occasional slap but nothing worse. But they're nasty. My mother will grab me when she's angry and that freaks me out. She just doesn't get that she's just making it worse. My brother usually steps in when things get out of hand. He takes a lot of heat off me. He’s… yeah, I know I’m lucky to have him even though he can be a pain."

"I bet he means a lot to you," said the therapist and leaned back in her seat. "Well… I think we should leave your eating habits alone for now. That problem isn’t so pressing. Besides, it’s good to be healthy." She sent him a smile and a wink. But your fear of touch and germs needs to be addressed, don’t you agree? It makes your life very difficult, and if you want to have a relationship one day it's quite problematic to be afraid of touch and germs."

Regulus swallowed. It was so uncomfortable opening up like this to someone, even though it was a stranger, someone who didn't know him and was sworn to keep the conversation private. But there was a reason he had come here and he might as well bite the bullet and get on with it. "That's... That's actually why I've come here. I have a boyfriend and I can't... I can't stand him touching me."

"Oh?” The doctor looked surprised. She adjusted her glasses. "So he can’t touch you at all? How strong are your feelings for him?"

"I... I love him," mumbled Regulus as if it were something to be embarrassed about. “A lot. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother. I’m fine with him touching me _some_ places, like hands, arms and face. It was very hard at first but now it's ok, almost nice. I like touching _him_ , though. I wish I could enjoy it when he touches me too. It's strange... I like being close to him - something I've never felt before - but the actual touching is the problem. And even though he's very nice and patient I can tell he wants it badly.” 

"Have you tried going very slowly?" she asked. "If you rush things your anxiety will not have time to accommodate.”

"We _have_ gone slow. But we've come to a place I just can't seem to get past. We've been there forever. I can't stand him touching me under my clothes. I just can't. I freak out."

"I see," Doctor Bones nodded and took another few notes. “How did you get to the point where he could touch your hands and face without a problem? With patience, I’m sure, and that’s what you need to keep at. Get used to his touch each place until you move on to the next. Focus on one thing at a time, otherwise you will get overwhelmed. What would you like him to do to you? What do you think would feel good for you?"

"I... When I fantasise about it, I want him to touch me i-intimate places. But when it comes to reality, I don't."

"I suggest that you start out with the little things. Let him touch a semi-safe area and then he can withdraw his hand again. You could watch a movie while he caresses you places you’re comfortable with at first."

"Porn?" asked Regulus, stunned. "Absolutely not. That's filthy!"

"I didn’t say porn," she laughed. "I said a movie. Something relaxing. Perhaps a comedy." She checked her watch. "I’m positive that we can make this work, Regulus, but you will need to push your boundaries. And you will need to do it at a pace you can keep up with."

"I'm just... I'm afraid I'll never be able to have sex, and I'm afraid that he'll get tired of waiting at some point and leave me. I really need to make this work. And soon."

She looked at him for a moment. “Has your boyfriend given you any reason to believe he’s getting tired of waiting?”

“No, he… he keeps saying that he’ll wait forever if that’s how long it takes, but he’s just a very nice person, so I don’t think he would tell me if he was in fact getting tired of me. He must be frustrated, at least. And even the nicest person has his limits, you know.”

“How long have you been together and how did you meet?”

“About half a year. He’s my brother’s friend from school. He started after the summer. I didn’t want anything to do with him at first but he kept pestering me until I gave in. I told him to find someone else and that I couldn’t do boyfriend things because I don’t like touch. He said he only wanted me and he didn’t care if we couldn’t do normal boyfriend things. I didn’t understand. I still don’t.”

Doctor Bones adjusted her glasses. “It sounds to me like this boy really loves you and will do whatever it takes. If that wasn’t the case, do you really think he would still be around? You didn’t promise anything you couldn’t deliver. He knew what he was getting himself into. I think you should listen to him and trust what he’s telling you.”

“I do. But who’s to know how he will feel in the future? He might get tired of waiting and leave me.” Regulus could feel panic stirring in his stomach just by talking about it. “I can’t let that happen! I wouldn’t be able to deal with it!”

Doctor Bones raised a calming hand. “Take it easy, Regulus. Nobody is talking about anybody leaving. Unless your boyfriend has said anything about this, there’s no reason to fear it. Besides, you cannot push yourself into activities you aren’t ready for. You have to do things because you like it, and not because you fear for the consequences of not doing them.” When Regulus did not look appeased, she continued, “Regulus, there is no need to be in such a hurry to have sex. You are barely seventeen. Lots of seventeen-year-olds are virgins and that’s not a bad thing at all.”

“I was not planning on having sex right _now_ , but I’m worried because with the speed I’m moving at I will be thirty before I get that far. It’s not fair on Remus.”

Doctor Bones sat contemplating for a while. "Perhaps you could try a different approach. Sometimes changing the setting helps. Instead of cuddling on the bed you could take a shower together.” When Regulus looked terrified, she added, “I don’t mean naked. At least not at first. You could both wear trunks. This way you could get a good look at each other and you could practise the touching at a comfortable pace."

Regulus considered it for a second. "Yeah… Perhaps. Perhaps we could try that.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26 – Could You Introduce Me?**

The evening of the fundraiser Regulus' nerves were on end. He had actually considered asking his mother if he could come, just so he could see that everything went well, but had decided against it. The fear of all the people who would want to shake hands and stand close was too overwhelming, and besides, after the last time she was not likely to want to bring him. 

"Did you remember the picture?" he asked Sirius for the third time. "Make sure Mother doesn't hear you. And tell the people to shut up about it around her."

"Yes, I got the picture," said Sirius, rolling his eyes and straightens his tie, "and yes I’ll make sure Mother doesn’t find out." He smiled at his brother and ruffled his hair. "Relax. I’ve it sorted.”

Mrs. Black came down the stairs, looking amazing in a blood red satin gown with and a low back a long slit. She was still stunningly beautiful at the age of fifty and the men always had problems not gawking too obviously. Vanity ran just as deep in the family as beauty, and she loved it just as much as Sirius did when women swooned at his feet. 

When they stepped out of the cab in front of the mansion Walburga demanded that Sirius look like a real gentleman and escort her inside and. Sirius rolled his eyes as he stuck out his arm for her to grab onto. As they walked, everyone’s turned heads to watch the stunning couple.

Although there were many known faces, there were quite a few people who had not met the Blacks before. "Who is that?" whispered a young woman to the lady she was speaking to.

"That’s Walburga Black," said the lady and noted that the girl was gawking at Sirius. "The young man there is her son Sirius. Such a charmer."

"Is he single," asked the young woman, looking Sirius up and down. 

"I believe so. Although I’m not sure. A handsome lad like that doesn’t stay single for long, does he?"

"Could you introduce me?" asked the young woman, adjusting her hairdo.

The lady smiled knowingly and walked over to the Blacks. She greeted Mrs. Black while Sirius gallantly kissed the young woman's hand.

She couldn't hide a blush. "Pleased to meet you. I'm Marlene McKinnon," she said, smiling brightly. 

"Nice to meet you, Marlene," smiled Sirius and sent her his signature smirk. "How are you this fine evening?"

"Oh, quite well. it's a lovely party," smiled Marlene, blushing even more. 

“And may I say how lovely you look in that dress. Perhaps you would like to accompany me to the bar and have a drink?" Sirius suggested.

"I would love to!"

They left Mrs. Black and the lady to talk and went for the bar. “What would you like?" Sirius asked.

"Oh... Surprise me," she said, licking her lips. "I've never seen you before. Don't you come to these events often?"

"I haven’t been for a while," said Sirius and ordered a cosmopolitan for Marlene and a whiskey on the rocks for himself. "But I go when I can, and tonight I’m on a special mission, in fact," he smiled at her.

"Oh?" she said, taking a sip from her drink. "What is that?"

"Well, I have a small fundraiser project of my own, so I will see if I can talk some good people into making a donation. But I'd love for you to join me. I’m sure nobody will be able to say no to such a beauty." Sirius winked.

"Oh, but of course!" said Marlene. "What is your cause?"

Sirius looked around to check if his mother was around and seeing that she wasn’t, he took out the picture of Remus and handed it to her.

"This is Remus. He’s a friend of mine who suffers from an immunity dysfunction, which makes him very ill easily. He’s just been in the hospital for two months because of pneumonia." Sirius edged closer to Marlene and continued. "There is a center in Switzerland where they’re trying to find a treatment for this illness and they’ve had good results so far, but it’s very expensive and his parents can’t afford it, so my brother and I have started a fund for him."

"Poor boy," said Marlene, looking at the picture. "He looks awfully pale. Is he going to die if he doesn't get cured?"

"He won't grow old, at any rate," said Sirius and bit his lip. "He really needs this treatment. He gets more and more ill, so it’s just a matter of time."

"Oh – you know, my parents are here and I'm sure they would like to donate to your cause!" she said and hurried through the crowd to find her parents, Sirius in tow. "Mother, Father," she said, stopping by a tall sturdy man and a blond woman. "This is Sirius Black."

"Hello," said the man, shaking Sirius' hand. "Are you the heir to Black Ltd.?"

"I am, sir."

"How lovely to meet you," smiled Marlene’s mother as Sirius kissed her hand gracefully.

Sirius saw Marlene urge him on with her eyes and he cleared his throat. "Ehem. Sir and madam," he started. "I am actually here on my own cause tonight." He took out the picture of Remus and showed it to them, giving them the same speech that he had given Marlene.

"I told Sirius that I was sure you would gladly donate to the cause," said Marlene and then looked at Sirius. "Father is very generous and Mother does a lot of charity work herself."

"Well, I suppose your cause is a worthy one," said Mr. McKinnon and pulled out his checkbook. 

Marlene watched as he wrote. She sent him a reproachful look that clearly said the amount was too small. Her father hesitated, then ripped off the check and curled it up before writing another. This time Marlene smiled approvingly and he handed it to Sirius. 

Sirius looked at it and his jaw dropped. A thousand pounds.

"Thank you, sir!" said Sirius and shook his hand again, folding the check and putting it in his pocket. "I am so grateful for your help and so is Remus. However, I would also be grateful if you would not mention this to my mother.”

"She doesn't know about the cause?" asked Mr. McKinnon, frowning. "Why is that?"

"How do I explain this...” started Sirius. “My dear parents have a hand in everything that goes on in the company. Although they are teaching me much, I would like to show them that I’m capable of leading my own projects as well. I’m sure they will acknowledge my efforts when they see the result, but they are harsh critics – as any good business person should be, I suppose – so I would like to finish the project before they learn of it, so that they can see the finished result and hopefully be impressed," explained Sirius.

The man opened his mouth to say something, but his wife cut in. "Well, the poor boy needs help and that's all that matters, is it not, Harold?" Her husband closed his mouth and nodded. 

“Of course the names of all benefactors will be publicised as soon as the fund has reached its goal. And I assure you that Black Ltd. will not forget your generosity,” smiled Sirius.

Marlene turned out to be quite an asset for Sirius, since she knew many of the people he didn't. As the night was coming to an end Marlene eyed Sirius, smiling. "Too bad the party's already over. I'm not even tired..."

"Me neither," smiled Sirius and looked around. "What do you say we hit the town?" Sirius thought it was the least he could do after her helping him. Not to mention, she was bloody hot.

"We could do that," she said. "We could also go to my flat for coffee."

"Even better," smirked Sirius and stuck his arm out for her to grab onto. "You lead the way, Miss."

Mrs. Black spotted them as they were on their way out. She had noticed, of course, Sirius spending the night with Marlene hanging on his arm, and she had been quite pleased. This was a classy girl, unlike many of her son's girlfriends. But she did not like that they were leaving together, having only just met, so she rushed after them. "Hello, miss," she said, smiling at Marlene. "Can I borrow my son for a minute?" She pulled Sirius off to the side where they were out of earshot. "I hope you don't intend to sleep with her tonight?"

"What if I do?" said Sirius, crossing his arms, looking at his mother like a stubborn five year old who had had his favourite toy taken away from him. "I won’t say no if she offers herself up."

"Offers herself?" said Mrs. Black, her eyes blazing. "This is a lady - not one of your usual tramps! You will treat her with respect and court her properly! I don't want my son to be cheap. Sophisticated young men can control themselves and don't sleep around."

"A little late to tell me not to sleep around, isn’t it?" said Sirius and turned to walk back to Marlene.

"Don't you go home with her! I don't want the family’s reputation stained because you can't keep your... privates in your trousers!"

"I'm going with her home for a cup of coffee, and if it makes you feel better, then I’ll ask for her number after we are done."

"Done with what?"

"Depends on what she wants. I’m a gentleman. I give the girl what she asks for."

"I will not have my son behave like some… some rent boy!" hissed Walburga, narrowing her eyes and looking disgusted. 

Sirius glared back at her, about to give her a peace of his mind, but decided on not making a scene. It had been such a successful party, after all. "Fine! I’ll ask for her number instead. Happy?"

He strolled off and sighed as he reached Marlene. "My mother insists that I take her home.”

"Oh," said Marlene, looking crestfallen. "Can't we meet afterwards? I can give you my address. You could take a taxi..." She let a subtle hand slide over her chest, adjusting her cleavage so it became a bit more revealing.

“My thoughts exactly,” smirked Sirius, his eyes following Marlene’s hand.

**o0o0o**

They arrived home a good half hour later and Sirius hurried up to Regulus' room. He wanted to give him the checks before he left for Marlene’s flat.

Regulus was wide awake and tore open the door, waving Sirius inside. "So how'd it go?" he asked excitedly. "Anybody bite?"

"A couple," said Sirius and reached inside his pocket to pull out the checks. He had lost count on how many he had gotten since most of his attention had been on Marlene. "How much did we get?"

"You didn't check them already?" asked Regulus, raising an eyebrow. There were no less than eleven checks and Regulus quickly added them up. "Bloody hell," he gasped. "Nearly five thousand pounds!"

Sirius smiled even wider. "So I did pretty well, yeah? And with the money we put in – how much are we good for now?" 

"Eight. So it's a good start!"

"Still a long way to go, but we’ll make it," smiled Sirius and handed back the picture of Remus for Regulus to keep. "Now... since my deed for the night is done, I have a date I can’t keep waiting," he smirked and straightened his tie.

"This late? With whom?"

"A hot bird I met at the fundraiser. She actually introduced me to most of the people from whom I got the checks. Mum, however, does not approve of me going home with her tonight. She thinks I’ll spoil her purity or something, but that girl wants me badly, I tell you.”

"So you're going over to shag her? Remember to use a condom. If she wants you that badly after having just met you, you’re not the only one she has ever wanted badly, so you never know what she might be spreading around."

Sirius blinked a few times. Then he laughed and patted Regulus’ shoulder. "Now that you mention it, I think I’m out of condoms. I don’t suppose you have any?" He sent his brother a smirk and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Funny," snapped Regulus. Sirius knew very well that Regulus was so far from being ready to have any kind of sex, and Regulus didn't like being reminded of it. 

"Sorry, baby brother," Sirius grinned. He turned towards the door but stopped. "I’ll see you in the morning. Unless you want to get out of here and share a cab to Remus' house. It’s on the way."

"Really? I dunno..." Regulus said, checking his watch. "It's late. He's probably asleep..."

"You could text him or call him. Your choice. I can wait five minutes."

_Are you awake? If you are, do you want me coming over? I could sleep at your place_

Regulus got an answer almost immediately.

_I’m awake. Please come over. I miss you <3_

**o0o0o**

"I’ll swing by tomorrow to pick you up, okay?" Sirius said as the taxi stopped in front of Remus' house. "Or are you going to walk home?"  

Regulus stumbled out of the taxi, his heart still pounding. He had regretted getting into it almost immediately. Although he was sitting in the back as far away from the driver as possible, he had still felt trapped and kept his arms in his lap, afraid to touch anything. "I'll just walk."

"Okay," nodded Sirius. "But if the weather is shite I’ll pick you up. Just give me a ring."

Regulus hurried inside when Remus opened for him. "Sorry to disturb you this late."

"You can disturb me any time," smiled Remus and gave him a kiss.

"Do you mind if I take a shower before bed?" Regulus asked as he took off his shoes and jacket. "I rode in that taxi and well... I'd like to get the feel of it away. I brought clean clothes too.”

"Sure," smiled Remus as they went upstairs.

Regulus stood for a moment, contemplating the therapist's suggestion, but he hadn't brought trunks. Of course he could ask Remus if he had an extra pair, but truthfully he didn't feel like doing it at all.  _No_ , he told himself. _Stop with the excuses._ "Um... The therapist said... she suggested that we shower together. You know, for me to get used to being more intimate. But she said we could wear trunks if I wasn't ready for completely naked. And I'm not."

Remus blinked a few times, his mouth falling slightly open. "She did?" Regulus nodded and Remus jumped to his feet. "Sure we can do that!" he said eagerly. “If you really want to, of course. I don’t want you to feel pressured."

"I want to move forward. If you only touch me the usual places. Arms, face, you know. But I didn't bring trunks."

"I have a spare pair," said Remus and went over to the dresser, found two pairs, and handed one to Regulus. "I’ll just change in here and you can go ahead."

"Okay," said Regulus. He almost regretted it as soon as he dropped his clothes in the bathroom and put on the trunks. He was excited about seeing Remus nearly naked, but himself in just trunks was scary. Not because he was afraid Remus would be disappointed over his looks (he knew he looked good - all Blacks did), it was more because his body was an extremely private thing and without clothes he felt unprotected.  _It's only Remus. You don't need protection from him,_ he scolded himself. "O-okay," he called. "You can come in now!"

Remus opened the door and stepped in. He had to restrain himself to not stare too obviously. Regulus’ body was perfect. Slender and smooth. Remus had had a glimpse of his upper body before when he had helped him with his shirt, but seeing him almost naked was even better. He got a little nervous about what Regulus thought of him. "You… you look really good," he gulped. "I’ll just turn on the water," he quickly said, trying to look somewhere else while adjusting the temperature. "Alright," he smiled and stepped in, holding out his hand to Regulus.

Regulus, on the other hand, was trying to focus all his attention on Remus and not think about his own discomfort of being so exposed. "You look good too," he mumbled as he got into the cubicle. Luckily, it was large enough for them both to stand in there without their bodies touching. "I mean, you could do with a few more pounds for your health, but I like that you're not buff. I find buff blokes unattractive. I like slim. Like you."

Remus smiled at him, his wet hair hanging down in his eyes and he shook his head once to get it away. "I guess it’s a good thing I don’t work out, then. “Hey, do you want to change sides or do you want to stand a little closer to me? I’m getting all the water." He reached out to touch Regulus’ cheek gently. "I promise I won't touch anything but your arms and face. Standing close to me won’t be much different than when we cuddle in bed or hug each other."

"You can work out without getting buff. For instance, run like I do. It would be good for you," said Regulus, avoiding answering Remus' question. He didn't feel like moving closer.

"Maybe we could go running together?” suggested Remus. "I'd like to try.”

"Yes, of course," beamed Regulus. He had never had anybody to run with before. He had never wanted it either. Until Remus. Many things had changed with Remus. 

"I'm glad you want a slowcoach like me to tag along," Remus smiled and stepped a little closer. "Let’s change places so you can wash."

Regulus gulped and nodded, stepping around Remus to stand under the water. 

Remus sent Regulus a smile. "Would it be okay if I kissed you or is that too much for you?"

Regulus could do that. For some strange reason kissing was something that he had no problem with –  enjoyed, even. He answered by kissing Remus, planting his hands on his shoulder. 

Remus tilted his head and returned the kiss happily. He didn’t realise that he had placed his hands on Regulus' hips before he was roughly pushed away.

"You said you wouldn't touch my body!" said an agitated Regulus.

"I’m sorry!" Remus said, looking stunned. "I forgot! I usually touch your hips when we kiss. I forgot to think about it." He watched Regulus nervously, afraid he had ruined everything. _You're so stupid! He told you not to do it, and you went ahead and did it!_

Regulus eyed him suspiciously. "How can I trust you if you promise something and you do it anyway?"

Remus dropped his head. "I’m really sorry. Please forgive me. I forgot for a second but I promise it won’t happen again."

Regulus considered it for a moment. Mostly he wanted to just storm out, grab his towel and leave the room, but then they would never get anywhere. "Okay, you get one more chance."

"Thank you,” breathed Remus in relief. “I promise I won't do it again. Can... can we kiss again?"

Regulus agreed and after a few minutes of kissing and showering he was feeling quite comfortable. "Make sure to get every single hair, Lupin," he said in a joking tone as Remus shampooed him.

They dried themselves and Regulus dressed in the pyjamas he had brought. Remus was just wearing boxers and T-shirt and Regulus liked that. 

"Do you want me to get the camp bed or do you want to lie next to me?" asked Remus as they went back into his room. "I just put on clean sheets."

Regulus bit his lip, thinking. He would like to sleep beside Remus, but it would be nice to have the camp bed just in case. It would make him feel safer if he knew he had somewhere to retreat to. "Let's make the camp bed. Just in case it gets too crammed in your bed. I wouldn't want to crowd you so you can't get some proper sleep.”

Remus nodded, happy with Regulus agreeing to lying next to him at least for a while. He quickly fetched the camp bed and made it. "There we go," he smiled. “Now it’s ready if you should need it.” He climbed into his own bed and held up the duvet for Regulus to climb in as well.

Regulus hesitated. Lying under the duvet would make him feel confined. He climbed in anyway, telling himself not to be daft.

"Can I put an arm around you or is that too much?” asked Remus when they were lying next to each other under the covers. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable."

"Just... Let's just lie here for a minute, okay? I'm tired."

"Okay..." Remus said in an almost whisper and closed his eyes, listing to Regulus' breathing.

Regulus fell asleep not long after. He had slept next to Remus before, after all, although not under the covers. 

At some point in the night Remus woke by the sound of the rain hammering against the window. He looked over at saw that it was pouring down, and he automatically pulled the covers further up over them, snuggling against his boyfriend. He treasured just lying there next to a warm Regulus, peacefully sleeping. He closed his eyes again and drifted off to sleep to the sound of Regulus' breathing and the raindrops on the window.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27 – None of Your Business**

There was a knock on the door the next morning. Regulus flew up and looked around, at first not realising where he was. 

"Boys? Are you awake? I've made a large breakfast, so if you want to come down…"

Remus rubbed his eye sleepily and sat up in bed. He ran a hand through his hair and yawned. "Yeah. Yeah, we're up," he called back and smiled at Regulus who still looked rather startled.

"What if she had opened the door?” said Regulus. “What's she thinking about me sleeping here? Does she think we're having sex?"

"She’s polite enough not to barge in," assured Remus. "And besides, she wouldn’t think that even if she had opened the door. We’re both dressed." He leaned in and gave Regulus a quick kiss. "Do you want to come down for breakfast?”

"Yes, alright," said Regulus. "But she didn't see that we were dressed. Doesn't she worry?"

"I think she’s fine with whatever we do," said Remus. "She likes you even more after you stayed with me at the hospital. She’s happy that you're my boyfriend."

"She thought I was a pain in the bum at the hospital. And all the nurses complained to her, asking her to control her son's Rottweiler. I heard them say it."

"I don’t care what they said," smiled Remus.

Regulus took another shower - he always showered at least twice a day so dirt and sweat did not get a chance to feel at home on his body. Then he dressed and went downstairs, seeing that Remus had already gone. 

"Good morning, Regulus," said Mr. Lupin, lowering the sports-section. "Did you lot sleep well?" Regulus nodded and sat down. Mr. Lupin eyed the two boys and then flipped up his newspaper again. "I hope you didn’t wear out my son. He looks a little tired and he isn’t fully recovered yet."

Remus almost choked on his freshly pressed orange juice. "Dad!"

Regulus stared at Mr. Lupin. "I didn't do anything! I swear! We just went to sleep!"

"I’m just teasing," grinned Mr. Lupin.

"Lyall, you behave around those poor boys!" Mrs. Lupin said with a stern look on her face and her hands on her hips. 

Regulus stared a hole in his plate as Mrs. Lupin poured him a glass of orange juice. "What would you like to eat, dear?" she asked. 

"A bit of everything, please. Except the meat."

"What about kippers?"

Regulus shook his head. "I don't eat fish. There might be heavy metals in them."

Mrs. Lupin sighed but didn’t comment on it. She took his plate and put a bit of everything on it and handed it back to him.

"Regulus and I are going to start running together," Remus beamed as they had all sat down to eat.

"Oh?" said Mrs. Lupin. "That sounds wonderful. But do be careful not to overexert yourself, dear."

"I'm going to wait until I’m stronger, but then I’ll start with a slow run." He turned his head to look at Regulus. "I won’t be able to keep up with you, though."

"Don't worry, I'll run at your speed," said Regulus, spearing a piece of fried tomato on his fork.

"Thank you," smiled Remus. "Maybe we can start today with just a walk? I haven’t been out much since I got ill and I really miss it."

"Only a short one, Remus," said Mrs. Lupin, pointing her fork at him. "And wear plenty of clothes."

"Yes, Mum," sighed Remus. He hoped he would be better soon so she wouldn’t fuss so much over him.

Regulus asked for the marmalade and Mr. Lupin took it, but before passing it on, he took some with his own knife. His own knife, which he had already been using on his other things. Regulus stared at him incredulously. It wasn't that he hadn't seen people with poor table manners like this before - Sirius did it all the time - but somehow he was surprised to see Mr. Lupin do it. He didn't take the jar when Mr. Lupin handed it to him, and the man seemed to remember that Regulus did not like to touch people, so he put it down and shoved it forward so it came to a halt right in front of Regulus. Regulus ignored it. "Is something wrong?" asked Mr. Lupin and looked a little puzzled at the jar and back at Regulus.

Remus looked at Regulus as well and then understood the problem. "Dad... you used your own knife in the jam. You should have used the spoon that came with it."

"Oh, that?" laughed Mr. Lupin. "But that's nothing to make a big deal out of. I didn't lick it or anything."

"It has been in contact with other parts of your food," pointed Regulus out stiffly. "Food, which you have eaten of. Saliva may have been transferred."

"But I’m not ill."

"Well, if you won't eat it then please pass it here, Regulus," said Mrs. Lupin.

Regulus hesitated with taking anything else from the table that Mr. Lupin might have used his own cutlery for. Suddenly his appetite was gone. He kept imagining eating part of the man.

"May we be excused?" Remus asked when they were done eating. His mother nodded and the boys left the table.

"Sorry about my dad. He sometimes forgets his manners," Remus excused as they went upstairs. "Do you want to go for a walk or just lie in bed and watch a movie or something?" Remus looked at his watch and saw that it was already eleven. "Or do you have to go home?" Remus knew that Regulus' mother was home and doubted that he had asked permission to go see Remus. He doubted very much that his mother even knew that Remus was a part of Regulus' life.

"I don't want to go home. The witch is there all weekend. I texted Sirius asking him to check on Kreacher when he gets back from his booty call."

"Booty call?" asked Remus, looking puzzled. "Oh, he went out yesterday?" 

Regulus realised he had forgotten to tell Remus how he had gotten there yesterday. "Yeah, he picked up some bird at a fancy party. Mother insisted he take her home, so he did. And then went straight to the bird's place. Mother thought she could bend Sirius to her will that easily. Idiot."

Remus smiled. "Well, that’s Sirius for you.”

They lay down on top of the covers, facing each other. It didn't take long until they were kissing, Remus topless and Regulus exploring his upper body. 

"You can kiss me on the neck if you want," said Regulus after a while, getting a little excited.

Remus smiled and started kissing slowly down Regulus’ jawline. He reached his neck and let his tongue caress the skin there for a while. "Will it be okay if I place me hands on your hips?" he asked in an almost whisper.

"Mm," hummed Regulus, his eyes closed. Remus' lips felt good and Regulus wanted to feel more. Further down. Remus had now reached the edge of his T-shirt and was kissing along the upper hem. It was strange how Regulus was so much more relaxed about Remus kissing than touching. He obviously had a huge issue with hands. Regulus sat up and pulled his shirt off. "Y-you can go a bit lower. Just a bit. And keep your hands off. If you don't keep your promise this time I'm going home."

Remus blinked in surprise and then nodded eagerly. He felt his heart leap at the sight of Regulus lying back down and giving him permission to go lower. He leaned in over him, his hands planted solid on the mattress and he kissed along his collarbone and then slowly down his chest.

Regulus jumped a little but then lay still again, telling himself to relax and trust Remus. Once he managed that, he started actually enjoying what Remus was doing. His right hand carded through the other his brown hair, enjoying the feel of the soft locks between his fingers. "You can go as far as the navel," he instructed. 

"Okay," said Remus in-between kisses. This was exciting, he thought as he moved a little further down and reached the navel. He kissed right on it, dipping his tongue into it. This made Regulus jump a little again and Remus smiled. "Is this okay?"

"Mm," hummed Regulus, almost afraid that Remus would stop. He had never before enjoyed any kind of physical contact below his neck. Five minutes later Regulus thought they better stop while the going was good. He had taken a huge step and he didn't want to push it. "Let me do you," he said, rolling onto his knees.

Remus looked at him a little surprised but then smiled and lay down on his back.

"Still no touching my body," Regulus reminded him before dipping his head to kiss Remus' neck.

"I won't," Remus said and bit his lip. Regulus' hot lips on his neck felt incredible and he had to dig his fingers into the sheets so he didn't accidentally touch him. "You feel wonderful."

Regulus smiled against the warm skin, hearing how good he was doing. Remus’ voice clearly showed it. He moved a bit around on the neck and collarbone, experimenting with lips and tongue, trying to see what would get strongest reactions. 

Regulus moved down to his chest, letting tongue and lips play around, his left hand roaming stomach of its own accord, and at one point it went so low that it brushed against the hem of Remus' trousers. The gasp of excitement and the slight raise of the other boy's hips piqued Regulus' interest. So this was getting Remus very excited, he thought to himself. His breathing had become a bit shallow too and Regulus got an intense desire to see how much more excited he could make him, so he moved his hand down again, running his fingers slowly along the hem of the Remus’ jeans, touching the bare skin 

Remus let out a gasp. He had a strong urge to press his hip up against Regulus’ hand but didn’t want to risk scaring him off now that he was being so bold. Remus tilted his head to the side and let out another gasp when Regulus moved his hand again while kissing his way around on his chest, exploring every inch of it.

Curiosity had made Regulus forget all his reservations. He wanted to try more. In a bold move he let his hand crawl over the top of Remus' jeans and move slowly down the front. He nearly jerked it away when feeling something hard under the fabric, but he forced himself not to. 

Remus' eyes shot open. He had never in his wildest dreams imagined that Regulus would touch him _there_. Even through clothes. Moving his hand a bit away from Regulus' hair, he laid it on his neck, letting the fingers dance around on the soft skin, closing his eyes, focusing on Regulus' touch.

Regulus looked up at Remus, suddenly thinking that he should have asked before going there. If Remus had touched _him_ there without permission he would have freaked out. "Is it alright?"

"It is," Remus nodded. "It feels really nice." It felt more than nice, really, but Remus didn’t want to sound too needy.

Regulus wasn’t sure where to go from here. Remus wanted more, that was clear, but could he give more? He pressed his hand a little harder against the hardness and felt the shape with his fingers. It took all his willpower to not pull away, because this was really pushing his limits. 

Remus let out another gasp and moved his fingers on the back of Regulus' neck in a circular motion. 

It felt incredible but he knew in the back of his mind that it must be hard for Regulus and he suddenly felt a little guilty for not telling him he shouldn’t feel obliged to keep going. "Re... Regulus. If you don’t want to touch me there, it’s okay. I won’t get mad."

"It's alright," said Regulus, trying to sound confident. He moved his hand up and down a few times.

Remus moved a little and took a few sharp breaths though his nose. He had actually expected Regulus to pull away when Remus told him it was okay. But now he was rubbing him and it made Remus' vision spin.

"Is... is it good?" asked Regulus curiously, his hand becoming more steady. 

"Y-yes. God yes," gasped Remus, moving his hip slightly, not being able to hold completely still. 

"Do you... have you... do you sometimes... you know… while thinking of me?"

"Yes. I always think about you,” nodded Remus and gulped, feeling slightly nervous about the questions. "I hope that’s okay? I find you extremely sexy."

"O-of course," said Regulus, moving his hand a bit faster. He was getting turned on himself, although he still did not want Remus to touch him.

Remus' breathing picked up pace. "G-god," he gasped and his toes twitched as he drew closer and closer. "Regulus… I won’t be able to hold back much longer."

Regulus pulled his hand away as though he had received an electric shock. The thought of Remus coming in his pants anywhere near him was very uncomfortable. He didn't even jerk himself off anywhere but in the shower, where the mess would be washed away immediately. Why had he not thought about where this was going? He knew very well what happened when you rubbed someone's knob. What kind of idiot was he to start something he couldn't finish? Like some stupid bird who didn't know how boys’ physiology worked. 

Remus took a deep breath. He had expected Regulus to pull away but he couldn’t help being disappointed. He raised himself onto his elbows and had to collect himself for a moment. Seeing the expression on Regulus' face made his heart sink. "Hey... it's okay," he smiled.

Regulus was so ashamed of himself that he couldn't meet Remus' gaze. "How about that walk?" he suggested.

"Alright. I just need a moment," said Remus and took another deep breath. He reached out for Regulus’ hand and gently caress it. "Hey... why won’t you look at me?"

"No reason," mumbled Regulus. "I just want to go for that walk."

"I just need a minute," said Remus and left for the bathroom.

**o0o0o**

Regulus was moody, not saying anything for a long while as they walked down the street.

Remus looked at him out of the corner of his eye. He felt like he had done something wrong. "I’m sorry if I did something," he finally said as the reached the park. 

Regulus stopped dead, eying Regulus with a mix of disbelief and annoyance. "Sorry if _you_ did something? Are you mocking me or just being stupid?" Of course Regulus knew Remus wasn't mocking him. He always blamed himself, and it only made Regulus feel even guiltier. 

"I’m sorry," said Remus and hung his head. He hated it when Regulus was upset. "I didn’t mean to mock you. You just seem so upset and I feel like I have a part in that."

"Why aren't you bloody mad at me? Why do you put up with everything and then say thank you? Oh, a bloke just totally dick teased me but that's probably my own fault! I shouldn't have scared him with getting hard and excited just because he rubbed me through my trousers!"

Remus kicked a rock, still looking down. "I’m not mad, because I know how hard it was for you to touch me like that. It doesn’t matter that you couldn’t go through with it on your first try. I wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t expecting you to be ready to give it a try at all, so please don’t be mad at yourself. You know I’m happy to go at your pace. I’m not in a hurry."

Regulus didn't know what to say. He was frustrated and mad - mostly at himself. Well, he really had no reason to be mad at Remus at all, other than annoyed with him for being so much nicer than Regulus deserved. He was useless. Taking Remus nearly all the way and then stopping was worse than not having started at all. 

Remus reached out his hand and gently took Regulus' in his, glad that he didn’t smack it away. "You know..." he started. “It felt really good and I hope it hasn't scared you off from trying again some other time. I don’t care that you can't finish it just now." He swung their hands back and forth and sent him a smile and decided to change the subject. "I’ve been meaning to ask you... would you like to go out on a date with me? I mean a real date? I have some money saved up and I’d like to take you out. There is this organic restaurant downtown that we sometimes go to and I’d like to take you there."

Regulus' head snapped up, looking wide-eyed. "A date? A restaurant? Oh, you don't need to take me out on a date. We have fine dates at home. At my place and yours." The thought of going to a restaurant and eating the food there was very unappealing. 

"It’s a great place and I’d really like to take you out," insisted Remus. "They are very hygienic as well. Never had any incidents with anyone getting ill, otherwise my mum would never let me eat there."

"How do you know that? You don't see what goes on behind closed doors in the kitchen. And do you think they would newsflash every time somebody became ill from eating there? People get ill at restaurants all the time. Having strangers prepare your food is very unwise. It could kill you."

Remus sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "I’m just saying it’s a very nice place. Will you at least think about it? I'd really like to do something nice for you."

Regulus opened his mouth, about to tell Remus that doing something nice for him was very far from taking him to a restaurant, but he closed it think about it," he said. "If that makes you happy."

"It does," smiled Remus and swung their joined hands. The weather was rather cold today, Remus thought and he flipped up his collar to shield his neck from the wind. "We could go get a cup of coffee or something?” he suggested, really wanting to get away from the cold but not wanting to go home. He knew his mother would fuss over him the minute he stepped through the door.

"Ok. Let's get back to your place, then," said Regulus, turning on his heel, dragging Remus with him, afraid that he would suggest they took the coffee at a café. 

It turned out to be a good decision to go home because only five minutes from the house it started pouring down and both boys were soaked when they stepped through the door. Mrs. Lupin was there in a heartbeat. "Get upstairs and get on some dry clothes!" she ordered and pushed Remus towards the stairs. "I’m not sending you to the hospital again!"

**o0o0o**

Sirius picked his brother up later that day. He was about to get out of the car to go say hi to Remus, but Regulus pushed him back into the car with a hand to his chest. Sirius landed on his bum, gawking up at his brother in surprise. 

"Remus is a little vulnerable right now and I don't want you to go give him some germs from wherever you've been.”

"I'm allowed to say hallo to Remus!" spat Sirius. "You’re not the only person in his life and I actually showered before I came here, so I’m clean!"

Remus looked from one brother to the other. “Regulus, it’s okay -” he started.

"Remus!" gasped Regulus, discovering that the boy had stepped out of the house. "You should go back inside! The weather's chilly. I thought you said you were going to bed?"

"I wanted to see you off," said Remus and shivered a little, pulling his bathrobe tighter around himself.

"You stayed long," said Regulus as they drove, checking the clock on the steering board. It was four. "Not one of those drunken nightstands where you wake up and run away screaming when you see what you've slept with?"

"For once no. However I did go home first to fetch the car so I could pick you up, but I have to tell you - this bird is amazing!" He couldn’t help but smile as he thought about last night and he knew he must have looked a little goofy. "How was your night with Remus?" He then asked, trying to socialise a little with his brother although he knew he would probably not get an answer.

"None of your business," said Regulus, still not in the best of moods, looking at the cars driving past them in the opposite direction. "If you think you're getting any steamy details, you can think again."

"I wouldn’t want details," said Sirius and shuttered theatrically. "Bloke on bloke action is not a turn-on for me, I’m afraid, so those details you can save for when you wanna give the old handle a wank."

**o0o0o**

James was waiting for them by his car outside of 12 Grimmauld Place. Sirius had obviously texted him about when he would be home. He grinned as Sirius got out of the car. "Get something good last night?

"Did I ever!" beamed Sirius and punched James on the shoulder. "You’ve no idea how wild this bird was!”

"Details!" demanded James as they walked in from the garage. "Give us all the details, mate!"

"Oh yes,  _please_  give us all the details," said Regulus, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Shut up, princess," said James and turned back to Sirius. 

Regulus hurried off to his own room, not interested in listening to the Neanderthals most blokes turned into when bragging to each other about their conquests.

Sirius just grinned and walked with James towards the lounge. "I’ll give you all the details, mate, don’t worry." He sent him a smirk and wiggled his eyebrows. “I’ll even show you the scratch marks on my back."

James grinned. “Yeah?”

"I’m definitely seeing her again if she wants to. And I’m bloody sure she does."

"Yeah? Are you sure you lived up to her expectations? I mean, just because you're pretty, doesn't mean you're good in the sack," James teased. 

"Hey, I’ve never had a complaint about my performance. They usually come back begging for seconds," said Sirius and stuck out his tongue. "And the way she was acting, it was pretty clear she was thrilled."

"How do you know she wasn't faking?" grinned James. "Maybe she's used to better, but she didn't want to hurt your feelings."

"Shut up, Potter," Sirius gave his friend a half-hearted grin and a punch on the shoulder. "She was pleased with me. Otherwise she wouldn’t have dug her fingers into my back."

"Maybe it was out of frustration. Hey - are you insecure? Sirius Black, the lover?"

"Am not!" said Sirius and straightened his back. "She’ll call me soon, just you wait and see. Speaking of sex - did you get into Evans’ pants yet?"

The grin on James' face faltered. They had been going out for months now but had not slept together yet. "No, mate, we've decided to take it slow. You know - when something is meant to be, there's no need to hurry. We've got a whole lifetime ahead of us."

Sirius raised an eyebrow and a smirk spread on his face. "She doesn’t want you, then? You two’ve been together forever. If you don’t use that thing it will die of boredom." He slapped his friend on his back. "I told my brother the same."

"Your brother? He will never get around to using his thing. I bet he doesn't even use it alone."

"Poor Remus,” said Sirius. “He’s going to die in celibacy, but I guess he knew what he was getting himself into."

"Yeah, we warned him plenty," said James and threw himself on a couch in the TV lounge. "He's still crazy about him, though. Fuck me if I get it. No offence, but you brother he... well."

"I know what you mean…" said Sirius and sat down in a beanbag chair. A chair he insisted to keep in the lounge because his parents hated it. "But speaking of Remus - the fundraiser was a great success but there’s still some ways to go."

"Right!" said James. "My parents chipped in with 1000 pounds! So did Lily's."

"Really? That’s brilliant!" beamed Sirius. "I wish our parents would do that, but you know them. Not even gonna ask." 

Padfoot, who had joined them when they came inside, lay sprawled on the back with his head in James' lap, whining demandingly every time he stopped scratching his chest. 

Mrs. Black entered and stopped in front of them. "Where have you been all this time?" she asked, ignoring James' presence. James had a hunch that she had a pretty good idea just where Sirius had been. 

"Out for a bit of fun," said Sirius, not even looking up at her.

"Fun? Where did you go? You left late last night; don't think I didn't notice!"

Sirius finally looked up at her with a dull expression as if he didn’t care about what she had to say. "I went to McKinnon’s apartment because she invited me, and we had a lot of fun."

Mrs. Black's face looked like she had just bit into a lemon. "What did I tell you about not defiling that nice young lady? If you're interested in her, you court her properly before you even think about doing... bed activities with her!"

"I just gave the lady what she wanted. Isn’t that what a gentleman is supposed to do?" Sirius smirked.

"Slut. You're a filthy slut!" was all Walburga said before turning on her heel and marching out of the room. 

James whistled, shaking his hand and chuckled. "Yeah, Sirius - you're a slut!"

Sirius bent his head a little, trying to hide that his mother’s words actually stung a little. Then he jumped up and flew at James to wrestle him off the couch, laughing as he went. Padfoot jumped around them and barking happily, wanting to join in on the fun.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28 – You Did What?**

Regulus stood by the window in Doctor Bones’ waiting room again. He did not want to sit in any of the chairs or be close to the other patients. 

"Why don't you sit down?" asked the secretary a little irritably. Obviously she had not forgotten the scene he had caused the last time. 

"Because I don't want to."

She rolled her eyes and went back to typing on her computer.

"Regulus?" Doctor Bones walked out from her office and waved him over. "You can come in now."

Regulus sent the secretary a sullen look as he passed her. In the office he sat down, folding his hands in his lap.

"So, Regulus," the therapist started and sat down across from him. "How have you been the past week? Did you challenge yourself?"

"I went on a taxi ride with my brother."

"Really?" she smiled. "And how did that go?”

"It was horrible and I wish I hadn’t done it. It was filthy and the driver was pushy."

"And yet you went through with it. You should be proud of yourself."

"It was a bad experience and it only made me want to take a taxi even less in the future. I had to take a shower right away to make sure there was no taxi left on me."

"I see. Well I think you should try and do it again sometime in the near future. Maybe with your brother again or your boyfriend so they can support you. You need to face your fears."

"I don't have any fears," claimed Regulus. "Just things that I don't like."

"Okay," she nodded and took a few notes. "So you went to see your boyfriend? Remus, right? How did that go?"

"Not great. We did the shower thing, but he touched me although he promised not to."

"And that upset you?"

Regulus nodded.

"So because your boyfriend touched you, you might not want to try this again?"

"He promised he wouldn't but did it anyway. I know he didn't mean to, but it still made me uncomfortable."

"But are you angry with him for doing so or can you understand why he slipped up?" she asked.

Regulus thought for a while. “Both.”

"Naturally he wants to touch you since you're his boyfriend and he finds you attractive..."

"I know!" snapped Regulus, not in a good mood that day. “I know he doesn't mean to slip up, but it happens. And so I can't trust that it won't happen again."

"I understand that it’s hard for you, Regulus. But you will have to put some more trust in Remus. The way you have described him he sounds like a quite amazing bloke."

Regulus pursed his lips and was quiet for a while. A minute later when Doctor Bones had not spoken either, he said, "I let him kiss me, though. All over my upper body. It was alright. Good, actually. I don't understand why I'm okay with that and not the touching. I mean - mouths are more intimate, and there's saliva. But it's the hands. I can't stand the hands!"

"Really?" she asked, looking a little surprised. "You don’t mind him kissing your body?” She considered it for a while. “Sounds like your phobia is centred mainly around hands. Have you ever been abused in any way? Beaten or … such?"

Regulus felt his stomach stir. He narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean, _such_? Why does everybody think I've been molested? I haven't! I haven't! I just don't like hands!"

"All right. I believe you when you say you haven’t been molested. I think we touched upon this subject the last time as well. But it must make sense to you when I tell you that most people with phobias of touch have experienced sexual abuse.” Regulus opened his mouth, looking angry, but she stopped him with a raised hand. “However -” she continued, “This usually extends to the mouth as well – even more so, in fact – but that does not seem to be your case.”

“Because I haven’t been molested!” said Regulus and made to get up.

“Please sit down, Regulus,” Doctor Bones asked kindly. “I’m saying I believe you, because you do not seem to perceive the mouth as aversive as hands. Severe physical abuse can also cause phobia of hands, but you told me last time that your parents were not particularly abusive, is that not so?”

Regulus calmed down a bit. "Well, they rarely beat us. And my brother has taken the brunt of that, anyway, and he's not scared of anything."

"Some children are more sensitive than others," said Doctor Bones, looking at him with a worried expression. "And even if we are not talking about severe violence, parents should never hit their children."

"They don’t do it often, and even then it’s just a slap or something. But they're verbally abusive all the time and that’s worse. And when my mother tries to force me to do things. Like trying to stuff red meat down my throat because she’s tired of me being a freak about what I won’t eat. And she tried to force me to take the pills the other doctor prescribed. When my brother stopped her she asked our cook to sneak it into my food."

"My goodness," Doctor Bones, frowning. "I can understand why you have trust issues."

Regulus stopped talking. He didn’t feel like talking about his parents. He was here for Remus, not them.

Doctor Bones accepted his silence and asked, “Is there anything else you would like to discuss?"

"Well... Remus wants to take me out to a restaurant. I don't see the point. We can just eat at his or my place. Our cook makes better food than any restaurant."

"I think what he would like to do is take you on a proper date," she smiled. "He wants to do something nice for you."

"But it wouldn’t be nice for me. I wouldn't enjoy it at all."

"Why are you so certain of that?”

"Because it would be full of people. The furniture would have been used by all sorts, the hygiene would certainly not live up to my standards. And then there's the food. I wouldn't know where it came from or if the kitchen was clean enough or if the cooks washed their hands all the time."

"But wouldn’t it test you? As we have talked about before you need to face your fears. Like you did in the taxi, which I think was a very good exercise for you.”

"The only thing I really care about is that I can't be intimate with my boyfriend. That's what we need to fix. I want him to be happy and love me and never leave me." Regulus suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe properly, something that always happened when thinking about Remus leaving him.

Doctor Bones eyed him closely. “Does Remus know how terrified you are of losing him?”

Regulus gulped, not liking how accurately the therapist could read him. “No. I would never tell him that. I would seem needy and clingy.” She opened her mouth to speak but Regulus cut her off. “I don’t want to talk about that. I just want to fix the touching problem.” He glanced at the clock between the windows. His time was almost up. 

She noticed him looking at the clock and she picked up her notepad again. "Well, I think we should wrap it up for today but before you go, remember that I only wish to help you. We can talk about anything you like."

Regulus said good-bye but stopped with his hand on the door handle. "So what do you think about the restaurant? Should I say yes just for his sake?"

"You should say yes if you want to go," she said.”

"I don't want to go," said Regulus, but got a bad feeling in his stomach thinking about disappointing Remus. 

"Consider it at least," she said. "It will be a good exercise for you and you might actually have fun with your boyfriend."

**o0o0o**

Regulus jumped off his bike and parked it in front of the white wall surrounding a handsome Victorian house. He swung the heavy case off his back and walked up the driveway. He took a deep breath before pushing the doorbell.  _If he offers his hand, you shake it! You can disinfect later._

The door opened moments later and an elderly man appeared in the doorway. He eyed Regulus. "Yes? Can I help you?"

"I'm Regulus Black. We talked on the phone," said Regulus, a little insulted that the man didn't seem to guess who he was. It wasn't as if it was the hardest task - since Regulus arrived at the precise time they had agreed on.

"Oh yes, of course," said the man and stuck out his hand. Regulus took the hand a little hesitantly and shook it. "You’ll have to excuse me – my memory isn’t what it used to be. Come in, come in," he smiled and stepped aside to let Regulus pass.

Regulus stepped past him quickly and with as much room between them as he could. He couldn't blow this by being obnoxious to the man.

"So this is a real Lippershey?" asked the man as Regulus opened the case to reveal an old handsome set of telescope and lenses. 

"Yes. Designed and owned by the man himself. I have the paperwork to prove it." This rare piece of antiquity was Regulus' pride and joy, but it was only a dead object and it was the most valuable thing Regulus owned. He would be able to put a very large amount into Remus' fund. 

The man examined the telescope and a wide smile spread across his face, clearly impressed. "Beautiful! Can I see the papers?" Regulus handed them to him and he looked through them. "Very impressive indeed, my lad, but now comes the question - how much do you want for it?"

"Well, as you and I both know, this is a rare and extremely valuable item. I am only selling because I'm raising money for a very ill friend, so I'm afraid I can't go below 15,000," said Regulus, hoping that the man would not refuse.

The man's jaw dropped and he looked like he had trouble understanding what Regulus had just said. "15,000? That’s a lot of money," he said and let his fingers run over the telescope.

"As you see, it's in impeccable condition. You will have trouble locating one this well-kept." Regulus took a look around the house. "And it looks like you can afford it. You have many fine collector's items, it appears."

"Well…" started the man and took another look at the telescope and sighed. "Alright, I’ll pay 15,000." He walked over to a desk and took out a checkbook, writing out the amount and Regulus' name and then handed it to Regulus.

Regulus thanked the man and said good-bye. When he came outside back to his bike he tore out a tube of hand sanitizer from his pocket and cleaned his hands thoroughly. He squatted against the wall, shaking and taking some deep breaths, trying to calm himself. It had been very difficult. Shaking the man's hand, being in a strange house and worst of all giving up his most prised possession. But he didn't regret it. Remus was more important. 

**o0o0o**

"Where have you been? At Remus'?" asked Sirius, sticking his head around the corner when Regulus came up the stairs.

"Just out getting something for the fund," he said, handing Sirius the check as if it were nothing special. 

Sirius eyes widened as he saw the numbers. "15,000? How the hell did you manage that? Did you sell a kidney?"

Regulus sat down on Sirius' bed, checking that the covers looked fresh first. "I sold my Lippershey."

"You did what? But you love that thing!"

"I do. But Remus is more important. We need to get this going soon.”

"We might have enough for the first treatment now," Sirius said and sat down on a chair.

"Thirty thousand for the first round,” said Regulus. “We should be about there now. And Remus' parents are surely going to pay as much as they can themselves, anyway, so we should have enough."

Sirius’ face lit up. "So we can tell him now? You think he will be difficult about it? You said his mum had said he refused to let them pay that kind of money for him."

"Well, these are donations from rich people, mostly from someone he doesn't know and donate to different causes either way. But he can't know I sold my telescope, Sirius. Ever. It would make him feel so guilty."

"I won't tell him," said Sirius and crossed his heart with a finger. "Bloody hell, I still can’t believe you sold it. Never thought you would ever part with it, but I guess you really love Remus, yeah?"

Regulus shrugged. He didn't want to talk about love with his brother. "I was thinking perhaps we could both go to Remus' house and tell him and his parents about the fund. I mean, there's enough now for him to get started. I think the first round takes several months and then there's a long break before the next round, so there should be plenty of time to raise more."

**o0o0o**

"What a nice surprise!" Remus beamed when he found the brothers on the doorstep.

"Hey, mate," said Sirius and gave his friend a hug.

"Are both your parents home?" asked Regulus. 

Remus looked slightly surprised as he nodded. "Yeah they are in the living room. Why?"

"Good," said Sirius and marched past Remus into the living room. "Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin," he said as if he was an important man on urgent business. "If you would please take your seats my brother and I have an announcement to make."

The Lupins looked confused but both sat down along with Remus. “W-what's going on?" asked Remus, looking from Sirius to Regulus.

Regulus let Sirius do the talking. He was much better at things like this. When he had finished speaking there was dead silence in the room, all Lupins sitting with mouths agape.

"We have a good thirty thousand now," said Regulus, unnerved by the silence. 

Remus was the one looking most shocked. Had they really made a fund for him? How had they managed to raise that much money within only a few months?

Mr. Lupin got up from his seat to walk around. "You... you two raised all that money to help Remus?"

"Yes,” nodded Sirius. "Along with James, Lily and Peter and we will raise more while Remus is undergoing the first treatment."

"I… I can’t accept this," said Remus, looking close to tears. "It’s too much."

"You have to!" said Regulus. "You're not just doing it for yourself - you're doing it for your parents and friends. And for me."

“Besides, we can’t bloody well give it back to the donators,” added Sirius.

Remus looked at him and bit his lip to stop it trembling.

Mrs. Lupin couldn’t hold back anymore and caught Sirius in a embrace, sobbing against his shoulder. Sirius looked a little taken aback and wasn’t sure what to do so he just patted her on the back.

Mr. Lupin stood up and looked at Regulus. He sent him a smile and said. "I would hug you, but I know you don’t like that."

Remus got to his feet and walked up to Regulus. He took a deep breath. "Can... can I please hug you? I really need that."

"Of course," said Regulus, a little puzzled. He had been okay with Remus hugging him for a long time, as long as he didn't cling to him or groped too much. 

"Thank you so much," Remus sniffed as he hugged Regulus, kind of wishing they were alone so he could kiss him.

"No need," said Regulus, shaking a little from all the emotion and relief over Remus having accepted. 

Remus' mother was still crying. Mr. Lupin had sat her down on a chair and fetched her a handkerchief. 

Remus let go of Regulus after a minute and looked at him. "I hope you can come to visit. Otherwise I’ll miss you too much," he smiled, hoping that Regulus would accept.

"But... You're not staying down there throughout all the treatment, are you?" asked Regulus surprised. 

"I don’t know," said Remus and looked at his mother who probably knew more about the treatment than he did.

"I think you have to be there a few months," she said, wiping her eyes. 

"Perhaps they can take you on in the summer holiday so you don't miss too much school," said Mr. Lupin. 

Remus followed Sirius to the door as he was leaving (Regulus stayed behind). 

"Thanks for accepting," Sirius said again. "It would have crushed Reggie if you hadn't. It was his idea. It means everything to him."

"I'm really grateful. It’s just so overwhelming."


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29 – I Could just Eat You**

"How is your new therapist working out for you?" asked Mrs. Black stiffly as the family sat sharing a rare Sunday breakfast. 

"All right. I like her better than the old one. I can talk to her about my problems." Regulus thought he best give his mother a bit of encouragement so he did not risk her mingling in his therapist situation.

"That’s good," said Mrs. Black and poured herself another cup of tea. She eyed her son a little and then asked, "So? Are you solving your problem?"

Regulus had to take a deep breath to prevent himself for telling her to sod off. "Which problem are you referring to?"

"Well, all of them. But especially the acting like a lunatic every time someone touches you."

"He doesn’t mind _me_ touching him," said Sirius. "Maybe it’s just you he doesn’t like."

"Watch your mouth," said Mr. Black, sending his oldest son a stern look. 

"Well?" said Mrs. Black, her gaze piercing Regulus.

"People have no business touching me without being invited to do so. It's rude."

"I am your mother and it’s my right to touch you whenever I see fit," sneered Mrs. Black and put her cup down. It wasn’t really an answer that Regulus had given her and it was frustrating to listen to him avoid her question.

"My therapist says that in order to get more relaxed about it, people need to back off and leave me alone for a while. It gives me time to come to terms with the issue."

Mrs. Black snorted. "Oh, she says that, does she? Perhaps I should have a talk with her so I can hear it for myself."

"No," said Regulus quickly. "Her methods are working. Things like that just take time. But I have already improved. We've been practising handshakes." That was a lie, but he knew this was one of his parents’ biggest frustrations - how difficult he was about greeting clients and business relations. 

Mrs. Black’s tense facial muscles relaxed a bit. "I see. Well that’s always something."

"Good, said Mr. Black, pouring himself a third cup of coffee. "You can practice next weekend, then. It would be very suiting if both our sons attended the annual party at Gringott Hall. Baroness Yaxley has been asking about our youngest the past three years. I'm running out of excuses as to why we don't bring you. "

The Yaxleys were one of the richest noble families in greater London and their annual party was a very prestigious event. Regulus' parents had never dared bring him.

"Are you sure, Orion?" asked Walburga a little uncertain. "What if he embarrasses us?"

"He will not," said Mr. Black and narrowed his eyes. "He will behave and become a respectable Black if he keeps up the good work." He took a sip of his coffee and then put it down before looking from Sirius to Regulus. "Sirius will keep an eye on Regulus and make sure he behaves."

"He’s almost seventeen,” said Sirius. “He can look after himself just fine."

"I don't think I'm ready to go to such a big event," said Regulus, feeling a knot form in his stomach. "I can't promise anything.”

"You will behave and honour our name," said Orion and flipped open his newspaper. “You are going to that party even if I have to drag you there by the scruff of your neck."

Regulus stared down at his plate, his appetite gone. He knew there was no more arguing when his father sounded like that. 

**o0o0o**

"You'll be fine," said Sirius as he straightened his tie, checking himself in the mirror. "You just have to watch out for the baroness. She’s not so good when it comes to personal space so you best stay clear of her."

He heard Regulus' phone ring and when his brother picked it up and a smile appeared on his face, Sirius could tell that it was Remus.

"Yeah?" said Regulus, putting his phone to his ear. 

"Are you ready?" asked Mrs. Black as she stalked through the hall on her impossibly high heels. "Don't stand there wasting time talking on the phone, Regulus!"

"I'm ready," snarled Regulus, moving the phone to his shoulder. He put it back to his ear when his mother had left the room again.

" _I just want to tell you good luck and I hope they aren’t too pushy around you,"_ Remus said at the other end. " _I'll see you tomorrow?"_

"Yeah. If I survive the night."

_"You will. Don’t worry. I love you."_

Sirius put on his jacket and turned around to look at Regulus. Clearly the boy wanted some privacy so Sirius left the room, pointing at his watch as he went.

"Mm... Me too," mumbled Regulus. It was still awkward for him saying the L-word, although he meant it very much and loved to hear Remus say it to him. 

**o0o0o**

The limousine was already waiting outside and the driver came in to escort Mrs. Black out. Of course nothing less than a limousine would do to transport the Black family. If the manor had been closer, Regulus was sure his mother would have arranged them to go by horse and carriage ala the Royal family. 

The good thing about riding in a limousine was that it was very clean and there was good room so Regulus didn't have to sit so close to his parents. They stopped on the way to pick up Sirius' new girlfriend Marlene - something his parents would never have allowed with any of his previous girlfriends, but Marlene came from a respectable rich family. Mrs. Black looked pleased when she saw her coming out her door in a classy evening gown, wearing a diamond necklace. Sirius put his arm around her as she sat down next to him, and just to provoke his parents he let a hand rest on her thigh.

Before stepping out of the car Mr. Black turned to look at Regulus and said in a dangerous tone, "You will shake hands with everyone and I will not hear you talking nonsense about bacteria or the apocalypse or any other nonsense. Do I make myself clear?"

Regulus sighed and checked in his pocket that he had remembered his small tube of hand sanitizer. If he was going to shake hands he was certainly going to disinfect them immediately afterwards. 

The entrance hall was bigger than Remus' whole house, Regulus noted. A crystal chandelier the size of a small car hung from the high ceiling. There were many people standing or moving around and Mrs. Black's keen eyes scanned the room. "There," she said, nodding in the direction of the grand staircase. An important looking couple stood at the foot, greeting newcomers. The Yaxleys, Regulus figured. 

Mr. And Mrs. Black moved over to the Yaxleys and motioned for their sons to follow.

"Oh how lovely that you could make it," the baroness said and then suddenly stopped as her eyes fell upon Regulus. "Is this... is this the youngest Black?" she asked, scanning him with keen eyes.

Afraid Regulus would give a tactless reply, Mrs. Black quickly said, "Yes, Regulus can't run from his genes. Looks so much like his brother, doesn't he?" She was about to put a hand on his shoulder in a false gesture of affection but stopped herself just in time.

"Yes." Mrs. Yaxley nodded, giving Regulus another elevator look. “A very handsome pair, I must say.”

Sirius put a hand on Regulus’ shoulder in a brotherly protective way and stepped closer to the woman to steal the attention. "So nice to meet you again, Baroness," he smiled brightly.

Mrs. Black gave Regulus a nudge with her elbow, sending him a stern look. Regulus knew what she wanted, so he sighed and stepped forward to shake both Yaxleys' hands. "Nice to be here," he mumbled. "Lovely house."

"Thank you, dear," smiled Mrs. Yaxley and was a little unwilling to let go of Regulus' hand.

Regulus slipped away quickly but his mother's claws caught him by the sleeve. "You will forget about your weird eating habits for tonight," she threatened.

"I'm not eating red meat or fish!" Regulus protested.

"I don't care which food you choose, but you will eat something!" hissed Mrs. Black through her teeth, keeping her voice as low as possible. 

"And what about the other things? I don't even know if they're organic. I won't risk eating vegetables sprayed with poison or meat pumped with chemicals!"

"You will eat something and that is final!" said Mrs. Black, pointing a finger in his face. "You will not embarrass the family at this party, you hear me? The Yaxleys are very important people and we need to make a good impression. And take a glass of champagne or wine," she continued. "A few drops of alcohol won't kill you."

Regulus scowled as he stepped away from her. A waiter was just passing by with a tray full of champagne glasses and Regulus quickly took one. At least his mother could be content with this and hopefully leave him alone for now.

The first few hours went by without much difficulty. Regulus managed to behave and keep relatively calm until now by keeping to himself as much as he could and discretely rubbing hand sanitizer on his hands whenever he got the chance. He had put a few pieces of food on a plate which he carried around and occasionally nibbled a little on so it looked like he was eating. 

At one point a waiter came by with a trey of small crackers tipped with goose pâté. A man next to Regulus took one and the waiter caught Regulus' attention. "Foie gras, sir?"

Regulus eyed the pâté with loathing. "No."

The waiter looked a little surprised and then moved on.

The man next to Regulus said, "You really should try it, lad, it's exquisite."

Regulus eyed the food in the man's hand with disgust. "Do you enjoy animal cruelty or are you just plain ignorant?"

The man blinked, looking taken aback. "Excuse me?" he said and looked from Regulus to the food in his hand and back again.

"Ignorance, then," said Regulus, seeing the man's expression. "I thought everybody with an education knew that foie gras is made by force feeding geese; jamming a funnel down their throats and blasting pounds of corn into their stomach. How anybody can enjoy eating this is beyond me."

The man eyed his cracker again and then hurried off before Regulus could say anything else.

"Scaring off my guests?" sounded a voice and Regulus turned to see Mrs. Yaxley standing beside him with a glass of champagne in her hand. "I never was much for that kind of food either but my husband insists on serving it. The old fool," she chuckled, shaking her head.

Regulus eyed her warily, wondering if she meant what she said or was just making conversation. He was betting on the latter. "Well, posh people want to eat it just because it's considered a delicacy," he mumbled, not caring that he was in fact insulting her husband.

She chuckled and took a sip of her glass, eying him with an almost hungry expression. "So, Regulus… It is so nice of you to finally come to one of my parties. Lord knows I have talked a lot with your brother and I have been dying to meet you as well."

Regulus swallowed nervously. "Why?"

"Well, I have heard interesting things about you,” she smiled.

Regulus raised an eyebrow and took a nervous sip of his champagne. "What do you mean, interesting things?"

"Well," she said and took a step towards him. “You’re a handsome young lad. And I’m sure you have some interesting tales of your own. Like the one you told poor Mr. Danes before about the birds."

Regulus took a step backwards, not liking how close the woman was standing. He remembered Sirius warning him about Mrs. Yaxley being bad with personal space. Obviously that was true. "It's not an interesting tale. It's a fact."

"Do tell me more, young Black," she said in a husky voice and let her hand touch his upper arm.

Regulus moved his arm away, reminding himself to not draw attention to himself so that he would not give his parents a reason to give him trouble about his therapy situation. He glanced nervously around, spying for an escape route, but he was getting close to the wall behind him and there were people standing on either side of him. 

"Don't be shy, dear," said the baroness and stepped closer to him, clearly unaffected by the other people around them. She reached out her hand and let it run down his chest in a seductive manner. "You’re just as handsome as your brother. Did anyone ever tell you that? I could just eat you."

Regulus stared at her, for a minute too surprised to react. Then he roughly pushed her away so she nearly fell. "KEEP YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF ME!" he screamed, his heart hammering in his throat. 

Mrs. Yaxley looked at him in shock, as did all the guests in the room. The next moment the baron stood in front of Regulus. "What do you think you're doing, pushing my wife?"

"She was molesting me!" yelled Regulus. 

"She did no such thing!" said Mr. Yaxley, red in the face as he turned to Mr. Black who had come running at the sound of his son’s voice. "Orion – control your offspring!"

Mr. Black grabbed Regulus by the arm and marched him into the kitchen.

"SHE DID!" screamed Regulus, his head turning to look at Mr. Yaxley as his father was dragging him off. "YOU DIDN'T SEE!"

The whole room had gone silent, everybody staring at Regulus as he disappeared into the kitchen with Orion. Then the chatter broke out. This would no doubt be the topic of gossip for weeks in the upper class. 

Marlene, standing next to Sirius, gasped. "What’s wrong with your brother?"

"There’s nothing wrong with my brother," said Sirius. Having been smacked on his bum more than once he knew from just how tactless Mrs. Yaxley could be. "He doesn’t like people touching him and knowing Mrs. Yaxley, I’m confident that she did indeed give him a reason to feel violated."

"What the bloody hell is the matter with you?" snarled Mr. Black and grabbed Regulus by both arms, shaking him violently. "The Yaxleys are very important people! Your little stunt might make us lose a lot of clients!"

"LET GO OF ME!" screamed Regulus, close to full-blown panic, struggling to get out of his father's grasp. 

In the entertainment room Mrs. Black was trying to explain away the situation, talking loudly so everybody could hear her. "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Yaxley! My son is not well. He had been seeing a psychologist and we thought he was getting better, but he obviously isn't." To the left someone started talking about the incident at the party at Grimmauld Place in the autumn where Regulus had made a similar (although not nearly as bad) scene with his mother. Mrs. Black looked around in panic as she felt her words falling on deaf ears. She knew they shouldn’t have brought Regulus, but her husband had insisted.

"I should never have brought you!" hissed Mr. Black and shook Regulus again. "You can’t behave for one bloody minute!"

Regulus' brain had reached survival mode and he was no longer registering what Orion was saying, but screamed and kicked at him. When a kitchen maid shrieked in horror, Orion's grasp slackened for a moment and Regulus tore himself loose. In blind panic he fled through the door, continued past the guests standing between him and freedom (pushing many out of the way) and out the front doors. He heard footsteps behind him and Sirius yell his name, but he didn't slow down as he sped down the long driveway. 

Regulus ran harder than he had ever run, ran until his legs were aching and his lungs burning. Finally, when he couldn't go on any longer he slowed down to a walk, gasping for breath as a dying man. When he had calmed a bit down he took a look around. He had no idea where he was, other than in the part of town where the manor was located. What was he going to do now? There was no way he could go home, not until his parents had had a considerable time to calm down. There was only one answer: Remus. But Remus' house lay in another part of the city - too far for even Regulus to walk. He finally decided on taking a taxi. It was the only way. The first two taxis he flagged down were too untidy for him so he waved them off again. The third looked acceptable, so he got in, sitting in the opposite side of the driver in the back, as far away as he possibly could. 

**o0o0o**

Remus sat on the couch in front of the TV, watching a crime drama, when a light was cast though the windows and he heard a car pull up to the curb. "Mum, are you expecting company?" Remus called to his mother, who was in the kitchen making tea.

"No, dear."

Remus got to his feet and walked out to the front door and opened, looking rather puzzled when he spotted Regulus stumble out of the taxi. "Regulus?"

Regulus rushed through the door, his eyes wild-looking. Both Lupins had come into the hallway as well, looking stunned. 

"But Regulus, what’s happened?" asked Mrs. Lupin. 

Regulus just pushed his way past them and darted up the stairs to Remus' room. Remus looked at his parents and they both nodded at him, indicating that he should follow him.

The taxi-driver marched up to the door, which the Lupins were about to close. "Hey!" he said, sticking a foot in to stop it from closing. "That crazy kid didn't pay! And it was a long ride too."

Mr. Lupin found his wallet and payed the driver. Then he turned to his wife. "He didn’t look well. You think Remus can handle it?"

"I’m sure," nodded Mrs. Lupin and closed the door.

Remus walked up to his room and found the door open. Regulus lay curled into a ball on the bed, facing the wall. "Regulus?" Remus said, sitting down on the bed and putting a gentle hand on Regulus’ shoulder. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Regulus was quiet for a minute. What exactly had happened? Well, for regular people it might not seem such a big deal, he realised. The woman had touched him in a way she wasn't supposed to, yes, but others would probably think that since it was just his chest it was nothing to react so this violently to. "I... There was a woman crowding me at the party." He turned and crept halfway onto Remus' lap, digging his fingers into his' shirt and pressing his face against his stomach. 

Remus looked down at him and carefully let his fingers run through his hair. "It’s alright. You’re safe here with me now."

Regulus started sobbing, clinging to Remus. He didn't even feel ashamed. That would probably come later. He sobbed for a long time until finally he had tired himself out and fell asleep in the same position. 

**o0o0o**

Regulus had dropped his jacket on the floor in the hallway and When Mrs. Lupin picked it up to hang it on the coat stand, she heard his phone buzz in the pocket. Fishing it out she saw 27 missed calls from Sirius during the past hour. 

"Lyall - give me my phone," she said, not wanting to use Regulus' phone in case it made him feel violated, but his brother needed to know where he was. 

Sirius replied instantly, his voice full of worry. 

"Hello, Sirius. It's Remus' mother. Regulus is here. He arrived a little while ago. What on earth has happened?"

Mrs. Lupin heard a sigh of relief on the other end of the line. "Some bloody woman got too close to him and then father threw a fit because Regulus panicked. Regulus managed to escape but things aren’t pretty here. Can he stay at your place until things settle down?"

"Of course he can. But Sirius... when do you think it's alright for him to come home? Not that he can't stay as long as he wants, but I'm thinking about your parents. He’s underage. They have a right to know where he is.”

"It’s best they don’t know where he is.” Sirius sighed at the other end. "Look... I’ll come by in the morning and check on him. Our parents are going on a business trip in two days so he can come home then."

"Alright. But your parents - what are they going to do if their son is missing for several days? Won't they worry? Won't they call the police?"

"Worry?” Sirius laughed drily. “The only thing they worry about is their bloody image."

Mrs. Lupin was silent for a minute. "Sirius... I don't know much about your parents, except that you and your brother are not having the best of relationship with them, but...  if Regulus came home now, do you think they would hurt him?"

Sirius was quiet for a moment. "They might. My father dragged him off to the kitchen. I don’t know if he hit him but I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. That’s why I think it’s best he stays with you lot until they go on that business trip."

"Okay. Like I said, he can stay as long as he needs to."

"Good. Tell him I’ll be by tomorrow around noon."

Sirius said goodbye and hung up, feeling relieved that Regulus had gone to Remus’. At least it was a place where he could feel safe.

**o0o0o**

Sirius came home half an hour later, and his parents (who had gone straight home from the party in a taxi) met him in the hallway. "Where is your brother? Did you talk to him on the phone?" demanded Mrs. Black

"No," said Sirius. It wasn’t exactly a lie. He hadn’t talked to him. Only Mrs. Lupin. He took off his jacket and wanted to head upstairs before all hell broke loose.

"Stay down here! You neglected your duty of keeping an eye on him!" screamed Mrs. Black. 

"I knew we shouldn't have let him bring that girl. Took all his attention," said Orion. 

"Don’t talk about Marlene that way!” snarled Sirius and turned to face his parents. "I’m not his babysitter! If that perverse woman had kept her hands to herself this wouldn't have happened! And I know Reggie is telling the truth because she does the same thing to me."

"She does what to you? Molest you, you mean? Liar! Mrs. Yaxley is a noble lady!" screamed Mrs. Black.

"She pinches my arse and a leans close to me, touching my chest every chance she gets!" Sirius hissed. "I only put up with it because she’s one of your clients. If she did something similar to Reggie, then I understand why he freaked out!"

"You expect us to believe that? In the middle of the house, surrounded by guests? I think people would have noticed if she did something like that!" said Mr. Black. 

"They’re too busy with their fancy food and drinks!" spat Sirius. "And she’s very discreet. I’m not lying!"

"It wouldn't be the first time," growled Orion, narrowing his eyes dangerously. "Go to your room! I'm tired of looking at you. Find out where your wretched brother is, and when you do, you tell us! He has to answer for this.”

"I wouldn’t tell you where he was even if I knew!"

Sirius felt awful. He was mad at his parents for forcing Regulus to come to the party and for their reaction to the incident, but he was just as mad at himself. Granted, he wasn’t Regulus’ babysitter, but knowing how Mrs. Yaxley could be, he should have stayed at his brother’s side to protect him. But he had been too busy enjoying the attention and showing off Marlene.

**o0o0o**

There was a soft knock on Remus' door and his mother stuck her head in. "Remus?" she said in a low voice, seeing the raven-haired boy asleep with his head in Remus’ lap.

Remus raised himself on the elbow. "Yeah?"

"Can you come talk for a second?"

Remus looked down at Regulus and carefully managed to slip out from under him without waking him up. 

"I talked to Sirius,” said Mrs. Lupin when Remus had closed the door to his room behind him. “He told me what happened at the party. Did Regulus tell you?"

"He told me some woman crowded him at the party. He started crying and then feel asleep. I thought I would just let him sleep. He was very upset."

"Good. Let him sleep, then. I would give him a diazepam, but I know he wouldn't take it." She gave Remus the full story Sirius had told her.

Remus looked a little shocked and his gaze dropped. "We can’t send him home. I’m afraid something bad will happen if we do."

"No. Sirius says they might hurt him, so I told him that of course he can stay with us until they have calmed down. They don't know he could be here, do they?"

"No," said Remus. "I don’t think they even know that I’m a part of Regulus' life. Friend or boyfriend."

"That's probably for the best. They don't sound like the tolerant type," sighed Mrs. Lupin. 

Remus shook his head. "I’ll go back in now. I don’t want him to wake up alone."


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30 – You’re Lying**

Regulus stayed at the Lupins’ for three days until his parents left on another business trip. When they came home after the weekend Regulus counted on them having calmed down enough so they at least wouldn't hurt him. However, it turned out that he had underestimated his father’s anger. The moment Mr. Black came home and found his youngest son sitting reading in the parlour, his face twisted into a snarl and he rushed towards him. Regulus, who had been engrossed in his book, did not react quickly enough to run away.

The tall man loomed over him. "Where have you been? You cause a scandal and then just take off! Did you think you could run from the consequences? Do you know people are still talking?"

"I didn't mean to cause trouble," said Regulus, feeling his heart jump into his throat. "It was her fault. She fondled me. I panicked."

Orion pulled him to his feet and gave him a rough shake "You’re a menace!” He shook him again. "Our reputation has been damaged by this! And I don't care if Mrs. Yaxley did in fact touch you - you should have kept your mouth shut until we were back home!"

"LET GO!" yelled Regulus, struggling to get free of his father's grip. But Orion was a tall, well-built man and Regulus just a willowy teenager. "SHE MOLESTED ME! You should protect your children!"

"SHE DID NO SUCH THING!" roared Orion, holding onto Regulus with both hands now. "She is a very respectable woman! You think people molest you if they as much as touch your hand! Is that what you tell your therapist too? That we molest you?"

"LET GO!" screamed Regulus, panic seizing him. He thrashed in his father's grip like a fish on a hook. When Orion loosened his grip for a second to get a better hold, Regulus managed to tear himself free. He bolted for the exit but Orion cut him off, stepping between him and the door. 

"You're not going anywhere!" Orion said and tried to catch Regulus, but he turned around and ran for the kitchen, Orion on his tail. "GET BACK HERE!"

"SIRIUS! SIRIUS!" screamed Regulus. He didn't think his brother was home but he hoped to God that he was. He didn't know what his father was going to do to him but he didn't want to find out.

But there was no big brother to save Regulus this time, and his father chased him into the kitchen. Trapped, Regulus was caught by Mr. Black, who spun him around roughly. "When I tell you to stay, you stay! I’m not done with you yet!"

"W-what are you going to do?" asked Regulus, his eyes wide with terror. 

Full of rage Orion grabbed a hold on Regulus’ neck and squeezed. "You have brought shame on our family for the last time!" 

Regulus clawed at his father's hands, trying to pull them off. He struggled for breath but only managed to produce some choking sounds, and white spots were starting to appear before his eyes. In blind panic his right hand scrambled for something - anything - on the kitchen table. He knocked down a newspaper and a saltshaker and then he found the knife block. He drew one of the knives and drove it into his father’s shoulder.

Orion howled in pain and let go of Regulus, reeling back a few steps. "Oh, you're going away for this!" he said, his lip curling into a crazy grin. "You're going to be locked up for the rest of your life!"

Regulus stood frozen in shock, his eyes like saucers, gasping for breath. One hand clutching at his bleeding shoulder, Mr. Black grabbed Regulus with the other. Then he dragged him to his office, threw him in and locked the door.

Regulus landed on the floor and scuttled into the far corner like a terrified animal. He turned to sit with his back pressed against the wall, staring at the door through which his father might come back any moment. What was he going to do when he did? Regulus had nothing to protect himself with. He had dropped the knife when he had stabbed his father. He had stabbed his father... How badly was he hurt? Half of him wished he was hurt badly; the other half felt horribly guilty and hoped that it wasn't serious. 

Nothing happened for about fifteen minutes but then Regulus could hear people enter the house. "He is in there," Orion's voice sounded as the key turned in the lock. Five men Regulus had never seen before walked in. Two of them were wearing police uniforms and the others looked like paramedics 

"Easy now," said one of the officers to Regulus, holding up his hands as if approaching a wild animal. 

"Are you sure he's unarmed?" the other officer asked Mr. Black.

"Yes," said Orion, who had been sat on a chair to have his shoulder tightly wrapped in gaze. "He dropped the knife in the kitchen."

Regulus, who had been sitting in the corner, stood up, his back still pressed against the wall as if he could go through it if he pushed hard enough. "STAY AWAY!" he screamed, staring at the men with wild eyes. "DON’T TOUCH ME!"

"Easy now," repeated the officer. As he got closer, Regulus tried to run past, but the man caught him. It took both officers to hold him still enough for a paramedic to empty a syringe into his arm. "Easy now, lad. Just relax."

Regulus screamed and thrashed, kicking and trying to bite the hand closest to his face. Then he felt his muscles go limp and his vision blurring. He didn't pass out but he couldn't stand on his own. 

**o0o0o**

Sirius came home to a shocking sight: two ambulances and a police car parked outside his home, and several neighbours standing in the street, gossiping and craning their necks to get a good look.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked as he came in and was met with the image of his father sitting with a bandaged shoulder. Then he saw Regulus being dragged out of the office. "Get your hands off him! He doesn’t like being touched! Especially not by strangers!"

"Move aside," said one of the officers and stopped Sirius with a hand. "Your father has been stabbed. Worry about him instead."

"I don't care about him! He probably asked for it!" Sirius spat and tried to get past the officer. "Where are you taking him?" 

"Si...rius," mumbled Regulus, recognising his brother's voice although too tired to move his eyes to find him. 

Sirius tried to get to Regulus but the officer stopped him again and Sirius had to step back as the paramedics dragged Regulus through the front door. 

“To the hospital first. They will determine whether to have him committed or hand him over to us."

"I'm going with you," stated Sirius. "I'm not leaving my brother alone with you lot!"

"No," said the officer, blocking Sirius’ way, his partner stepping closer, ready to assist should it be necessary. "He's dangerous. He stabbed your father, and as I can understand this is not the first episode of violent behaviour."

"What? Regulus is not dangerous!" He turned to his father, eyes ablaze. "What did you do to him?"

"I just gave the boy a telling off and he attacked me with a knife!" said Orion, answering Sirius' question, but Sirius knew it was meant for the officers.

"You’re lying!" Sirius hissed through gritted teeth. He turned on his heels and tried to walk out the front doors again. "You can't stop me from going to the station or wherever you're taking him! He shouldn’t be alone!"

The two officers each took a firm grip on Sirius' shoulders and pulled him away from the door so a paramedic could help Mr. Black out to the second ambulance. "If you don't stop making trouble right now we will bring you to the station, all right: You can spend the night in jail!”

“And as I just told you, your brother is going to the hospital first, for a valuation," added the other officer.

Sirius realised that arguing would get him nowhere. He would drive to the hospital on his own. As he watched the ambulance with his brother leaving, he picked up his phone and called Mrs. Lupin, thinking it would be best to talk to her first. She was a psychiatrist after all, so maybe she could pull a few strings so he could see his brother.

"Sirius?" she answered. "Is something wrong? You sound upset."

"They took Reggie away," Sirius said, walking in circles, running his fingers through his hair. "I think my father hurt him, so Regulus stabbed him in the shoulder. They wouldn’t allow me to go with him so I don’t know the details."

Mrs. Lupin let out a gasp. "My goodness, Sirius! Is your father hurt badly? And Regulus? Is he hurt?"

"I don’t care about my father," spat Sirius. "If he hurt Reggie, then he deserves everything he got.” He cursed a little under his breath. “I should have been home instead of at Marlene’s. I knew father would come home today, but I figured I could easily slip out for a few hours. But I should have been there for Reggie!"

"You can’t blame yourself, Sirius. Where did they take him?"

"The hospital. To check him and decide what to do. They said they were either going to throw him in jail or in a mental hospital."

"Do you want me to go? I can pick you up and we can drive there together."

"Yes please," Sirius agreed. He was too worked up to drive himself.

**o0o0o**

Mrs. Lupin hung up and went to get her coat when she heard a voice behind her.

"Mum? Where're you going?" Remus stood in the doorway, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He had been taking a nap on the couch.

"Remus..." she started, hating to deliver the bad news to her son. “They arrested Regulus. He stabbed his father. Sirius says it was self-defence. Regulus is at the hospital now. I'm getting Sirius so we can go and figure out what's going on."

Remus went pale and stared at his mother as if trying to figure out if she was joking. "He... stabbed him? But Regulus would never do something like that!"

Remus went for his jacket but his mother put a hand on his arm. "You need to rest, Remus. You have been looking peaky all day. I'll call you from the hospital."

"No. I want to go. Regulus needs me."

She hesitated for a minute but then agreed. The determined look on her son's face told her that she did not have a choice.

**o0o0o**

At the hospital Sirius raced to the information desk and demanded to be taken to his brother. 

"Regulus Black? He just came in, you say?" The nurse at the desk looked something up on her computer. "He's in the emergency room. At least that's where he came in. Oh, it says no one is allowed to see him. He's under arrest."

"I’m allowed to see him! He is my brother!" Sirius slammed a fist on the desk. "Let me see him! I can’t have him all alone in a bloody hospital. He hates hospitals!"

“It says here that you can't see him, so that's that. You can wait in the lobby and I'll make a note that you should be informed when there is any news."

"Sirius," said Mrs. Lupin. "There's no use discussing with her. Let's just sit down and wait."

**o0o0o**

When Mr. Black's wound had been treated, the police, along with a psychiatrist, came in to question him. "So tell us exactly how things happened," asked the officer, pulling out pen and paper.

"I scolded him and grabbed him by the arm when he wouldn't listen, and then he attacked me with a knife," Mr. Black said and got up from his seat to put on his coat.

"Please sit down, Mr. Black. We have made an arrest and this is a serious matter. We need to question you further before you can go. We need to determine whether or not to admit your boy." Mr. Black sighed and sat back down. "Tell us in more details. How did the confrontation start? What did you talk about?"

"It was about him leaving home for three days without letting us know where he was," said Mr. Black. "He had us very worried. I confronted him about it and he flew into a rage."

"Did you threaten him in any way? You say you grabbed his arm. Did you give him reason to fear for his own safety?"

"Of course not!” snorted Orion. “I would never hurt my son. I only grabbed a hold of him to prevent him from leaving before I was done talking."

The officer nodded and took a few notes. "Is there any previous history of trouble with him?"

Mr. Black let out a dry laugh. "If there is previous history of trouble with him? There has been nothing but trouble with him! Ever since he was little, we knew he wasn’t right in the head. He gets violent when he doesn’t know how to cope. He has pushed my wife on several occasions. Once he pushed her down the stairs."

"What about his mental state in general?" asked the psychiatrist, who had just sat listening until now.

"Overall bad. We have tried just about everything. At the moment he’s seeing a therapist for his fear of touch and his violent behaviour."

"Where did that fear origin? Has he experienced any kind of abuse?"

"No," Mr. Black stated, looking shocked. "Not that I know of. We have always been very protective of our children."

The psychiatrist nodded. "Have there been incidents with violence outside of the home?"

"He starts fights at school on a regular basis. If we didn’t donate generously to the school he would have been expelled long ago."

"Alright," said the psychiatrist. "I will commit him to the closed ward for now. They will evaluate him and decide what to do further."

"I presume you're pressing charges?" asked the officer.

Mr. Black looked at him. "Yes of course! I want him locked up so he can’t hurt anyone else. He has crossed the line definitively this time."

"Alright. We will have to speak to your wife as well. And your other son."

Mr. Black looked a little nervous. "Why do you want to speak to my other son?"

“Because we need to talk to all witnesses to both this incident and your home life in general. And from what I heard at the scene, he had a rather different story than yours. We need to hear all sides."

Mr. Black gulped. "I... well alright, but my oldest son has always been overprotective of his brother. Always lying on his behalf."

"So they have a special bond?"

"I guess you can say that," Mr. Black mumbled irritably. “But you can’t put too much emphasis on what he says. He will say anything to get his brother out of trouble.”

**o0o0o**

"Are you going to release my brother? He's innocent!" was the first thing Sirius said when he was called in for questioning.

"I have just taken your father's statement. Now I need yours. If you would come with me, please."

Mrs. Lupin got up. "I would like to come as well."

"Who are you?" asked the officer. 

"Hope Lupin. Regulus is my son's friend. I'm a psychiatrist."

"Are you Regulus' psychiatrist?"

"No."

"Well, then there is no need for you to be interviewed. Mr. Black - let's go."

"As I said," Sirius started when they were alone, "my brother is innocent. My father did something to him. That’s the only explanation."

"How do you know that? You weren't there. As I recall it, we were already there when you arrived at the scene."

"I know my brother. Why don't you ask _him_?"

"Your brother is in no condition to talk right now. He has been moved to the psych ward, heavily drugged. The doctors will talk to him tomorrow."

"Can I at least see him? He asked for me back at the house."

"No. You may not see him until he has been interrogated and that won't happen until he is somewhat level-headed."

Sirius looked at him with irritation written all over his face. "Fine. I will be back in the morning, and then I’m taking my brother home!"

"Well, right now you will answer my questions," said the officer and motioned for Sirius to sit down. "Now, how would you describe your brother's relationship with your father?"

"Tense. Our parents – if you can call them that – are always on his back about every little thing. My brother is…" Sirius stopped for a second and bit his lip. "My brother is a little special. He is afraid of germs and such, and he’s scared of people touching him. Our parents have always hated him for being weird. They never tried to hide it, either.”

"Right," said the officer, taking notes. "How do you think your brother has become this way? Have your parents beat him?"

"They slap us around from time to time," said Sirius. "Mostly they just grab Regulus and shake him, and that freaks him out."

"Lots of parents shake their children," said the officer, nearly looking bored. "Is that the worst they have done to him?"

"No, they slap us around sometimes, as I just said!" said Sirius, looking angrily at the officer. "But for Regulus, the grabbing scares him the most, because he’s so sensitive about touch. For most kids it might not seem such a big deal to be grabbed, but when they know he doesn’t like it and do it anyway, then it’s abuse!"

"My children don't like it when I send them to bed without desert, but I do it anyway when they need disciplining - and that doesn’t make it abuse. So far I haven't heard any testimony that points to abuse to the extend that could even be considered a fair reason to attack your father with a knife. And stabbing someone just because they shake you is _not_ considered self-defence."

"I didn't say he stabbed him for shaking him!" said Sirius and stood up. "My father must have become very violent, if he scared Regulus enough to do this! I’m sure he hurt him in some way or was about to."

"What you think happened doesn't prove a thing," said the officer and got up. "Thank you for your time. We will be in touch if we need to ask you any further questions."

"Check him, for fuck’s sake!" yelled Sirius as the officer ushered him out of the room.

Sirius marched over to where Mrs. Lupin and Remus were sitting and gave the bench next to them a good kick. "They won't listen to shite I say!”

Mrs. Black arrived just then and went to the front desk to ask for her husband. Sirius spotted her and raced over, red in the face. "Get Reggie out of this place!" he demanded. "Father did something to him! I know he did! Tell them that you want to take Reggie home!"

Walburga sent him a cold look. "We always knew something like this would happen, it was just a matter of time. He was a loose cannon, Sirius. At least this means we can lock him away and we will all be safe."

Sirius stared at her. "You can't be serious! You're actually going to lock Reggie away? If I didn't know better I would say that you planned for this to happen!" He grabbed a hold on his mother’s arm and looked straight at her. "Please, Mum. Don't do this to him!"

"If he had murdered someone you would still be making excuses for him. Now, remove that hand or you will be sorry."

The officer came out, greeting Mrs. Black and asked her to follow him for an interview.

"Sirius, we should go," said Mrs. Lupin. There's nothing more we can do today. Do you want to stay at our place? We could stop by your house to pick up some things."

“One thing is certain – I’m not staying under the same roof as those bastards!” said Sirius. “I need to get the animals out of their reach too.”

**o0o0o**

They decided on Remus taking Kreacher home and Sirius staying at James’ place with Padfoot. The Lupin house was small enough without a rambunctious dog chasing around after two cats.

"What about the cat? Do you think it will like Cleo?” asked Mrs. Lupin, eying the very miffed looking feline in the crate in her son’s arms.

Cleo was there to greet them in an instant as they walked through the front door. Remus sat down the crate to let the two cats get a look at each other. Cleo barely had time to see Kreacher before the crate started rattling and sounding like it was stuffed with exploding firecrackers. Cleo jumped away in chock, fur standing on end.

"I guess you don’t like other cats, huh?" Remus sighed and lifted up the crate again.

Mrs. Lupin sighed. "Why don't you keep him in your room? Cleo can have the rest of the house. We'll put Kreacher’s litter box up there and make sure to keep the door closed. I don't want him to run away or get into a fight with Cleo."

"Okay," nodded Remus and brought Kreacher upstairs. He put the crate on the bed and opened it. "You don't have to be afraid. It’s just me." Kreacher however would not come out and Remus sighed. "I know... I miss him too."

There was a soft knock on the door a little later. "Remus?

"Come in. Kreacher isn’t near the door."

Mrs. Lupin came in quietly and sat down on the bed next to Remus. She ran a hand through his hair, looking at him worriedly, seeing how pale and unhappy he looked. 

Remus looked down at his hands resting in his lap. "What if they charge him? I know he had a good reason to do it."

"I don't know, Remus. There are no witnesses and the stab wound on his father's shoulder is the only evidence."

"But what about Regulus' testimony? What about his version of what happened?"

"It's his word against his father's. The question is whom they're going to believe. And what the psychiatrists' evaluation of Regulus is."

Remus bit his lip. "I just... I just wish he hadn’t gone home or that I had gone with him so I could have protected him."

"He couldn't stay away forever, nor could you move in with him. Don't blame yourself, honey, please."

Remus closed his eyes and leaned to the side, resting his head against her shoulder. "Please do all you can for him.”

"I will. I promise," she said, wrapping an arm around him. "We will go see him tomorrow and I will demand to talk to the chief physician."

"Mm... good," Remus mumbled, not wanting her to hear that his voice was about to break. A few tears had already formed at the corner of his eyes and he pressed them shut to prevent them from spilling.

She hugged him tighter. "I'm so sorry, Remus. It's not fair. Things were finally going so well for you. You had won over your impossible crush and gotten him to open up... You were so happy."

Remus started sobbing, unable to hold back any longer and he pressed his face into her shoulder. "What if they won’t let me see him? Or what if they lock him up and sedate him so much that he won't even know that I’m there?"

"Don't say that. No matter what happens you will be allowed to visit. It's a human right." She didn't comment on the sedation part, because she knew high strung patients like Regulus were often drugged to become easier to handle, especially if the staff took the easy way. It depended a lot on them and how understanding they were. "Think of him being in a mental institution as better than jail. Can you imagine that? Being surrounded by other prisoners in a dirty cell? At least it's clean at the hospital and he will be protected from the other patients."

"I-I guess," sobbed Remus and dried his eyes on his sleeve. "I just hope we can get him out of there soon." He looked at his mother with wet eyes. "He can live here if he wants... right?"

"Of course," she smiled.  _If he gets out. "_ He's never going back to that house."

They sat like this for a while until Remus had stopped crying. "I think I'll go to bed early," he said, eyes still closed. “I’m exhausted.”

"That's a good idea. You need the rest. I’ll make you some camomile tea and get you a pill to sleep on."

Remus took his tea in the kitchen and then went back up with his mother, carrying water- and food bowl for Kreacher and a litter box. Remus pulled Kreacher out from the crate to show him the food and litter box. Kreacher hissed angrily but didn't bite or scratch. He had come to almost like Remus. 

Mrs. Lupin studied the animal. "I think that is the ugliest cat I've ever seen..."

"He isn’t very pleasant either, but Regulus loves him," Remus smiled.

**o0o0o**

Regulus slowly came to. He was staring up into a pale yellow ceiling. Where was he? He tried to sit up to get a look around but he couldn't. His arms were stuck. He looked down himself and saw that both his arms and legs were strapped down. His heart began hammering in his chest. Then panic gripped him and, screaming bloody murder, he started thrashing wildly in his restraints.

There was a sound of keys rustling in the door and then two men dressed in white rushed into the room. One tried to hold Regulus still and said in a smooth voice, "Easy there, lad." He turned to his colleague who stood with a syringe.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" screamed Regulus, throwing himself to the side, desperately trying to get away from the man's hands. "GO AWAY! LET ME GO!"

The man pushed his weight down on him and to hold him in place. The other grabbed Regulus' arm and plunged the syringe into it, slowly emptying it.

"Just relax. You need to sleep a little longer."

Regulus screamed as if he were going to die. For a moment he thought he was. Then the world went dark again. 


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31 – I Want to Talk to Your Superior**

The next day, Sirius met up with Mrs. Lupin and Remus at the hospital.

"You look like you haven’t slept much," Remus said to Sirius.

"Likewise, mate," sighed Sirius and they walked up to the front desk. "I want to see my brother," he said, looking determinedly into the nurses' eyes. "Regulus Black."

The nurse looked him up. "It says here that he's at the closed ward. I don't know if he's taking any visitors."

"He is! We're going to see him!"

"Well, you will have to go there to talk to the personnel."

They found the ward where the door was, of course, locked. Mrs. Lupin rang the doorbell. 

A man in white came walking towards them at the other side of the glass door and he opened just barely and said: "Yes?"

"We are here to see Regulus Black," said Mrs. Lupin. "We were promised yesterday that we could see him today."

The man looked annoyed. "Well, you can't see him now. He's still sleeping."

"Drugged, you mean!" said Sirius. 

"We had to sedate him. He was out of his mind."

"Because of you!” hissed Sirius.

"Can’t we please see him?" asked Mrs. Lupin and put a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "It will make him feel better seeing some familiar faces."

"He wouldn't see anything. As I said, he's still sleeping. Come back later." Then he closed the door and locked it.

Sirius said some very nasty things to the locked door.

"Let’s go get some food," Mrs. Lupin said and swung an arm around Remus’ shoulder. "At least they didn’t say we couldn’t see him today."

At one O'clock they were finally allowed into the ward. The nurse unlocked a room and lead them in. Regulus was sitting on the bed in the corner with his knees to his chest. The wall was the only thing holding him up. He was heavily sedated, although not enough to put him under. 

Remus sat down slowly next to him on the bed.

"What did they do to you?" Sirius asked, seeing how pale his brother was. He ran a hand over his hair.

Regulus turned his head slowly and looked at him with droopy eyes. It was hard to focus. He was extremely tired and dizzy, not sure if he was in a dream or reality. "S... Sirius?"

"Yeah it’s me," said Sirius, trying to get him to focus. "Remus is here too."

Remus reached out and gently touched Regulus’ knee, letting him know that he was there.

Regulus automatically tried to move away from the hand but when he recognised Remus, he stopped. "I think I'm ill," he mumbled. "I feel very strange."

"Those bloody nurses gave you something to calm you down," Sirius said. He took a deep breath. "What happened with Dad, Reggie?"

"Hm?" hummed Regulus. "Dad? I don't want Dad here. He hurt me."

"How did he hurt you?" Sirius said through clenched teeth.

"He... they... put me in chains," mumbled Regulus.

Sirius looked completely confused. 

"He's talking about the restraints," said Mrs. Lupin and pointed to the straps now hanging loosely from the bed. 

Sirius looked horrified. "They strapped him down?"

"Can’t we tell them not to do that?" Remus asked his mother.

Sirius noticed something on Regulus' neck and carefully pushed his collar down. "Reggie? What did Dad do to you?"

"He wanted to kill me... He... I tried to run..."

Sirius grit his teeth. “Bloody bastard. I’m gonna kill him!

"Have you told the police this?" Mrs. Lupin asked and examined the bruises on Regulus’ neck. They were not clear but they were there, no mistake.

Remus reached out and pushed Regulus' hair back, not knowing what to say. He felt powerless. Mostly he just wanted to hug him and promise him that he would take him home.

"The police haven’t talked to him yet," it sounded from the door where the nurse was still standing. 

"Do you mind giving us some privacy?" snarled Sirius.

"I can't leave you alone with a potentially dangerous patient."

"He isn’t dangerous! He was acting in self-defence!" Sirius spat and stood up. "My father tried to strangle him so get the bloody police here so they can hear for themselves and go arrest that motherfucker!" Sirius felt like throwing something at the nurse who just looking bored.

"They haven't come to talk to him yet."

"Well, when will they?" asked Mrs. Lupin. 

The nurse shrugged. "I don't really know anything about this other than the boy stabbed his father."

"Well who knows something, then?" asked Mrs. Lupin. "I want to talk to your superior."

The nurse just looked at Mrs. Lupin with the same dull expression. "I’ll see what I can do about that when you leave the patient. I’m not leaving you alone with him, as I said before."

Remus noticed Regulus reaching for him and he gently took his hand, caressing the back of it with his thumb. "It’s gonna be okay," he said in a gentle voice and looked at him, trying to gain eye contact. 

"Can I come home with you?" mumbled Regulus, trying to focus on Remus. 

Remus wished he could say yes and take him away from here. "When the police have talked to you and seen that this is not your fault," Remus nodded and kissed his hand. 

"Can you stay here, then? Don't wanna be alone."

"I’ll stay until they throw me out," Remus said calmly, kissing his hand.

"Regulus is not dangerous so you can easily leave us here with him while you get the head physician," said Mrs. Lupin coldly and crossed her arms.

The nurse pressed his lips together, looking determined. 

"What exactly do you think he's going to do? An unarmed skinny teenage boy against the three of us? Completely doped?"

The nurse sighed and finally left to get the head physician.

"I’ll kill that bastard," Sirius growled walking around in circles, rubbing his temples and looking very frustrated.

"The nurse or your father?" asked Mrs. Lupin. 

"My father," said Sirius and kicked a chair so it nearly tipped over.

Regulus leaned against Remus, both because it gave comfort and because it was hard to sit up straight. 

When the nurse came back with the head physician, Doctor White, she introduced herself as Doctor Lupin and said that she knew Regulus well. "What is your plans with him?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"Well, we are going to keep him sedated as long as he acts like a wild animal," said the doctor. "His father says he is dangerous and seeing that he stabbed him, I agree."

"Is that it?" said Mrs. Lupin incredulously. "Can't you see that he's just scared? You're supposed to be a psychiatrist!"

"I am acting on what his parents told me," said the doctor and adjusted his glasses.

"What about what _I’ve_ said?" spat Sirius. “I know him better than anybody!”

"And what have you said?" said the doctor, looking emotionlessly at Sirius. 

"That my father must have hurt him and he just defended himself! Don’t you people talk to each other?"

"Well, that's for the police to decide."

"And what have they found so far?" asked Mrs. Lupin, although knowing they had not talked to him yet. "Have they heard the boy's version?"

"He hasn't been clear enough to be questioned yet."

"And whose fault is that?"

The doctor frowned and looked at Mrs. Lupin with a hint of irritation. "And how would you know how to handle a dangerous patient like this? When the sedatives wear off he is hysterical."

"Because he's terrified!" yelled Sirius. 

"I know because I’m a psychiatrist and because I know Regulus! He has a phobia of touch," explained Mrs. Lupin. "That's why he's in therapy. So when you fixate him of course he panics. I'm appalled that you cannot tell the difference between fear and aggression."

The doctor looked at her "And you are his therapist?" he asked in a cold voice.

Remus ran a hand over Regulus' hair and tried to make him feel safe. He hoped his mother could talk some sense into the doctor.

"No... Since he's my son's boyfriend that would be awkward. But I know him well."

"Your son’s boyfriend?" The doctor blinked and looked over at Remus and Regulus as if he couldn't believe that a boy like Regulus could even have a relationship.

"You also have a problem with gay people?" Sirius growled.

"Of course not," the doctor replied.

"You heard Sirius talk of abuse and saying it was self-defence," said Mrs. Lupin. "Did you give the boy a check-up? See if there was evidence of abuse?"

"We couldn't very well, could we? Since, as you pointed out, he freaks out when touched," said the doctor irritably. 

"You've had him unconscious most of the time!" yelled Sirius. “You could’ve looked then! Look!" he said, going over to his brother and pointing at his neck. "See those marks? What did father do to you, Reggie?" he asked, trying to get his brother's attention. 

"He hurt me."

"Yes, but how? Did he try to strangle you?"

"Yes."

"You're putting words in his mouth," said the doctor. 

"Take a look at his neck!" said Mrs. Lupin. "Can't you see the bruises there?"

"Well," started the doctor and adjusted his glasses. "We can’t know where those bruises came from or if you have rehearsed this with him just now."

" _Rehearsed_  it?" said Sirius incredulously. "And strangled him to bruise his neck?"

"He could have caused those bruises himself. Unstable kids like him often self-harm."

"He did not hurt himself!" exclaimed Remus and held Regulus close to his chest. "His father did this to him! Why won't you listen?"

Mrs. Lupin put a warning hand on Sirius' shoulder, afraid that he would explode in the doctor's face. "This would not have been in question if you had examined him when he came in, as I'm sure you're supposed to," she said. "I think we need to get Regulus a lawyer. He has rights and has not been treated correctly."

"Do as you wish," shrugged Doctor White. "We will examine him later today if he will cooperate with us, and the police will hear what he has to say."

"Can you please not use the restrains on him again?" Remus begged and felt Regulus shutter. "It will only make him panic."

"Me and Remus are staying!" declared Sirius, staring down the doctor. 

"I've had it with you," said Doctor White. "This is my ward and if you want to visit here, you follow the rules and do as the staff say.

Through his daze Regulus had problems making out what everybody was saying, but he caught some meaning here and there, and now he recognised that the doctor was getting angry. 

"Don't want him here," he murmured. "Take him away."

Remus looked down at him and then up at the doctor. "Please. We are going to behave if you just let us sit with him."

"You've been here long enough. And you're upsetting him. You have to go now. Come back tomorrow and we may let you visit again."

Remus felt his heart sink to his stomach. He leaned in to Regulus and said in a low loving voice. "I have to go now but I’ll be back tomorrow. I promise."

"No," said Regulus as he realised what was happening. "No, no, you can't go," he said, feeling his heart pick up speed and his head clear up a bit. "No!"

The doctor, eying problems ahead, opened a door and waved a couple of nurses in.

Remus looked around at the nurses nervously. "Please don't give him more drugs.”

Sirius tried to step in between the nurses and his brother but they just pushed him aside and took a hold on Remus' arm.

"You need to leave, sir. He is getting worked up again."

"Because of you!" yelled Sirius. 

"Bad temper runs in the family, I see," said the nurse from before. 

"NO!" cried Regulus and dug his fingers desperately into Remus' sleeves. "Don't go!" 

Remus looked pleadingly at the doctor. "Please let me stay just until he falls asleep!" he begged but it was no use. The nurses pried Regulus’ fingers off Remus’ shirt and pushed the three out the door, slamming it shut behind them.

Remus stood staring at the door and he could hear Regulus' cries from behind it, making his heart ache so much he could barely breathe.

"FUCK!" Sirius roared and kicked the door. "FUCKING NAZIS!"

"Sirius!" said Mrs. Lupin and grabbed him hard by the shoulders. "Control yourself, or they won't allow you to visit again!"

Sirius took a few deep breaths and started pacing outside the door. "I will get to the bottom if this. The police has to see those bruises and put two and two together."

"But they said he could have done that to himself," sniffed Remus. "They might not believe him."

"We're going to find a good lawyer right now," said Mrs. Lupin, quickly wiping her eyes. "He will know how to handle this. We will get him and then go to the police."


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32 – I’ll Lose My Mind**

Sirius decided to talk to James’ father about finding a good lawyer. Mr. Potter was a successful businessman and knew a lot of important people. Mr. Potter cancelled a meeting so he could talk to them straight away. He too was appalled at the treatment of Regulus and the whole case. He wrote down an address and handed the note to Sirius.

"This is a good friend of mine. He's as expensive as he's good, but I'll call ahead and tell you I sent you, and I'm sure he will give you a fair price and make your case high priority."

They drove to the lawyer’s office and Sirius marched up to the front desk where a secretary sat and talked on the phone. He slammed the piece of paper down on the desk and said loudly as if she were half deaf. "Sirius Black. Mr. Potter sent us."

The secretary jumped in surprise. "Yes, I will let Mr. Prince know," she said, sending Sirius a reproachful look. 

Mr. Prince asked them in ten minutes later. "Carlus gave me a summary. Sounds like there are quite a few things that need looking at." He put on his coat. "Police station first, I think. You can fill me in on the way."

**o0o0o**

Mr. Prince walked into the station and demanded to talk to the officer in charge of the case, telling the secretary that it was in their best interest to make it happen immediately, because protocol had not been followed and it would look very bad for them if he went to a judge. Sirius hoped he wasn't bluffing. 

"Yes?" A bald officer came up them and he stuck his hand out to Mr. Prince to greet him but was met with a piece of paper.

"Regulus Black," said Mr. Prince. "We would like to discuss his case right away."

"Oh... The kid who tried to kill his father?"

"Don't you think he would have stabbed him somewhere else if he had wanted to kill him?" snapped Sirius. 

The officer rubbed his chin as he thought about it for a minute. "He could have just missed."

"Regulus would never try to kill anyone!" said Remus, sick of everyone saying that his boyfriend was dangerous.

They followed the officer to a private room where they all sat down. The lawyer asked to see the report of yesterday's events and the pictures of Orion's injury. 

Mr. Prince studied them and looked up. "And where are the pictures from the boy's physical exam?" he asked although already knowing that none had been made. 

"We... I don't think one was made. It was the father who was injured, not the boy."

"But it is mandatory procedure in a case of possible self-defence, isn't that right, officer?" asked Mr. Prince rhetorically. 

The officer wrung his hands. "It is. But he didn't say much when we took him in. He didn't mention self-defence. Only his brother did, and he was not a witness."

"He didn't get to say anything because you lot jammed a needle into his arm the moment you arrived! He didn't get a chance to talk!" raged Sirius. 

The officer looked a little taken aback and eyed Sirius briefly before returned his gaze to the lawyer. “We were told he was dangerous and the paramedics had to subdue because he was very agitated."

"Maybe he was in shock that his dad had just tried to kill him!" yelled Sirius. 

Mrs. Lupin put a hand on his shoulder, sending him a look that warned him to keep calm.

Mr. Prince asked Remus to find the photo on his phone he had taken of Regulus' neck at the hospital. Then he shoved it under the officer's nose. "This was taken two hours ago at the hospital. If you had performed the mandatory physical exam, you would not have missed this."

The officer looked at the photo and then calmly put the phone down. "He could have done this to himself. No saying what a mental patient can do to himself while no one is looking."

"They had him tied down," said Remus and took the phone. "He couldn’t even move so how was he supposed to do this?"

The officer didn't answer. 

"When have you taken Regulus' statement?" asked the lawyer. 

"We haven't done that yet. He hasn't been conscious enough yet," said the officer irritably, no doubt knowing that the lawyer already knew this.

"Well, I suggest you make that happen now!"

The officer frowned and then stood up. "Very well. I’ll go over there now and see if he is in a condition to talk."

"Can we come too?" asked Remus.

"His lawyer has that right, and his parents, since he is underage, but seeing that you are neither, I don't see why I should let you."

"The boy is very frightened and he will feel crowded by strangers," said Mrs. Lupin. "At least let my son join, He has a way of keeping him calm."

The officer hummed. "Well, if the doctors allow it."

**o0o0o**

They drove to the hospital and Sirius was mumbling something about wanting to join in as well but Mrs. Lupin convinced him that since Remus was more calm that that would be better for Regulus while they talked to him. Eventually he agreed with a sigh. 

They met up with the officer and the doctor outside Regulus' room. "Three people?" asked the doctor on duty, furrowing his brows. "No, we should keep it to a minimum. He gets worked up around people."

"He will be calmer if I'm with him," Remus tried to explain. "I won't interfere with the interrogation at all. I’ll just sit with him."

"It’s true that my son calms Regulus," said Mrs. Lupin and fixed the doctor with her gaze.

The doctor sighed. "Well, if that's true then it would certainly make things easier. He has been impossible since he came." He unlocked the door to Regulus' room and went in with a nurse. The others stood in the doorway. Regulus looked up, a bit clearer than earlier but still looking dull. 

The doctor filled a syringe. "We will just give him a shot to clear his head a bit."

Regulus spotted the needle and his eyes widened. "No! Poison. No more poison!" he gasped and tried to get away, which resulted in him falling off the bed because his motor skills were off. 

"No, don’t give him anything!" Remus said and pushed past the nurse and doctor. He hurried over to Regulus and kneeled in front of him, trying to get him to look at him. "Hey. Hey it's okay," he said and took a hold on his head with both hands and looking at him. "They won't hurt you, I promise."

"They spray poison into me," gasped Regulus, eying the doctor in fear.

"He isn't clear enough for questioning," said the doctor. "Either I administer this drug or you will have to come back tomorrow."

"They are just going to give it to you so your head clears up," Remus told Regulus. "Otherwise they will send me home now. The police wants to talk to you about your dad but you need to be alert for that."

"No," said Regulus, not getting the full meaning of Remus' explanation. "Stop them. Make them stop!"

"Just give the boy the bloody drug," said the officer irritably. "I don't have all day."

"Help me hold him, then," said the doctor. 

"No," said Remus, not wanting to betray Regulus' trust in him. "Can’t you talk to him the way he is? He is just afraid of you. If you weren’t here he would be just fine."

"Leave my brother alone!" spat Sirius and tried to get into the room, but Mrs. Lupin held him back, having promised that only Remus went in.

"He's too dull because of the sedatives, don't you understand that, you stupid boy?" snarled the officer.

The nurse caught Regulus as he was stumbling toward the other side of the room and the officer grabbed a hold of him as well. With the boy screaming and squirming, they held him down on the bed so the doctor could give him the injection. 

Remus had backed away, his heart aching as he watched them mistreat Regulus.

"There," said the doctor. "He should be clearer in a couple of minutes."

"We will give you a moment's privacy. Work your magic and get him to remain calm so we can do that interview," said the doctor to Remus before ushering the others out and closing the door behind them.

"Regulus?" Remus said when were finally alone. He went over and sat down on the bed. "I’m sorry they did that to you. But they had to give you that shot so you can give your statement to the police.” He had never felt so powerless in his life.

Regulus sat shivering, suddenly feeling cold and a little ill. 

Remus reached out for his hand and sent him a gentle smile. "Hey... hey I'm here. I’ll look after you and stay here while they talk to you. We will get you out of this dreadful place."

Regulus moved close to Remus and held onto him as he slowly felt his head clear. The last few days were a blur. He had barely been conscious since they picked him up at home. "What... where am I?" 

"You’re in the hospital," Remus said and put his arms around him, letting his hands run up and down his back. "You stabbed your father in self-defence. That’s what you told us when we visited earlier. Don’t you remember?"

Regulus sat for a minute and slowly everything came back to him. What had happened after the paramedics and police came and sedated him was still blurry but what happened before was clear. His hand automatically flew to his neck as he remembered. "He tried to choke me! I had to... I had to do it!"

"I know. And we have to convince the police of that so they will let you out of here. Right now they only know your father's side of the story.”

Regulus looked around the room, his eyes lingering on the straps on the bed. "I don't want to be here. I want to go home! I can't be here, they assault me!"

"Please relax," Remus tried. "They won’t let me be in here with you unless you relax and they have to understand that you're not crazy and that you’re telling the truth, because at this moment they believe you’re dangerous and insane."

"I can't be here," Regulus repeated but tried to keep his voice down. “They assault me and pump me with poison. And who knows how well they clean in here?"

Remus kissed the side of his head ran his hand up and down his back. "I know you don’t like it here, but we will get you out. We found a really good lawyer.”

The door opened a little later and the doctor and nurse came in. "Good," said the doctor, seeing that Regulus looked relatively calm. "We will take you to a meeting room where there's more space. 

The nurse went over to escort Regulus, but he glared at him. "Don't touch me! I can walk on my own!"

Regulus and Remus followed at as much distance as the doctor would allow. Regulus' eyes darted around the ward. Some of the patients were studying him curiously and a few approached them. 

"Keep those nutters away from me!" said Regulus, moving to the other side of Remus, using him as a shield.

Remus put an arm around Regulus and walked with him towards the meeting room. "Just take it easy," he said in a calm voice as they entered.

The lawyer and officer were already waiting, sitting at a table in the middle of the room.

Mr. Prince got up. "I'm Aaron Prince, Regulus, your attorney,” he smiled and held out his hand. Regulus didn't take it. 

Prince looked a little puzzled at him for a moment but then remembered that Regulus didn’t like being touched.

The officer cleared his throat. "Ehem…" he started and folded his hands as they all had gotten seated. "Why don’t you tell us what happened yesterday at your house?"

"My father tried to kill me," said Regulus, his eyes boring into the officer whom he already disliked. 

"Could you put it into more detail?" asked the officer and tapped his pen on the table.

"He tried to kill me because I embarrassed him at a party. Some dirty woman molested me and I yelled at her.” 

"Molested you?" asked the officer, brows raised.

"She touched me inappropriately."

"And where did this happen?"

"In the parlour."

"In front of all the other guests?" asked the officer, looking very sceptic.

"Something like that can be done subtly," the lawyer tried, knowing that this only made Regulus seem paranoid.

"Where did she touch you?" said the officer, ignoring the lawyer. 

"My chest.”

"Just your chest?" said the officer and tried to hide a smirk. "So you’re telling me that you believe she molested you by touching your chest?"

"What does it matter?" said Remus. "Even if she didn’t, it still doesn’t give his father the right to try and kill him."

"If touching his chest means molesting, then how little does it take to "kill" him?" snorted the officer.

"The father was obviously furious over the humiliation and that made him snap," said Mr. Prince. 

"If I were a girl you would understand!" said Regulus. 

"That's because girls have breasts," said the officer. "You don't, do you? Just because you’re gay doesn't mean you have grown breasts, does it?"

Mr. Prince stood up. "If you are treating my client unfairly because of his sexuality, we're going to have a big problem!"

The officer sighed and shook his head. "Your client says that his father tried to kill him. His father said he just shook him, and if touching his chest means molesting, then a shake can surely mean he was trying to kill him. Right?"

"But the bruises on his neck?" Remus tried.

"There is no proof where they come from. As the doctor said, they could be self-inflicted."

"That would have been easier to determine if you had examined him straight away," said the lawyer. "You have a problem because you did not follow protocol! It will not look good in court."

"Well, that's for a jury to decide, isn't it?" said the officer. 

"I'm bringing in another doctor to get a second opinion. It's clear that you people have already judged Regulus."

The officer shrugged. "That's your right.”

**o0o0o**

Sirius jumped up from his seat when they came back. "Is it over? Did they let you get out of this bloody place?"

"No, did you expect that?" snapped Regulus. “Father always wanted me locked away and now he got his wish."

"Get inside," said the nurse, pointing to the room, as if Regulus were a dog.

Sirius looked at him with his mouth hanging open. "But... but they can’t just lock you up! It was self-defence!"

Regulus stood his ground for a minute but when the nurse moved forward, Regulus hurried inside to avoid contact with him.

"I think it's time we give Regulus some peace, shall we?" said the nurse.

"What happens now, Mr. Prince?" asked Mrs. Lupin. 

"Now we prepare for trial. We need to find some good witnesses. Someone who knows Regulus from a positive side and who might have seen evidence of his father's hostility toward him. Do you know if there's any such person, other than his brother, of course?" he asked Remus. 

Remus sighed and shook his head. "Only me and Sirius, I think. Oh - and Mrs. Harris, their cook. She knows Regulus well. She’s worked for the family for years."

The lawyer nodded. "We will have to talk to her. I’m busy the rest of the day but I will make time for a meeting tomorrow at my office. Then we can talk strategy."

Remus nodded and forced a smile. His mother put an arm around him and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Let’s go home. We can’t do much more here today," she said.

**o0o0o**

The boys and Mrs. Lupin didn't come to see Regulus until five O'clock the next day. Visitation hours didn't start until noon and at that time they had been in meeting with the lawyer. It was a female nurse who greeted them this time. She seemed nicer than the ones from yesterday, actually giving them a smile. 

"Regulus Black;" said Mrs. Lupin. "How has he been doing?"

"Oh," said the nurse, her brows furrowed. "He isn't faring too well, I'm afraid. I don't think he has slept since yesterday, even though he has been on a mild sedative. And he refuses to eat. He hasn't eaten since he got here."

Remus looked at his mother with desperation written all over his face. "Can't we bring him some home cooked food? He won’t eat the food here."

"I'm afraid not," said the nurse. "Bringing in food is not allowed."

"But he won’t eat your food. He only eats organic food. He will starve!"

"Doctor White says he will eat when he gets hungry enough, and that it's good therapy. This way he will find out that conventional food doesn't kill him."

"But," said Remus but his mother put a hand on his shoulder and shook her head.

"What kind of hospital is this!" spat Sirius. "You’re starving him! Is that your way of treatment? "

As they walked down the hallway to Regulus' room the nurse said, "There was an episode earlier today. He didn't want our cleaning lady to do his room so he threw a fit. Demanded to be given cleaning supplies so he could clean his own room. Of course we couldn't do that. Such things are dangerous."

"Why don’t you just let my brother out of this bloody place!" said Sirius.

"We have no say in that. He's under arrest. But we will try to take good care of him while he's here, however long that will be."

Sirius just mumbled a few curse words and followed Remus and Mrs. Lupin into the room where Regulus sat by the window.

"Hey," Remus said and tried to smile. He thought Regulus looked terribly pale with dark circles under his eyes.

Regulus lit up at the sight of them, although the slightly dull eyes bore witness that he was drugged to some extent. He hugged Remus and even his brother.

"How are you?" asked Remus and sat down beside him, gently caressing his back.

"Horrible," said Regulus. "They won't give me cleaning supplies and I have to use the bathroom in the hall. I drink as little water I can so I don't have to go there so often."

"You have to eat," said Sirius. “I know you don’t trust them but you can’t starve yourself because of it."

"They're already injecting poison into me, so I'm certainly not going to ingest more of own free will."

"Regulus," said Mrs. Lupin. "I know that organic food is the healthiest but it doesn't mean that all other food is damaging. Look at your brother - doesn't he look good and healthy?" 

"He eats mostly organic food, because that's what Mrs. Harris cooks," mumbled Regulus.

"I eat a lot of junk food too," said Sirius. 

"So you see, Regulus, eating conventional food for a while won't damage you. We're not talking about forever."

Regulus didn't answer. He was not at all convinced. 

"I don’t want you to get ill," Remus said and looked at him with a sad expression. "And you will if you don’t eat. I asked if we could bring you food but they wouldn’t let us."

"They are a bunch of twats, the lot of them," mumbled Sirius and pulled up a chair.

"Of course not. They won't give me anything I need. Not even hand sanitizer. I can't touch anything because I get germs all over. They won't let me clean, not even my hands. It's torture."

Mrs. Lupin got up. "I will see the personnel about that." She left, both to talk to the staff and to give Regulus some alone time with his brother and Remus.

Remus smiled at him and took his hand. "I’m sure Mum will fix it," he said confidently. They sat and looked at each other for a moment, Remus gently caressing Regulus' hand with his thumb.

Sirius whistled and looked around the room. "Do you two need some alone time? I feel like the third wheel here."

Regulus didn't answer. He just sat staring into the wall. Remus gave Sirius a nod and Sirius left the room.

"Regulus?" Remus said and let a hand touch his cheek. He looked so defeated, it hurt Remus deep in his heart. "Do you want to lie down with me for a bit?"

Regulus curled up on the bed pressing his back against Remus who wrapped an arm around him. "I can't live here," he whispered. "I'm scared. They attack me all the time and they give me drugs and strap me down." He could hear his voice starting to shake and knew he was close to tears. 

Remus kissed the back of his neck and pulled him a little closer. "I know... and I hate that I can’t take you with me home." He kissed his neck again "I’ll ask Mum to talk to them about the straps. They don’t need to do that to you. You're no threat. "

"If they would just leave me alone. But they don't get it. They touch me and corner me. I want to get out. When can I get out? Are they going to have a trial soon?"

"I don’t know," Remus admitted. "Mr. Prince is talking to the police and trying to find witness that will testify on your behalf. I told them Mrs. Harris knew you well and might have seen how your father treats you and Sirius."

"Okay. But they best hurry. I can't be in here for long. I'll lose my mind."

**o0o0o**

Mrs. Lupin found the nurse from before. "Regulus has a germ phobia and is desperate for some hand sanitizer. He says you refuse. Is that really necessary? What harm could a small bottle of hand sanitizer do? It would give him great comfort."

The nurse shook her head. "Doctor White’s orders.” She hesitated for a moment, then said, “Personally, I don’t see the harm in it. Listen - I’ll ask the doctor on duty now and see what he says. He’s not as… strict as Doctor White." She left and came back a little later with a small bottle of hand sanitizer. "Here. Doctor Stenson didn't think it was a problem. Even if Regulus ingested a small amount like this it wouldn't do much damage."

"Thank you. You have no idea how much this will help him," Mrs. Lupin smiled.

She found Sirius sitting in the hallway outside Regulus’ room. "They kicked you out?"

"Love birds.  What are you gonna do?"

"Oh. Well, that's good. I think I will find the doctor who's here today and have a good talk with him. He sounded more sensible than Doctor White. If you promise me to keep calm and quiet I'll let you join.”

Sirius nodded and slapped his knees before getting up.

"Sirius..." she said as they walked down the hallway. “Have you thought about how to pay Mr. Prince?"

Sirius shrugged. "I guess I will use my child savings and then get a part time job so I can get a flat. No way I am going back to live at my parents’ house or work for them.”

"You should use your savings for the flat and not the lawyer. Remus and I talked about it, and we agreed that we will pay from the fond you and Regulus made for Remus. There will probably still be some left, and we can raise more. But right now Regulus needs a good lawyer. Remus' treatment will still be available a little further into the future."

Sirius stopped dead. "No! Regulus would never allow that. We raised that money for Remus and Regulus would never forgive us if we used that money on him instead."

"It would only be part of it, Sirius. And Remus won't go ahead with the treatment until the lawyer bills are taken care of."

"I'll... I'll sell my Porsche, then," said Sirius, suddenly remembering how much money he actually had sitting in the street. "I don't need such an expensive car. I can get a decent one for much less money. And ironically this way it's almost our parents who are paying for Reggie's lawyer. They bought me that car as a bribe for keeping him in check at parties. And I didn't really do a good job, did I?"

Mrs. Lupin smiled at him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You’re a good brother, Sirius."

**o0o0o**

"Remus," said Regulus suddenly, turning his head to look at the other boy. "Kreacher! What about Kreacher? Is he alright? Where is he?"

"He’s in my room," smiled Remus and brushed a lock of hair out of Regulus' eyes. "He wasn't too happy about Cleo so we let her roam the rest of the house. I went with Sirius to get him. Sirius took Padfoot to James' so both animals are safe."

"Oh," said Regulus, sighing in relief. "I don't want him anywhere near my parents. Who knows what they might do. I just... Why didn't I think of him before? How could I forget him?"

"You have been sedated. You haven’t been able to think clearly.”

**o0o0o**

The nurse from before fetched Doctor Stenson when Mrs. Lupin asked for him. 

"Yes?" he said. 

"We're relations of Regulus Black," she said and shook his hand. "This is his brother, Sirius. I'm Doctor Lupin. Psychiatrist."

"You're Regulus' therapist?"

"No, but I know him well. We're very worried about him. He has a phobia of touch and having his personal space invaded, and to put it mildly that has not been respected here."

"He has been hysterical, Mrs. Lupin. We've had to subdue him several times."

"If his personal space is respected he doesn't make trouble. You're making things a million times worse."

The doctor looked at her with a mild expression. "And what would you suggest we do then? We have to examine him and he won’t eat either. He is downright stubborn."

"He has a lot of anxiety and is very stressed. His father just tried to strangle him - isn't that understandable? Especially with the fears he already has. He has been ripped away from the environment he feels safe in and is prevented from protecting himself from his fears. He's very stressed over not having his room cleaned properly and is scared of ingesting anything that can be unhealthy."

"We did try to clean his room but he would have none of it," said the doctor and crossed his arms. "But you would suggest we let him do it himself? That is against protocol."

"You could just let a nurse sit in there while he cleans if you're afraid he will do something to himself," suggested Sirius.

The doctor sighed. "I will have to consult Doctor White about it. He is the one who has the final say, and letting a patient get his hands on anything that can be dangerous is very much against protocol."  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes, not having any faith in Doctor White being the least bit understanding or flexible. 

"The subduing is the worst," continued Mrs. Lupin. "He's very afraid of people grabbing him, and being held down to inject him only makes it worse. It makes no sense to do it because he's upset, because he will go from upset to full blown panic."

"We have to do it, at least in order to give him his medicine. He refuses to take pills, so we have to inject."

Mrs. Lupin could understand what he meant. Remus had told her about the talk he had had with Regulus about medicine and she had seen how he acted whenever Remus had to take his.

"What are you giving him medicine for anyway?" asked Sirius and fixed the doctor with his gaze. "My brother isn’t ill. He is just special."

"Yes, he is, Mr. Black. That boy should have had proper care and therapy long ago. If this is indeed how he is, then life must have been very difficult for him."

"It has, but it doesn’t help having a bunch of twats sedate him every bloody day!" spat Sirius. "You should just leave him alone. It’s not treatment. It's torture!"

Mrs. Lupin sent Sirius a look warning him to keep his voice down. She didn't want to risk them being thrown out.  "What's he on?" she asked. 

"A mild sedative to keep him calm, and Xanax for his anxiety."

"I see," said Mrs. Lupin. She was very much against the sedatives, but she hoped that the Xanax would actually help Regulus, although she doubted he would keep taking it when he got out. "If we could talk him into taking pills would you leave him alone and stop subduing him?"

"In order to give him his medicine, yes. But we still have to do sedate him when he gets difficult."

"He won’t get difficult if you just stop touching him," mumbled Sirius.

"He is not easy to deal with. He is very uncooperative and fights every little thing. He won't eat, complains over his room, won't use the bathroom, won't take his medicine, won't talk to us about anything."

"He won’t eat non-organic food that isn’t prepared right," sighed Mrs. Lupin. "But I think maybe he will use the bathroom now that he can disinfect the seat."

"Well, let's hope so. He isn't making things easier for himself."

However much he didn't want to, Sirius had to admit that the doctor was right about his brother being difficult. How many times hadn't he himself wanted to strangle him?

"But I will talk to Doctor White as promised about the cleaning of his room," said Doctor Stenson and wrote something down on his clipboard. “Don’t get your hopes up, though. He is a man of principle.”

**o0o0o**

Back in the room Regulus had started crying, his face buried in Remus' chest. Remus caressed his back gently and whispered comforting words. "I love you, Regulus," he said and kissed the top of his head. "Remember that."

Regulus nodded, still sobbing. "I love you too. I want to come home with you."

“I want that too. When we get you out of here I’m going to take you home with me. You and Kreacher can live with me if you want."

"When am I getting out?" Regulus asked again.

"As soon as we can make it happen," Remus said and buried his face in Regulus' hair. "We are working on it.  We got you an excellent lawyer."

Regulus was thrilled to receive the hand sanitizer. He snatched it out of Mrs. Lupin's hand and hid it under his mattress. 

"You don't have to hide it, dear," she said. "I didn't smuggle it in; they gave it to me."

"They'll just take it away again. They're cruel."

Mrs. Lupin shook her head. "I have arranged for them to give you a new one when that one is empty."

Remus felt a sense of relief when he saw that some progress had been made. "What about the straps? Are they going to stop that?"

Mrs. Lupin hesitated with an answer. She didn't want to lie and she knew that even if Regulus agreed to take his pills they would still strap him down in other situation when he panicked. "If you would only take your medicine they won't hold you down. They won't even touch you. Just take the pills, Regulus."

Regulus stared at her. Then he shook his head. 

"Just take the bloody pills!" Sirius said. "Or do you want them to keep holding you down and stab you with needles?"

Regulus shook his head. "I don't want either."

"Well that’s just too bad, Reggie, because they won’t let you off the hook."

"Maybe you should just try, Regulus," said Remus. "Otherwise they will strap you down again, and who knows – maybe the medicine will actually help with your anxiety..."

"No! They only give me drugs to keep me under control. And I'm not ill."

"Reggie!" Sirius said loudly, making Remus jump. "Take the damn pills so they will leave you alone!"

"It's poison! If I take them willingly, I'm agreeing with them! I'm  _not_  agreeing with them!"

Sirius threw his hands in the air and rolled his eyes. "You  _do_ have a problem whether you like it or not, Reggie! You have some sort of anxiety problem and they can help you with it!"

" _Help_   _me_?" said Regulus incredulously. "I've never been this miserable in my whole life! I've never been this anxious!"

"Because you won't take the meds! They will leave you alone if you do and you might as well make the best of it while you’re here!" Sirius barked.

"E-easy now," Remus said. "We will get Regulus out soon and then this won’t be an issue any longer."

To his frustration Regulus felt hot tears well up in his eyes. "So you're saying I belong in here? That I'm crazy and it's my fault they treat me like they do?" His voice raised to a shrill tone as the tears started streaming down his cheeks. "LEAVE! I thought you were on my side but you aren't, so just GO!"

A couple of nurses came running. "What's going on here?"

"I want my brother to leave!" cried Regulus.

Sirius looked at him a little stunned. "No I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant that maybe you could be less anxious if you took the meds willingly and these wankers would leave you the hell alone! I’m on your side and I’ll get you out of here!"

"Alright, Mr. Black," said the nurse. "Best that you leave now."

"Out," said the other nurse when Sirius shot them a death glare. "OUT! You're upsetting the patient."

"Fine!" spat Sirius and sent Regulus another look of guilt before he finally marched out of the room.

"He didn't mean it the way he said it," said Remus, putting a hand on Regulus’ shoulder. "You know how he is."

"The rest of you - you need to leave as well," said one of the nurses. "The visit is over."

"No!" gasped Regulus, horror in his eyes. "Not Remus. NOT REMUS!" she screamed and grabbed at Remus' clothes.

"OUT!" repeated the nurse. "You've made enough trouble here." He tried to usher Remus and his mother out while the other nurse held Regulus back. 

Regulus, of course, started kicking and screaming, while still clutching at Remus' sleeve, and the first nurse hit the alarm. 

Next there were running feet and two more nurses appeared in the room, helping with getting Remus and his mother out of the room while the two others struggled strapping the screaming Regulus down 

Remus tried desperately to stay in the room but was pushed out. He pleaded with the nurses to not hurt Regulus but the door was shut in his face. "They are so violent with him," he said in a small voice as he stood looking at the closed door, the echo of Regulus' screams filling the hallway.

Mrs. Lupin was glad that Sirius had left the ward. She feared that he might have made the scene even worse and be shown away for good. "I know, honey. I'm going to have a serious talk with Mr. White tomorrow and if he doesn't agree to change some things in the way they handle Regulus then I'm filing a complaint. This is way over the top. _They_ created this drama."

**o0o0o**

They met Sirius outside, leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette. He didn't normally smoke, except sometimes at parties, but lately he had found that a cigarette could be a great stress reliever. 

"I know you're just frustrated, but how could you talk to him like that, Sirius?" scolded Mrs. Lupin. "Don't you understand how alone and helpless he feels? He needs to know we're on his side and don't support their harsh treatment of him."

"I know, I know. I just got a little carried away. I didn’t mean what I said but I just got so frustrated with him." Sirius took another puff of his cigarette. "I can’t remember the last time I saw him cry." He dropped the cigarette and stomped it with his foot. "Guess he doesn’t want to see me again anytime soon…"

"He will. You just need to apologise next time. I know it's difficult. You're right - he would make things much easier for himself if he would just take the medication, but you have to be careful how you say that to him."

Sirius nodded and stuck his hands into his pockets. "I will. I will also go talk to Mrs. Harris. Get her to talk to Mr. Prince about Regulus and how Dad treats us. She will probably get fired if they find out, but I don’t think she cares. With her cooking she could work for the queen. "

**o0o0o**

Remus was quiet on the ride home and Mrs. Lupin let him be. He disappeared up to his room without a word when they got home. 

Kreacher walked up to him, mewing discontentedly and gazed at him with eyes full of blame.

"I’m sorry, Kreacher," said Remus and lay down on his bed, burying his face in a pillow. "I couldn’t get him with me home to you." He was close to crying because his chest hurt so much. The pain of hearing his boyfriend scream for him was too much to bear. He could feel Kreacher sit down next to his head and his eyes bore into the back of his head. After a few minutes he curled up, pressing himself against Remus and started purring faintly. Remus turned his head and looked at the cat, his eyes wet. Feeling a bit better he smiled and closed his eyes and eventually he fell asleep.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33 – Permission Granted**

"How's your brother?" asked James.

"Not too good," sighed Sirius and took off his jacket. "I said some stuff I didn’t mean and he flipped and I was kicked out."

James sighed. "Well, don't kill yourself over it. You know how touchy he is."

Padfoot came running and jumped up Sirius, licking his face.

"Who's a good boy?" Sirius beamed and laughed when Padfoot barked as an answer. "Has he behaved?"

"Besides slobbering all over the couch, yeah," grinned James. 

Mrs. Potter came out when she heard the commotion and asked Sirius how his brother was and how the case was going. "Listen, why don't we go and get your things and move in here? You're eighteen and not planning on going back to live there, are you?"

Sirius looked at her a little stunned and it took him a few seconds to respond. "Sure! If you won't mind having me here?”

"Of course we won't mind. We have plenty of space. You can take the largest guest room," smiled Mrs. Potter. "Say - how about I order a moving van with personnel? Then all you have to do is pack your clothes and smaller items. They will do the actual moving."

Sirius nodded. "It would probably be best to wait until Mum and Dad aren't home. Just in case they want to make a scene."

**o0o0o**

Sirius changed his mind about waiting until his parents weren't home. Instead he ordered the van at a time he was pretty sure they would be.

Mrs. Black heard the noise as the boys and the two removers made their way through the house. "What are you doing?" she asked from the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm moving out," said Sirius in a cold tone and turned to fix his mother with a gaze that told her how little he thought of her. “I do not wish to stay in this house another second and I am old enough to move out."

"Oh... Well, a warning would have been nice, instead of you just marching in here."

"I didn’t feel like talking to you," Sirius said flatly. "You might think I was threatening you or something. You know... like Dad thinks with Reggie?"

"Threatened? Do you call stabbing someone a threat?"

"We all know that Dad did something to Reggie to set him off," Sirius spat. "And you just tell everyone that he’s insane!"

"He _is_ , and you know it," said Mrs. Black, following Sirius into his room where he started giving instructions to the men. "It was only out of our good hearts that we protected him as long as we did."

"You treated him with no respect at all and just kept pushing and pushing him,” Sirius said and started throwing things angrily into a gym bag. You didn’t protect him ever. _I_ did! At school. At home. You know nothing about him and he is your son! And you know nothing about me either!"

Mrs. Black was about to start screaming at him but then seemed to remember the removers. She didn't want too big a scene in front of strangers. "You come with me now so we can discuss this in peace!" she hissed.

"I'm not going anywhere with you."

Mrs. Black marched downstairs and found her husband sitting with a newspaper in the reading room

Mr. Black looked up. "Who was that?" he asked and put the paper down.

"Your son is moving out."

"What?" said Orion, a little taken aback by the news. He got up from his seat and hurried to Sirius' room along with his wife, ready to tell his son a thing or two.

They had to pass the removers carrying a heavy oaken desk down the stairs. In the room James was helping Sirius take the bookshelves apart.

"You're moving out? Just like that? No discussing it first?"

"Yup," said Sirius, not even facing his father as he spoke to him. "I don’t fancy living in a house where we are treated like this. Where you tried to kill Regulus and then cover it up by sending him to a loony bin."

"You have some nerve, boy," growled Orion and shot a glance over his shoulder to see if the men were coming back. "What happened with your brother was inevitable. He is crazy. I talked to the hospital and they confirmed it. They're having a lot of trouble with him."

"He isn’t crazy!" snapped Sirius and finally looked at his father. "And even if he were you should still have taken care of him and not thrown him into an asylum where he can just rot! He only stabbed you because you tried to choke him!"

Orion's face turned crimson and he raised a hand to smack his son but stopped in mid-air when he met Sirius' burning gaze. 

"Go ahead!" said Sirius in a dangerous tone and stuck his head a little further out. "That's what you do best, or would you rather strangle me?"

Orion's hand hovered in the air for a moment but then he took it down. It was clear that Sirius was going to fight back, and unlike Regulus, Sirius was big and strong enough to match him. 

Sirius stared him down and then huffed. "I didn’t think so. You don’t want to hit me when my friend is watching? Or are you afraid that I’ll kick your arse?"

"If you’re moving out like this, don't ever come back," said Orion.

"I wasn’t planning on it."

"And you can forget about inheriting the company."

"I don’t want your stupid company! I’ll find myself a good job that actually makes sense. Now get out of my room so I can pack the rest of my stuff!" When his father didn’t move, Sirius picked up a book and threw it at him.

The book landed at Orion's feet. He stared at his son, first in disbelief, then rage. "Get out," he snarled, his hands clenching into fists. "Take your things and get out - or I will call the police!"

"Yeah - that’s just like you, innit?" Sirius barked. "You call the fuzz when you can’t handle your children! Are you going to tell them I tried to paper cut you to death?"

"Good thing I was here as a witness," grinned James. 

You could almost see smoke rising from Orion's scull. "You ungrateful curse of a son!" he shouted. 

"Orion!" said Mrs. Black, standing in the doorway. He turned to look at her and she mimicked to him to contain himself because the removers were coming back up the stairs. 

"Don’t worry _._ I’ll be gone within the hour if you stay out of my way!" said Sirius.

Before leaving, Orion walked up to his son and hissed. "Tomorrow I'm contacting a lawyer to change our wills so you will only get the absolute minimum the law requires."

"I don’t care!" Sirius hissed back. "You can keep all your money and spend them on a fancy gravestone for you and Mum."

Walburga stepped up to Sirius as well, looking livid. "Curse you. Curse you to hell!"

Sirius left the house with James, feeling truly free for the first time in his life.

**o0o0o**

It was not until the afternoon that day that Regulus' head cleared up enough so that he could remember what had happened the day before. They had knocked him out when he had continued screaming and thrashing even fifteen minutes after being strapped down.

Although his memory wasn't clear, he knew that Sirius had upset him and he had thrown him out. The last image of his face before the door was shut was the only thing that stood clear in his mind: one of regret and despair. Regulus couldn't recall precisely what his brother had said to upset him, but could it really have been bad enough for Regulus to react as strongly as he had? He had accused him of not being on his side, but that couldn't be true, could it? Sirius had always been on his side. No matter how many fights they had had, Sirius had always had his back. He got up and pushed the button that called the staff. 

The kindest of the nurses came into the room. "Yes?" she smiled.

"I want to see my brother," Regulus announced.

"Oh? But you threw him out yesterday. Well, I suppose it would be good for you to make up," she smiled. "I’ll give him a call for you."

About an hour later there was a knock on the door and Sirius stepped into the room, looking very humble. "Hi, Reggie," he said in a small voice, staying near the door, ready to leave if Regulus should change his mind about seeing him.

"I'm sorry I threw you out," mumbled Regulus, glad to see his brother. 

"I deserves it," said Sirius and sat down on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?" he asked, studying his brother.

"I don't remember exactly what you said because they drugged me again, but I guess... I know you want to help me. That you want me out of here. You don't think I belong in here, do you?"

"Of course I want you out of here. We all do. We’re working hard on getting you out.” Sirius sighed and looked out the window. "I moved out of the house today and in with James. I’m going to get my own place soon. I hope you want to come live with me."

"Well, I don't want to go back to them. I'm afraid what father might do. I don't know if he truly wanted to kill me or just hurt me."

"You’re never going back there," said Sirius determinedly. "Did... did he just attack you out of the blue?"

"He..." said Regulus, furrowing his brows, trying to remember exactly what had happened. “He was yelling because of the party. He cornered me in the kitchen. Said he was going to teach me a lesson. I tried to run. He caught me..."

Sirius listened as Regulus talked. "I won’t let him hurt you again," he said, letting out a remorseful sigh. "I’m sorry I wasn't home, Reggie. I should have been."

Regulus shrugged. "You aren't my babysitter."

"I'm your big brother and I'm supposed to look after you.”

There was a knock on the door and the nurse stuck her head in. "You have another visitor," she smiled and let Remus in.

Regulus got up and hugged Remus, burying his nose in his shoulder. 

Remus wrapped his arms around him and kissed his head. "Are you okay?" He was glad to see that Regulus seemed to have forgiven his brother.

Sirius got up. "I will leave you two alone for a while, shall I?"

Remus hooked a finger under Regulus' chin and tipped his head up so he could look at him. "Hey," he said again before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

Regulus responded eagerly, frantically pulling Remus close. He had never needed comfort more than now, and being close to Remus was the best comfort he could get. It was funny how his disgust of physical closeness was at a high since he had come in here, but at the same time his need for Remus' closeness had doubled. 

**o0o0o**

Sirius sat down in the hospital cafeteria with a club sandwich and a cup of tea. When he had eaten his sandwich he called Mrs. Harris. She picked up at third ring. "Mrs. Harris? It's Sirius."

"Oh, hello dear! How are you? How is Regulus?"

"Not good. They're drugging him constantly because he's being difficult. Whenever he gets worked up they strap him down and sedated him. It's like it's the only solution they have. He's miserable in here. It's hard to witness."

"I understand, dear." Mrs. Harris sighed. "I wish I could do something for him. Is there anything I can do? Should I come visit? I bet that poor lad is starving with the food they serve in there."

“There actually is something important you can do,” said Sirius. “Our lawyer is building a case and needs people who can testify on Regulus’ behalf. You know him well, and you’ve seen how Father treats him.”

“Of course I will! I can tell them a thing or two about what a horrible parent he is!”

“You’ll lose your job, though…” said Sirius.

Mrs. Harris laughed. “Did you think I would stay there a minute longer after you lads had moved out? I’ve already quit. Did that the day you told me what had happened. And I gave them both a piece of my mind, I did. Said some things I’ve been longing to say for years. I only worked there and put up with them all that time for you boys’ sake.”

“I’m glad you did. You’ve meant a lot to us. Especially Reggie. I don’t know how he would have managed without your cooking and cutting his hair and all those things he won’t let other people do. You’ve been more of a mother to us than that vicious bitch ever has.”

Mrs. Harris didn’t speak for a moment, and when she did Sirius could tell how moved she was from the sound of her voice, which was close to breaking. “I will do everything in my power,” she said. “Even if I have to force that judge to let him off.”

**o0o0o**

After ten minutes of kissing Remus and Regulus sat down on the bed. Regulus rubbed his sore upper arm and pulled back the sleeve, revealing all the needle marks. 

Remus looked at them with a sad expression and carefully touched with his fingertips. "They can't even be gentle about that, huh?"

"No, they just stab me. A wonder they haven't broken a needle yet." 

Remus looked at him with a serious expression. "Maybe you should ask them for pills instead. Then they won't have to do this to you.”

Regulus eyed him sceptically. "So you think I need medication too? That I need crazy-pills?"

"No," Remus said and shook his head. "But they are going to keep forcing you to take medicine while you're here and I hate to see them hurt like this, so I just thought that pills would be the better option. Then they won’t have to touch you at all.”

"It would send the wrong message to them," said Regulus. But he could see what Remus meant. The worst part about getting the shots was the manhandling.

"I know, but can't you at least consider it?" said Remus, letting a finger brush over the puncture marks again. "They don’t care about what signals you’re sending them anyway. I don’t want them to hurt you and if you take your meds willingly they won’t have to.”

Regulus sighed. "Yeah... I suppose you're right. But I don't know how to take pills. I only do it when I have to take antibiotics and then I crush them and mix them into a smoothie or something."

"Just swallow and quickly drink a lot of water."

"I suppose," said Regulus, cheering up a bit as he got an idea. 

**o0o0o**

The next morning when two nurses came in, one holding a syringe, Regulus held up a hand, saying, "STOP!" when they moved in to grab him. 

"You have to get your medicine."

"I've changed my mind about the pills," said Regulus, still holding his hand up. "I'll take them. If you lot don't touch me."

The nurses looked a little surprised but then agreed. One of them left and came back with three pills and a cup of water, holding it out to him. "Here you go."

"I'm not eating them when you've touched them with your infested hands!" snarled Regulus, eying the pills. “Get the bottles and roll them directly into my hand!"

The nurse sighed and left. He returned a minute later with a bottle. "Hold out your hand, then," he said in an exasperated voice. 

Regulus slowly reached out his hand. "Don't touch it!" he warned. 

The other nurse rolled her eyes. The male nurse shook the bottle and two pills rolled into Regulus hand. "There. Now eat them and be done with it."

Regulus eyed the bottle. "These are for what?"

"Anxiety."

"Cunningham, you forgot the sedatives," said the other nurse. "I'll go fetch them."

"I don't need sedatives," grumbled Regulus. He hated the feeling of being dizzy and half-asleep. It made him feel extremely vulnerable. "I'm calm now, aren't I?"

"As long as that lasts," snorted the nurse. 

"Fine. You will get one chance. If you become difficult you’re getting sedatives," said the male nurse. He tapped his foot impatiently and crossed his arms, looking much like he was ready to stuff the pills down Regulus' throat if he didn’t swallow them soon. "Well? Did you change your mind and would rather have the shot?"

Regulus watched the pills for a second, then stuffed them into his mouth, hid them under his tongue and swallowed, hoping to trick them. He had seen people do this on TV a million times, and perhaps it would work in real life. He took a gulp of water.

The nurse eyed him sceptically for a moment. "Good job.”

As soon as the door closed behind the nurses Regulus spit out the pills, nearly retching from the taste. Then he stuffed the pills under the mattress and washed his mouth with water. 

At dinnertime the kind nurse arrived with a trey of food. Regulus' stomach turned in disgust. Both because he was sure the food was not organic and because there was no way of knowing how many unwashed fingers had touched it while preparing it. His stomach was screaming for food (he had eaten nothing for a week and he could feel his boxers get looser) but he could simply not eat this. "No," he said, looking away from the trey.

"But you have to eat, dear," she said a little concerned and put the tray down. Regulus just looked away from her and she sighed. "Is there anything I can get you instead? You have to eat something soon or you will get ill and I’m sure both your brother and boyfriend would be very sad about that."

"I might also get ill if I eat that. Did you know that a study has found that only 2/3 of hospital staff wash their hands after visiting the bathroom?"

"Well, I washed mine," she smiled and showed him her hands. "And I used hand sanitizer too. I know how you feel about germs so I'm extra careful."

"You didn't cook it and you have no way of knowing if all the people involved washed their hands. No, I won't eat it."

She sighed and picket up the tray. "If I can convince the doctor to let your brother bring you some food, will you eat, then?"

"Yes," said Regulus, his eyes lighting up. 

"I will ask," she smiled.

Doctor White, however, was relentless. "We can't just bend to our patients' demands. What would we be teaching him? That it pays off to be stubborn and refuse to cooperate. No, I'm sure he's about to crack. He must be extremely hungry."

“He won’t eat anything that he doesn’t know where came from," she insisted.

“Well, he will have to. And if not by own free will we will have to force-feed him.

The nurse looked horrified. "You can’t be serious! There’s no need for such harsh measures! Can’t we please just let his brother bring his food? We are supposed to take care of him, not break him!"

Doctor White sent her an irritated look. "Are you the doctor or am I? You don't have a problem with force-feeding the anorectic."

“That’s… that’s different," she said. "He wants to eat, just not our food. He isn't anorectic!"

"Did you not hear what I said? It would be a bad lesson for him. My way will show him that eating our food isn't dangerous. And it will teach him that he can't just arrange everything in life like he wants. I will hear no more of this."

When the nurse had left, the doctor picked up the phone and dialled Mr. Black. "Mr. Black? It's Doctor White."

Orion sat in his study, quiet for a moment as if afraid to let Doctor White know that he was there. "Yes?" he finally said. "What has that bloody boy done now?"

"He refuses to eat. Hasn't eaten a bite since he was committed. I need your permission to force-feed him."

"Permission granted," said Mr. Black and couldn’t help smirking. He knew just how Regulus would react to that. His wife had tried it on several occasions.

"Good. I will fax you a paper that you have to sign."

"Fine," said Mr. Black and hung up.

**o0o0o**

"I’m sorry,” the nurse said with a sad expression on her face as she looked at the thin boy in front of her. “I tried to convince Doctor White to let your brother bring you food, but he wouldn’t allow it. You have to eat what we serve."

"It will be nothing, then," said Regulus, looking determined.

"Please, dear," she said. "Either you eat or they will start force-feeding you, like they do with anorectics."

Regulus' eyes widened. "You mean to stuff food down my throat, like some foie gras goose? How can you do that! Feeding _geese_ like that is not even legal in this country!"

"They will do it, Regulus, unless you start eating," she warned him.

Regulus turned his back to her, refusing to show how unsettled he was. "I will not eat and I will not be fed," he said in a forced calm voice. "It's my body. If I chose to starve, that's my business."

"Not in here, it isn't," she sighed.

**o0o0o**

Remus arrived at the hospital with his mother the next day. Sirius would visit later. They found Regulus sitting curled up on the corner of the bed like he did most of the time. His eyes were dull, indicating that he had been sedated again. Remus went to sit down on the edge of the bed and gently let a hand run over his raven black hair. "Hey," he said in a soft voice.

Mrs. Lupin walked up slowly and stopped a few feet from the boy, keeping out of his personal space. "How are you doing, dear? You look tired."

Regulus didn't say anything, just leaned into Remus' touch. 

"Have you still not eaten?" Mrs. Lupin asked worriedly. 

"They want to force-feed me..." mumbled Regulus. 

"What?" said Remus in shock. "Mum? Can’t we do something?"

Mrs. Lupin's face had turned pale. "I assure you that we can," she said. "This is the last straw!" Then she left, forgetting to close the door behind her. 

She marched up to the meeting room where she ran into a nurse. "Is it true what I'm hearing?" she asked, looking livid. "That you plan to force-feed Regulus?"

"Well, he won't eat on his own," said the nurse and looked coldly at her. "We have a signed document from his father giving us permission to do so."

"Oh, really? Where is Doctor White?"

"He doesn't have time right now, he's having lunch in his office," said the nurse.

"I don't care how much time he has or hasn't!" said Mrs. Lupin and marched over and barged through the door to the doctor's office, the nurse shouting after her to stop. 

Doctor White looked up from his sandwich in surprise. 

"What do you think you're doing, planning to force-feed Regulus?" Mrs. Lupin demanded. "I can't believe what I'm hearing!"

"The boy won’t eat so we are considering him anorectic," Doctor White said and dapped his mouth with a napkin before giving her his full attention. "One nurse asked if you people could be allowed to bring him food but that would send the wrong signal to the boy."

"Wrong signal?" said Mrs. Lupin, positively fuming. "The boy is not anorectic! In all my years of practicing psychiatry I have never met such incompetence!"

"Now you listen here," said Doctor White, going a bit red in the face. "I run a perfectly good ward here and I know how to handle this sort of patient. The key is to not let him have his way!"

"Do you not know the laws of procedures in treating patients, or did you sleep in class the day it was taught? Force-feeding is a last resort when NO OTHER METHOD has proven to work! Another method WILL work - Regulus will eat on his own if provided with specific food!" She hammered a fist into the desk so the rest of the doctor's sandwich jumped off his plate. "If you go through with this plan I will report you to the Board of Health. See what they have to say about how you treat that law!”

Doctor White's face drained. "But he won’t eat anything, so what exactly do you want us to do if not force-feed him?"

"Don't play dumb! We have made it perfectly clear - he is afraid of food that is not organic and he's afraid that the food has not been prepared with proper hygiene!"

"So what would you have me do?" Doctor White asked again. "We can’t very well let the bloody boy prepare his own food. It could be dangerous to let him near a knife."

"We have begged you several times to let us bring him food! He trusts us to cook for him and no one else. You can inspect it first if you're afraid we're trying to smuggle in something dangerous."

Doctor White hesitated a little and then sighed, nodding. "Fine. You may bring him food but I want a nurse to inspect it before you give it to him."

"Good. Mrs. Lupin turned to walk away but then stopped. "And I better not hear of any more abusive treatment of this boy, or I  _will_  report you! Jesus Christ, this place is like walking into a mental asylum in the fifties!"

"So?" Remus asked when she came back. Regulus sat leaned against him, looking pale and tired. "What did they say?"

"I talked some sense into that wretched excuse of a psychiatrist. Or rather, threatened some sense into him. We're allowed to bring you food, Regulus."

Regulus' head snapped up and his eyes became a bit clearer. "Really?"

"Yes, really," smiled Mrs. Lupin. "Remus, could you call Sirius and ask him to get some food and bring it here as fast as he can?"

"Sure," beamed Remus and dug out his mobile from his pocket.

Sirius arrived an hour later carrying a plastic container with damped chicken, vegetables and rice, enough to feed at least three people. He smiled as he walked in. "Did someone order food? Mrs. Harris’ special."

Regulus reached out his hands, eagerly taking the box and ripping it open. He ate for ten minutes without a word while Sirius sat down and talked to the others. Mrs. Lupin told him about her conversation with the doctor. 

"Finally someone put him in his place. Good thing you did it, or I would have and that would just have landed me up in jail.”

Regulus only ate a third of the food, because when you have been starving for so long you quickly get full. He covered the rest in foil and hid it in a drawer in the nightstand. Then he looked at Sirius. "Thank you."

"You’re welcome, little brother," he smiled. "It’s nice to see you eating again. Get some colour back in your face." Sirius watched him closer, noticing how dull he looked. He pushed back his sleeve, revealing two fresh needle marks, still with a little dry blood around them. "They sedated you again?"

"I was being difficult."

Sirius frowned and looked like he was about to burst with anger. "They can’t keep doing this! I’m going to give them a piece of my mind!"

"Sirius it will do no good," Remus sighed. "They will keep doing it until Regulus behaves."

"I tried to eat the pills but then I threw up and they injected me instead. Also with sedatives. Doctor White yelled at me. That he was tired of me acting like a diva."

"He yelled at you?" Remus asked and ran a hand down Regulus' back. "He is very unprofessional if he yells at a patient and calls him a diva."

Mrs. Lupin shook her head in disbelief and put a hand on Sirius shoulder to stop him from storming out. "I've already had a serious talk with him, Sirius. I threatened him with reporting him to the Board of Health and it scared him. If there are any more episodes I will have to talk to him again."


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34 – Sounds Suspicious Indeed**

“The court date has been set for June 17th," said Mr. Prince as they all sat down for a meeting.

"But that's in six weeks!" blurted Sirius. "My brother won't last that long! They're mistreating him! He's sedated most of the time and just sits staring at the wall. He doesn't even want to read the books we brought him or listen to his mp3 player."

"I know," sighed Mr. Prince. "But that was the only date we could get, so unless you can persuade your father to drop the charges we will have to wait for court."

Remus looked down at the table. He hated to think of Regulus locked up in the hospital for another six weeks, but it was out of the question that Mr. Black would drop the charges.

"If he gets convicted he will have to stay in there for a very long time, and I'm afraid there is a considerable risk of that," sighed Mr. Prince. "The prosecution's case is strong. They have quite a few witnesses. There is a history of violent reactions to touch. In school alone there are several records of your brother being violent to other students. I talked to the public prosecutor and he told me of a group of students who mentioned quite a few serious incidents, among other things that Regulus cut one of them with a broken bottle."

"Those fucking fuckers!" snarled Sirius to himself. “They’re the ones who cut _Regulus_ with a bottle! Bloody hell! I should have killed Avery when I had the chance!”

Mr. Prince raised an eyebrow. “There is a good chance I can get the judge to dismiss the case on grounds of prosecutorial misconduct, but if that fails then all we have are witnesses who can testify that your father has a history of being abusive and threatening towards Regulus. Has your house keeper agreed to testify?"

Sirius nodded. 

"Good. She will be our strongest card. People are more likely to believe her word than yours, Sirius, because Regulus is your little brother and older siblings tend to be protective of their younger siblings."

"Do... do you think that will be enough?" asked Remus. "I mean, don’t I need to say something or is it best that I don't? Regulus has been very strict with who knows about us so I doubt he would be pleased if I reveal it."

"You should speak," said the lawyer. "You come off as a kind and likable person. "Whether we present you as Regulus' boyfriend of just his friend is up to Regulus." He sighed and looked at Sirius. “Are you sure there is no way you could convince your father to drop the charges? Can’t you think of anything to negotiate with?”

**o0o0o**

When Sirius came back he headed straight for James' room. "Jamie, I could use your help tomorrow. I'm planning to sneak into my old home when my parents are at work and search my dad's office."

"What for?"

"Not sure. But I want to go through all the accounts and company-related papers. I suspect there might be something fishy."

"Something illegal? Like tax fraud? What makes you suspect that?"

"I've been thinking a lot about anything that might be used to blackmail my dad to drop the charges against Regulus. And then I remembered overhearing something a couple of years ago. My mother was asking him if he had taken care of our accountant’s extra bonus. It sounded like it was something off the books. They were talking about cash. If it weren't something illegal, then why cash?"

"Sounds suspicious indeed," said James and looked very thoughtful.

They searched and skimmed document after document for hours without finding anything suspicious. At four O'clock Sirius closed the folder he had been looking in. "Let's go. They might be back soon. If they find us here they'll probably have us arrested for burglary."

James sighed and got up from his chair. "I suppose you're right. Will we return or is this hopeless?"

"Oh, we'll return. I'm not giving up so easily and I'm sure there's something fishy somewhere. Otherwise, why would they pay their accountant a super high "special bonus" in cash if not to help them cheat with the accounts?"

Sirius’ phone buzzed in his pocket. "Sirius, dear,” sounded Mrs. Harris’ voice. “I have made another dish for your little brother. Do you think it's okay if I deliver it myself? I mean, will they allow non-family members?"

"Well, they allow Remus and his mother," Sirius said. “Regulus will be glad to see you!” 

**o0o0o**

The nurse who answered the door to the ward, looked Mrs. Harris up and down. "Who are you here to visit?"

"Regulus Black," she said and smiled. "I’m his friend.”

The nurse eyed the steaming package of food in Mrs. Harris' hands. "Oh, yes. You brought his food, I see. Our own little prince. Gets special treatment," she said in a sardonic tone.

"Well, I would have you know that this little prince is a sweet and gentle boy if he’s treated decently,” Mrs. Harris said in a fake sweet tone. "He has some issues - as I’m sure all your patients have, why else would they be here? – which makes eating problematic for him. You should be glad for him that he has friends who take care of him when you fail so miserably."

The nurse pressed her lips together and sent Mrs. Harris a sour gaze. "I have to check the food before you can give it to him," she said curtly. "Doctor's orders."

Without knocking, the nurse opened Regulus’ door and stuck her head inside. "Another visitor," she said and left.

"Hello, luv," said Mrs. Harris, finding Regulus lying on the bed with his head on Remus' lap.

Regulus sat up quickly, his eyes widening in his pale face. "Mrs. Harris!" he gasped and rushed over to hug her. Something he had never done before. 

Mrs. Harris looked stunned but wrapped an arm around the frail boy and hugged him back. "My dear boy. You’re so skinny! I brought you some more food."

"Thank you," said Regulus, letting her go. "It's very nice of you. I would starve if it weren’t for you."

"Well of course, dear,” she smiled. “And hello, Remus. Good to see you here to comfort Regulus.”

Regulus sat down by the small table while Mrs. Harris unpacked the food for him. He only ate a bit. Although he was grateful for Mrs. Harris bringing him safe food, he didn't have much of an appetite, miserable as he was. The only time he didn't sit and stare melancholically at the walls was when he had visitors.

The nurse came half an hour later to announce that visiting hours were over. She had brought two other nurses in case Regulus caused trouble, as he often did when Remus and Sirius had to go.

Regulus froze. "No. They aren't in the way. They can stay here. I won't be difficult if they just stay here."

“Can’t we stay just a little longer so we can say properly goodbye to Regulus?" Remus begged.

“Visiting hours are over now," repeated the nurse. "And it wouldn't change anything even if we let you stay longer. He would still make a scene. Now, leave so we can get on with our work. We will give him something to sleep on, so don't worry about him."

"No, don’t give him more sedatives!" Remus pleaded, but little did it help. He and Mrs. Harris were ushered unceremoniously out of the room.

Mrs. Harris looked at Remus in shock as they heard the screams and tumult behind the now closed door. "Is it like that every day?"

"Depends on the nurses on watch,” said Remus in a sad voice. “Some of them give me time to talk him down."

"We have to get him out of this horrible place. I've never seen the poor lad this miserable," said Mrs. Harris.

**o0o0o**

Sirius and James went back to Grimmauld Place the day after and the day after that. Then finally Sirius found something that looked suspicious. He wasn't an expert in accounting but he couldn't get the numbers on these document to add up compared to the tax forms. He showed them to James and they agreed it needed looking into. Instead of stealing the folders (which Orion might discover were missing) he took copies of all the documents in question. 

Back at the Potters’ they found Mr. and Mrs. Potter sitting in the living room, drinking their afternoon tea.

"Could you please have a look at these?" said Sirius and pulled the documents out of his bag and handed them to Mr. Potter.

"What is this?" asked Mr. Potter and put on his glasses. Mrs. Potter leaned in to look at the papers in his lap. 

Sirius explained his suspicions. 

"Oh, my," said Mrs. Potter. “Do you really think so?"

They studied the documents for about half an hour and finally Mr. Potter looked up. "Yes, these numbers don't add up. If I'm not mistaken, they have cheated the tax office for over 200,000 pounds a year. And who knows for how long."

Sirius' lip curled into a vindictive smile. "Thank you," he said and took the documents. "That’s all I needed to hear."

"So what now?" asked James eagerly when they had retreated to his room. 

"I'm going to confront him, of course," said Sirius and waved the pages back and forth.

"What if he won't budge? Are you going to turn him in?"

"Damn right, I am," nodded Sirius. "At least a little justice will be done then and maybe it will come off as a good defence for Regulus that Dad is a fraud."

**o0o0o**

Counting on his parents still being at work, Sirius decided to go to the company headquarters first. The clerk at the front desk looked up as they stepped in. "Oh, Sirius," she said with a wide smile. "What brings you here?"

Sirius sent her a smile. "I’m here to see my dear parents. But if only Father’s in, I’ll settle with him."

"Oh, they're both here. Working late as usual.”

Without knocking, Sirius marched into his parents’ office. "Hello, Mother, Father," he said in a cool tone.

They both looked up, his mother leaning over her husband's desk in the middle of showing him something on the computer screen. "What are  _you_  doing here?" she asked.

"What? A son can’t visit his parents at work? I’m hurt," Sirius said, putting a hand to his chest. "But no matter. I just came to talk about something that you clearly don’t want the world to know." He pulled out the papers from his bag and waved them. "Tell me... have you been cheating on your taxes?"

Walburga gasped and Orion's eyes grew wide. 

"What on earth are you talking about?" he asked.

"How dare you?" screamed Walburga. 

Sirius waved the papers again and smirked even wider. "You have. I can tell from the look on your faces. Don't try to deny it. I have it here on paper. I even had Mr. Potter look at them and he agrees with me."

Orion sat frozen, seemingly in shock. 

"Give me that!" ordered Walburga, marching over to Sirius and reaching for the papers in his hands. 

Sirius quickly moved his hand away and looked into his mother's face. "I believe I am giving the orders here. You have something that I want. In exchange I will not turn you in."

"What? What are you talking about? I will not stand here suffering your evil accusations! Out! Get out!" she screamed and pointed to the door. 

"No, Walburga, wait," said Orion, standing up. "Let's take it easy now and hear what Sirius has to say."

Sirius had taken a step back from his mother's violent outburst but now turned his attention to his father. "I want you to withdraw your charges against Regulus. Tell the police what you like, but I want Regulus out of that hospital by tomorrow. Or I’m giving these to the IRS!"

"What? You can't mean that! He's dangerous," sneered Walburga. "He stabbed your father!"

"In self-defence!" Sirius spat. "Isn’t that right, Dad? You tried to kill Regulus so you could be done with his nonsense.”

"Why would I try to kill him? I'm not a murderer!”

“Well, even if you didn’t plan it, you let your hate get the better of you. It doesn’t matter. Makes the same difference,” said Sirius. "You _will_ go to the police and you will get Reggie released, or you both go to prison for tax fraud. It’s up to you."

Walburga let out a shrill sound of fury and Orion stepped closer to Sirius, reaching for the papers in his hand.  

Sirius let him take them. "Go ahead. I have more copies."

Orion pressed his lips together, peering at his son with a venomous gaze but then stepped back. "Alright. I will drop the damn charges if that will get you to leave us alone and stop bothering us!"

"It will," said Sirius, trying to hide his excitement. "Oh, and I have one more request."

"What?" snarled Orion.

"I want you to sign these papers. I'll be Regulus’ guardian until he comes of age."

Walburga raised her eyebrows. "What do you want to be his guardian for?"

"I don’t want him living with _you_ anymore. I want him to be safe and free of you.”

"And what are you going to do?" his mother snapped and then laughed. "Move him in with the Potters? They will throw him out by the end of the week!"

"No," said Sirius. "I will get us an apartment, but until then Regulus will be staying with his boyfriend."

The Blacks stood frozen for a very long moment, Mr. Black's jaw dropped. 

" _What_?" gasped Walburga finally. "Are you saying your brother is... homosexual?"

"A faggot," said Orion. “Well, of course he is - that boy is messed up in the head, so why not that as well? I don't know what went wrong. Perhaps he didn't get enough oxygen at birth."

Sirius clenched his teeth and narrowed his eyes. "You should just be happy that he found love. You never loved him and I doubt you ever loved me either. You should never have had children!" He threw the custody papers at them. "Sign these and make sure Reggie is out of the hospital by tomorrow."

**o0o0o**

The next day Remus sat with Regulus' head in his lap, having finally made him stop crying. The staff had forced him to come into the common room, saying it was time to socialise with the other patients. The others had been curious and several of them very pushy and Regulus had had a major panic attack.

"I don't want to be here anymore," Regulus snivelled. "If I'm going to stay here forever, then I'd rather be dead."

"Don’t say that," said Remus and ran a gentle hand through Regulus’ his hair. "We will get you out of here soon, I promise."

"How? We're going to lose the trial. Everybody always believes my father. Nobody believes me - in here or the police."

"We will get you out,” repeated Remus. “I’ll testify that you’re the sweetest person I know and would never hurt someone without reason. And Mr. Prince will show them the bruises on your neck. I took pictures, remember? And Sirius and Mrs. Harris will tell them the truth about your father."

There were sounds of footsteps coming down the hall and then a key turning the lock. Remus looked at the door, fearing that they would come and sedate Regulus.

"Regulus Black?" said the nurse who came in, carrying some clothes and a bag. "Pack your things. You’re free to leave."

"I don't want to go out there again. The others are violating my personal space!" said Regulus.

"You misunderstand," she said and put the things down on a chair. "You’re going home."

"Home?" Regulus looked from the nurse to Remus. "W-what do you mean?"

"Your father dropped the charges and demanded that you were released right away," she said. "Don’t know why he suddenly change his mind."

"He... he dropped the charges?" asked Regulus, his eyes wide as he sat up. "Why? Are you joking?"

"I don't know why. Now, put on your clothes. There's a car waiting for you outside. I think it's your brother."

The nurse left the room and Remus beamed at Regulus. He leaned forward and hugged him. "I told you we would get you out of here."

Regulus looked completely flabbergasted. "I can go?"

"Yes, you can," smiled Remus. "She said Sirius was waiting outside. Maybe he knows what has happened."

Regulus stood for a minute, then changed into his own clothes and tossed the hated hospital suit on the floor. The walk down the hall felt like something in a surreal dream. He walked closely to Remus, hanging on tightly to him, afraid that they would jump him and tear him away from Remus, yelling, "April's Fool!" or something like that. 

They found Sirius waiting in the parking lot leaned against his car with a grin on his face. "Hello, baby brother," he said as if nothing special had happened.

Regulus stared at him, still confused. The sedatives' effect from that morning had not worn off completely, so it was hard for him to fully comprehend the situation. "What... What's happening? Why did they let me go?"

"I just had a little talk with Dad, and he and I agreed that it would be best if you went home with Remus until I could get us a flat. Also, I’m going to take care of you now. Not like that’s going to be any different, except that I’m your legal guardian now."

Regulus stared at him. "You're getting a flat? I’m not going back to them?"

Sirius shook his head. "I’d never let you go back with them after what happened."

"How did you manage to get Father to agree to let me out?”

Sirius shrugged. "Let's just say I got something on him he doesn’t want anyone else finding out."

"You got signatures? For both custody and the dropping of charges?"

Sirius nodded. 

"So they can't regret?"

"They can't and they won't.”

"What happened to your Porsche?" asked Regulus, suddenly noticing that Sirius was driving a different car. 

"I sold it. I needed some quick cash," said Sirius and opened the door for Regulus.

Regulus raised an eyebrow. "Quick cash? For what? The lawyer?”

"But this is a good car too," Sirius quickly added, seeing the look on his brother's face. "I don’t mind. I got the car for looking after you, anyway, and frankly I didn’t do a very good job."

Regulus felt a sting of guilt. He knew how much Sirius had loved that car. "You should buy it back. You can have some of my money. From my savings account."

"We'll need our money for other things than fancy cars. We still need to put you through school, for one thing. What I have left from the car should be enough for the downpayment for a nice flat, but Hogwarts isn’t cheap. So unless you can get a scholarship or something, we will have to find the money. I'll speak to Dumbledore on Monday."

**o0o0o**

When Remus and Regulus stepped out of the car at Remus' place Regulus walked up to the car window and leaned in. "Thank you, Sirius, for everything you've done. No one could ever ask for a better brother. I would’ve been so fucked if I hadn't had you."

Sirius looked a little taken aback but then flashed him a wide smile.

"Anytime, baby brother. I consider myself lucky to have you. Not a dull moment ever." He moved his hand up to ruffle his hair. "You call me if Remus gets too wild for you and you want me to pick you up," he laughed and watched both boys blush.

Regulus barely stopped in the hall to kick off his shoes and toss his jacket. Then he rushed up the stairs and into Remus' room. "Kreacher!"

The cat bounced off the bed and hurried over to rub itself against Regulus' leg, meowing loudly.

Regulus picked up the cat, holding him up in front of him, their noses nearly touching. "I've missed you. Are you mad at me for being gone so long?"

Kreacher just purred fondly.

"I think he missed you more than he’s mad at you," Remus smiled and closed the door. "I took really good care of him while you were gone. He even sleeps next to my pillow now, so I guess I’m accepted."

"I'm glad. Poor Kreacher never liked anybody but me, so it's good to know that he likes you so he could find some comfort," said Regulus, sitting down with Kreacher on his lap.

Remus went to sit beside him and ran a gentle hand over Kreacher’s head. "He still doesn’t like Cleo but I think maybe it will be easier for him now that you're here."

"Yes. And the switch from Padfoot to Cleo has to be a huge improvement."

“Mum is reporting Doctor White,” said Remus. “He shouldn’t get away with treating his patients like they did fifty years ago.”

Regulus nodded. “Good. I hope they take his license.” H turned to look at Remus. "I'm so tired I can barely sit up straight."

"Let’s lie down for a while, then," Remus smiled. They lay down on the bed, Remus hugging Regulus from behind, Kreacher settling against Regulus' stomach. Remus kissed the side of Regulus’ head. "Sleep now. Nothing can hurt you here."

Regulus sighed and let his body relax against Remus'. He still could barely believe that he was here. He was going to say something but he fell asleep before he could form a sentence. 


	35. Chapter 35

**Epilogue**

Regulus sat in a chair in the waiting room at Doctor Bones' clinic. He had not been there since he had gotten out from the hospital half a year ago, but both Sirius and Remus had convinced him it wouldn’t hurt going back for an appointment or two. 

"Regulus," Doctor Bones smiled as he entered her office. "How are you?"

"I'm alright,” he said, and after a moment's hesitation he shook her hand. 

Her smile widened. "I haven’t seen you in a while. I know you’ve been out of the hospital for at least six months, so I was happy when you suddenly booked an appointment last week."

"Well... I needed a long break from the psychiatric system,” said Regulus, making himself comfortable in the chair across from Doctor Bones. “And I went to Switzerland with Remus for his treatment. I've told you about his illness, haven't I?"

"You have. How did that go?"

"It went well. I mean, it's a long process with several more treatments but the doctors are optimistic. They say he’s responding well."

"That’s good," she smiled and adjusted her glasses. "I noticed that you shook my hand this time."

"I still don't like touching people, but I try to practise."

"That’s good. Keep up the good work. Are you getting more comfortable with intimacy as well? I know that’s what bothered you the most last you were here."

Regulus bit his lip, hesitating for a minute. "I had sex with my boyfriend the other day," he said, looking away.

She looked at him a little surprised and then she smiled. "Did you really? And how did that make you feel? I mean since you don't like being touched."

"Well, we didn't have all the way sex. Just with the hands. In the shower. But I’m okay now with him touching me."

"Well, that’s a huge step. You trust your boyfriend and then the rest will follow. No rush, I believe."

Regulus nodded and couldn’t keep a smile back.

"It seems that a lot has happened the past six months. And as I could understand it you have also moved out?"

"Yes. Sirius and some friends collected my stuff. I couldn't go back there and risk facing them.”

"So you live with your brother or your boyfriend?"

"Brother. It's alright. At least when he remembers to stay out of my room and control that mutt of his."

Doctor Bones studied the boy in the chair for a moment and smiled. "You look better than I’ve ever seen you. I will even go as far as to say that you look happy."

"Yes," said Regulus and thought about it. "Perhaps. Before Remus I thought I was happy as long as people would just leave me alone, but I wasn't. I was just less stressed. But I was lonely too, I see that now." 

"I am so happy for you, Regulus,” she smiled. “That you found out that life has more to offer. Do you and Remus have plans about living together or have you not discussed that yet?"

"There’s no rush. I just moved in with my brother, as I said, and that’s fine for now. He loves that he gets to boss me around because he's my guardian now, but I just tell him that if he becomes too much of a twat I'm going to stab him." Regulus laughed. 

Doctor Bones laughed as well. "Any plans for the near future? Are you going with Remus to the next treatment?"

"He's away for four weeks around Christmas so half of it is during the holidays. And maybe I can get Dumbledore to let me stay a little longer."

**o0o0o**

Regulus came home to his and Sirius' flat to find several pairs of shoes and jackets spread out in the entrance. He sighed and put the things where they were supposed to be. Then he went into the living room where he found Sirius, James and Peter playing Nintendo and eating crisps. 

"Would it be so terribly difficult for you lot to put your shoes and jackets in order? It looked like a bomb exploded."

"Why should we, when you do it so nicely for us?" said Sirius and stuffed a handful of Pringles into his mouth. "Is Remus coming over?" he asked. "We were thinking about ordering take-out and watch a movie. If you want, we can even get the food from that organic place you and Remus went to.”

"I don't trust restaurants. I only went for Remus' sake. It meant a lot to him to take me out. God knows why."

"Perhaps it's because he would like to get a taste of what it would be like to have a normal boyfriend," grinned James. 

Sirius and Peter laughed as well. "Well, we’re ordering pizzas, then.”

There was the sound of the door opening and closing and a second later Remus popped his head in. "Hey all," he said and took off his shoes and jacket before walking over to Regulus and putting his arms around him, giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

"Get a room," teased Sirius, not taking his eyes off the screen.

"Remus and I will go get the take-out," said Regulus, discretely taking Remus' hand. "I’ll just make myself a salad first."

They went to the kitchen and Remus put his arms around Regulus from behind as he was getting the things he needed for his salad. "Mind making enough for me?" he smiled and kissed his neck. “Did Doctor Bones want you to come in for more appointments?"

"Well, that's up to me, isn't it?" said Regulus, leaning back into Remus' embrace. “She was pleased with my situation. And yes I'll make a salad for you. It's much safer anyway. Those pizza places rarely even know what hygiene is."

"Mm," nodded Remus and kissed his neck again. He rested his chin on Regulus' shoulder and watched his slim hands as he sliced tomatoes and cucumber.

After a few minutes Regulus put down the knife and turned around, pressing himself against Remus and kissed his mouth. 

Remus tightened his embrace around Regulus' waits and kissed back eagerly, tilting his head for a better angle.

"Hey," it sounded from the doorway a few minutes later. "Some of us are starving, so if you two could just keep a lid on it until you've picked up those pizzas, it would be brilliant."

"Fuck off, Potter," grumbled Regulus as he detached himself from Remus' lips. 

James rolled his eyes and leaned against the doorframe. "So are you getting it or do we have to do it ourselves?"

"Go ahead and get it yourselves, then, if you’re so impatient," said Regulus.

James sighed and walked back into the living room, calling for Sirius and saying something like "They’re snogging, so we have to get our food ourselves."

Remus chuckled and turned to Regulus. "Should we continue this in your room?"

Regulus smiled. "Sure. The food isn't going anywhere. It'll still be here in an hour."

They heard the boys put on their shoes and leave the flat, and as soon as the door had closed, Regulus took Remus' hand and lead him to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it! We hope you've enjoyed the fic. Thanks for reading! Reviews are much appreciated. :)
> 
> Next up is "I Know My Name Is Remus" - a non-slash fic taking place at a psychiatric hospital. We'll start publishing tomorrow. Here's the resume:
> 
> _Nurse student Lily Evans starts her practical training at St Mungo's Psychiatric Hospital's adolescent ward. Here, she meets a handful of troubled teenagers who get under her skin – especially the mysterious Remus and the quiet ex-cult member Regulus._


End file.
